61. Is It Still Home
Is It Still Home
The black flash of Lucien’s car rounded the corner of the shelter. Kate couldn’t do anything but stare at the vehicle’s turning wheels, trying to shove down the feeling of her stomach spinning with them.
“If anyone does it. It’ll be me.”
When they arrived at the shelter, her feet had faltered.
Passing the empty parking spot that Isabel’s KIA should have been in, she’d frozen, her eyes tied to the concrete that had once been slick with blood.
Lucien had walked beside her, one hand resting on her shoulder as he personally dropped her off inside with a final reassuring squeeze and his whispered words of comfort. “It’ll all be over soon.”
But then… “Tonight Trey, I will handle her tonight.”
Kate had nearly fallen out of her chair before her fingers had found the red button and she ended the call. Now here she was, waiting on the sidewalk like a lamb that may or may not be brought to slaughter. Her legs were growing weaker with every passing second.
Would he lie or tell the truth?
She’d been in Georgia’s room, faking a headache to get away from the bustling sanctuary and finding the solitude necessary to listen in to Lucien and his colleague’s conversation.
And after, Kate clutched the passport and driver’s license he’d given her to her chest. Thoughts of escape had whirled around her brain, only… she wasn’t stupid.
If her death was signed, would be written as paid in full with bright, red letters on a picture. Going to an airport with the name Lucien had given her would be useless.
Kate took a deep breath, the cold burning her lungs as she tried to steady the silent terror flaring throughout her entire body. Because Lucien shouldn’t know, not yet. Not until having asked him straight up, and if he lied? I’ll cross that bridge when I get to it.
Her breath stuttered in line with the thought. But she needed to give him a chance, for all he had done for her. Forcing her legs under her, she got up from the tiny bench beneath the willow tree. It creaked ominously behind her, swaying hard with the fierce wind that set the snowflakes whirling.
The tank of a Volvo stopped in front of her, and the window slid down soundlessly, revealing the driver with a cocky smile on his face and an eyebrow already lifted in amusement.
She steeled her heart, pulling on a face of bluff as she jerked a thumb over her shoulder.
“Out.”
Even more amused now, Lucien regarded her. She held still beneath his gaze, the wind ruffling violently through her loose hanging hair.
“I was just about to say you look good.” His head tipped up, giving her a questioning look. “Had expected a good afternoon, Lucien, too.”
Play the game. Just a little while longer.
She leaned over the window playfully, pointedly glancing at the keys of the still-rolling engine. “Out of the driver’s seat. It’s mine now.”
His rumbling chuckle washed up against her ears. “What hostilities.” But Lucien pushed the button, silencing the rumbling engine. “Okay miss, here is your ride.” He dropped the keys in her waiting hands and opened his door to give her the wheel.
Rolling her eyes, she stepped aside to let him pass, catching onto his low murmured. “Bossy.”
“I heard you.”
“That was intentional.” Lucien declared in a sing-song voice. His tone was so full of confident mirth.
He wasn’t going to tell, was he? Had he been playing her like a piano all this time? Smooth and effortless. While she was falling headfirst for the one that should sent her running in the opposite direction.
No. I refuse to believe it, because all of it felt so goddamned real.
It was all Kate could hope for as she slid in the driver’s seat, still warm from his presence. She pushed the key into the slot, rubbing her hands together to allow blood flow to do its work. Checking the mirrors she smoothly merged with the traffic that came bustling down the narrow street.
“Like a pro.” The man next to her murmured, glancing at her with a small, disarming smile.
Her hands clutched over the wheel, glad for the fact that at least she was the one driving now, giving her the slightest hint of control. If only anything else in her life was within her grasp.
“Soooo,” Rolling to a stop in front of the first intersection. She focused on Lucien. “You going to keep me in suspense any longer?”
One finger drummed on his thigh as he met her eyes. “I figured the cocky smile you like so much spoke for me.”
It did indeed. He was dancing around the truth, why not just blurt it out? Be done with it.
Please, don’t. She kept repeating the plea inside of her mind. No lying. Please, no lying. The light sprung to green. “I’d rather like to hear it from your lips.”
Silence. Hesitance for a split second.
“We’re in the clear. For now.” Another drum of his fingers as he stared out the window, keeping his attention fixed on the road as the car climbed in speed under her trembling feet.
Not the truth. Not a complete lie either.
That was it, his tell. She fiddled with her fingers, and Lucien… he drummed them over his thigh. She’d thought it meant he was nervous, or thinking deeply. But maybe, it was a tell that he was lying.
One last chance. For all he’d done for her. “So, your colleague visited… why?”
