Chapter 8
Brian
The drive to drop Katie and Jacob back off at their car parked in the church parking lot is weird. There’s no other way to explain it. I just kissed Celia, the girl I’ve been pining over for years, and now we’re in the car with our mutual best friend and her fiancé. We’re trying and failing to pretend that everything is completely normal.
But it’s not. It won’t ever be again.
I’m on an anxiety spiral that won’t stop. I kissed Celia. Yeah, she kissed me back. But it was a New Year’s kiss. It didn’t mean anything for her besides that. Probably. Definitely. But for me, it was everything.
“‘Night, guys!” Celia calls as Katie and Jacob climb out of the back seat. “Drive safely.”
I grumble something incoherent. When the door closes, and our friends walk across the parking lot to their car, the silence between Celia and me is thick.
“So, are we gonna talk about it?” Celia asks.
I swallow, looking at my knees, feeling too cowardly to look at her.
“Hey,” she says, reaching over to clasp my hand and sending a warm ripple through my system.
“Brian, look at me.” Even now, I can’t deny her anything. Slowly, I raise my eyes and stare at Cee, mentally preparing for whatever she’s about to say.
“Are we okay?” she asks, a hint of worry coloring her voice.
“Yeah, um, sorry,” I say, a blush crawling up my neck and cheeks. “I shouldn’t have done that.”
“Brian,” she says softly. And I know she’s about to let me down easy. “It’s New Year’s Eve. There’s nothing wrong with sharing a kiss.”
I keep looking down and nod.
“Was I really that bad?” she asks uncomfortably.
My head jerks up at her words. “Cee. No. It’s not that. It’s just that we’ve always been friends, and I don’t want things to be weird. I feel like I fucked up, and now every time you see me, it’s going to be awkward.”
She squeezes my hand in response. “Did you … like it? The kiss?” Her mouth quirks in a half smile.
“I, um, yeah,” I admit, wincing at how ridiculous I sound. I wish I had the confidence of Jacob–that I knew I was a catch, good-looking, and that women wanted me. But the sad truth is that I am a nerd, through and through. And there is no way this beautiful woman could ever want me.
“I liked it, too. A lot,” she says. She hesitates, then finally says, “I wouldn’t mind doing it again sometime.”
My eyes grow wide. I must have hallucinated because there is no way... “You.. you would?” My mouth is suddenly so dry that I feel like I chowed down on ten saltine crackers without water.
She nods shyly, not a side I ever see of her. “Yeah, I really would, at least if you wanted to. I realize we have been friends for almost half our lives. I totally get it if moving this out of the friend zone isn’t something you’re comfortable with. I’ll respect that.”
I blink once. Twice.
“Celia, you can’t possibly mean that,” I say.
She wilts and pulls her hand away from mine, turning to stare out the front windshield. “It’s not a big deal,” she says, hurt. “If you don’t want more between us, that’s fine. You don’t have to act like I’m crazy for wanting more, though.”
“No, ugh, I’m so bad at this,” I say, exasperated. I turn my body to face her. “I just mean that you’re you. You’re beautiful and confident and so damn sexy. You could have anyone you want. And I’m, well, me. I’m none of those things. I’m just a nerdy loser who hides in his room and plays video games all day. I’m hardly a catch, and I don’t want to be some sort of sympathy kiss for you.”
Celia whips her head around, anger lining her features. “Brian, give me some damn credit. I know my own mind and who I’m attracted to. And give yourself some credit. You are brilliant and compassionate and probably the only person on this whole planet who has willingly put up with my bullshit for all these years. Hell, you live with me, share meals with me. You even buy my favorite Churro Kit Kat bars at the store because you know they make me happy. And while you have nerdy interests, Brian, you’re hot.” Her cheeks flame with color at the admission, but she keeps going. “I mean, like super hot. You’ve got that tall, pale, moody rockstar vibe going for you, and I am so here for it. And oh my gosh, I can’t believe I just said that out loud.”
I laugh nervously. “You’re serious, Cee? You like me, like me?”
My heart is thudding so hard I almost don’t hear her when she whispers, “Yeah, I do.”
“Oh,” I say.
“Yeahhhh, so this would be a great time for you to tell me that you like me, too, or if this is something I should just pretend never happened,” Celia says.
I startle. “Oh, um, yeah. I like you. A lot.” I want to punch myself in the face.
