Chapter 35
Hazy
It took three more pep talks from Tiffany (who he should send flowers to because that girl was a saint) before he worked up the courage to talk to Lover. And he was only able to broach the subject because Tiffany forced him to send Lover a text inviting him to dinner out of the house.
He tried to ignore his desire for Livy. He shoved it down, repressed it, wished it away. Having her in his house made it worse. She’d taken to spending evenings at Jake’s place, which was both a relief and a bummer.
At first, their relationship bugged him, but he was glad she had Jake.
Hazy couldn’t be a perfect best friend anymore.
Everything she did turned him on. If she spoke passionately about anything, he wanted to kiss her.
If she snuggled him, he fantasized about slipping his hands under her shirt and getting to know the parts of her he wasn’t as familiar with.
He thanked God she’d stopped undressing in front of him. If he had to see her scantily clad, he might die. His relationship with his hand had never been so important—or so boring—in his life. The guilt was immeasurable.
Hazy sat in a booth at a greasy sports bar, his glass of liquid courage half drained on the table in front of him while he waited for Lover after practice.
He drew shapes in the condensation pooled around his drink.
He had rehearsed what he wanted to say in his head so many times that he could have recited it in his sleep.
Lover arrived right on time, punctual as ever. He slid into the booth across from Hazy with a toothy grin.
“Hi!” he said, running a hand through the hair he’d been growing out for months. The ends rested right around chin length. Hazy hoped he kept the length. It suited his bone structure.
His stomach rebelled at the idea of doing anything to wipe the smile from Lover’s perfect, handsome face. Instead of jumping right into his rehearsed speech, he said, “You know I love you, right?”
The light in Lover’s eyes died. “What’s wrong? What’s happening?”
Hazy opened his mouth to calm him, but Lover cut him off.
“You can’t retire. I can’t play without you forever. Your leg is getting better. It’s going to be fine. You’ll be back in no time.”
Despite the nausea rolling through him and a sky-high blood pressure, Hazy’s lips twitched. He signaled for Lover to calm the fuck down.
“Hey! Relax. I’m not retiring.”
He adored Lover. Only he would jump to hockey-related worst-case-scenario end-of-times conclusions. If Hazy lost this man’s friendship over a stupid crush, he’d never forgive himself. He sighed. Stupid crush didn’t begin to cover it. He’d fallen head over heels in love with Lover’s girlfriend.
Lover clutched his chest. “Oh, thank God. You scared me. I love you too, man.”
“Don’t be too relieved.”
Lover stole Hazy’s drink and took a sip while he scanned the bar for their server.
“Hey, as long as you’re still playing hockey, we’re good. Unless you’re dying. Are you dying?”
Hazy chuckled, his affection for Lover overwhelming him. “I’m not dying.”
“Is Olivia dying?”
“Uh, no.” Hazy frowned. “Maybe stop guessing. You’re not even close.”
Lover caught the eye of the bartender across the empty bar. He raised Hazy’s glass and two fingers. The bartender responded with a thumbs-up.
“Well, you’re giving me nothing to go on here. I got one cryptic text in the middle of practice with an hour’s notice to meet you in a bar for dinner. When we already had dinner plans with Olivia.”
“Livy decided to go to Jake’s for dinner.”
“Yeah, he told me. She’s making pasta. I’m kind of jealous.”
A server placed fresh drinks on their table, and Lover handed her the empty glass.
Hazy drank half his drink in one go, almost gagging as it went down. He wiped his mouth with the back of his hand. Lover stared at him.
“You aren’t retiring, and you aren’t dying. Why are you freaking out?” Lover failed to hide a smile.
Bile rose in Hazy’s throat. “Fuck. You’re either going to make fun of me or punch me in the face.”
The grin he’d been repressing broke free, but Lover held out a pinky. “Promise I won’t do either.”
Relief filled him. He looped his pinky around Lover’s.
“Before I say it, you should know I’m not planning on doing anything about it.”
“Do anything about what?”
Hazy took a breath and forced all the words out in one go.
“I’m sorry, and I know it’s fucked up, and I swore it wasn’t like that, and I swear it wasn’t.
It’s never been like that. And I haven’t acted on it.
But I’m in love with Livy and I don’t know what to do about it.
And I love you so much, and I love her so much, and I want you guys to be happy, but in case you wonder why I’m being awkward or distant. That’s why.”
Lover stared at him with an open mouth for five full seconds. Then he let out a whoop and punched the air over and over.
“I fucking knew it! I knew it! I knew it! I knew it!”
Hazy shushed him. “You didn’t know it. I didn’t even know it,” he said, confused. He’d expected anger, or sadness, or annoyance at a minimum.
“I knew it.”
“Why aren’t you mad?”
Lover frowned. “Why would I be mad?”
Hazy’s eyes bugged out of his head in disbelief. “Because I am your best friend and I just told you I’m in love with your girlfriend.”
Lover waved his concern away. “We aren’t together.”
“Since fucking when?”
In a shocking turn of events, Hazy had the urge to punch Lover.
Doing a happy dance in his seat, he said, “About a week ago.”
Hazy wanted to wipe the smug expression off Lover’s face. “You broke up a week ago.”
Lover, still bouncing with happy hyper-puppy energy, asked, “Didn’t you notice we hadn’t gone out at all this week? I spent two full evenings at your house while she visited Jake. You have poor observational skills.”
“You two had breakfast together yesterday.”
