Chapter 2 #2
“Ready?” he asked after he’d started his truck.
He glanced over at Henley, who nodded at him with a small smile on her face.
Then he looked over his right shoulder to the girl sitting in his back seat.
She looked a little pale, but she nodded at him too.
Taking a deep breath and hoping this was the start of a good thing, Tonka pulled out of the school parking lot and headed back to The Refuge.
Thirty short minutes later, Tonka was alone with Jasna in the barn.
Henley had given her a hundred different instructions before getting her settled on the small couch in the barn’s office.
Tonka had to admit, he found it endearing how much Henley fussed over her daughter.
The girl seemed to enjoy the attention, yet was embarrassed about it at the same time.
After Henley had left to go to the lodge for her session with Christina, Jasna immediately wandered into the main area of the barn.
Tonka took great pride in keeping the space clean and uncluttered.
The horses were out in the paddock, the goats were also wandering around, probably eating something they shouldn’t, but Melba was currently in the barn.
The little girl’s eyes were glued on the huge beast. “Can I pet her?” Jasna asked shyly.
Tonka supposed he should probably tell her she should be in the office sleeping, but he didn’t have the heart. She was so excited to meet the gentle giant, he couldn’t deny her.
“Of course. She’d love that. Come here,” Tonka said, holding out his hand. He’d only meant to guide the girl to the front of the stall, but to his surprise, Jasna took hold of his hand and smiled up at him with total trust.
And just that easily, Tonka was a goner.
She reminded him so much of Steel—her eyes, her friendliness, the trust she was showing him—although he supposed she wouldn’t appreciate being compared to a dog.
But Steel wasn’t just a dog. He’d been his best friend.
His partner. The trust they’d had in each other was absolute…
which made what happened all the more horrific.
Steel used to look at him the same way Jasna was at that moment. And that was how he wanted to remember his old friend. How he’d gaze at him with trust and excitement, knowing they were going to do something fun, whether they were at work or going to the park to throw a ball around.
Tonka wasn’t sure he deserved that trust. Knew it came with a huge responsibility that he hadn’t thought he’d ever want again. Or that he could shoulder again. But somehow, with Jasna’s hand in his, her amber eyes staring up at him, he felt a protectiveness so intense, it was almost painful.
Her brow furrowed. “Are we gonna go see Melba?” she asked.
“Sorry, yes,” he told her, as he turned and headed toward the large cow.
Her brown eyes were fixed on them as they came near.
Tonka grabbed a large carrot from a bin he kept well out of reach of the animals who might decide to help themselves, and handed it to Jasna.
“There are two things Melba likes more than anything in the world…being scratched under her chin, and carrots. If you give her this, she’ll love you forever. ”
The smile the girl gave him was radiant, and with a jolt, Tonka realized exactly how pretty she was. Henley was going to have her hands full when Jasna got older.
“Awesome!” she breathed. She gripped the carrot tightly as they neared the stall.
Melba mooed, and Tonka felt Jasna jerk in his grip.
“Easy, it’s okay. She’s totally friendly. She’s just excited about that carrot you have in your hand,” he told her.
“What do I do?” she asked, her voice trembling.
“Here, climb up on the slats of the gate,” Tonka told her. He put his hand on her back, still stunned by how protective he felt of the girl. “Step up one more. I won’t let you fall.”
When she was high enough that she could easily reach over the top into the stall, he said, “Now hold the carrot out and Melba will do the rest.”
“Will she bite me?”
Tonka couldn’t help but laugh. “No, sweetie. She’s much more interested in that carrot than your fingers.”
Jasna nodded and held out the treat to the massive animal.
Melba, as if understanding that the girl was nervous, very delicately took the vegetable from her, and he could’ve sworn she was smiling as she chewed.
“Can I pet her?” Jasna whispered.
Tonka’s smile grew. “Of course.”
“Will you hold me steady?” Jasna asked.
That warm feeling filled Tonka once more at the innocent trust she was showing him. He put his hands on either side of her waist and held her firmly as she leaned over the top rail to get closer to the cow.
Melba, not being stupid, stepped closer to the gate, making it easier for Jasna to reach her. Jasna’s giggle was carefree and joyous as she pet the spoiled cow.
