Chapter 4
Four
Julian arrived in his open-carriage in front of Fox Hill Inn. He was equally thrilled and nervous to spend time with Sophia and her family. Julian hadn’t spent a great deal of time with children. Apparently, a life of vice didn’t allow for such things.
He stepped down from the vehicle, planning to enter the inn, but Sophia and her children exited before he could. The boy and girl examined his carriage, excited.
The boy asked, “Are you the Marquess of Weston?”
“Of course he is. Who else would have such a fancy carriage?” the girl who seemed younger said, pushing the boy.
“Jeremiah and Lily, what should you do?”
Both the children curtsied. Julian didn’t want any formality between them. He hunched down. “So you are the famous Jeremiah and Lily. I would love for you to call me Julian if that is fine with your mother.”
They both turned to her, and she gave a slight nod. The girl asked, “Can we climb in?”
Sophia sighed. “They aren’t usually so wildly behaved.”
He grinned at her. “I’d be excited about this carriage as a child too.”
He opened the door and Jeremiah and Lily scrambled in. Julian took Sophia’s hand to assist her. Her palm in his heightened all his senses. He studied her for a moment. She looked lovely in a white-and-green striped day dress. No, lovely wasn’t the right word—breathtaking might be better.
“You are beautiful, Sophia,” he said softly.
Red tinged her cheeks. “Thank you.”
He lifted her into the carriage and then entered himself.
The children clapped as the carriage started to move.
It was a lovely day to be riding about the countryside.
When he informed his mother that he planned to take Sophia and her children out, she immediately volunteered to keep the guests at Pax Hall entertained.
“Where are we headed?” Sophia asked him.
“I thought we’d have a picnic at the ruins.”
“Mother takes us there all the time. It is one of her favorite places,” Lily stated.
He smiled at the girl. “Mine too. Your mother, our siblings, and I used to play there all the time as children.”
His eyes connected with Sophia’s, and so many memories flowed between them.
He was equally sad and happy that she’d brought her children to a place they both found so special.
It was on Pax Hall land, but he couldn’t imagine his mother denying anyone access to the area.
The ruins were comprised of a crumbly tower and the remains of a great hall.
When they were young, they’d played all types of make-believe there, and as young adults, they’d discovered desire together in the grassy field beneath the tower. Something flared in her eyes, and Julian wondered if Sophia was remembering those later moments. He looked away.
Today was a day to learn all about Jeremiah and Lily. They crested a hill and the ruins came into sight. Lily and Jeremiah bounced up and down on the seat, and he laughed, enjoying their delight. When they stopped, he lifted both the children down first. Lily asked Sophia, “Can we go explore?”
She nodded, and they raced off. Julian held Sophia by her waist and lowered her to the ground. They were only inches apart. She murmured, “Thank you.”
“Anything for you.”
Sophia's fingers pressed into his arms where she still held onto him, and he found himself swaying toward her. The hum of attraction began to buzz around them. Yes, he still very much wanted this woman. She dropped her arms away from him and stepped back. Julian didn’t push her.
They had all the time in the world to learn about each other.
He grabbed a basket on the floor of the carriage. The family cook had prepared it for him. It was filled with tarts, pies, and finger sandwiches. She walked to a grassy area closer to the ruins and said, “Hand me the blanket, and I will lay it out.”
“I can do it.” Julian placed the basket on the ground and shook out the blanket.
Once seated, they both quietly arranged the food. He brought some wine for them to enjoy, and he poured them both some.
“Julian!” Jeremiah yelled from the window of the tower.
He glanced up, and the boy waved at him excitedly. He lifted his hand and smiled. Then Jeremiah was gone. Sophia stretched out her legs and leaned back on her hands. “They love this place almost as much as we did.”
“They seem wonderful.”
“They are and always exploring,” she said, smiling.
He was silent for a minute, unsure how he would ask his next question. Julian supposed directness was the only option. “Did your husband know about me?”
Sophia nodded. “He did. He always thought your father bullied you into not marrying me.”
Julian clenched his jaw, hating his father’s cruelty. “Had I known you were concerned about being with child, nothing would have stopped my return to you.”
She studied him and said, “I wish I had believed in us and you more back then, but your father's words and reasoning had been so harsh. I was scared and embarrassed. Thomas was wonderful. He explained we could have a different type of love. I miss him and always will.”
Her last few words were said with a hint of defiance. Julian squeezed her hand. “I would never want to take Thomas’s place. It does make me sad I lost out on so much of your life, but now I want to learn and meet the woman you’ve become. I imagine Thomas shaped a lot of that.”
She squeezed his hand back. “Thank you. He did. He was so kind and compassionate. I wish the children had more time with him.”
“I will never take his place and know I can’t. I just want a chance for us.”
He gently stroked Sophia’s palm, both hoping to reassure her and also wanting to touch her. Quietly, she said, “I want that too.”
She withdrew her hand, and he turned his head to see Jeremiah and Lily racing toward them. Lily declared, “I’m hungry.”
