Chapter 4
The next morning, Tonka was feeling more eager than normal to get up and start the day.
He knew it was because he was going to see Henley and Jasna soon.
It was a little odd that he included the little girl in his excitement.
He hadn’t been around that many children in his life, had always assumed he’d find them irritating and underfoot all the time.
Although he had to admit, his interaction with Jasna yesterday probably wasn’t normal. She’d been sick and had slept for most of the time she was at the barn. But he hadn’t minded her questions when she was awake, loved seeing the excitement in her eyes when she’d met Melba.
Time would tell, once she was back to feeling like her normal self, if she’d annoy him or not. He had a feeling she wouldn’t. There was something about her that made Tonka feel comfortable. Protective.
When he pulled into the parking lot of Henley’s apartment complex, he realized he was smiling. He couldn’t remember the last time he’d spontaneously smiled so easily.
Henley’s CRV was parked in the same place he’d left it the night before, not that he thought it would be anywhere else, since he had the key.
He’d made up the excuse that he needed to do errands for The Refuge this morning, but he didn’t regret it.
Henley looked exhausted last night, and he didn’t want her staying up ’til God knows when, waiting on him.
Which was a good thing, because it had been after midnight by the time he and Pipe had finished switching out the battery and gotten the vehicle back to her apartment.
Tonka got out of his truck and headed up to Henley’s apartment. He was glad she wasn’t on the first floor. Even in a small town, it was safer not being quite so accessible to anyone walking around looking for trouble.
He knocked on her door and was still smiling when it opened. But his smile immediately died at seeing Henley. Her face was blotchy and her eyes were red.
“What’s wrong?” he asked quickly. “Is Jasna all right?”
“She’s fine. She feels much better today. It’s Mrs. Singleton.”
“Your neighbor?”
Henley nodded. “I just found out the reason I couldn’t get a hold of her yesterday was because she’s in the hospital. She had a stroke.”
Tonka gently urged Henley backward and stepped inside her apartment. He closed the door, then pulled her into his arms without thought.
She didn’t resist, instead seemed to burrow into him as he held her.
Her arms went around his back, and he could feel her fingers digging into his skin.
“I feel so awful! I guess she couldn’t get to her phone, and she lay on her floor for a while before she was eventually able to crawl to the kitchen where she’d left her cell, so she could call for help. ”
Tonka rested his cheek on top of Henley’s head and held her even tighter.
It took a few minutes, but eventually she composed herself and pulled away.
Tonka loosened his arms, realizing it was an extremely difficult task.
Henley wiped her cheeks with her hands but didn’t step out of his hold completely.
“Is she going to be all right?” he asked gently.
Henley shrugged. “I think so, but when she’s released from the hospital, her daughter’s taking her down to Albuquerque to recover. She’ll have to spend some time in a rehab center, I think, then she’ll move in with her daughter. I doubt she’ll be back here.”
Henley sounded so sad, it was all Tonka could do not to give her another long hug. “You want to go see her today?”
She nodded. “Yeah. I thought I’d stop by the hospital after my morning sessions, before I headed out to The Refuge.”
Tonka nodded. “You need me to talk to Drake or Alaska and see about canceling your appointments?”
Henley gave him a grateful smile. “No, I think it’ll be good for me to head out there.”
“What about Jasna? Is she going back to school today?”
Henley nodded. “I took her temperature this morning and it’s back to normal. She says she feels fine. She’s super sad about Mrs. Singleton though.”
“Of course she is,” Tonka said. “It sounds like the woman’s been a huge help to you both over the years.”
“She has,” Henley said with a nod. Then sighed. “School’s out soon, and without her help, I’ll have to decide what to do. There aren’t enough camps to keep Jasna busy all summer, and I won’t leave her alone in the apartment.”
“Can you find someone else to look after her?” Tonka asked with a frown. Honestly, he hadn’t considered how difficult childcare was for a single parent. It just wasn’t something he’d ever had to worry about.
Henley shrugged then took a deep breath. “I’m sure I will,” she said. But he could tell she was trying to downplay her worries about the situation.
“What if she came to The Refuge when she wasn’t at camp?” Tonka blurted. Once again with this woman, he didn’t give a thought to what he was going to say. It just came out.
Henley looked shocked at the suggestion. “What?”
