Chapter 17
Scout training wasn’t the easiest, but it also wasn’t nearly as hard on my body as the few hours of soldier training I had completed. Otho taught me about hiding tracks, listening in on conversations, and becoming what the enemy expected me to be so that I could sneak in behind their lines.
He also taught me more about the details of the war we were fighting.
I couldn’t deny it, all of this learning sent a certain type of thrill through me, and I found myself regularly buzzing with excitement as I learned my new role.
But two days passed in a blur, and here I was once again, binding my chest in the toilet room and tossing my worn pack over my shoulder as we prepared for our journey.
I wished I could say goodbye to Milo. Wished I could somehow get word to him that he was free. I also wanted to say goodbye to Collum, but something told me all of that would be frowned upon if I asked.
They would have to make their own inferences when news of my death eventually reached them. I just hoped they remembered my promise and knew enough to assume that I was living my best life somewhere . . . just without them.
I was surprised that Leif hadn’t come to visit me in the past few days, but all that surprise melted when I saw him standing with the horses, saddling one as Otho talked to another man I had never seen before.
The light of the sun glinted off his light hair, but shadows obscured his facial features.
Please, Leif, I begged silently, don’t ruin this for me.
I didn’t know if weighteds could hear the other’s thoughts, but I hoped somehow he would get the message and not try anything crazy. Not when I was this close to freedom.
Whether it worked or not, I’ll never know, because when he lifted his face to take me in, his expression was entirely impassive, as if I was just some other individual he was required to prepare a horse for.
Okay then.
I watched in silence as the process continued.
Watched as Otho finished his conversation and mounted his own horse as Leif finished on what was supposedly the one I would ride.
The tension was thick in the air, yet there was still a cool breeze, one that told me winter would be here soon.
Likely before I reached the front lines—wherever that was.
When Leif finished, I stepped forward, thinking the horse was for me. But before I could reach for the reigns, Leif shook his head.
“It’s for Askel,” he whispered. “He goes to the front lines too.”
Color rose in my cheeks, and I stepped back, wondering how I would be getting there.
It didn’t take long for the answer to come to me as a group of what had to be at least twenty soldiers exited the building.
Panic snaked through my veins as I wondered just how Otho and I would be pulling this off.
But one look at the general, and the way his eyebrows were raised as if I was the crazy one here, told me he had a plan.
Askel separated from the front of the group, taking his position on a horse, and before I could make more of a fool of myself, we were off, marching into the dawn, toward where the battle awaited us.
Leif did not join us.
Nor did he stick around to even watch us off, his form ducking back into the barracks before I could even wave goodbye.
My heart twisted in my chest.
Maybe it was better this way.
By the time we stopped for lunch, I swore my feet were about to separate themselves from my body.
The boots I had been given had never fit well, and every step I took they rubbed in a way that I assumed meant my skin would be nothing more than a bloody mess when I eventually was able to slip them off.
As rations were handed around—some dried bread and meat—I debated slipping off my shoes to get some relief, but I knew then I would never want to start back up again, so my feet remained in their leather cages.
Just like at the barracks, none of the soldiers wanted to sit with me, in fact, most kept their distance.
I knew it was partially my fault, as I hadn’t been with them long, and in the time since I had joined, I had mostly been with Otho, learning about becoming a scout.
But it was still rough to feel like the outcast.
At least that had been one positive in my childhood—Milo was popular, which automatically benefitted me.
I had barely finished shoveling the rations in my mouth when we were on the move again. I tried to keep up, I really did, but by the time the sun began to sink toward the horizon, the pale pink sky fading to black, I was several paces behind the last soldier.
It was impossible to keep up when every step felt like I was walking on knives, but I knew stopping would only make me appear weak, so I bit my lip and pressed on.
I was so focused on watching the ground as I picked my way over rocks and small holes in the road, that I didn’t notice Otho was right next to me until his deep voice shattered the early evening stillness.
