3. Opaline #2
I can feel the warmth slipping down my own cheeks, the ache and pressure in my throat and chest as the reality of what he's saying sets in.
The emotion emanating from him fills the room, growing more and more thick.
"She had wanted to fight the bond, which explains why she was so adamant about us moving away to hide out from her family.
I lost my shit that night, yelling." He stutters, wincing in disgust. "I've never done that before in my life and I never, ever will again, I swear it.
I was so at my limit with everything. I was working three jobs, exhausted and not sleeping, trying to take care of the love of my life who was fading away in front of my fucking eyes for months!
" Angrily, he swipes at the tears, pushing them off his lashes and cheeks.
"By that point, the illness from denying the bond was too far progressed.
It was too late to do anything to stop it.
She lied to me because she loved me and wanted us to be together.
She wanted to protect me and she died because of it. She fucking died because of me!"
Sobs wrack his chest, his sniffling and crying muffled as he rests his hands on his raised knees, hiding his face from me. I can't take it anymore. I can't fucking do it. I realize I'm mirroring him, tears covering my face as I cry with him at his pain spilling out.
Of course he pushed me away, of course he did.
He not only blames himself for his omega's death but carries the guilt of not doing enough to take care of her.
Of course he pushes omegas away, pushed me away.
His greatest love, his greatest experience with an omega brought him nothing but horrendous pain and guilt.
Crawling the few feet towards him, I push my way into his lap and with a whimper, scent-marking him frantically in a cheap effort to soothe what's already consuming both of us.
"I'm so fucking angry, still. I'm so mad she hid it from me and tried so hard to protect me.
After all the doctor appointments, the heartache, the exhaustion…
she knew the entire time what was wrong and never told me.
I should have figured it out. I should have known her well enough to know what was wrong.
I knew I wasn't her scent match. It should have been obvious after so long.
I would have never let her do that to herself.
I could have stopped it and protected her. "
"Adrian," I cry, pulling back enough to look into his eyes, reddened and weeping, desperation and guilt, utter fucking guilt and shame, evident in the way he looks back at me.
"You did absolutely nothing wrong, you hear me?
You did everything you possibly could have with the knowledge you had to love and care for your omega.
" His eyes close like he doesn't want to believe me.
I hold his face in my hands so he can't pull away.
"It was her decision to make. She chose to share her final moments with you, knowing exactly what would happen.
There's no way she didn't know, Adrian. She loved you so much that she would have rather cut her life short and spent it with you than spend her life tied to her scent matches she felt no connection to.
That's beautiful. It says so much about how wonderful you were as a partner to her that she wasn't willing to give you up. "
Finally, his eyes look back to me, brows furrowed like maybe this isn't the reaction he had been expecting.
"What she did may not have been right. But it speaks volumes on your love for one another. And your anger…is justified, Adrian. Please know that it is absolutely valid. There is no shame, no guilt you should carry. Because you did the best you could have done. I am so proud of you. So proud."
At my whispered words, he pulls me to him, finally breaking through whatever wall had been rebuilt in the minutes prior. I feel every emotion as clearly as if it were my own, our tears and anguish filling the silence of the room around us.
"Please, Opaline. Please give me the chance to be the alpha you deserve. I will spend every day for the rest of my life on my knees for you, I swear it. I swear it. I'll do anything. Anything. Please, I beg you."
We stay like this, me cradled against him, each of our noses in the other's scent gland as a source of comfort.
He wants me, wants to be my alpha, my mate.
At a certain point, it's impossible to know which of my tears are from his confession or simply my own selfish joy at knowing he's finally mine, and the truth and sincerity of why he pushed me away.
The little voice in my head, always trying to protect and prepare me for the worst whispers, warring against the hopefulness of my inner omega.
'What if's' compound upon the next. What if he changes his mind?
What if tomorrow's different? What if his primal is still under a partial Hold, dictating his current state?
What if I still am not enough after giving it a real shot?
What if…what if…what if. I have waited and hoped and dreamt of this moment. But, could it be too good to be true?
I have been let down by nearly everyone around me, my entire life. I'm not sure I could survive if I open my heart to my newly recognized mate, only to be tossed aside again.
What I do know is that everything has changed and my heart is screaming to give him a chance. I have the final piece to my biggest dream being offered to me, finally. I have to meet his own vulnerability if this is going to work.
I have no idea how much time passes with our bodies entwined, lost to my own thoughts, in the silent room. But my single word easily breaks through. "Okay."