Chapter 26
Icouldn’t sleep.
I couldn’t even lie still. Every time I did, the whispers began anew.
There were too many speaking all at once, and I was unable to discern one voice from another.
The only good thing was, Hansen, and the guard who had been in the room while I read, heard them too.
It had taken me only two sessions to finish reading to them, but the entire time my heart had been filled with fear and something deep in my stomach had told me to stop. But each time I tried, Hansen had just urged me on.
And when I finally finished, Hansen and the guard had immediately dropped to their knees, covering their ears. I had looked on, both sad that it took them experiencing this to understand my fear, and smug that now they had to deal with the incessant whispering.
The two of them had tried several actions and motions after I finished reading, both trying to figure out what the whispers wanted, but it was no use.
There was no relief, and there seemed to be no power other than being able to hear the whispers.
I was beginning to think that book had been a decoy or a trap.
Now, as I lay on the fluffy bed on my side, attempting to block the sound of the whispers with the ostentatious pillows, I hoped that when Leif came again, he would have a solution, because I couldn’t live like this.
I didn’t have to wait long.
A short time later, he was stepping through my door, the smile falling from his lips as soon as he took in my position.
“Are you all right, my heart?” He rushed over to me, pulling me to him. Though it didn’t stop the whispers, it did cause a warm fuzzy feeling to bloom in my chest that made them just a bit more bearable.
“The book he had me read . . . the whispers . . . they won’t stop.” It was a struggle just to force the words out.
Leif hung his head, telling me he knew about the book. “I had hoped he wouldn’t have you read from that one.”
I allowed the silence to hang between us, then, “Where did you find it?”
“Adis had it in his collection. I stole it before I followed you to the front lines.”
I didn’t know what to say. Either Adis had outsmarted Leif, or he hadn’t the slightest idea what the book contained.
I covered my ears with my hands, but it provided no relief. “Is there anything I can do to stop them?”
He nodded. “Like any power, you can sever your connection with it.”
I shot up in bed, my eyes wide, whispers almost forgotten. “You can sever magical connections?”
“Of course.” He seemed taken aback that I hadn’t known that information before.
“It wouldn’t serve the Seid well if you were stuck with every power you read for forever.
Can you imagine how many powers you would eventually amass?
” He chuckled, but I was still struggling to see the humor here.
His information of the Seid, and magic, went so much deeper than mine.
“How do I do it?” I demanded, desperate for silence. “And will it sever the other magic I gained reading to Adis?”
“Meditation.” His lip quirked up at the corner.
“You have to dig inside yourself—the area where your magic resides. Find the thread connected to the magic you no longer want, envision yourself cutting it, and it will be gone.” He must have noticed the confused expression on my face as he added, “When readers read magic, the words themselves ‘sew’ magic into the fabric of your being. But these threads can be cut at any time.”
I was still in shock, but I think I understood what he was saying. His explanation matched the feeling I experienced as I read. It did feel a bit like weaving.
“How did you learn all of this?” I felt a pang in my heart at the thought of, once again, what my parents had kept me from.
“My mother.” There was a sad note in his voice, but he shoved it away as I grimaced. “Here, let’s try it now, and I can help you.”
I was all too eager for the whispers to stop, so I allowed him to guide me off the bed and in front of the fire. The stones were cold as I sank into a sitting position.
“Make sure you ground yourself when you do this. Meditation is a powerful tool, and you can cut other threads of your life as well if you aren’t focused only on the magic.”
A shiver ran through me. But if there was anything in this life I was good at, it was remaining focused. Leif arranged my hands so they were flat on my knees. “Now, close your eyes and find that place inside you where your magic resides. It’s okay if it takes time.”
At first, I felt dumb, just closing my eyes and wallowing in the darkness behind them, wondering if I was an idiot for even trying something like this.
But the longer I spent in the darkness behind my eyelids, the more I was able to really feel each of my limbs and my torso.
