Chapter thirty-one
The next morning was stranger than usual.
Maybe it was just the feeling inside my body.
Or the feeling that my arm was burning incessantly.
I kept a brown shawl wrapped around my shoulders to cover up the wound, which was painful from the friction.
Even though it was frowned upon to keep my hair down, considered messy and not put together, I did so this morning—just in case.
I wouldn’t want anyone seeing my new mark.
Through the night, I barely slept. I would hear sounds that had me lashing at my sheets thinking someone was grabbing me once again. My body sweat feverishly, but I would eventually settle before drifting into a night terror of my life ending.
“You are so terrible, Solei! Don’t try to distract me.
What about you and the emperor?”
Maeri slapped my arm—the good one.
I winced anyway because it moved my other arm.
I swore in my head.
Maeri had come singing down the hallway to see me this morning and checked in on me.
Hara was told I was to stay in bed due to m.
“sickness,”
and Maeri wanted to ensure I wasn’t dying—though I felt I was.
Aris must have told Hara not to send me in today.
“What about me and the emperor?”
My muscles went taut.
“What have you two been up to?”
“I clean his chambers, and I think he runs an empire, but I’m not entirely sure.”
Maeri crossed her arms over her chest.
“Ha-ha.
Very funny.”
“You asked.”
I changed the subject as quickly as I could.
“Sing for me.
Your voice is so angelic.
It made me feel better when I heard it.”
Maeri lowered her face, and a flush rushed up.
“I sung at a tavern the other night.”
She laughed nervously.
“Oh?”
“I did.
I was so embarrassed at first, but then the crowd seemed to enjoy it.
Or so I think.”
She bit her lower lip.
“I’m sure they did! I wished I could have been there and shown you my support,”
I said with a smile.
Maeri squeezed my hand.
“How are you and your secret lover?”
I asked, waggling my brows.
Maeri lowered her head again, attempting to hide her eyes from telling the truth.
“I don’t know what you’re talking about.”
Though Nirelle and I made jokes and assumed Maeri had a lover, she had never outright told us about him—yet.
“Oh, come on, Maeri.
I know you’re getting all these pretty dresses and coins from someone.
We’re not idiots.”
Before she could answer, a man came in my room.
A healer.
My heart stopped at the sight of Oleo, dressed in black from head to toe.
My eyes widened, but then my heart started beating again.
I was seeing people that weren’t there.
The healer wasn’t Oleo.
Relief flooded on my face.
“Solei, are you okay? Your face is paler than usual.”
Maeri’s brows knitted.
I nodded and smiled.
The healer came to my side and had a calming energy to him, unlike Oleo.
Maeri rose to leave, explaining that she felt nauseated around healers, and I gave her a look.
I wondered what she thought of me.
With careful hands, the healer dressed my wound, and the movement—any movement, really— caused so much pain I felt lightheaded and breathless from it.
I broke out into another cold sweat.
“You are to stay in bed for another week to heal, silent one,”
the healer announced, and I nodded.
“Then you are to find me in my office to start work immediately.”
I creased my brows.
Work? What was he talking about?
Hara appeared behind him.
“Emperor Aris wants you to be Peter’s assistant.
You’ll still be taking care of the lord’s chambers, but your priority now…is to help Peter.
This is insisted upon from our lord.”
My jaw nearly dropped.
How was this possible? A flutter rose within my core.
I was going to touch medicine again.
“Emperor Aris has left on a journey, so you may use this time to heal and to learn as much as you can from Peter while he is away.
I’m not sure how he thinks you’ll be of any use to Peter, but I wasn’t going to question it.”
I could tell there was disapproval in her tone, but it didn’t matter.
I was going to heal again.
The rest of the week I lay in bed healing, with the help of Peter, though no one else knew about my brand apart from him and Aris.
With Aris away, it was a nice feeling knowing I wasn’t going to see him for the day, and that felt familiar.
Like there wasn’t something exciting to look forward to and that was something I could handle.
