Chapter 2
Two
Julian sat in his study, attempting to read over documents. Unfortunately, he was failing because his mind kept going back to Sophia. Before the tavern encounter, the last time he’d seen her, she’d been twenty, and he’d been twenty-three. They’d both changed since then.
She was still alluring with her blonde hair, large hazel eyes, and curvy figure.
He, Sophia, Diana, and Theo had all roamed the countryside together as children.
As a young man, Julian had never thought of her as anything other than his dear friend until he left for a year at twenty-one and returned to find Sophia had become a woman.
Their attraction for each other grew quickly.
Lingering glances and inside jokes became passionate moments.
He’d quickly declared his love, and Sophia had confessed her feelings as well.
Then everything had changed; his father sent him to London for some business, and he promised to return in six months.
During that time, Sophia had married the son of the family who owned the local inn.
He remembered Thomas Benson. The man had always liked Sophia, but Julian never suspected she’d choose him. He smirked, thinking about all the ladies in the house who were here to marry a marquess. Yet, his title hadn’t mattered at all to Sophia.
The butler entered. “My lord, your mother has arrived. She wishes to see you in her bedchamber.”
He looked at the clock on the wall. It was mid-afternoon. Julian was glad she was finally at Pax Hall. In her letters, she’d been insistent that he hold off on this party to find a wife, but he didn’t understand why. Didn’t most mothers want their sons to choose a bride?
“Thank you, I will go see her right away.”
Julian walked toward the kitchen, choosing to take the backstairs.
He knew he was avoiding his guests, but he would see them at dinner tonight.
Earlier today, he’d spent time with several ladies and their families.
They’d all been assessing his real interest in matrimony.
Julian didn’t blame them, as his behavior until now hadn’t been that of a man interested in finding a wife.
He knocked when he reached his mother’s bedchamber and her lady’s maid opened the door. She curtsied and hurried off. His mother, Alice, sat in the sitting area of her large room. She didn’t appear tired at all, but he knew she must be after traveling for most of the morning.
She beamed at him, pointing at the wingback chair across from her. He took a seat and leaned back. “Do you plan to attend dinner tonight?”
His mother nodded. “Of course, but I’m glad we have time to speak beforehand. I’d hoped to meet with you before anyone arrived, but I’m a little late for that.”
He frowned. “Why are you so bothered by this party?”
She played with the folds of her skirt, and alarm filled his chest. His mother wasn’t one to fidget or be so worried. Finally, she said, “Have you identified a lady you are interested in?”
Julian shook his head. “Not yet.”
She nodded. “I need to tell you something. It is a wrong from the past. One I didn’t know about until it was too late.”
Julian sat up, becoming more alert and sensing her next words might be life-altering. His mother played with her skirt some more, and impatient, he asked, “What is it, Mother?”
“Eight years ago, Sophia Little, now Benson, came to your father looking for you because she feared she was with child. Your father told her that she better find someone to be her husband because you would not wed her.”
Shock coursed through him. What did she mean? Her children were far too young for either to be his. “You must be confused. She doesn’t have a child, who could—”
“No, there was no child. It was a false alarm. Still, she wed Thomas Benson because she was worried about her child being a bastard.”
Julian walked to the wine decanter located on a small table in his mother’s room.
His hands shook as he poured himself a drink.
His mother stood nervously. “I’m sorry I never told you.
By the time I found out, she was married, and you were determined to forget her.
Still, I saw her in the village last time I was here, and I wondered if maybe you should know the truth.
His mother should have told him right away. “I’ve spent the last eight years hating her. Had I known, I could have gone to her.”
“She was another man’s wife, Julian.”
He took a large sip of his drink, feeling betrayed and bitter.
She added, “I hoped you would find someone else. Years went by, and you drifted farther away from the idea of marriage. When I shockingly received your missive about finding a bride, I knew I had to tell you. Your sister said you are being very practical about selecting a lady. You should want love, Julian. I can promise that a marriage where there is none is a miserable way to live.”
A bit of compassion spiked in him at his mother’s words.
His father had always treated her, him, and Diana like inconveniences.
The selfish man spent most of his time focused on indulging whatever whim struck him.
He’d slept with servants and had various mistresses.
His mother had ignored it all, leaving him be.
Unfortunately, his father hadn’t given her the same freedom.
No, he’d done his best to make sure she always stayed under his thumb.
“I wish I had known. I thought she chose Thomas Benson over me.”
His mother poured herself some wine. “From what I understand, their marriage was a loving one.”
Julian closed his eyes, imagining how much she must hate him. Sophia must feel so betrayed by him. That was why Theo had glared at him like he was a monster. He wanted to scream and rage. No, what Julian wanted was to bring his father back to life and give him a thrashing. “I’m glad she was happy.”
His mother pulled him to the sofa, and they both sat. “She has been a widow for three years now. Perhaps you could—”
A bitter laugh erupted from him. “I don’t think so. I’m already the monster in her life.”
“I know you loved her, Julian. Maybe it is too late, but it wouldn’t hurt to let her know the truth. Think on it.”
He finished his wine. “I will. I need some air.”
“I understand, but please consider telling her.”
Julian nodded and strode from her room, down the grand staircase, and out the front door.
Once he reached a private area, he grabbed his sides, trying his best to catch his breath.
Sophia hadn’t chosen Thomas Benson over him.
His father had been the cause of all his heartache.
Julian was both furious and deeply saddened by his actions.
