Chapter 25
Ella spent the next week in a haze of love.
All she thought about was Roly – as she walked to work, as she went through her day at Citizens on autopilot, as she walked home again.
Whatever else she was doing, she was also thinking of Roly.
She couldn’t quite believe this was happening – that they could just be in love with each other; that they could fall into a relationship so easily with no hiding, no games, no unrequited pining on one side and indifference on the other.
She was constantly taken aback by how open and honest Roly was about his feelings, how easily he said he loved her and talked about the future as if taking it for granted that they’d be together – next week, next month, next year…
At first, she kept waiting for him to pull away, but he never did.
Instead every day they got closer; he became more loving and affectionate.
It was a revelation to her that it could be like this, and it made her realise how insecure she’d been in her relationship with Andrew.
And the sex was glorious. She was astonished that something so extraordinary could just be a part of everyday life, something she could take for granted and look forward to at the end of a working day.
Coming home to Roly, cooking with Roly, eating together, kissing and kissing and kissing. He occupied her every waking moment.
‘I should probably stop charging you rent now,’ he said one night as they lay tangled together in bed.
‘Now that we’re having sex?’
‘Yeah.’ He brushed a lock of hair behind her ear.
‘I didn’t just sleep with you to get off the rent, you know.’
He laughed.
‘Anyway, if you don’t let me pay rent, I’ll make you go back to signing on and you’ll have to explain yourself to Geraldine.’ Now that the Oh Boy! reunion had been announced, and Roly was writing with Phoenix, they’d decided it made sense for him to concentrate on his music.
‘It just seems wrong, though, now that you’re my girlfriend.’
She smiled. ‘Am I your girlfriend?’
He frowned, looking pointedly down at their naked bodies entwined beneath the twisted sheet. ‘Um… am I misreading the signals here?’
She giggled. ‘Well, you never asked me – formally, I mean. Apparently that’s what the kids do these days.’
‘Really? Okay, then. Ella Quill, will you be my girlfriend?’
‘Yes! I thought you’d never ask.’ They sealed it with a kiss.
‘So I have a boyfriend now,’ she said wonderingly, playing with his fingers.
She tried out the word, and it felt strange on her tongue.
But what was most surprising about it wasn’t that she had a boyfriend, but that her boyfriend was Roly Punch.
* * *
On Saturday, she went out to celebrate her birthday with Hazel at their favourite tapas restaurant.
‘Happy Birthday!’ Hazel raised her glass. ‘It’s so nice to be out with you like this, Ella.’ Hazel gave her a heartfelt smile, and there were tears in both their eyes as they clinked their glasses.
‘I know. It’s amazing.’ There had been times when Ella thought she’d never again have a normal night out like this with a friend.
‘Well, shall we order?’ Hazel picked up her menu. ‘And then you can have your present.’
When they’d ordered way too much food, Hazel presented her with a gift bag with several individually wrapped presents inside.
Ella opened the biggest one first – an A4 planner with a soft faux-leather cover that Ella had coveted for years.
She’d never been able to justify the expense, especially when she’d had very little to fill its pages.
‘Oh, I love it! Thank you so much.’ She leaned across the table and gave her friend a one-armed hug. The other smaller parcels contained coloured pens, stickers and several rolls of washi tape. Hazel was as much of a stationery geek as Ella, and it was the perfect gift.
‘The planner is undated, so you can start it now or save it for next year if you want.’
‘You know I’m going to be getting stuck in as soon as I get home.’
Hazel smiled. ‘I do know that, yes.’
‘I can’t wait. Look out, world!’
‘There’s something else. Kind of related to that,’ Hazel said, nodding at the planner. ‘Well… possibly anyway.’
They were interrupted by the arrival of the food, falling silent as the waitress unloaded plate after plate onto the table, laughing as she tried to find room for the last dish of patatas bravas.
‘So, you were saying…?’ Ella speared a chilli and garlic prawn.
‘Yes. I have news! I got funding for my research, so I’m going to be working on my book.’
‘Oh, that’s fantastic, Hazel! Congratulations!’ Ella raised her glass in a toast. ‘You totally deserve it.’
