Chapter 26
The day before the Walking Wounded concert, Ella arranged to meet Andrew for coffee at a cafe close to Trinity.
She got into town early, so she decided to go for a stroll around the college to pass the time.
It was a warm, sunny evening, but she gave a little shiver as she passed under the front arch and through the darkened passageway into the sunlit cobbled courtyard.
Students milled about in front of the buildings or stretched out on the grass, sunning themselves.
The college was at its romantic best on days like this, and she strolled around taking it all in, trying to imagine herself back here.
In the distance she heard the soft whack of cricket balls, growing louder as she made her way to the cricket ground.
Students sprawled on the steps of the Pavilion Bar, drinking, chatting and watching the match.
The atmosphere was pleasantly familiar, yet she felt remote from it, as if she was looking at an old photograph or reading a page from her teenage diary.
She’d sat on those same steps, drinking cold white wine and flirting with Andrew to the soundtrack of the whack of cricket bats and the occasional light ripple of applause.
She could almost see their shapes locked together on the grass, or walking hand in hand around the cobbled paths.
She could see her and Hazel running to class together, late and out of breath; she could hear their giggles carrying in the air.
But all she felt was nostalgia. She had no sense of what it would be like to be back here now.
She didn’t feel any great pull to the place.
It still had power to charm her, but there was none of the love and yearning it used to stir in her.
She could admire it with the detached eye of a tourist, and like a tourist she could walk away without a qualm and move on to the next place. It wasn’t a part of her any more.
For old times’ sake, she wished she could meet Andrew for a drink here instead, and they could bask in the evening sun sipping cold white wine, the sounds of the cricket match in the background mingling with the hum of laughter and chatter.
But Andrew didn’t drink now – just one more reminder that those days were gone.
She’d just sat down at the cafe across the road when Andrew came bustling in.
She waved to him and pointed to the coffee in front of her to indicate that she’d already got one.
He nodded and chatted to the pretty young woman behind the counter as she served him.
They seemed to know each other. Or perhaps not.
It was one of the things she’d always admired about Andrew, his ability to chat easily to strangers.
He crossed the cafe and put his mug down on the table, then leaned in to kiss her hello.
‘So, I thought we should talk,’ she said as soon as he sat down. She wasn’t sure how to do this, so she decided to just launch straight in and get the awkwardness out of the way as quickly as possible.
‘That sounds ominous,’ Andrew said, smiling.
‘Hmm.’ Ella took a sip of her coffee. How did you break it off with someone when you hadn’t really started anything in the first place? It seemed presumptuous. ‘I just – I don’t want there to be any misunderstandings, so I thought I should tell you—’
‘You’re dumping me?’ At least it didn’t seem to have come as a shock. Andrew didn’t look very put-out about it, which was a relief.
‘Um… yeah. I mean, I know we haven’t got back together, really.’
‘But we were possibly heading that way.’
‘Yeah. To be honest, I thought that was what I wanted. But it’s not. It just doesn’t work any more, does it – you and me?’
Andrew nodded and took a sip of his coffee. It was impossible to tell what he was thinking. ‘I guess the cracks were always there,’ he said eventually.
That annoyed her because it wasn’t true. She hated when people felt they had to rewrite the past to match the present. ‘No, they weren’t. At least I never saw them. I thought we had a great relationship.’
He looked confused. ‘If you think we’re so great together—’
‘I said were – past tense.’ She sighed. ‘I don’t need to create some revisionist version of the past. I was happy. I was in love with you, and I didn’t see any end to that. Maybe you did, but I was all in.’
‘So… what happened?’
‘Time.’ She shrugged. ‘That was then. This is now.’
He nodded. ‘You can’t go back.’
‘And I wouldn’t want to, even if I could. Things change. People change. That’s just life. We’re not who we used to be.’
‘I get it. You’re not the same person who fell in love with me.’
She shook her head. ‘I’m not the person you fell in love with either.
Maybe I would be if I’d never been ill. But my life went in a different direction, and I like where I am now.
I’m someone who works in business and sings karaoke, and watches Celebrity Masterchef.
And I enjoy it.’ She took a sip of coffee.
