Chapter Eleven
DON'T WAIT UNTIL IT'S too late, and you've already lost everything.
Konstantin's warning echoed in Ronan's mind like a death knell as he paced the sterile hospital corridor. He paused at the window of Acacia's room, watching her chest rise and fall in sleep, tubes and wires connecting her to machines that beeped a steady rhythm. His hands clenched into fists at his sides, the urge to go to her, to touch her, to explain everything nearly overwhelming him.
But he couldn't. Not yet. Not until he sorted through the chaos in his own mind.
An ominous foreboding had taken possession of Ronan's soul since the night he had taken Acacia to the fundraiser at Konstantin's hospital. He had bumped into his former professor, and the older man had casually asked him how long he had been dating Lena again.
"I'm not," Ronan had replied, confusion furrowing his brow.
"Then I must be seeing double."
He had followed Professor Jin's gaze across the crowded ballroom, and that was when the truth he had fought so hard not to see could no longer be denied. Acacia, in her midnight blue gown, laughing at something a young doctor's son had said, her hand resting protectively over her swollen belly. And beside her—not physically, but in the professor's memory—the ghost of another woman, with the same delicate features, the same red-gold hair.
Ronan remembered making his excuses afterward, remembered feeling like he was about to fucking puke because he finally realized that this was what he had been terrified of all along.
Don't wait until it's too late, and you've already lost everything.
The first time he saw her photo in the Initiative's file, he had wanted her...because she had reminded him of Lena, the girl he had fallen in love with as a boy, only for her to toss him aside for some college jock who would later knock her up and cause her to quit high school without graduating.
History repeating itself in the cruelest way.
That initial attraction, that immediate spark of recognition—those had been based in a past he couldn't escape.
But what had grown between him and Acacia since?
What they had was real.
And precious.
So damn precious that it had him wanting and fearing to say the truth at the same time.
Don't wait until it's too late, and you've already lost everything.
Since then, Ronan kept telling himself all he needed was time.
Just enough time to make her love him so much she wouldn't be capable of leaving him.
Just enough time to find the right words.
Time .
He had thought he wouldn't run out of it.
But he was wrong.
Ronan was at a meeting with the other members of the Hartland Initiative when he was informed that Terry was waiting to speak to him. Since his secretary knew better than to interrupt him on days like this, he knew right away something had happened—
"What's wrong?" he demanded, striding out of the conference room where Oliver and the others continued their discussion of the upcoming wedding's security protocols.
Terry was pacing outside, her face creased with worry. Before becoming his secretary, she had worked at his family home as his nanny. Many an eyebrow was raised when Ronan had hired her as his secretary, but then, as now, what other people thought mattered little to him.
"She's here, Ronan." Terry's voice was strained.
She?
Ronan stiffened. "What happened to Aca—-"
"No," Terry cut him off. "I'm talking about that girl!"
Only one woman came to mind, the only one whose name Terry was unable to say because she was still struggling with unforgiveness.
Lena .
He left Terry to make his excuses to the other men. He drove as fast as he could, taking corners too sharply, narrowly avoiding an elderly pedestrian who gave him a one-fingered salute as he sped past. But he was still too late. When he arrived at the clinic, Lena was inside his office... while Acacia was being wheeled out on a hospital bed, unconscious.
"No. God. No."
The words tore from him as he rushed to her side, taking in her pale face, the slight swell of her belly beneath the thin hospital blanket.
"Dr. Slater," one of the nurses acknowledged him with a nod. "We're taking her to room three. Her vitals are stable, but she fainted. Blood pressure's a bit low."
"What happened?" he demanded, his fingers automatically finding Acacia's wrist, measuring her pulse for himself.
"Still to be determined. When we got to your office, she was already unconscious. The other woman called for help."
The other woman.
Lena .
He would deal with her later.
But right now and forever more—-
Acacia .
Whether she would choose to believe him or not—-
She was what mattered.
Always.
ACACIA'S DOCTOR CAME out to meet with him, and what she told him, a part of Ronan had already expected.
Vitals normal. Baby's heartbeat is strong. So it's nothing serious...for now. But you need to help her avoid anything emotionally stressful.
Since Acacia was still not asleep, he used the time to come face to face with Lena and get rid of her, once and for all.
She got to her feet upon seeing him, and he got to the point as soon as she did.
"I'm about to marry someone else, and I don't want you near us. In any way."
"So I was right," she sneered. "I had a feeling she was more than a patient to you."
"You probably don't know this, but you've been keeping my legal team busy for so many years now. We've been keeping track of all the enemies you've made. They all had dirt on you, but not the money to sue you. Do you think I can help them?"
"Ronan, don't be like this. We were in love once—-"
Her sudden switch to being pitiful disgusted him. How could he have been in love with her? She had always been like this, he realized that now. Terry had seen it from the start, but he hadn't. And because he had been so damn blind, it had led him to wanting Acacia for all the wrong reasons when he first met her.