‘Thanks.’ Hazel took a sip of wine, looking really pleased. ‘So, I get to hire a research assistant.’ She looked at Ella meaningfully.
‘Ooh, nice.’
‘Would you like the job?’
‘What, me?’ Ella squeaked.
‘Yes, you.’
‘But… I’ve been out of academia for so long. Are you even allowed to ask me?’
‘I can hire whoever I want. It’s my money to spend as I see fit.’
‘Gosh!’ Ella was completely blind-sided, at a loss to know what to say.
‘I hope I’m not offending you,’ Hazel said, clutching her hand to her heart, ‘offering you a job as my assistant.’
There was nothing but sincerity in her eyes and tone, and Ella felt a rush of affection for her friend. Hazel was one of the most genuinely good people she knew. She was so empathetic and careful of other people’s feelings.
‘God, no! Of course not. I’m just surprised.’
‘We’d be more like colleagues, really. It’d be fun, working together.’
‘You won’t make me get you coffee and take out your dry cleaning?’
‘No.’ Hazel laughed. ‘Though I have to warn you, there’ll be a lot of grunt work. But I’d make sure to give you some interesting stuff too. It’s in your field, and it might be a nice way of easing yourself back into academia. What do you think?’
‘Gosh, I don’t know. I mean, thanks for asking me. But… it’d mean quitting my job, wouldn’t it? Or would it be part-time?’
‘No, it’s full-time, I’m afraid – or at least, too full-time for you to have another job. But, to be honest, I thought quitting your job would be a plus.’
‘What’s the money like?’
Hazel looked disappointed at the question, though she hid it quickly.
‘I have to eat,’ Ella said with an apologetic shrug.
‘Of course. It’s not great, I’ll admit – it would mean taking a bit of a cut from what you’re on now. But it’s a great opportunity. And you don’t want to work for Tweedledum and Tweedledee forever, do you?’
Ella was sorry she’d let Hazel in on that joke. It felt disloyal now. ‘I could do a lot worse. They’re really good to work for, and the pay is great.’
‘But you still want to get back to doing your doctorate, don’t you? I mean, that’s still the goal, yes?’
Ella thought. ‘I guess so.’
‘So what’s stopping you?’
‘I’m not sure I’m ready yet. I’m really enjoying having some money for a change. It’s so nice not freaking out about it all the time, being able to do stuff like this.’ She waved a hand over the table. ‘Plus I can pay my debts off a lot faster, working at Citizens.’
Hazel nodded. ‘Well, I wanted to offer it to you first, but there’s absolutely no pressure.’ She held her hands up, showing Ella her open palms.
‘Can I take some time to think about it?’
‘Of course. I don’t need to hire someone until October and I have a couple of other candidates in mind if you don’t take it.’
‘Thanks for the offer, though. I really appreciate it.’
Hazel waved her hand dismissively. ‘Honestly, it’s a completely selfish move on my part.
I know you’d do a terrific job and wouldn’t need me holding your hand.
And I’d love for us to be working together.
But I totally get the money thing too – I know I can’t compete with the Tweedles on that score. ’
‘It’s not just that, though. I really like working at Citizens. I’d miss it.’
‘Seriously? I’m not having a go,’ Hazel added quickly to Ella’s look of frustration. ‘I’m genuinely interested. Think about it. What would you miss apart from the money?’
‘I’d miss Jake and Dylan, and Kerry… everyone really. And the whole buzz of the place.’ Ella smiled. ‘I’d miss Friday night drinks, and karaoke—’
‘Karaoke?’ Hazel reared back in mock-horror. ‘Okay, who are you and what have you done with my friend?’
‘I know.’ Ella laughed. ‘I do a mean “Don’t Go Breaking My Heart” duet.’
‘Well, I see your karaoke and raise you sherry with the dean.’
‘Ooh, now you’re really upping the stakes.’
‘I know. No contest, right?’ Hazel said sarcastically.
‘I really like my life now,’ Ella said thoughtfully, spearing the last cube of potato. ‘Maybe I’m a bit afraid to disturb anything.’