It felt mundane and typical for my life. Normal and not at all confusing.
Eleven days went by since the last time I saw Aris.
Though I thought it was ridiculous I was counting the days, I told myself it was that many days I’d gone without having a set chamber duty—or escaping death.
For a moment, I allowed myself to think about Aris and his wounds.
I wondered what kind of past he had that caused him to have a brand that had been done over and over like torture.
Healing and burning, again and again.
I didn’t doubt that it was his own father who had done this to him.
The letter M shone vibrantly in my memory of his inner arm. It made sense why he didn’t have a relationship with Malakar. What type of father abused his son like that? I just couldn’t—
“Hi, Solei!”
Sebry exclaimed as she walked into our chambers, severing my thoughts.
It was she and I for tonight.
The rest of the girls were partying out at the nearest village square.
“Sebry.”
I smiled, welcoming her in.
“You’re not going out tonight?”
I shook my head.
Definitely not.
“Me neither.
It can be fun, but it’s just the same boring games they play when they drink, and the same conversations about who they’re trying to bed that night.
But really, it’s all a fa?ade, and they’re never honest about who they just want to be with.
It’s like a twisted game of who they say they want to bed and who they actually want to bed. It’s too exhausting, you know, to try to read between the lines, so what I have learned to do is…”
On the seventeenth day, I found myself in the healer’s office helping him organize dried herbs.
Though I loathed myself for it, I couldn’t stop my mind from thinking about Aris.
I came to the realization that I did miss him.
I wondered if he thought about me. And that made me sick.
Thirty-two mornings went by.
I found my routine in the apothecary quietly comforting for my busy mind.
It became a religion to me.
Somewhere I could temporarily escape thoughts I didn’t need nor want to have about a certain someone.
This morning, I looked at myself in the mirror as I pulled a thin sage dress over my shoulders.
The sleeve was a quarter down my arms, which barely covered the brand, but it would do.
It was a wonder how people didn’t talk about the emperor as much as I thought of him.
Weren’t they curious to know where he was? Or how he was doing? If he was alive? It was like it didn’t matter whether he was here or not; they continued their busy lives with their busy chores.
I would find myself looking out the windows of the palace, searching for him, more times than I was comfortable to admit.
I decided this morning, I would adopt their thoughts.
Where he was or if he was alive shouldn’t matter to me.
I braided my copper hair back, wondering about the last time I had gotten it cut.
Long and wavy, it would take me longer than I had time to dress my hair.
With it pulled back in a thick braid, I could barely notice the thin scar that wrapped around my neck.
It was fully healed, and eventually, I had high hopes it would disappear altogether.
Now, there was another more permanent mark that scarred my shoulder.
Even though it had been over a month, I could still feel the burn of the letter penetrating my skin.
I could still feel the heat radiating off my sleeve, begging for a cool touch.
Eucalyptus and mint from the healer’s apothecary helped. I noticed the smudge under my eyes. They didn’t look dark like the morning before.
Since the branding, my nightmares had been worse than usual.
The shadowy figures in my dream state held me down, and I couldn’t move, couldn’t breathe.
I’d eventually pull through it but had restless sleep the rest of the night.
Stepping out of my quarters, there was a commotion that erupted in the hallways.
Servants rushing past each other, and Hara shouting orders at a distance across the kitchen.
I heard a servant rushing by saying.
“She’s here!”
The chef looked like she was about to faint from the chaos.
What was happening? I looked around for some answers.
Who was she?
Sebry, who was behind me, touched my left shoulder, causing me to flinch from my pain.
“You must make haste.
Our lord is arriving this morning.
With another woman.”
I blinked at the words that Sebry spilled.
My heart raced, flipped, and sank deep into my stomach.
“H-how come we d-didn’t know or-or prepare for this?”
I tried to gather my thoughts, but it came out stuttering.
I brushed my moist hands on my sage linen dress.
“Because our lord likes to keep us on our toes.
That’s why.”