Chapter nineteen
Iwalked back to the servants quarters in meditation, feeling gratitude for the peace that my alone time had given me.
There were a few people bustling around in preparation as I strode through the cold stone quarters, past the empty common area, and into my shared room.
I shared the small space with five other servants, each one of us having our own straw mattress on low wooden frames.
One small window to the right of the room viewed the vast green lands and the rolling hills. I had to admit, it was a much better bed situation than the one I had back home. The window also provided a direct view of the main palace, and I would find myself observing from afar, wondering what Aris was doing in that moment.
Like right now.
I averted my thoughts as quickly as they came.
It brought me painful and cringe-worthy memories of the last time I saw him.
Not only that, but I felt my muscles tense, reminding me of the savagery he had presented.
The true colors he possessed was that of a sick person who mercilessly killed and rampaged small, vulnerable villages.
Plunging onto my thin straw mattress, I closed my eyes and smiled knowing that tonight was going to be quiet since everyone would be going to the festival and I would have this space to myself.
No more thoughts of the emperor.
No more thoughts of the servants.
No more thoughts of home.
Just total peace in my head.
A tingling sensation fluttered in my stomach.
I loved being by myself.
I planned on getting the extra sleep my body so desperately—
“Are you almost ready?”
My eyes flung open.
I brought myself up from my bed and gave a tight smile.
Maeri was standing in a dark red linen dress at the doorway with her arms across her chest, waiting for me.
I swore in my head.
I had hoped they had forgotten about my little promise to join in on the festivities.
Nirelle was waiting by the doorway as well, dressed in an amber linen dress with a smile so large it would be painful to break the news that I lied and decided to stay in.
“I had forgotten.”
“I don’t believe you.”
Maeri raised a brow.
“I don’t have anything to wear, Maeri—and I’m tired.”
I was throwing every excuse I had her way.
“I know, and that’s why I brought something for you.”
She pulled a dress from her leather bag.
It was beautiful.
The fabric was in the lightest shade of blue.
She had made many friends over the few months we had been here.
I knew how poor she grew up in Prustan, so I was genuinely happy for her. Yet this made my stomach feel queasy. She was wearing a new dress almost every week. I couldn’t help but wonder how close these friends were with her.
“I thought it would look beautiful with your red hair.”
She tossed the dress on my lap as she walked over to me.
“No excuses not to spend time with your only friends.”
“Maeri, I won’t go.”
“Why not?”
“Because I don’t want to.”
“You can’t just hide yourself from any social interaction.”
Maeri stood in front of me, her attitude reminding me of my sister.
“I’ve done it my whole life, and I’m pretty sure I can keep doing it.
I’ll be just fine.
I hang out with you and Nirelle all the time.”
My voice went up an octave as I defended myself.
“Hanging out in the servants quarters is not the same thing as social interaction! Live a little!”
Maeri cried.
“Why won’t you come to the festival with us?”
Nirelle asked softly as she stepped forward beside Maeri.
I clenched the powder-blue dress on my lap.
“Because I don’t belong, nor do I want to.”
I placed the dress next to me on my bed.
I wouldn’t forget what they did to my people even if Maeri could.
“This doesn’t have to be about them.
We can still enjoy ourselves.
Come on, Solei, it’ll be fun,”
Maeri pressed.
When I didn’t respond, she continued.
“What are you so afraid of? You can’t make decisions based on fear, or else you’ll never be happy in life.
There will always be a shadow behind every action, and that doesn’t feel right, does it?”
I threw a glance in her direction.
It stung a bit knowing she was right.
“I’ll never be happy here, Maeri.”
“It’s just one night.
I’m not asking you to marry the country.”
Maeri raised a brow and crossed her arms.
I glanced at my bed that beckoned me to stay and sleep awhile.
It looked so soft and comfy.
I took a deep breath and faced Nirelle and Maeri.
Their eyes were wide, bright and hopeful.
“Please, come with us.”
Nirelle took my hand from my lap.
They were not going to leave unless I went with them.
The last place I wanted to be was at the festival, but if I could make my friends happy by joining, it was the least I could do for our friendship.
I rolled my eyes in defeat and grabbed the dress that resembled the sky.
“Yay!”
Nirelle beamed.
“It’ll be fun.”
Maeri smiled victoriously.
Nirelle helped me into the dress and tied the strings in the back.
The fabric was long and soft against my skin.
The front of the dress hung low, exposing my chest more than I would have liked.
I tied the front knot, hoping that would give me more coverage.
“Stop that.”
Maeri smacked my hand away.
“You’re perfect this way.”
And I’m not perfect if I do cover? I narrowed my eyes slightly, but I wasn’t up for a fight with Maeri.
I never won.
Looking into the only mirror we had in this room, I noticed the fine pale scar finally fading around my neck.
I couldn’t help but constantly feel Klawdia would appear and pounce on me, killing me off like she intended from the start.
My fingers traced the scar.
My body tensed. Why did I agree to go again?
“Perhaps we’ll get to see the emperor this evening,”
Nirelle said while she and Maeri exchanged glances.
Obviously, she had believed the rumors or were curious about them.
I chose not to respond and continued fixing my long wavy hair in the mirror.
“I heard he’s finally making an appearance after all this time,”
Nirelle pressed, giving me a glance this time.
“Nirelle, don’t believe everything you hear from the Siniyans.
They like to talk.
Also, I know they’re easy on the eyes and their beds are freely open, but be careful tonight and don’t drink too much,”
Maeri warned Nirelle.
“You don’t have to tell me twice, but I’m hoping to see Justir tonight.
I’m sure Solei would like to see the emperor, wouldn’t you?”
She attempted to pry information from me.
“Over my dead body,”
I mumbled, fixing the top of my hair in a small bun.
Soft, tiny curls framed my face.
“Are you ever going to tell us what happened between you two?”
Nirelle asked.
“Yes, since you asked.”
I paused and faced Nirelle, who looked like she was going to open the present she’d been waiting for.
“Nothing happened.”
Her face dropped in disappointment. “Right.”