‘Tell me more.’ Hazel smiled, resting her elbow on the table, her chin in her hand, like she was settling in for a story.
‘Well, I’m really enjoying work. And I love living with Roly.’ She couldn’t help the smile that spread across her face.
‘Oh my God,’ Hazel gasped, widening her eyes dramatically. ‘You’re in love with Roly!’
‘What makes you say that?’
‘Um… the fact that you just told me?’
‘I said I love living with him. He has a lovely house,’ Ella said teasingly.
‘Okay, maybe you didn’t say it in so many words. But you should see your face when you mention him, you’re all moony.’
‘I’m thinking about his nice house,’ Ella said, giggling.
‘You’re thinking about his nice body.’ Hazel wiggled her eyebrows suggestively.
Ella shrugged. ‘Fair cop. He does have a good body. And great hair.’
‘What’s so great about living with him, then?’
‘I dunno. I love just hanging out with him… cooking together… the daft conversations we have, the way we riff off each other. We make each other laugh.’
‘Sleeping with him?’ Hazel raised her eyebrows. ‘Has something happened?’
Ella smiled smugly in reply. ‘Yeah, sleeping with him is actually pretty great – probably even better than cooking with him, if you must know.’
‘That’s great, Ella. I’m so pleased for you. You look really happy.’ She drained her glass and leaned back in her chair. ‘Anyway, I think you’ve answered my question.’
Ella raised her eyebrows questioningly.
‘About the job. I’m taking it that’s a no.’
‘Oh. But I haven’t had a chance to mull it over.’
‘Well, take your time. But I don’t think you need it.’
Ella concentrated hard, trying to imagine herself back in academia – getting stuck into some proper research work.
She could smell the wood of the desks in the lecture halls, hear the background hum of muted voices in the library, taste the crisp autumn air she always associated with that world.
But she couldn’t conjure up any excitement about it.
Once her heart would have raced at the thought of being part of it all again.
Now the prospect left her feeling flat and empty.
‘Just one more thing, though, and then I’ll shut up about it,’ Hazel said.
‘About the money – don’t get too used to it so that it stops you going after what you really want.
It’ll never be the perfect time to go back to being a student.
If that’s what you want, you’ll have to compromise on money at some point. ’
‘Andrew said the same thing.’
‘Oh gosh! I forgot – what about Andrew? Weren’t you seeing him again?’
Ella shrugged. ‘Not really. I mean, we’d met up a couple of times, and the idea was there, but we hadn’t actually started anything.
’ She was so relieved now that they hadn’t taken it any further.
Nonetheless, Ella knew she’d given him the impression she was interested in getting back together, and she’d have to officially tell him that wouldn’t be happening.
‘I’ll see him at the Walking Wounded concert next week. Roly’s singing with them and got him a backstage pass. I’ll talk to him then.’
‘Am I allowed to say I’m glad?’ Hazel said. ‘I never thought he was right for you.’
‘Really?’ Ella was surprised. ‘You never said anything at the time.’
‘Well, you don’t, do you? You might have ended up with him. And it wasn’t that I disliked him particularly. I just didn’t think you were your best self with him.’
‘That’s strange. I always thought the opposite.’
Hazel shook her head. ‘When he was around, you seemed… constrained. Like you were always checking yourself; worrying about his reaction to whatever you did or said.’
‘Wow.’ Ella realised she’d always felt Andrew brought out the best in her because she’d tried to live up to his ideals. Now she saw it in a different light.
‘It wasn’t a big thing,’ Hazel said, seeming anxious that she’d made Ella sad. ‘I just preferred the Ella you were when it was just us. You seemed… freer, more yourself.’
‘I think that’s how I am with Roly.’ She could just be herself with him – her truest, most authentic self.
‘Can I get you ladies the dessert menu?’ the waitress asked as she cleared away the plates.
‘What do you think?’ Hazel asked Ella. ‘Are you too full, or do you have room for birthday churros?’
Ella grinned. ‘There’s always room for birthday churros.’