‘It’s not what I planned, but I’m happy where I’ve ended up. ’
‘And you’re in love with someone else,’ he said softly. ‘You forgot to mention that.’
She smiled. ‘Is it that obvious?’
He shrugged. ‘Maybe just to me. Because you used to look at me like that.’
‘Like what?’ she asked, intrigued.
‘The way you were looking at Roly the other night. The energy you had around him. It took me back.’
‘Oh.’ She stopped fidgeting with her mug and leaned back in her chair. ‘Well, you’re right,’ she said, looking him in the eye. ‘Roly and I are together now.’
‘I’m glad,’ he said, giving her a sweet smile. ‘It’s good to see you happy. You deserve it.’ She felt bad for being so impatient and belligerent with him when he’d come over for dinner.
‘Thank you. I’m sorry if I gave you the wrong idea. I didn’t mean to mess you around.’
‘I’ll forgive you, on one condition.’
‘Oh? What’s that?’
He grinned. ‘That I still get my backstage pass for tomorrow night.’
Ella smiled. ‘Done.’ She held out a hand to him. ‘So, no hard feelings?’
He took her hand. ‘No hard feelings.’
* * *
The following evening, Ella had dinner at an Italian restaurant near the Aviva Stadium with Christine and Loretta, and then they went to the Walking Wounded concert together. Roly had been gone all day and for most of the preceding week, rehearsing and hanging out with the band.
It was the first night of Walking Wounded’s European tour which would start and end in Dublin, and the atmosphere inside the stadium was electric. Ella was a big fan of the band, and they were on fire tonight. But she could hardly focus on them, just waiting for the moment when Roly would appear.
Then Rory Cassidy started playing the opening chords of a song that was familiar to everyone in the audience, but wasn’t one of Walking Wounded’s.
Murmurs of surprise and curiosity rippled through the crowd as Phoenix stepped up to the microphone and began singing a slowed-down version of Oh Boy!
’s first hit ‘Cool Like You’. It took the audience a line or two to realise what it was, and a scattering of hesitant applause grew to an ear-splitting crescendo as they simultaneously recognised the song and Roly strode onto the stage.
The crowd went wild as he stepped into the spotlight and appeared on the giant screen so that everyone, no matter how far away, could see who it was.
He waved to the crowd as he stepped up to the microphone beside Phoenix’s, and Ella thought she might burst with pride as the audience cheered, whistled and clapped.
This wasn’t Roly’s crowd, so she was taken aback by the reaction.
There was so much love for Roly, so much goodwill directed towards him.
She turned to Loretta and Christine who were jumping up and down, clapping and whooping joyously, and they grinned and hugged each other.
‘Well, I guess this guy needs no introduction,’ Phoenix said, laughing as he turned to Roly. ‘Please welcome to the stage Mr Roly Punch!’ he shouted, and the cheering got louder. Ella’s eyes welled up. Roly looked so moved, blown away by his reception.
The band started playing again, and the crowd hushed as Roly and Phoenix leaned into the microphones and sang a mash-up of ‘Cool Like You’ and Walking Wounded’s ‘Love Made Easy’.
The Oh Boy! song was a revelation, surprisingly haunting and beautiful, the slowed-down melody giving it a new gravitas as Roly and Phoenix’s voices weaved around each other.
It was a triumph, and Ella’s eyes filled with tears as they finished, the applause seeming to go on forever.
‘Roly’s going to stick around for the next song,’ Phoenix said, and then he introduced the new song they’d written together, ‘Nightfall’.
The song was gorgeous. As they sang, Ella flicked her gaze between the stage and the close-ups of Roly on the giant screen.
He looked so happy and just… right. Like he was where he was supposed to be, doing his thing.
This was where he was meant to be, she thought.
It was where he belonged. His talent was wasted in Oh Boy!
and surely he wouldn’t want to go back to them after tonight.
The rest of the concert went by in a blur.
Afterwards she went backstage with Loretta and Christine, and found Roly.
They all hugged him and told him how brilliant he’d been and how proud they were.
Loretta and Christine left together then, but Ella stayed on with Roly.
