Chapter thirty-three
Iwasn’t sure if he was intentionally following me…but I didn’t take my chances.
He was far enough for it not to look like I was purposefully running from him, but I definitely was.
I sprinted as fast as my legs could bring me through the palace hallways.
My leather sandals slapped against the marbled floors until they reached the golden and crimson rugs in the next hallway.
Rushing past the hallways on the first floor, I decided to sneak into one of the empty bed chambers.
Creaking the door closed, I waited and waited for any sign someone was stalking me.
The chamber I walked into was dark with no fire in the hearth.
No one was here.
I slowed down my breathing.
The dizziness I felt before had completely disappeared, and my level of awareness heightened.
My survival instincts came back tenfold from the night I was captured and branded like an animal.
Only I knew what had changed since then.
I wanted to protect myself.
I breathed as I peered through the cracks of the large wooden door.
I couldn’t see anything or anyone, so I leaned against the door frame.
It felt like hours had gone by before I unfolded my bent legs, stretching them out.
I might have fallen asleep for a few minutes against this door frame.
I still felt Kallen’s cool lips on mine, and every time I thought of it, bile lingered in my throat.
I will never kiss another man.
It was the most repulsive feeling and taste I’d ever experienced.
I heard voices echoing down the hallway.
I looked for another doorway out of this room, and there was one to the right of me.
I knew it led to another chamber since Sebry had trained me in rooms similar to this layout.
The footsteps were getting closer and closer, and I could see through the cracks they were not Kallen’s.
They were guests of Aris.
Several other courtesans passed by the door and entered chambers across the hallway.
I fumbled to my feet and quietly opened the next door to the side of the room.
I entered the empty chambers and waited for what seemed like another hour while hearing two guests doing unspeakable acts in the room I was just in.
The constant moaning, the grunting, the bed frame hitting the wall that separated them and me, and the high-pitched sounds gave away what they were doing.
I swallowed the vomit that almost left my throat.
I was going to be sick.
This was the worst night.
Tapping the back of my head against the wall I leaned on, I reminded myself never to trust Maeri’s words again.
This was the second time her words found no favor in my nights.
I reminded myself never to drink that much again, no matter how persuasive Nirelle could be.
After perhaps another hour or so, I decided it was safe to leave and find the servants quarters.
I was sure Kallen was back where he came from.
Most likely, I was being paranoid.
Cracking the door open to the hallway, I looked in both directions, and I was in the clear.
I closed the door behind me, walking down the hallway towards the next.
I could practically hear my heart pound out of my chest, it was so quiet.
Relax, I told myself.
I was just overthinking it.
Kallen wasn’t following me, and he wouldn’t hurt me.
The celebrations must have ended hours ago. I might have accidentally slept longer than I originally thought.
My eyes darted in every direction, making sure no one was following me, and I was safe to proceed.
Finally, I approached the last hallway to go towards the kitchen—
I heard footsteps in front of me, coming from the kitchen.
No time to waste.
Without waiting another moment, I twirled back towards the hall I came from as quickly as my legs could carry me.
Am I going crazy? Am I hearing things?
I felt panic within me rise.
This was the very reason why I’d been training my muscles; I didn’t feel the quick burn just yet.
Quickly, I made a turn at the next crossway to the staircase I knew like the back of my hand.
Running up and up and up, doubling the steps with my feet.
I would not have been able to do this a couple months ago.
I could hear footsteps on the stone stairs behind me, climbing up clearly at my heels.
I sped down the hallway I walked every morning.
I was fifty feet away from it.
I want to live.
I want to live.
I want to live.
Faster and faster, I took another turn.
I knew this was the only place Kallen would not be able to find me at this time of night.
He would never expect it.
Forty feet away. My legs now burned with exhaustion.
And then another turn, to the last hall I knew by heart.
Every tapestry that lay on the walls, every curve of the tile that led its way, and every window that shone out toward those beautiful palace gardens.
Only twenty feet more until I reached those wooden doors.
I heard voices float from a distant hall.
Just a few more feet, I was so close.
I practically ran into the double doors as I fumbled to open them.
I entered the dark chambers that I cleaned every morning for months, shutting the doors behind me.
I pressed my back upon them.
I was out of breath, and I couldn’t catch up. Noises were coming out of my throat, panic on the verge of exiting my chest.
I couldn’t hear footsteps from the other side of the double doors.
They must have gotten lost as I sped down the last hall.
I swallowed the lump in my throat and attempted to quiet my breathing.
“You shouldn’t be here,”
a powerful voice said across the room near the fireplace.
The hearth was barely lit.
My chest heaved as I gasped for air.
Aris sat shirtless in his chair facing the door, facing me.
I couldn’t find his eyes as they were the color of darkness, but I could feel them on me.
His fingers entwined with each other, as if he’d been thinking for hours.
The small fire’s shadows danced off the strength of his chest.
There was a moment when I ran into his chambers, I thought maybe he had found company for the night of his celebration somewhere else.
There was a part of me that hoped he didn’t.
I didn’t fully understand the reason behind trusting Aris tonight.
I blamed it on the alcohol.
