62. A Fine Line Between Fear and Trust
A Fine Line Between Fear and Trust
The house was eerily silent and Lucien stood frozen in place, arms hanging by his side, his usual confident posture. Gone. No sharp retort waiting to roll off his tongue, silenced for once.
“I asked you one thing and that was to be honest about my date of death.” Kate spat out, hurling both phones onto the kitchen counter with a loud crash.
“And you, you promised me that you would be.” Her voice trembled, fury wrestling with the grief taking hold of her body.
The gap in her chest where her trust had been.
Stone cold now that he had… lied to her.
All he did was wince.
And she hated it, hated that he winced, that her pain was so clearly on display for him.
Kate cleared her throat, blinking away the haze over her vision.
“I heard everything. Especially the last part was interesting, you know. Where you told him you’d clean up the mess tonight.
” She laughed, an unhinged cackle rasping out through the room.
“So I waited, because I thought you’d tell me, but I asked in the car, and you lied.
I waited for you to come clean. But then it became clear to me, you just weren’t going to do it.
” Her hands balled into tight fists, ready to hurl her anger, the betrayal she felt straight into a wall.
“I told myself that running out of the shelter and taking the first train to Seattle was a bad idea, that you’d find me anyway, but deep down, I know I stalled leaving because…
there is this part of me that told me you did it for a reason.
Typical of a naive girl, isn’t it? Sitting around for the one person she trusted.
” She choked on the word. “Stupid, stupid, stupid. I should have seen it for what it was. A pleasant but temporary distraction.”
Lucien shook his head in denial, his tone hoarse.
“Maybe it started out that way. But no, it’s not a temporary distraction anymore, Kate.
” He took a step forward, Ghost sticking close to his side, the dog’s eyes flitting between them with panic.
“I didn’t lie, yes, I twisted the narrative, but I did it because the truth might hurt you even more.
And what I told you in the car?” His head lifted, eyes boring into hers.
“I would never let anything happen to you, I promise you.”
“Don’t.” She threw up a hand. Because she knew if she let him get any closer, she might just cave for the honey covered bullshit again.
For the reassurances she so desperately wanted to believe, that her heart urged her to take as truth.
“I mean it, stay the fuck there. I can’t trust anything you say. Not anymore.”
He stayed rooted to the spot, dragging a hand through his hair, ruffling it in exasperation. “What can I say or do to make you believe me?”
“Nothing.” She bit back the waterfall that threatened to burst through.
Her worst fear escaped in a hushed whisper.
“I kept thinking this is it. The moment you were going to give me up. And now here we are. Maybe…” She swallowed.
“Fuck it, it’s okay. You’re just following orders, and I’m in the way.
Honestly I wouldn’t even want you to endanger your life for mine. It’s not worth it.”
How she was living it now, in perpetual terror. Wasn’t worth having his grave dug next to hers. Nothing but ruffled earth to show the resting places of two people who had seen too much, been through too much.
“All I ask is that it’s painless.” She sank against the counter, one hand braced over the marble, knuckles white. “I think I’ve deserved that much.”
Lucien’s head snapped up, rage flickering in his forest green eyes. “What?” He barked out, the harsh sound slashed through the air like a whip. “What did you just say?”
She flinched on instinct, heartbeat ramping up like a ticking time bomb, ready to burst at any second.
He took a deliberate step toward her, eating up the distance between them. “Are you still so afraid of me? After… everything.”
Everything. The laughter, the dances, the way her panic attacks had faded into the background.
She couldn’t respond, her body inched backwards before her mind caught up. Throat dry, she glanced at Ghost. But he stayed put, nothing but a low whine showing his distress. He wouldn’t be of much help. Too loyal, like she had been.
Lucien’s jaw ticked in response, biceps straining, he pinched the bridge of his nose.
Ten seconds went by before he moved again, small steps to bring them closer.
He put his hands up, they were empty, no knife or gun to be seen.
But then again, he didn’t need a weapon, he was one.
And choking… her fingers grazed over her neck. It had been his method in the past.
Kate kept shaking her head, trying to force the no over her lips as he advanced upon her like one would with a stray animal.
She crashed against something behind her, the wall.
Cold and unforgiving at her back. She froze.
The room started swimming in and out of her view, those ghost-like fingers she’d never expected to feel again in Lucien’s presence, pressed together around her neck.
Finally, after all this time, she’d come to the end of her street. At the mercy of the man in front of her, the anger she’d felt left her drained. Empty.
“Answer me, Kate.” His voice cut through the deafening silence, pulling her from her stupor. The pressure within her rose, begging for a way out before her panic swallowed her whole.
When all but a couple of footsteps remained, she screamed out. “Yes!”
He stopped.
“Yes, I am afraid of you! Every second of every day. I try so hard to stay strong, to forget what you do, to forgot how impossible this—,” She gestured wildly between them.
“—whatever this is.” She drew in a shaky breath, voice cracking.
“Sometimes I forget to breathe when you’re near, when I’m reminded of the strength that can kill me in a heartbeat.
At your whim! Like when we fought back at the house, we both know if you make up your mind… I’m done for.”
Hurt flashed across his face as she spewed out what had been resting on her mind for so long. And his eyes, they fixated on her fingers, where they dug into the wall for support.
Her final hold over reality.
They raised towards her now, the green all that she could see while he closed in. Taking away the space between them, he braced both arms on either side of her, ignoring the way she shifted even deeper against the wall. Please, ground, swallow me whole.
Locked into place, she heard a sigh slip from his lips, watched as his shoulders slumped forward. Looking for once like he wasn’t larger than life.
The closeness made her breath hitch, she wanted to look away but the hold he had over her was… unparalleled.
I’ve let him get too close.
It was too late. Her knees went weak, threatening to buckle out beneath her as his face hovered inches away from her own. Her heartbeat ramped up ever more, the rush of blood so loud she swore he could hear it. Gently he moved in, resting his forehead against hers.
Her breathing hitched once more, then deepened, as it had time and time again. Her instinct, fear, her past. Everything told her to put distance between them.
She didn’t.
For her treacherous heart told her to stay put. Her body betraying every one of her thoughts under his searching gaze. Lucien raised one hand, bracing on the other to stroke a testing finger down her arm.
“Fear is…” He swallowed. “Such a bad advisor. Can make us oblivious to what is right in front of us.”
She sighed, tension slithering away from her under his touch.
Taking it as a yes, Kate felt both his hands settle around her upper arms, where he started drawing soothing circles. So gentle, so patient and oh, so familiar.
Her unshed tears brimmed up and slid past her reddened cheeks. Unheard but not unseen. She forced her attention to the ground, watching as they fell. The drops shimmered in and out of view. Lucien’s temple moved away from hers, and she nearly reached for him.
But he didn’t leave her, instead his warm thumb brushed up against her cheeks, caressing the tears away before grazing over her neck, softly tilting up her chin so she couldn’t do anything but hold his gaze.
“Don’t ever look away from me, sweetheart.
” His tone deepened. “You’re the only one who never looked away. ”
Not from him, not from his past.
“I promise I will never jeopardize your safety. No matter what happens, I’d rather face my end than give you up. That said…”
He heaved a deep, exhausted sigh. “If the fear you feel becomes too much, after all I’ve tried to do, to show you. To ease that fear. ” He eased away another tear. “Then I won’t stop you. If you want to leave.” Grief shone in his eyes, genuine, heart-wrenching grief. “Then you are free to do so.”