Livy had been up early and fed both Hazy and Lover before they had a long day at practice. Hazy joined the team for everything except on-ice time, thrilled to be spending time with them.
“Olivia made breakfast for you and allowed me to crash it. Why do you think she had to cook more eggs after I got there?”
Hazy tried to remember every interaction he’d had with the two of them over the last week. It wasn’t a lot, but maybe Lover was right and his observational skills were shit. He couldn’t recall a single instance of PDA or couple talk between them. Not since the night he’d caught them making out.
“Did you hump and dump her? Because I swear to fucking God, I will kill you.”
“Jesus Christ, man,” Lover said. A crease formed between his eyebrows, disappointment written all over his face. “How could you ask me that?”
His expression was a fist to Hazy’s gut. “Well, how am I supposed to know? You two don’t tell me anything!”
Lover sighed and sipped his drink before he said, “Fair enough. So you love her. What’s the plan?”
“There is no plan. I already told you I’m not going to do anything about it.”
Lover’s palm hit the table, and he pinned Hazy with a death glare. “You better fucking do something about it. Neither of you can go on like this. It’s fucking miserable.”
“Livy has moved on. I had my chance with her years ago, and I spit on it. I devastated her. I won’t do that again.”
His best friend threw his hands in the air. “I love you, man. And I think the absolute world of you. I swear. But you are dumb as fuck!”
The insult hit a bullseye, and Hazy pressed back, more livid with Lover than he ever had been. In their almost six years of friendship he’d never been tempted to choke this man out. Until that moment.
“Well, what’s your suggestion? You dumped her without a thought last week!”
Their yelling drew the attention of the bar’s few patrons. Before they could yell anymore, the bartender quickly approached the table and asked them to leave. They did so without argument, both embarrassed by their outbursts.
They were quiet as they walked to their cars, and when Hazy reached his, he opened the driver’s side door. Instead of Lover getting into his own car, he knocked on Hazy’s passenger window. Hazy pressed the unlock button.
Inside the car, Lover said, “I’m sorry.”
“Me too.”
Lover grabbed Hazy’s hand off the steering wheel. Touch was both of their love languages, and they used it to diffuse every tense moment between them.
“I’m going to say some words, and you’re going to listen without interrupting while you remember how much I love you. I refuse to let you guys fuck this up.”
Hazy nodded, and Lover faced the windshield, looking into the distance as he spoke. He used a soft, matter-of-fact tone. Hazy took in every word.
“Olivia and I didn’t end things a week ago.
We were never a couple. I asked her out under false pretenses.
Olivia didn’t want to go along with my idea.
She wanted to keep things simple and easy.
But the way you talk about her…” Lover fell back in his seat, a dreamy look on his face.
“It’s so beautiful. I loved her before we met because you talked her up so much.
And then I saw you together, and it was clear the love went both ways, and she’s so fucking gorgeous and sweet and kind and funny.
I wanted that for you. But you treated her like a buddy.
Like you didn’t recognize her as a woman.
I convinced myself I could force you to see it.
Olivia said you’d already broken her heart once, and I don’t know all the details, but it sounds like you two worked it out. ”
Hazy interrupted Lover’s spiel. “I would never steal your girl.”
Lover offered him a sheepish smile. “I didn’t expect you to. We had an expiration date. Olivia didn’t want to play games. But I convinced her to give me a month to press your buttons. Then we’d go back to being friends, and I’d never mention romantic feelings between the two of you again.
You did so well, too. I could tell you wanted to complain the whole time.
But you didn’t. You put Olivia’s and my happiness above your own.
You’re amazing. The best friend a person could ever hope to have.
And then Jake came along, and he stole more of her time.
You were a sulking mess. I thought you would crack at game night. ”
Hazy lost control of his emotions for the second time in as many days. He wiped tears from his face with the sleeve of his sweatshirt. “I swear to God I was three seconds from demanding everyone get the fuck out.”
“I wish you would have. But then the road trip came, and you started acting weird. I figured the plan was working, but you started seeing someone else.”
“How upset is Livy?”
“She’s not. She had zero expectations of you and zero hope my plan would work. Her intent is to be friends with you until the end of time.”
Another punch to the stomach. Livy should have expectations of him. Even if they were ‘be a good friend’. He’d been lacking on that front.
“Hey, I have a question,” Lover said.
“Shoot.”
“Why did you start dating someone?”
Heat crept up Hazy’s neck. He cleared his throat. “Livy gets flirty when she gets drunk. Things got a little... out of hand for me. I couldn’t look her in the eye.” Fucking hell, he was a grown man. He could talk about this without blushing. He should be the one teasing other people.
Lover wiggled with joy in his seat. “Fuck yes! You panicked because you noticed Olivia is the hottest woman to ever give you the time of day. When I first saw her, I couldn’t believe you’d never mentioned she was a baddie.
Also, when you show people a picture of her, you should probably stop choosing one where she’s dressed as a sexy Sasquatch. ”
Hazy wheezed. He loved the sexy Sasquatch picture. “She would love that you called her a baddie. I’m telling her you said that.”
He snorted. “Well, obviously my plan worked. You can thank me later. You’ll have to do some serious groveling after all the years of disinterest you’ve put her through.”
“I can grovel.”
Lover grabbed Hazy by the shoulder and shook him, screaming in delight. “You bet your ass you can!”
“I know what I’m going to do,” Hazy replied.