I knew I shouldn’t be here, but I had to be honest with myself.
He was the safest place I could be.
I let out a shaky breath when realization washed over me.
It didn’t matter what he said or how he presented himself.
I knew he wouldn’t hurt me.
Like Camilla, I reminded myself.
There was a selfish part of me that broke when I realized he might have made several women feel safe out there—that it might not have meant anything to him, but everything for us.
Was this part of his game?
“It’s dangerous for you here.”
“You wouldn’t hurt me,”
I reassured myself.
“That’s not what I’m referring to.”
My body tingled, wondering what he was implying.
He stood from his sheepskin chair and strutted towards me in the darkness.
“Who are you running from?”
I swallowed.
“No one in particular. I just…”
I froze when I couldn’t find my lie quick enough in my mind.
I couldn’t tell him how I wasn’t even sure someone was following me.
That ever since the night I got branded, I constantly felt like something or someone was coming for me.
He would think I was crazy.
“Wanted to see me?”
Aris tried to answer for me and chuckled deeply.
I joined with a nervous laugh.
“Is it Kallen?”
His predatory stance closed in.
A muscle twitched in his jaw.
“No,”
I whispered.
It could have been him or a ghost.
I wasn’t entirely sure.
But again, not going to explain myself.
“You’re not running from him?”
“I would…if he were chasing me.”
“You don’t want him? A strong warrior like him, many women would find themselves fortunate.”
“Not in a million years,”
I blurted out, lifting my chin a little higher.
“That’s not what it seemed like at the celebration.
Looked like you two have gotten close since I’ve been gone,”
he said with a tone I’d never heard from him before.
Was that jealousy?
“I thought you were good at noticing things,”
I challenged him with a half-smile.
Aris smirked.
“I would say I am.”
“How come you didn’t notice how I don’t want anything to do with him? And that I pushed him off of me?”
“That’s a good question.”
He considered it as he took a step closer to me.
His body seemed so tense I could almost feel it from where I stood.
“What are you doing here if you’re not running from anyone in particular?”
“I—I felt…safe to come here.”
Our eyes locked as he appeared before me out of the darkness.
The small fire glowed behind his shoulders.
I could see how dark his eyes had turned and gasped softly.
I refused to step back as he prowled before me.
I wasn’t afraid, yet my breath quickened.
“You feel safe here?”
“Yes,”
I breathed.
“Unannounced?”
He was the emperor.
I was his chambermaid.
He had the right to be frustrated with me.
“You’re asking an awful lot of questions tonight.”
My fingers were noticeably shaking.
“A lot has changed while I’ve been gone.”
He didn’t want me here like he had once mentioned the night he saved me from the Strokan warriors.
I dropped my gaze, heat rushing to my face, a sudden, crashing feeling filling my chest.
I shook my head.
“I’m sorry I came here.”
I twirled around, stepped towards the double doors, and reached—
Aris’ hand landed on the doors before I could open them.
His towering body was behind me as his hand kept the door closed in front of me.
My heart pounded up to my throat.
He leaned lower to reach my ear.
“You shouldn’t have come here, quiet one.”
“I’m sorry.
I’ll leave at once if you’ll allow me.”
I froze, not realizing what I had gotten myself into.
He seemed frustrated with me in ways I couldn’t recognize.
Aris wrapped his other hand around my arm, twisting me to face him.
As his eyes met mine, they were wild and deep, as if they were pools of the night sky.
He released his hold on my arm and pressed his fingers on the lower part of my stomach, causing me to step back, pressing my back against the double doors.
My heart rate fluttered in all directions in my chest as he stepped even closer to me.
“I don’t want you to leave,”
Aris stated.
“I like having you around.”
I felt the heat rise to my cheeks. “You do?”
“Yes… You’re real.”
“Real.
As opposed to what?”
“Someone who isn’t honest about who they are.
Most people hide behind masks.
They hide the ugliest versions of themselves.”
He brushed the back of his finger on my cheek as if ensuring I was really here.
“But you…you show who you are, no matter if you care or not.
You’re real.
You remain so.”
“Do you hide behind a mask, Aris?”
“I do.
I don’t want people to read me.
I can’t have them read me.”
“Do you ever get confused about who is the real you and the version people perceive you to be?”
Aris chuckled.
“That’s why I like you.”
He tugged on one of my curls that fell into my face.
“I don’t have to mask myself.
I forget what it’s like when I’m around you.
I forget what it’s like to be an emperor.
To be a son. To be a ruler or a warrior. With you, I’m just—”
“Aris,”
I whispered.
“Some people are hard to read.
But you, I can easily read.
And it’s refreshing to not wonder if you’re going to stab me in the back or not.”
I laughed breathlessly, and my brows knitted.
“I couldn’t possibly.”
What are you doing, Solei?
“Oh, I know.
I found that out quickly.”
He leaned forward slightly.
“Since the moment you chose not to kill me in my sleep but to heal me instead at the war camp.”
That felt like forever ago.
“Aris, I do hide myself.”
I shook my head.
“I can speak up and not play mute like I have been in the last year.
It’s easier to not talk and explain myself.