And, eventually, shapes formulated. The whispers made it especially challenging, as I fought to understand what I was seeing, but eventually, I was able to find a part of my body where everything appeared to glow near, what I assumed was, my heart—as it was beating loudly in my ears.
“I’ve got it,” I whispered.
“Good,” Leif replied, sounding far away. “Now, don’t rush this part either—take your time. Find the thread that the whispers are attached to and cut it away.”
As I investigated the glowing portion of my psyche, I noticed it indeed appeared as a woven blanket, but there were frayed edges everywhere.
When I first saw them, I panicked, but as I moved around the blanket, I found each loose thread was the beginning or an established magic I had collected.
There was the wind, the empathy, the control of metal, and the whispers.
Just as directed, I imagined myself using a large knife to sever the thread that connected them to my tapestry.
The result was instant relief, the room around me silent once more. Silent enough to hear Leif’s calm breaths beside me.
“It worked!” I couldn’t stop the grin that took over my face.
“Amazing,” Leif whispered, before pulling my lips to his.
We had kissed before, but this one felt different, more urgent. As our lips danced, I felt flames licking at my veins, and though I hadn’t been with anyone in this way before, I knew enough.
I knew where this was headed if I didn’t stop it.
And the crazy thing was, I didn’t want to stop it.
Leif’s hands ran down my arms and around my back, lifting me from where I sat on the stones to pull me into his lap. Though we were both still fully clothed I could feel his arousal pressing into my hip, and it sent a thrill through me.
He broke the kiss to press his forehead to mine. “I don’t know why I can’t resist you.”
The words only increased the warmth in my veins.
His lips found their way to mine again, his hands roaming down my sides, his thumbs venturing to brush the underside of my breasts. A moan emerged from my lips.
He kissed a path down my neck, increasing my feeling of arousal even though I was certain it had already peaked.
My hands drifted from their place around the back of his neck to rub his hard-on through his pants.
Although I didn’t have experience, I knew enough from spending my entire childhood mostly surrounded by boys.
He moaned.
I moved my hand back and forth, frustrated at the cloth between us, but also not brave enough to ask him to remove them. Instead, my hands drifted to tug on the edge of his shirt, untucking the hem from his pants to allow my hands to roam the hardened planes of his chest.
“We should stop,” he whispered against my lips.
I nodded, but I didn’t stop, choosing instead to press harder into the ridges of muscle that inhabited his back. His hands moved to fondle my breasts through my dress as our lips met once more. It was my turn to moan.
“My heart . . .” He pulled himself away, both of us panting, his grip firm on my ribs as he physically restrained my lips from returning to his.
“I want you, but not like this.” He glanced toward the closed door.
“We could be interrupted at any time. I want our first time together to be something truly special.”
My heart fluttered, but at the same time, I frowned. “What if we never have time alone? I’m basically a glorified prisoner here.” My chest pinched at my admission.
He shook his head. “We will. I am working on getting you out, okay? Then we will consummate.”
My eyebrows rose at the fancy word. “Consummate?”
He nodded. “Once weighted have sex for their first time, their relationship is officially established.”
I tilted my head to the side. “Does anything change?”
He smiled and brushed his finger down my nose. “I don’t think so, but weighteds are so few these days I’ve never met one. All I know is what I’ve been told, and supposedly, the sex is out of this world.”
I leaned my head against his chest, listening to his heartbeat as I pondered his explanation.
Back when I was at home, I couldn’t foresee a relationship between myself and a man escalating this quickly, and now that we were here, I knew for certain there was something more at work.
Because never before had I desired a man like I did Leif in that moment.
We stayed there for an indistinguishable amount of time, just holding each other in a comfortable state of contentment, until there was a knock at the door.
Leif groaned as he disentangled himself from me.
“Until we meet again, my heart,” he whispered before brushing my lips with his in a hurried goodbye.
I watched as he walked toward the door, pausing to throw one last kiss over his shoulder.
I wanted to beg him to take me with him.
But my lips stayed pressed together.
And then the room was entirely too empty.