22. Opaline
Opaline
Rain slices through the air, pelting against the outermost layer of clothing I'm bundled in. With the number of jackets and winter accessories Adrian bought in the gift shop and forced me into, you'd think the temperature dropped to negative ten degrees.
It's chilly, especially now that it's starting to rain on our way home, but I have a hard time believing three layers are entirely necessary.
I can barely wrap my arms comfortably around him as he drives us back, and only my top half is starting to sweat.
My inner omega is getting crabby, starting to feel suffocated.
I'm right there with her. But seeing as I don't really know what's going through this stubborn alpha's head, I'm keeping my lips sealed for now.
Every time I think we're making progress, it's like he starts to pull back.
He's verbally making it clear how he feels; he's in this and wants to pursue a real relationship together.
His actions seem to support that mostly, too.
Even without everything he's done already: Caring for our pack during my Heat, gifting me with such a thoughtful care package, planning this date, and generally just always making sure I'm okay…
I mean, hell, he cared so much about my safety when I was lost and injured he fell into a literal Hold and spent the night tending to my wounds and guarding me.
He makes sure I'm fed, I drink enough water, and obviously, my body's core temperature is important to him.
But when it comes to those little moments of physical intimacy, when I just start to believe he sees me the same as I see him, that's when he pulls away.
With the lore and teachings of scent matches, despite our rocky start, I never gave it a second thought that maybe he wouldn't actually be attracted to me.
I'm starting to think in this case, it's just our biology and inner primals that are drawn to each other.
At least on his end. I'm incredibly attracted to him.
I mean, who wouldn't be? He's gorgeous, has beautiful, thick hair, and looks like he just walked off a battlefield with the composition of his muscular body.
And after everything he's done beyond that, beyond that other stuff, in our earlier weeks together: The courting gift with clothes and things I so badly needed when he apparently didn't want anything to do with me?
Returning Sparkles pristine and cared-for?
Keeping me safe my girls night out? Of course I'm attracted to him, even disregarding our fated status.
The signs of the real truth of the matter were there.
He's always cared about me, even before admitting it to himself.
He has trauma he needs to heal from, but he's a good person: loyal, caring, thoughtful, and fiercely protective.
I like to think I've done what I can, what I'm comfortable with, considering my naturally submissive nature, to make it clear I'm ready for more. I've given him more than one opportunity to make a move, take that next step together.
With that, I see now what the issue is that's holding him back. He's drawn to me but not attracted to me. He wants to provide for and care for me as his omega, as his mate. But he doesn't desire intimacy. To say it doesn't hurt would be a lie, but it makes perfect sense.
At this point, I'm not sure what to expect for our future.
We share small touches, and I let him take care of me to satiate his inner alpha?
And then what? He denies his nature when my Heat comes again?
Will he finally admit his feelings for Everette and be monogamous with him?
What if that isn't the case? What if he freaks out and pushes us both away?
He gets his needs met outside of our pack by random hookups and one-night stands with women?
God, would I even be able to watch him find love outside of our pack and simply stand by?
Our pack.
The weight of those two little words still sits so heavily. Our pack, my pack. Maybe I am being greedy, wanting all of my mates to myself. I can't force Adrian's attraction, and honestly, would I want to? That doesn't sit right with me.
The crushing realization that I may have misinterpreted this completely brings a wave of staggering disappointment. Maybe he never intended for it to be a real date and just simply wanted to make an effort to grow the friendship he'd wanted by spending time together.
My mind races to replay our conversations, every interaction, and the tiny touches we've shared, trying to figure out where I went wrong and got mixed up.
Maybe I should have held on tighter to that initial wariness to protect my heart. I always do this. I'm so quick to forgive, to give second chances, to be understanding. All because I'm desperate for love.
Swallowing thickly, I try to force down the tears and heat behind my eyes.