"It's over, Lena," he said curtly. "Get out of here. Forget I ever existed. This is the only warning I'll give you. Cross me at your risk."
He turned away, but this proved to be a mistake, with Lena suddenly rushing forward to hug him from behind.
Fuck.
His teeth clenched as he forcibly extricated himself from her hold. "Enough—-"
"I don't have anyone else," she cries out.
"Then it's time for you to work like the rest of us."
"Just...just give me a loan one last time. Please."
"No."
He stepped back.
She slapped him...and then stared at Ronan in shock as if she couldn't believe what he had just done. "R-Ronan—-"
That was it for him.
A single nod was all it took, and Lena started screaming as soon as she saw the building security head toward her.
"Ronan—-"
The pair of security carried her bodily out of the premises, and Ronan turned away. This part of his life was over. Because this time, he finally saw Lena for the girl she had always been.
Acacia was still unconscious when he visited her. He took her hand in his, and he swallowed hard as he found himself praying for the first time.
Please. God. Please.
Ronan studied her face, searching for traces of Lena in her features.
All those similarities used to be so damn easy to spot.
But now, all he could see were the things that made them polar opposites.
Like the hardened expression on Lena's face...and the softened look on Acacia's.
Don't wait until it's too late, and you've already lost everything.
Konstantin's warning echoed in Ronan's mind like a death knell as he paced the sterile hospital corridor. He paused at the window of Acacia's room, watching her chest rise and fall in sleep, tubes and wires connecting her to machines that beeped a steady rhythm. His hands clenched into fists at his sides, the urge to go to her, to touch her, to explain everything nearly overwhelming him.
But he couldn't. Not yet. Not until he sorted through the chaos in his own mind.
When he was finally permitted to enter her room, he took her hand in his, and he swallowed hard as he found himself praying for the first time.
Please. God. Please.
Time slipped by, but he remained by her side until her eyes finally fluttered open.
For a moment, confusion clouded her eyes, then recognition dawned, and she started to smile at him—a smile that faded as memory returned, and pain gripped his chest because it was like the fucking sun dying on him.
"I need you to tell me the truth." Her voice was hardly more than a whisper, but the tremor in it cut him to the quick.
"Acacia—"
The machines monitoring her vitals registered a spike in her heart rate.
"Swear it, please."
"I swear."
She swallowed hard, her eyes never leaving his face. "Did you want me the first time because I look like your ex?"
The question hung between them, sharp as a scalpel. He could lie to her. Tell her no, absolve himself of the sin of his initial deception. Anything to keep her from leaving him. But because he loved her too much, even if it meant losing her by speaking the truth—-
"I'm sorry," Ronan said rawly. He meant to tell her that it was only his subconscious that had recognized the resemblance between her and Lena. And that the more time he had spent with her, such similarities had mattered less and less. He had meant to assure her that she was still the only woman who ever mattered.
But as soon as he heard her cry out, and the machine monitoring her vitals started beeping more rapidly, Ronan realized that it was too late, and that Acacia had completely misunderstood everything.
"Every time we were together," she choked out. "You...y-you were t-thinking of her, w-weren't you?"
Ronan's face went ashen. "No. Acacia, no—"
"You used me," she choked out, her hands moving protectively over her belly. "You made love to me while seeing someone else."
"That's not true." Ronan reached for her, his expression desperate. "Please, let me explain. It wasn't like that—"
"You already admitted it!" The words tore from her throat. "You wanted me because I look like her. What else is there to explain?"
Ronan could see the horror and disgust in her eyes, could see exactly what she was thinking, and self-loathing crashed over him in waves. He had done this to her. His cowardice, his inability to face his own past, had led them here.
"Listen to me," he said urgently, gripping her hand tightly. "What happened on that bus—what's been happening between us—it's never been about her. Yes, your resemblance to Lena may have triggered something initially, but I didn't even realize it then. I swear to you, every moment since has been about you. Only you."
But Acacia was shaking her head, tears streaming down her face. The monitors shrilled as her heart rate spiked dangerously.
"Please get out."
"Let me—"
"Get out!" Her voice broke on the words, and the monitors shrilled as her heart rate spiked dangerously.
The nurses entered her room just as she cried out, and Ronan knew that would be it for him. He saw her curl into a ball as he rose to his feet, his heart shattering at the sight.
"Acacia—"
One of the nurses shook her head at him. "I'm sorry, Dr. Slater. But we need you to vacate the room."
Ronan stepped out, each movement feeling like he was dragging himself through quicksand. And as soon as the door closed behind him, he heard her start to cry, the sound muffled but unmistakable.
And this sound...
This was also how it sounded if the sun was to stop shining for good.