“Can I kiss you again?” she asks tentatively.
My pulse feathers in my jaw, and my tongue darts out along my bottom lip. “Yeah, I’d like that.”
We lean toward each other. Nerves are racing through my body like cars trying to pass one another. I’m so nervous, way more than when we kissed under the fireworks. But when her plump lips brush mine, cautiously tracing my mouth, heat rushes through me in a tidal wave. I move my lips slowly over hers, touching, tasting, exploring. My experience with kissing is almost non-existent, but I’m too embarrassed to tell Cee that. Instead, I let her take the lead and do my best to follow her, just like I’ve always done.
She deepens the kiss, lips pressing more firmly against mine. And when her mouth parts and her tongue darts out to find mine, I almost pass out. Fuck, she feels good. I meet her tongue with mine, stroking slowly. I’m so scared I’m going to mess this up, but instinct takes over as her hand slides around the back of my neck, and she pulls me in close. Our kiss deepens until we are making out in the front seat of her car in a parking lot after midnight. All the other team’s cars have cleared out, and it’s easy to pretend we are on our own planet.
I gather my courage and reach out to cup her face as we kiss, feeling her jaw move and flex as she moves her mouth in time with my own. It’s so sensual, so good. When she finally pulls back, her lashes flutter, and her tongue darts across her swollen lips.
“Still worried about how I feel about you?” she asks breathlessly.
My mouth ticks up, and I shrug. “I might need more convincing.”
She chuckles. “Come on, let’s head back to our hotel rooms.”
My stomach plummets. And at this moment I can’t decide if I’m glad Cee insisted we stay in a hotel so we wouldn’t wake our families with this late night event, or if this will be the first step in our friendship’s inevitable destruction. Is she expecting more than kissing? Sweat breaks out across my brow and neck. I mean, I want her badly, but I don’t know if I’m ready for this, for more than kissing. I feel her hand reach out and come down on mine.
“Brian, calm down. I don’t expect anything. I just want to, I don’t know, snuggle and watch a movie. Just hang out in a more-than-friends way and see how it feels. Is that… okay?”
I relax. “Yeah, of course.”
At the hotel, we head to Celia’s room, where I immediately fixate on the single Queen-sized bed in the middle of the room. I am so damn nervous, but I don’t let go of her hand. Once we’re inside, she sits down and pats the mattress next to her, inviting me to cuddle. I lean back into the headboard and Celia eases back against my chest. This new type of contact between my best friend and me is lighting me on fire. I’m tempted to pinch myself to make sure it’s real.
“What do you want to watch?” she asks, flipping through the movie channels.
“Whatever you want is fine,” I tell her.
She whips around. “Don’t start getting weird on me now, Brian. We usually fight over the movie choice, and that doesn’t have to stop just because we made out,” Celia demands.
“Fine. Do they have any of the Star Wars movies?” I ask. She rolls her eyes. “What? You told me to pick.”
“You’re so predictable sometimes. Oh, look. They have The Matrix. That’s a great old-school movie,” she says, beaming.
“Yeah, okay. I like that one,” I agree.
We settle in, cuddling as we watch the movie–or at least I try to watch the movie, but I spend most of it staring at the woman in my arms. I inhale her lemon verbena scent and press my cheek into the top of her head. She makes small adjustments, too, her hand finding mine and squeezing. When she pushes herself against me harder, I groan. She giggles.
“Am I being too wiggly for you?” she asks.
“Um, no. You’re pushing your sexy ass into me, and it’s distracting.” My voice is husky, and I barely recognize it.
Celia turns in my arms and stares at my lips. She studies me a moment before she presses a kiss onto my chin, then my cheek. I turn my head slightly, and my mouth finds hers. It’s soft and gentle. Kissing her is less awkward this time as our mouths find a rhythm. Lips brush lips, and tongue slides against tongue. It’s slow and measured but passionate. Celia turns in my arms until we’re facing, and she can kiss me more easily. One of her legs slides over my lap, so she’s straddling me. The heat between her legs presses into me. She groans when she feels how aroused I am, then starts kissing me more fiercely.
“Brian,” she whispers. “Can I take off your shirt?”
I swallow and nod, helping her. She traces the lines of my pectoral muscles, taking in my lean frame. Her eyes are hooded as they absorb my body. Then she reaches down and pulls off her shirt, exposing a black, lacy bra perfectly cupping her breasts. Holy. Shit.