Sophia hummed as she tended her garden behind the inn. It was early, but this was her favorite part of the day. It was her own private time—her sanctuary. She was feeling much better about having Julian around. They’d seen each other and spoken. The worst was over.
She wouldn’t allow herself to be so easily charmed by him again. It wouldn’t do. She’d read about him in the gossip sheets over the years. Apparently, she was the first in a long line of rakish conquests. Pain, she thought long gone, spiked in her chest.
His betrayal had been so unexpected. They’d been friends their entire lives. Had he really only seen her as a plaything, something to claim and discard? So many memories of her childhood were intertwined with Julian, Diana, and Theo.
He’d been the kindest boy she knew. Sophia yanked at the weeds in her garden, giving her true feelings a real escape. She worked fast and knew she would regret tiring herself out, but she hoped the physical labor would force away all the emotions swirling in her.
“Sophia.”
She jumped and scrambled to her feet. Julian stood at the entrance of the garden. He looked tired and rumpled. His cravat was barely held together, and his hair was disheveled. Yet, the blasted hum of attraction came back full force. No! No! She wouldn’t feel these things for him.
“My lord, it is much too early for visitors. It is eight in the morning.”
He studied her. His gaze started at her face and then slowly moved down her form. His open perusal shocked her, but she found her body heating not from embarrassment but from need. Eventually, he cleared his throat. “Can I speak with you? May we sit and have tea?”
She stood and wiped her hands with a wet cloth. Why was he here? Why did she care? Frustrated with her wayward thoughts, Sophia attempted to walk by him. “There isn’t anything else we have to say to each other.”
He gently grasped her forearm. Her eyes flew to his face. Sophia was startled to see devastation etched across the planes of it. Quietly, he said, “Please.”
Sophia nodded. “We can speak in my office, but I only have a few minutes.”
“Thank you.”
She made her way inside with Julian following. What could he want to say? She passed one of the servers who worked mornings in the tavern. “Would you please bring some tea to my office?”
“Yes, Mrs. Benson,” she said before hurrying off.
Sophia took a seat behind her desk, needing a barrier between them. He sat in one of two wooden chairs facing her. The server rushed in with the tea and poured them both a cup. It wasn’t every day that a lord visited the inn.
“Thank you,” Sophia said before the woman departed.
Julian’s gaze flicked around her office. It wasn’t the largest space, but she’d made it her own. It was much more feminine than when Thomas used it.
“You seem to be thriving,” Julian said, interrupting her thoughts.
Sophia nodded. “I am. What do you want, my lord?”
“Julian, please.”
She counted to ten, wanting to yell at him that he didn’t deserve to be so informal with her.
“I think my lord will suffice,” Sophia bit out.
Sadness flared in his eyes, and it confused her. Why was he here? Eventually, he said, “I spoke with my mother yesterday. She revealed something to me I never knew.”
Sophia wasn’t sure why that should matter to her. She lifted a brow, and he continued, “She said years ago, you went to my father, afraid you might be with child, looking for me. She said that he told you to find a husband so our child wouldn’t be a bastard.”
She swallowed, remembering how awful the previous marquess had been to her. Words that she’d never forgotten. “Fortunately, there wasn’t a child.”
He leaned forward and placed a hand on Sophia’s, shocking her. “I never knew. Not until my mother told me yesterday. He told me you married, and that I must have only been a bit of fun before you settled down.”
Sophia stared at him in shock and gently pulled her hand away. “You had to have known.”
Julian shook his head. “No, I had no idea. I thought you chose Thomas Benson because you loved him.”
“How could you think that!” she demanded.
“You wed him a month after I left.”
Her eyes began watering, and he stood as if he would rush around the desk and comfort her. “Don’t.”
Julian froze. His face was filled with anguish, but he sank back into his chair. Sophia wiped at the tears coursing down her cheeks and took deep breaths. Eventually, she composed herself. “Why would he do that?”
“You knew my father. He was a miserable man who hated when people were happy.”
She shook her head. “I despised you so much.”
“And I you,” Julian said.
They both sat there silently. Sophia suspected he was thinking about the what ifs as much as she was.
Still, it was so long ago she couldn’t focus on it.
It would make her unbearably sad. “Well, at least things turned out well. Thomas and I had a wonderful bond and two children. You, I imagine, have enjoyed your life in London.”
He nodded. She smiled softly at him. “And I heard you will select a bride at your party.”
“I will,” Julian confirmed.
Why did his words cause her heart to ache? They were no longer what they once were to each other, she reminded herself.
“I’m glad you told me, Julian.” Still, Sophia couldn’t sit here with him. It was all too much. She needed space. “I must get back to work, though.”
He rose. “Yes, I’m sorry that I just appeared.”
Sophia stood as well. “I’m glad you did.”
Julian rounded the desk and pulled her into his arms. The feel of him holding her tight was not enough but also too much. Eventually, he stepped back, and she said, “Perhaps we will see each other around the village.”
He nodded and left. She sank into her chair, wondering if she should have said something more. Sophia was shocked and overwhelmed. Julian had loved her. It hadn’t been all a game. Yet now he was back at Pax Hall, preparing to find a bride.
For a mad moment, she wished she could be such a lady.
Sophia shook her head. They’d changed too much.
Julian would seek a bride who was the epitome of the perfect lady.
Still, she didn’t stand and make her way out to the tavern to complete her daily tasks.
No, instead, Sophia stayed at her desk, wiping at a fresh round of tears.