He smiled at them both as they sat on the blanket. Sophia handed them each a sandwich. In between bites, Jeremiah asked, “Do you like our mother?”
“Jeremiah!” Sophia said sharply.
“Of course, he likes her,” Lily said.
He grinned at the young girl. “How do you know?”
She shrugged, but Jeremiah added, “You took us on a picnic. Mr. Shulter took us on one too.”
Julian glanced at Sophia, who blushed. “Yes, well, Mr. Shulter has married since then.”
“I do like your mother, but I also want to get to know both of you.”
Lily smiled at him, and Jeremiah said, “Well, Mr. Shulter barely talked to us and didn’t like bugs.”
“Do you like bugs?” Lily asked.
“I do.”
Jeremiah and Lily shrugged as if that was enough for them. He laughed, enjoying the company of them both. They ate the rest of their sandwiches and rushed off.
“You are already endearing them to you.”
“Just as long as they like me more than Mr. Shulter,” Julian stated.
“He was never a real option.”
Her words filled Julian with warmth because they indicated he might be. He stood and held his hand out. “Let’s go explore the ruins together.”
Later that evening, Sophia helped one of the servers carry the plates into the kitchen at the inn. They had a full house because of Julian’s estate party. She’d enjoyed her time with him today, and the children were still talking about their trip to the ruins.
Still, she worried if it was all too far-fetched.
I mean, it wasn’t usual for a lord to marry a commoner, especially one from a small village.
Julian had spent the last eight years living a grand life.
What if he found being back in the area boring?
What if he grew tired of her? The thought made her more nervous than she cared to admit.
Right now, he was dancing with elegant ladies who’d been raised to be the perfect spouse for a lord.
Sophia's greatest skills were running an inn and tending her garden. She sighed and placed the plates on the table. She wasn’t ashamed of who she was.
She and Thomas had created a nice life for their family.
“You leave those there, Mrs. Benson. Go rest. It has been a long night,” her cook, Sally, insisted.
She shook her head, but Sally shooed her away. “Go.”
“I’ve only worked a half day.”
“Soon enough you won’t be working any days at all,” Sally said, snickering.
She blushed. “I don’t know what you mean.”
“You deserve to be treated like a lady. There isn’t a finer woman than you,” her cook insisted.
Sophia smiled at her but wasn’t sure she deserved such praise. Still, Sally motioned for her to leave again.
“Thank you.”
She made her way to her family’s area of the inn.
Both Jeremiah and Lily were fast asleep.
They had a busy day and would be out for the rest of the night.
Sophia sank into one of the kitchen chairs.
Slowly, she took off her boots and removed her stockings before wiggling her toes.
Oh, it felt so luxurious. A quiet knock at her door startled her.
Still, Sophia suspected it was Julian, but he should be entertaining his guest. She opened the door, and he stood there in evening attire. She shook her head, confused. “What are you doing here?”
“I found myself wanting to be with you.”
She let him in. “Julian, this is all new and exciting, but you might regret not considering your other choices.”
He shook his head. “It has always been you. Maybe as a young boy I didn’t understand that, but still in every dream I had about my future, you were there too. Over the last eight years I’ve tried to forget you, but the moment I saw you, I knew I was only fooling myself.”
“You are a lord. One who has spent most of his adult life enjoying the glamor of London.”
“I’ve spent those years attempting to forget all the dreams I had for us. The ones that I was certain nothing could have stopped, not my father nor any scandal that would arise. Well, except the one thing I didn’t plan for: the woman who was mine marrying another.”
“I had no choice,” she stated. Was he blaming her?
“I know, and I don’t blame you for choosing a different path. I’m not even sure I can be angry you weren’t mine for the last eight years because you’ve known love and happiness. Your children are a clear representation of that.”
She bit her lip, wanting to believe him but so unsure. “How can you be so certain about us?”
He stepped toward her. Her heart pounded as she waited for his words, needing reassurance that this was real.
The feelings of abandonment she felt all those years ago still lingered within her.
Julian closed the space between them and cupped her face in his hands.
“Because it has always been you. My dreams, no matter how hard I tried to push them away, included you and our future family living in Pax Hall. We would take our children to the ruins, but some days we would go alone, so I could make love to you in the grass.”
She bit her bottom lip, her eyes watering. He continued, “At night, we would sit in the drawing room reading to our children and sharing tales of our own childhood. Then when they were tucked tightly into bed, I would take you up to our room and worship you.”
Julian softly brushed a kiss across her lips. “I know some of those dreams are over, but why can’t we be together? Why can’t we be a family, you, me, Jeremiah, Lily, and any other children we have?”
Sophia's hands went around Julian’s neck just as he tugged her against him. His mouth touched hers with a wanton urgency. Their tongues stroked and sparred with one another. He broke the kiss. “I don’t want to rush you. We don’t have to go any further.”
She stared at him, knowing his words represented the responsible choice. Yet all she could think about was what he said before. Because it has always been you. Sophia took his hand and pulled him to her bedchamber off the small family kitchen. She needed him now. “Love me, Julian.”