I gawk, wanting to touch her tanned curves, but I’m too scared to move. Celia reaches for my hands and pulls them up, placing them on her breasts. I hold them, admiring her curves, and gently massage them.
“Rub my nipples with your thumbs,” she instructs, and I do what she asks, gently stroking them through the fabric of her bra.
I feel her move on my lap and have to close my eyes and dig deep not to end things too quickly. “Celia,” I gasp out.
“Is this okay?” she asks, worried.
“Yeah, it’s fucking great. It’s just that, um. Well, fuck,” I say, suddenly paralyzed by embarrassment.
“What is it, baby?” she asks. And those words on her lips loosen the hold anxiety has on my heart.
“It’s just that, well, I’ve never, um, done this before.”
Silence falls heavily between us, and I worry that I’ve ruined everything.
“You’re a virgin?” she asks.
I nod, too embarrassed to admit it out loud.
“Do you want to stop or keep going?” she asks, allowing me to make the call.
I look into her deep brown eyes, utterly smitten with the woman staring back at me with so much love and concern. “I mean, I want to. I just don’t know what I’m doing, and I’m scared it won’t be good for you,” I admit.
She smiles. “I’m honored that you would trust me with this. But we don’t have to do anything you don’t want to. Let’s just go slow, and we can stop when you want. No need to feel embarrassed. I’ve got you.”
She says it with such sincerity that I know she’s telling the truth. She’s not horrified that I don’t have experience–she’s grateful that I trust her.
“Okay,” I say, smiling gently.
“Okay,” she says, then leans in to kiss me again.
And we make out, kissing until we’re drunk on each other. Cee continues to ask me if things are okay as she strokes my chest, traces my biceps and forearms, and rubs the space between her thighs against me.
“Yes,” I murmur. “Yes, please. Feels so good.”
Then she whispers, “Can I touch you?”
She looks down to where I’m straining in my pants. My heart thuds. I consider it, consider her. I want this and I know I can trust her. Finally, I nod. A wicked grin glides across her face.
“Thank goodness,” she says and she reaches for my fly, undoing the button and zipper.
I spring out of my pants, and if I weren’t so turned on, I’d be embarrassed.
“Whoa, Brian. You’ve been hiding away quite the surprise down here,” she says, impressed.
“Cee,” I plead.
“I got you, baby,” she says, then slides her hands into my boxer briefs. The first touch of her fingers shoots electricity through my body. I groan.
“That’s right. Feels good, doesn’t it?” she whispers against my lips, and she strokes me.
“Cee,” I gasp. “Feels so good. Oh my gosh.”
“You like that?” she whispers, her voice husky and full of desire.
I could come just from this, and I might if she doesn’t stop, I realize. I slam my hand down over hers. “Too much,” I croak out. “I won’t last. I want to make you feel good, too.”
“Yeah?” she asks.
“Yeah. Show me?” I ask her.
She nods and gets off my lap. Then, slowly, she eases her leggings down, exposing the beautiful, warm, tanned skin of her delicious legs. She lays back on the bed in just her black bra and panties, and I drink in every luscious dip and curve of her body. She’s divine, and I can’t believe I’m allowed to stare openly at her.
“Come here,” she says. I climb over her body and look down at her. “Put your mouth here,” she says and pulls down one of the cups of her bra.
I swallow, then ease my mouth down and suck her nipple into my mouth. She groans, and I take my time, exploring her with my tongue. I’ve never done this with anyone, but my body seems to know what to do. I feel Celia grab my hand and move it between her thighs. She shows me how to rub her through her panties. “Yeah, baby. Just like that,” she groans. She presses my hand tightly to her as she rubs against me. The sensation is intoxicating.
Then she sits up and flips us, straddling me again, but this time, I’m laid out flat. She unhooks her bra and takes it off, and I stare up at her, completely transfixed. This beautiful goddess is on top of me. She leans down, encouraging me to take her breast into my mouth, and I do while she writhes on top of me, boxer briefs and panties the only thing separating us.
“Yes, Brian. Just like that,” she says again.
And I know I’m not going to last. She rubs and grinds until every fiery sensation gathers in my lower abdomen. I tilt my head back and say, “I’m going to come, Cee.”
“Me too,” she whispers.
And then we’re coming together as she grinds on top of me. And this moment, right here, is the single best orgasm of my entire life.