There were lots of things Tonka needed to do. Clean stalls, make sure everyone had fresh water, rub down the horses…but nothing seemed more important at that moment than witnessing this girl’s happiness.
“She’s awesome!” Jasna breathed.
“Yeah.”
“Mom said you guys adopted her after a fire?” she asked without taking her gaze from the cow.
Again, a little thrill went through Tonka at hearing proof that Henley had shared information about The Refuge with her daughter.
“Yeah. The barn she was in caught fire and she was traumatized because of it. Her owner didn’t have the patience to work with her on her fear of being in a barn after that, and he gave her up. ”
“That’s not fair. I mean, if I’d been inside my home minding my own business, and all of a sudden I couldn’t breathe very well and it was hot and I thought I was going to die, I wouldn’t be all that thrilled about voluntarily walking inside again either.”
Tonka swallowed hard. “Exactly,” he whispered.
“And the goats like to eat anything they can get their mouths on, including people’s shirts, because they were left behind when their owners moved and they almost starved to death, right?” Jasna asked.
“Yup.”
“And you guys have rescued the horses and cats too.”
It wasn’t a question, but Tonka nodded anyway.
“I think that’s so cool. Everyone should have a home where they’re loved and protected.
Some of the kids at school make fun of me because I don’t know my dad, and they say mean things about my mom, but I don’t care.
My mom loves me, and even though she’s overprotective, it makes me feel good inside that she cares so much. ”
Tonka’s first reaction was to ask the names of the kids who were bullying this precious girl, but he swallowed the words down. It wasn’t as if he could go and threaten a bunch of sixth-graders. “I’m thinking you’re the most important thing in her world,” he said instead.
“I am,” Jasna said without guile. Then she turned her head and said, “Mom says you and your friends all went through bad things and that’s why you opened this place. Because you want to help people.”
Having her amber eyes staring at him was getting less startling the longer Tonka was around her. “She’s right.”
Then Jasna shocked the shit out of Tonka by lifting a hand and placing it on the side of his face.
In a serious tone, she said, “I’m sorry about whatever happened to you.
But I’m glad you’re here to help animals like Melba.
They can’t talk and they don’t have thumbs, so they can’t take care of themselves. They need you to do it for them.”
He wanted to laugh at the thumbs comment, but her words struck a chord so deep within him, he couldn’t speak. He was thrown back into another time, when another animal, his beloved dog, needed him and he hadn’t been able to do a damn thing to stop his pain.
It wasn’t until he felt the little girl’s hair brush against his face that Tonka realized Jasna had shifted off the gate to Melba’s stall and was hugging him.
She had her legs around his waist and her arms around his neck.
She was light in his arms, and he was gripping her too tightly.
The last thing he wanted to do was hurt this child who was too damn perceptive for his peace of mind.
Tonka stepped away from Melba’s stall and headed back toward the office, holding Jasna carefully. He needed some space. He felt too raw.
Leaning over, he placed Jasna back on the couch she’d left earlier. She let go of his neck and stared up at him with a gaze that seemed to be able to spot all his secrets. “I’m sorry if I said something I wasn’t supposed to.”
“You didn’t,” Tonka reassured her without hesitation.
“Mom’s so proud of all of you. She likes you and your friends a lot. She says that life isn’t fair, and it hurts sometimes, but it’s also beautiful. And when bad things happen, it can be harder to see that beauty, but it’s there if you look hard enough.”
Tonka studied Jasna for a long moment, not sure how to respond.
“Mom went through bad stuff when she was little. But she says I was her saving grace. My name is Slavic…that means it comes from Europe. It’s popular in places like Croatia, Bosnia, Serbia, and Montenegro.”
It sounded like the little girl was reciting something she’d been told many times before.
“It means clear or sharp. Mom says she named me that because until I came along, her life was blurry. But when she had me, her focus sharpened. She said it was also the name of a woman who came to see her when she was a girl in the hospital, after the bad thing happened when she was little. She never forgot how nice that woman was. So she gave me her name to honor her.”
Tonka sat on the edge of the couch, suddenly not so anxious to leave. “Yeah? I didn’t know that,” he said.
“What does your name mean?” Jasna asked.
“Which one?”
She looked confused. “You have more than one?”