“You could bring her to The Refuge. I’m sure I could find things for her to do in the barn with me, and I bet Alaska could also help keep her busy. There’s always plenty to do around the place. We could even pay her. She could earn some spending money.”
“I…I don’t know what to say. I didn’t think kids were allowed on the premises.”
Tonka shrugged. “Technically, they aren’t. Some of our guests are triggered by babies crying, or the screaming some kids do while they’re playing. But if someone comes who’s triggered by children, we’ll simply make sure she keeps her distance.”
“Have you talked about this with the others?” she asked, though he was aware she already knew the answer.
“No,” he told her honestly. “But I know without a doubt no one will have a problem with it. Especially if the alternative is you taking the summer off from working at The Refuge because of childcare issues.”
To Tonka’s alarm, tears welled in her eyes once more.
“Henley?”
She tilted her head forward and rested it on his chest. “I don’t know what to say,” she mumbled.
“Say yes,” he told her. It was almost scary how good this woman felt in his arms. Tonka literally couldn’t remember a time in his life when he’d felt this content while holding another human being. It was as if she filled up all the holes in his soul with her goodness.
How he’d managed to go so long without letting her know how much he admired and liked her, he had no idea.
Henley lifted her head once more and stared at him.
“It’s just…Mrs. Singleton was always there for me.
She never had a problem looking after Jasna, and now that she’s gone—not gone gone, but unable to help out anymore—I’m realizing how much I took advantage of her.
I don’t want to do that to anyone at The Refuge. ”
“You didn’t take advantage of her,” Tonka said with a small shake of his head. “I’m sure she loved spending time with your daughter. You said she was alone here in Los Alamos, right?”
Henley nodded.
“I bet she cherished every moment she got to spend with Jasna.”
“I hope so,” Henley said. Then she sighed.
“How about this—you talk to your friends today, see what they think. If anyone has any reservations, even minor ones, I’ll find another solution for the summer.
The last thing I want is to press any buttons for your guests and to cause anyone extra work.
Jasna’s a good kid, but she’s also extremely curious.
And she’s getting a little more moody as teenage hormones begin to creep in. ”
“It’ll be fine,” Tonka reassured her.
Henley opened her mouth to say something, but was interrupted by her daughter.
“Finn!” she exclaimed as she came running down the hallway.
Since Tonka still had his arms around Henley, he was knocked back a step when Jasna barreled into him, but he recovered quickly, raising an arm and wrapping it around the girl, who was now hugging him from the side.
“Hey,” he said, a little surprised at her exuberant greeting.
She looked up at him with those amazing amber eyes, and Tonka could see that she’d also been crying. “Did Mom tell you about Mrs. Singleton?”
“Yeah. I’m sorry.”
Jasna sniffed and nodded, but didn’t let him go. Goose bumps rose on his arms as Tonka realized both McClures were clinging to him now.
A wave of sudden fear washed over him. The last time anyone had relied on him, he’d let them down in a huge way.
He cleared his throat. “Well…I came by to bring the keys to your car, so you guys can get to where you need to be today.”
The feeling of loss when both Jasna and Henley stepped away from him was almost overwhelming. He’d fucked up—and he knew it. He’d let his past influence his present, again.
For a moment, Tonka wondered if he’d ever be able to overcome the feelings of inadequacy and guilt that plagued him every moment of every day.
“I appreciate you fixing my car. How much was the battery?”
Tonka shrugged. “Not a lot. It’s the least I can do for someone who’s so valuable to The Refuge.”
He saw the shutters fall over her eyes then, and for the second time in as many minutes, Tonka was kicking himself for saying the wrong thing.
He wanted to take his words back, explain that he wasn’t helping her because she was an employee.
That he personally wanted to make sure she was safe on the roads…
but the moment was lost when she turned to Jasna.
“Go grab your stuff and I’ll drive you to school this morning. We’ve already missed the bus.”
Jasna turned without argument and headed down the hall toward her room.
“I’d offer you breakfast, but we’re going to stop and grab something on the way to school,” Henley told him.
“It’s okay,” Tonka told her. “Let me know if anything seems off with the car.”
“I will. Again, thank you so much for everything, Finn.”
He nodded at her and stuck his hands in his pockets, feeling awkward all of a sudden. He mentally kicked his own ass for screwing up their intimate moment. “I’ll see you when you get to The Refuge later.”