“When night falls and the soldiers all lay down to sleep, leave the camp, enter the woods to the east. Stay there until I come for you. I will handle the rest.”
I nodded, still so unsure about this plan, but excited by the prospect of finally being allowed to be myself.
Otho continued to walk his horse alongside my slow pace for the last stretch before we finally settled for the evening. I briefly wondered about tents, but when the men moved to pass around wrapped bedrolls, I realized we would be sleeping under the sky.
I hadn’t been instructed to bring my own bedroll, something that immediately made me think others would be suspicious, but as I set my bag on the ground and dug in it, no one said anything. I suppose it looked enough like I was searching for a bedroll to allow me to blend in.
Dinner was more meat and bread. I was afraid to ask if this is what we would be eating until arriving at the frontlines, because I had a feeling I wouldn’t like the answer.
The sky darkened further, and I sat on a rock on the edge of camp, watching as the men pulled decks of cards or parchments and pens from their bags. They joked with one another, their laughs echoing into the darkness.
I had never been outside of Ralheim before, but as I looked around, I realized I hadn’t been missing much.
As far as I could see, we were surrounded by dead grass, which went on for miles.
There were some small hills here and there, and the woods off to the east, which I was to escape into, and nothing more.
How far was Malheim from Ralheim, really?
The sky was completely dark now, and the men gathered around a fire, sharing stories about Ralheim.
I had heard most of them before, such as the creation story.
But one man told a strange tale about the time he found a magical world other than his own.
I was listening so intently, I ceased to pay attention to my surroundings.
Until there was a hand covering my mouth.
I froze, a scream building in my throat, but it was no use, the hand pulled me from the stone where I was sitting, into the shadow of the trees.
Once we were out of sight of the camp, the hand released its hold on my mouth, and I opened my mouth to scream.
“Milo, it’s me.”
I spun to find Leif standing there, panting from the effort it must have taken to drag me here, his hair drenched in sweat.
“Leif.” I glanced, back toward the camp, panicked, but no one appeared to notice my absence.
Even Otho still remained sitting on the other side of the fire, his attention focused on something I couldn’t see in his hands.
“What are you doing?” I hissed, even though my heart fluttered at the idea that he had come to rescue me.
“Rescuing you, now come on, let’s go.” He reached for my hand.
I took a step back. “No, Leif, I don’t need rescuing—”
“But they’re putting you at the front lines!” His voice rose in pitch, revealing his genuine concern for me.
My heart fluttered, but I shook my head. “I have an agreement with Otho,” I whispered back, checking over my shoulder to ensure the camp still didn’t notice my absence.
“And you trust him?” Leif’s gaze searched my face, his arms resting on my upper biceps.
I looked toward Otho again. Though he was definitely the ever-serious army general now, I still remembered the day in the laundry room, when he had washed my underthings to help me keep my secret.
When he had made a joke and we’d had a moment where I felt a warm flush because maybe we had something between us no one else would understand.
Then I thought back to training, where he took the time to ensure I would survive in my new position.
My gaze found Leif’s again. “I do, yeah.” I breathed.
Leif’s face fell. “You don’t want to come with me to my coven.”
My heart fractured. On the one hand, what Leif had proposed still sounded amazing, and I was attracted to him and wanted to see where our relationship went, but I couldn’t hide forever.
“Leif, I do want to meet your coven someday,” I promised, placing my hand on his arm.
“But . . .” I trailed off, at war with myself over telling him my secret.
But I knew he would need to find out soon anyway.
I searched for Otho one last time before sighing and making my decision.
“Leif, you never asked if I had any brothers or sisters.”
Leif frowned. “In Ralheim, only one child is permitted per family. The rest are all conscripted to service.”
I raised one of my eyebrows, surprised that was what outsiders were told. “What happens in your coven when a woman gives birth to twins?”
He raised an eyebrow. “That hasn’t happened in generations.”
I fought to swallow. “And if it did?”
He shrugged. “I assume one would be given to the viscount for service, secretly, so they wouldn’t know it was a baby from a set of twins.”