“So many questions today.”
Inconvenient for a liar. She forced a half-shrug, eyes flitting over the road in front of her as she tried hard to keep the car going in a straight line. “When one’s life is at risk, you know…”
“I’d never let anything happen to you.”
She stilled.
Those seven words. The ones she’d been dying to hear.
Her mind whirled, bringing her back to the moments where she’d felt…
safe in his presence. When they’d been dancing, his hand resting on the small of her back.
Whirling her between the couples with effortless skill.
The way he’d taught her to drive, mixing jokes with warmth so that she’d gotten the car running for the first time in her life.
Finally he’d said them. Warmth should have been flooding her chest, instead, the words left her feeling empty. Hearing the truth would be the only thing that would make her feel at home. Safe.
“Orange.” Lucien coughed beside her. It took a second for her to register, but she kicked the brakes, rolling into an abrupt stop in front of the glowing lights. Just in time. They both watched as a man, a pedestrian put up his middle finger toward her before walking on with his head shaking.
Lucien continued. “You know that, right?” She turned to him. No tapping of his fingers now. Nothing but seriousness etched into every line of his face.
The light still glowed red. Telling her to stop. Yet for all Lucien’s honey covered words, he hadn’t offered her honesty. “You didn’t answer my question.” She remarked.
Without truth, no trust.
His eyes narrowed on her, the frown forming on his forehead telling her he was more then puzzled. Finally the damning words spilled out of him. “All is well, it was about an issue related to our employer. But that’s all good now.”
Kate nodded slowly.
Green. She shifted the gear stick but the car stalled together with her heart.
Lucien never felt the need to repeat himself. Yet, here he was. Lying.
The car behind her honked irritably. She barely noticed it over the blood rushing in her ears. Maybe she shouldn’t have been driving after all. But she got the car moving again. Ignoring the man who bypassed her with screeching wheels.
“What is going on with you? Something happened between you and Georgia?”
She shook her head, keeping her gaze firmly on the road. “Nothing wrong, tired I guess.”
Nothing that cleaning my blood from your house wouldn’t fix.
His nod mirrored hers as he sat back in his seat. Gaze turned toward the tall trees passing them by, no doubt mulling over the fact that she’d never answered his own question.
Her lips widened, and she nearly laughed out loud at her own ridiculousness.
At the mere thought that being the one behind the wheel would give her a sense of security.
They’d be ‘home’ soon. And the only answer for his actions was that he was going through with it, tonight.
She’d be alone once more, with a man that had been giving her what she’d wanted for so long.
The idea of safety, even something that had felt like shadows of freedom.
But it had been nothing more than that. An idea, never a certainty.
How will he even do it? I hope it’ll be painless at least.
She’d suffered enough under the hands of those undeserving of her love. Because that’s what it had been. Love.
How dare she finally break it to herself now.
Every laugh that had escaped her. The way her skin tingled under his touch.
How her heart skipped a beat every time he flashed that cocky grin at her.
She had pushed the sinking realization down into the depths of her heart.
For she’d never felt it before. How should she have known?
White-hot anger soared in her stomach, taking over the space that held her grief. Burning through her throat with words that demanded to be spoken.
The long driveway popped up in front of her.
Driving up to the house with the wheels churning over the brown and white sludge, she tried to reverse the car as memory told her to do.
Only, she’d never been this furious before.
Checking the rear view mirror, she saw the car head straight for the hedges of roses instead of in between.
Fuck this. She killed the engine. Barely heard Lucien’s murmured, “Try again.”
Kate shoved the keys into his lap, hissing, “No.” Before throwing the door shut behind her.
His clicked open, and a second later his voice boomed out over the frozen, hushed landscape. “Care to tell me what in the world is going on with you?”
The wooden steps of the porch groaned under her weight as she stormed into the house. She ignored Ghost, whose waggling tail fell silent. Without hesitation she flung open the door to his study, bending down to rip the phone free of the tape under his desk.
Striding back into the living room, her footsteps faltered. Lucien was already in the doorway, holding her gaze with a look she hadn’t seen before. Fingers twitching by his side, he didn’t come closer, just regarded her silently.
Almost like a child… waiting to see if it would be safe to approach. He did, took one step toward her.
“Stay. Just stay there.”
He stopped.
Both phones felt heavy in her hands with the weight of a truth that could destroy all that had been growing between them.
Kate held them both up. “Care to tell me why you’ve been lying to me?”
His eyes flared wide at the sight, his mouth opened, closed again. No sound came out. Because Lucien knew what was coming, knew what the digital blocks of stone in her hands meant.
The end to their story as they knew it.