Chapter Nineteen
“You look like you’re about to drop,” Jack remarked as he and Nate brushed down their horses in the stables. “I’m not surprised you haven’t slept much lately. What with everything going on.”
Nate made a face.
“I can’t keep going like this. What’s wrong with getting another town marshal in? We should be able to share the load. Maybe more than one, and then we can actually get a rest.”
“The mayor refused it. Said we didn’t have the resources.”
“Oh, I remember that. But how many extra resources do you need for two more marshals? I can’t keep doing it alone.”
“I thought you liked your job,” Jack said as he finished grooming his horse and put the brush away. “You get a sense of satisfaction out of it, don’t you?”
“I do, but even I need to rest.” Nate didn’t bother to hide his yawning. “I’m in need of a break. And I never thought I’d say that.”
Jack laughed.
“Given you’ve got an unwanted wife at home, I’m surprised that you’re saying that at all. You would normally want a reason to get away from her.”
“Rachel’s not that bad. She’s still finding her feet, and she’s busy on her own.”
“So, she’s keeping out from under your feet?”
“Pretty much. And the house is clean, so I can’t argue with that.” Nate couldn’t help but smile. “She’s even noticed my little quirks and what I want, and it’s made the house feel… bearable.”
“That was likely Isabelle’s doing,” Jack said. “She knows you better than anyone else.”
That was true, and while Nate was still annoyed that Isabelle had done this behind his back, he was grateful that she was actually trying to help and make Rachel feel more settled. She wanted both of them to be as comfortable as possible, although that was easier said than done.
Even though the kitchen was often a huge mess, given what Rachel created in there, it was no surprise.
“Why don’t you go home?” Jack suggested, clapping Nate on the shoulder as he stepped out of the stall. “You need some sleep. Nobody’s going to mind if you’re looking after yourself.”
“What about all these complaints? I’ve had everyone coming to me to talk about the drifters coming back and causing trouble. Now the situation with Mae’s happened, everyone’s worried about strangers talking to their daughters.”
Jack sighed.
“That’s understandable. Everyone’s going to be scared.”
“You’d think the snow would put everyone off. It’s dangerous out there at this time of year.”
“All the more reason for drifters to come through. Less chance of getting caught.” Jack steered Nate toward the stable doors. “Go and rest. If anyone asks, I’ll tell them that you can’t do it on your own unless everyone wants their only lawman to be in a sanatorium.”
Nate grimaced.
“I don’t think it’s that bad.”
“You don’t want to get to that point to find out. Now, go home. You look like you’re about to drop. And don’t worry about everything around you.”
“That’s easier said than done, Jack,” Nate reminded him.
But he did as he was told, adjusting his Stetson and turning his collar up against the wind. The thought of going home and resting by the fire sounded like a good idea. No one to complain to him. No one to tell him what his job should be.
Why get a marshal to enforce the law when everyone else seemed to know it better than him?
At least Rachel was at home. His spirits lifted a little knowing that.
He still remembered how they spent the day before in town, going around the various shops before having dinner at the restaurant.
Rachel had become increasingly fascinated by all of it.
Nate was pleased to see that she was enjoying herself.
He was surprised that he enjoyed himself, too.
Once she started to relax, Rachel’s joy rubbed off on him.
She started opening up to him, talking about how she’d never experienced anything like this, and how sheltered she’d actually been in the orphanage.
There was a wistful tone to her voice, as if she missed where she’d grown up, but he could also sense the bitterness.
Nate gathered she hadn’t forgiven the woman who raised her for pushing her into an unwanted marriage.
He couldn’t blame her for that.
Rachel was definitely more than he had originally thought.
She was naive, yes, and not very experienced with the world, but she had a wise outlook on life, and she was levelheaded with opinions of her own.
She also asked a lot of questions, taking in as much information as she could.
Rachel was very keen to learn, and Nate liked that. It was refreshing.
He just wanted to lay his head down and not worry about anything for a few hours.
Nate made a mental note to talk to the mayor again about getting more marshals in. Just because it was a small place didn’t mean that he had to do the job on his own. He loved his job, but it was getting to be too much.
Arriving home, Nate smelled the aroma of delicious food wafting past his nose. Rachel must’ve just finished making the evening meal. Even though she didn’t know when he’d return, she was good at making sure there was something to eat. It was an intuition that Nate had come to appreciate.
“Rachel?” He shrugged off his coat and hung that and his Stetson on the coat rack.
“In the kitchen.”
Nate smiled to himself despite his exhaustion. He should’ve guessed. If he couldn’t find his wife, she would be in the kitchen. He headed into the next room and saw Rachel sitting at the table, only there weren’t any foodstuffs scattered around her. Instead, it was paper
“What are you doing?”
“Hmm?” She looked up and blinked. “Oh, I was just… adding some recipes.”
Nate peered at the book she was writing in, her head bent over the pages. He hadn’t seen it before, and it looked old and tattered.