There were lots of people milling around, and Ella recognised Walking Wounded’s manager, Will Sargent, with Phoenix’s beautiful wife, Summer.
She found Andrew, and when the band were finished their technical debrief, Roly took them to the dressing room and introduced them to all the members of Walking Wounded – Phoenix and his sister Georgie, and the craggily handsome Cassidy brothers, Rory and Owen.
Ella hovered for a while with Andrew, feeling responsible for him.
But she quickly realised he didn’t need her to babysit him, and she left him chatting to Phoenix.
Everyone was coming down from first-night nerves and on a high about how well the show had gone. They drank champagne and congratulated each other, going over the details of the concert again and again.
‘I’m heading off,’ Andrew said, finding Ella and Roly on his way to the door. ‘Just wanted to say thanks again for this,’ he said to Roly. ‘Great concert!’
‘Not too commercial for you?’ Roly said with a sly grin.
Andrew laughed good-naturedly, rolling his eyes. ‘Sorry. That was a wanky thing to say.’
Ella was pleased he had the grace to admit it.
‘It was great to meet Phoenix. He’s such an interesting guy. And I loved the song you did together – congratulations!’
‘Thanks, man.’
‘Bye, Ella.’ He kissed her cheek. ‘And good luck.’
‘Do you want to go too?’ Roly asked as they watched him leave.
‘Really?’ She looked at him in surprise. ‘Don’t you want to stay and party?’
‘Nah, I’d really like to get home, actually.’
She noticed for the first time that he was kind of jittery. ‘Oh, is it hard for you – being here?’ She realised it would be the first time he’d been at a booze-fuelled backstage party since he’d left Oh Boy!; it must be difficult for him being here now and not able to join in properly.
He nodded, giving her an odd look. ‘It’s hard for me, all right,’ he said with a smirk. ‘I don’t think I can stand much more of this, to be honest.’
She felt as if he was saying something she didn’t quite understand.
‘It’s just all this – the high of being on stage and everything…’
She nodded understandingly.
‘I’m all jacked up on adrenaline, I guess. And it’s made me really…’ He leaned down and whispered in her ear, ‘horny’.
‘Oh!’ Just his hot breath in her ear gave her a funny feeling inside. ‘Okay, then.’ She put down her half-full glass of champagne. ‘Let’s get out of here.’
* * *
Roly woke the next morning to a changed world.
The single of ‘Nightfall’ had been released at midnight and was already being played on the radio.
Everyone was talking about Roly’s surprise appearance at the Walking Wounded concert.
He was trending on Twitter. Music critics mentioned his performance favourably in their reviews of the show, calling it a revelation – one even said it was the highlight of the night.
Just like that, his star was in the ascendant again and everyone wanted a piece of him – including Oh Boy! .
In the next few days, his phone rang constantly.
Oh Boy! wanted him back. Zack and Liam called, claiming they’d always intended for him to be included in the reunion.
Roly was buzzing. Ella was glad for him, but at the same time she felt like he was slipping away from her and it made her anxious, her new-found happiness suddenly feeling fragile.
Roly was achieving what he’d set out to do – he was getting his old life back.
But, selfishly, Ella wondered what it would mean for them…
for her. Would she be part of it, or would they go back to the way they’d been before – to late-night calls and messaging, and the odd brief catch-up whenever he was in town?
Even if he did still want to be with her, how long could they sustain it when he’d be off touring the world, moving around all the time? Their relationship would be long distance at best and, either way, she’d be back to occasional phone calls and sporadic meetings. Did she want that?
But there was another, greater threat that had been looming over her ever since they’d met up again, a guilty secret that was always there in the background, but weighed more heavily on her every day they were together.
She should have told him when he’d offered her a room in his house, or when they’d slept together on her birthday, or any one of the days in between.
But the longer it went on, the harder it was to say anything.
She couldn’t bring herself to risk sabotaging their happiness.
Yet until he knew the truth, that happiness would always be a little tainted.
There was a very small part of her that would be relieved if Roly’s new-found fame took him away from her and they simply drifted apart again. If he left her for a life that she couldn’t be part of, it would be out of her hands, and Roly would never have to know how she’d betrayed him.