We all have masks to survive the life we’ve been given.”
“I don’t blame your mask.
People don’t listen very well.”
“I don’t blame your mask either, Aris.
In order to rule an empire, you need to hide the parts of yourself people would use against you.
It’s survival, my brother used tell me.
You can’t blame yourself for surviving.”
Aris’ gaze dropped to my lips.
“Why does it feel like I don’t have to survive when I’m around you?”
I felt warm and tingling sensations in my legs, and for some reason, I didn’t want it to stop.
“I haven’t been able to get you out of my head since I’ve been gone,”
he whispered.
His face inched closer and closer.
Time slowed.
“The things I want to do to you.”
My heart fluttered as his face neared mine, warming my body in ways I’d never experienced before.
“I thought you didn’t want to do anything to me,”
I murmured, reminding him of what he said in the tent during the storm he saved me from.
He must have remembered exactly what was conversed between us when we were wrapped in each other’s arms that night because he let out a soft chuckle.
He raised his obsidian eyes and locked them with mine.
His jaw pulsed.
“You had just been taken from your lands.
You were frightened…and lost.
I wanted to show you I wouldn’t hurt you. But…”
He paused, and the column of his throat moved.
“I’ve wanted you since the moment I saw you.”
My heart melted at the heat that rose in my body.
He wanted me.
I parted my lips so that I could breathe easier.
Something opened in his eyes, and I saw him, who he was.
Everything within him was breathtakingly beautiful.
I reached for his face and touched what I’d wanted to touch for so long.
Aris moved his hands to my waist, tugging my body to his.
“I shouldn’t,”
he said in a low, husky voice as his face came closer, but I couldn’t hear him.
I couldn’t stop thinking about how beautiful he was and how I wanted him closer and closer.
“You should,”
I whispered near his lips as I tilted my head up in invitation.
Time slowed when his lips met mine.
The touch of his lips caused my body to melt into his.
They were warm, sweet, and his breath seeped into me.
This is what it’s supposed to feel like.
Without thinking of what I was doing, my lips parted, and his tongue swept inside me.
A groan came out of his mouth, his hands moving from my waist to my hips and over my backside.
Our tongues danced and touched each other’s.
Warmth pulsed between my legs.
Thinking was out of the question.
My body was doing things I’d never thought of doing.
My hands drifted over his bare chest and abdomen. I couldn’t get enough of him. I’d wanted to touch every part of him; I just never allowed myself to want it this much.
Aris grabbed hold of my backside, lifting me against the door, and my legs instinctively wrapped around his hips.
It was as if he couldn’t get enough of me either.
His hands grazed higher and higher, exploring my body.
I brought my fingers behind his neck and head, entwined them in his hair, as I plunged my tongue in his mouth. His hands reached higher until he found the strings that kept the top of my dress intact. He managed to unravel it as he tugged on my lower lip.
I felt his strength between my legs, and I whimpered, my entire body burning for more.
I didn’t want it to stop.
I needed this.
His hands were moving in ways I’d never thought existed, not parting his lips once from mine.
It was as if he had been imagining this for months, yearning for it.
Now, unleashing his control, he pressed for more.
Aris pulled my dress down from my breast, exposing my left shoulder.
He grazed his lips over my jaw, down my neck, licking and kissing.
I welcomed every inch of warmth he left behind as he made his way to my upper chest.
My nipples hardened, begging for attention.
His mouth trailed to my left shoulder and gently pressed on the brand that had healed over the month while he was gone.
“Forgive me, Solei,”
he whispered between the licks and kisses he left upon my scar.
“There’s nothing to forgive, Aris.”
I pulled his face from my shoulder back to mine.
Our gazes met, searching the depths of each other, exploring the chasm of our souls.
I opened myself fully to him, everything I was.
I trusted him with my body and with my soul, like no other before.
I laced my fingers behind his neck and pulled him back to my lips.
It was the most beautiful experience I’d ever had, and I didn’t want it to end.
His lips met mine, this time harder and more demanding, like he realized it as well.
He swore between our lips.
I couldn’t control my hands.
They were all over his bare shoulders and back, pressing and pulling, searching and craving.
His mouth widened, his tongue teasing, a silent command for more.
And for a moment in time, I heard a small voice in my head that told me to stop.
I didn’t want this to end.
I didn’t want to be the reason why his hands stopped touching me, worshiping me, but I couldn’t put the small voice away from my mind.
Stop, stop, stop.
My entire being hesitated to listen.
Yet suddenly I couldn’t stop thinking about who he was.
The tragedy that befell my people.
What my sister would think of me if she knew I was locking lips with an enemy.
My body tensed under his arms, and I thought he felt it too.
But I knew I had to listen to that voice.
Reluctantly, I pulled my lips from his and turned my cheek so he wouldn’t continue.
Aris must have understood within that moment because he placed my body on the ground.
Without once looking up to see his face, his eyes, I pulled my dress back over my shoulder and breast.
I left as quickly as I could without saying another word.
I ran faster down the hall and into my quarters than when I came in.
Shame poured into every cell of my body.
I had betrayed myself.
PART III
ADDICTION