“What is that?”
Her cheeks colored a little, and she bit her lip.
“It was my mother’s.”
That caught him by surprise. Nate frowned.
“I thought you didn’t know your mother.”
“I don’t. But Miriam… the woman who ran the orphanage… she kept hold of it and gave it to me just before I left.” Rachel swallowed. “I thought it was about time that I added my own recipes to it. Make it more mine, if that makes sense?”
Nate could understand it, but he was still bewildered. Rachel had said she didn’t know either of her parents, so he hadn’t expected her to have something from her mother. Rachel hadn’t said a word about it.
Why was he seeing it as a betrayal to keep this from him?
And why did he feel irritation at it? Nate pushed it away.
It had nothing to do with him. Rachel was slowly opening up to him, and he should be patient.
Just because they’d had a few moments where they were like husband and wife didn’t mean it had to be that all the time.
He looked around, his mouth dry.
“Where’s the coffee? Did you make any?”
“It’s at that end of the table.” Rachel gestured at the pot and cups across from her. “I’ve only just made it, so it’s still fresh.”
“Good. I’m going to need it.” He placed the mugs out on the table. “Do you want one?”
“If you don’t mind?” Rachel glanced up at him. “Long day?”
“I’ve barely had any sleep the last couple of days. I’m surprised I’m still upright.”
“Then should you be having coffee? I know it’s one of those things that keeps people awake.”
“Not when I’m involved,” Nate grunted. “It’s going to give me just enough strength to get up to my room and collapse into bed. And if anyone comes to the door asking for me, tell them that I’m sleeping.”
She raised her eyebrows at that.
“Do you think they’ll listen to me?”
“If I don’t get any sleep, I’m going to be no good to anyone.”
Even as he said that, Nate picked up the coffee pot and felt it heavier than normal.
He didn’t know if it was because it was full or that he was exhausted, but his hand wobbled.
Trying to concentrate, he began to pour.
The pot started feeling even heavier, and it almost fell from his grasp.
Nate tried to grab it, but splashed hot coffee over his hand.
It landed on the table and splattered across the top.
And it stained the pages spread out on the table.
Rachel let out a scream of horror and shot to her feet, dabbing urgently with her apron.
“What do you think…? You should be more careful!” She sounded annoyed as she mopped it up.
Nate’s anger rose as he watched Rachel try to rescue her papers. “What about me? I just burned my hand.”
“Wrap a wet towel around your hand and stop complaining,” she snapped back. “You hurt yourself with your own carelessness. If you’ve ruined my book…”
“Ruined your book?” Nate couldn’t believe what he was hearing.
It felt like the tightrope he’d been walking on all day had snapped, and he was falling.
“Do you think that’s important right now?
Do you have any real problems to worry about?
Such as figuring who is trying to take girls out of Mercy Creek for some nefarious activities? ”
“I’m sure it’s manageable for someone who’s the town marshal,” Rachel shot back, giving him an angry glare. “You’ve been saying you can do it on your own for a long time.”
“I’m the one who needs help!”
“With that attitude, I can see why nobody wants to help you. You’d snap at the slightest opportunity.” She shook her head. “I don’t understand how you think that behavior is going to get you anywhere.”
Nate growled. He was exhausted, and he needed rest. This argument was tipping him over the edge.
“You make it sound like you lived an easier life than I did,” he said accusingly. “That I didn’t have a rough life being beaten by a father who blamed me for his wife’s death. That I had to be raised by my sister because nobody else wanted to help out. And at least I’ve managed to rise above it.”
Then he quietened when he saw the look on her face. He might as well have slapped her from her expression. Rachel’s face had gone white, and she glared at him. She straightened up, squared her shoulders, and looked at him with a quiet fury that made him shiver.
“You think I had an easy life?” she asked softly. “I had nothing. I was taken to an orphanage and left there. Neither of my parents wanted me.”
“Rachel…”
“I grew up in one place without a mother or a father, and I often wondered why I wasn’t worth keeping.
I wondered why nobody wanted me, and why I wasn’t adopted over the years.
I was left to age out in an orphanage. Every part of my life was dictated to me.
” She pointed at the stained recipe book.
“It might just be a book, but it’s all I have of my mother… ”
Nate knew he'd said the wrong thing, and he could feel the shame building. He swallowed.
“Rachel, I didn’t…”
“Of course you didn’t,” Rachel sneered, her eyes narrowed.
“You think that grief and pain belong to just you. Not everyone else. You have no idea what it’s like growing up not knowing your parents, wondering why they deserted you when you needed them.
Even if your father hated you, at least he didn’t send you away.
A part of him loved you in spite of everything. ”
Nate didn’t know what to say to that. How could he say anything in response without making it worse?
Rachel turned away. “Leave me alone.”
“Rachel…”
But she had already gone. Moments later, there were hurried footsteps on the stairs and the sound of a door slamming.
And Nate knew he’d gotten it really wrong.