“Well, my given name is Finn, that’s what your mom calls me.”
She nodded.
“It means white or fair-haired.”
“But your hair is brown.”
Tonka grinned. “I know. But apparently when I was born, it was super blond. When I was about your age, I researched my name and found out one of the great heroes of Irish mythology, Finn MacCool, was a warrior with supernatural powers. He was also extremely smart and generous. I prefer to think I was named after him.”
“Ooooh, like being able to fly?”
Tonka chuckled. “I suppose so.”
“I’d love to be able to fly. It would be so cool,” Jasna enthused. Then she seemed to remember what they were talking about. “What about your other name?”
“Tonka,” he told her with a nod. “That’s what all my friends call me.”
“Like the toy?” she asked with a frown.
“Yup. More specifically, a toy truck. When I was training to be in the military, I was bigger than I am now. I had a lot of muscles. So people started calling me Tonka.”
Jasna looked confused for a moment before she shook her head. “I like Finn better.”
“You can call me whatever you want,” he reassured her.
“Finn?”
“Yeah?”
“Thanks for letting me hang out with you in the barn.”
“Of course.”
“It’s just…I’m weird.”
Tonka blinked in confusion. “What?”
“I’m weird,” she repeated in a matter-of-fact tone of voice without any hint of sadness or angst. “I like to read. A lot. And I don’t like boys, and that’s all most of the girls in my class want to talk about.
I don’t like makeup because it makes my face itchy, and I’d rather wear sneakers and comfy sweats than dresses and shoes with heels on them.
I’m weird,” she said again with a shrug.
“Does it bother you?” Tonka asked.
Jasna shook her head. “Not really. Mom says that I should be myself and if other people don’t like it, don’t like me, that’s their problem, not mine.”
“Your mom’s smart.”
“I know.”
It was hard to believe a few minutes ago, Tonka felt as if he was on the verge of a depressive episode, and now he was smiling. This girl might think she was strange, but to him, she was a minor miracle.
As he stared at her, the color seemed to drain from her face.
On instinct, Tonka moved and grabbed the bucket he’d brought in from his truck to put near the sofa. He got it under her just in time as she vomited up the rest of whatever had been in her belly.
Jasna moaned a little and wiped a hand over her mouth. “Gross,” she muttered.
At any other time, Tonka would’ve smiled at that, but he was too worried about her to do so. “Lie down,” he said firmly. “I’ll go get you some water to rinse your mouth and clean out the bucket.”
“Okay,” Jasna said as she practically fell sideways onto the cushion. “I think I’ll just take a little nap.”
Tonka grabbed a throw blanket that was on the back of the sofa and covered up her slender frame. She was tall, yes, but she didn’t weigh much. She looked tiny lying on the couch with her hands under her cheek.
Forcing himself to move, Tonka got up and took care of the bucket, then reentered the office with the water he’d promised.
Jasna was sleeping, and he didn’t have the heart to wake her.
He put the water on the small table next to the couch and placed the bucket on the floor where she’d be sure to see it if she needed it.
It took several minutes before he could force himself to leave her side. He was drawn to the little girl, which was extremely out of character for him.
Jasna clearly had him wrapped around her little finger. He hadn’t been in her presence for longer than an hour or so, and he was already as drawn to her as he was her mom.
Tonka didn’t understand it. Was a little unsettled by the realization. But at the same time, there was a rightness in his chest that made him want to do whatever it took to make sure mother and daughter were safe and happy.
Looking at his watch, he saw that if he was going to get all his chores done before Henley finished with Christina, he needed to get moving. He also needed to look at her car and see if he could figure out what was wrong. Hopefully it was just a bad battery or an equally easy fix.
Taking one last look at the sleeping girl, Tonka headed for the door. He only closed it partway so if she woke up and needed him, he’d be able to hear her.
Melba mooed pathetically, as if asking where the sweet little girl who gave her treats had gone, and Tonka found himself grinning at the animal.
He spared a minute to reassure the bovine that Jasna would be up later and would probably give her another carrot before he went over to the wall and grabbed a shovel.
The stalls weren’t going to clean themselves…
and for the first time in a long time, he looked forward to the end of the day.
Because it meant he’d get to see Henley again.