Chapter Twenty
Rachel lay in her bed, staring at the window, and ignored the knocking on the door. She didn’t want to talk to Nate, not after what he just said.
It was morning, and she didn’t want to get up. Not after what happened.
Rachel felt a stab of sympathy for Nate over what he’d shared. It didn’t excuse what he’d said to her, though.
A knock at the door, yet again, made her stiffen, and she heard Nate’s voice.
“Rachel? Can you please answer me? You’re scaring me.”
She gritted her teeth and clenched the blankets tightly. She wasn’t about to speak to him. Not after the way he’d treated her. There may have been an apology or two through the door, but she wasn’t prepared to accept it.
She just wanted to get out of there.
Nate sighed heavily.
“I’ve got to head out for a while. There’s another issue in town. Please, Rachel, just try and eat something while I’m gone. It’s not good to starve yourself during this weather.”
The silence stretched out between them. Rachel stared out of the window at the snow-topped houses across the street, willing Nate to leave. If he had to go to work, he should be making that a priority, not her. Finally, she heard his footsteps moving away and down the stairs.
He’d sounded defeated this time. Rachel did feel a wave of guilt for that. She shouldn’t have reacted as she did, but her upbringing was more of a sore spot than she realized.
She wanted to cry, but there were no more tears. Her throat was dry, and she couldn’t bring herself to do it again. And there was no point in hiding away in the bedroom. She had things to do.
Maybe baking something would make her feel better. She’d imagined the smell of baking all night, and it felt like she’d been back in the bakery, making cakes and decorating them for the other orphans. It had been a surprisingly nice dream despite the turmoil in her head.
It always improved her mood. Perhaps that would make her feel a little better.
Slipping out of bed, Rachel made the bed, washed her face, and got dressed. The fire was starting to die down again, so she put another couple of logs on; the flames burned more brightly once more. Then she headed downstairs.
Nate had made sure the fire in the sitting room was fully ablaze.
She could feel the heat from the other side of the room.
At least she wouldn’t freeze today, not with the wood she’d brought back a couple of days ago.
Nate had promised to take her into the woods with the axe and show her where they got their wood from.
The smell of baking hit her as she entered the kitchen. She stared at the state of the room. Things had been tidied away, but there was still a significant amount of dust on the table, along with bits of dough mix stuck to the wood. And there was a plate of cakes beside her mother’s recipe book.
She was confused. Had she made them while she was sleeping? She’d never walked around and done anything in her sleep, unless nobody bothered to tell her. How could she account for what was on the table before her?
She sat at the table and pulled the book over to her.
It was a little stiff and dusted in flour.
There was a coffee stain on the cover, but it looked to have dried.
She opened it and went to the page that had been ruined.
It had been ripped out, and the surrounding pages had been blotted down as much as possible.
On the next page was the recipe she’d been copying out, written in a rough handwriting that she didn’t recognize. It was definitely not hers.
Had Nate done this?
Rachel frowned. Why would he do that? It was like he wanted to make amends. Was that possible? There were times in their previous interactions when she thought he did, but then he switched and became someone else. Rachel couldn’t keep up with it.
Maybe this was his way of making up for what he did. But baking cakes at night? No wonder Rachel smelled it and dreamed about being in the bakery again.
The cakes were uneven and a little burned on the bottom. It crumbled as she picked it up and took a bite, indicating it was a little too dry. But they still tasted all right, and Rachel could imagine this was the first time Nate had ever baked anything. It was a good effort, and she was touched.
It indicated he was trying. She couldn’t argue with that.
The only problem was he wasn’t that good at cleaning. Rolling her eyes with a smile, Rachel stood up and made herself some coffee. That was something she didn’t mind looking after.
The coffee perked her up, and then Rachel began to tidy up. It took an hour, but by the time she’d finished, the kitchen was spotless. Rachel carried her recipe book into the sitting room and placed it on the table before continuing with her housework.
Isabelle was right. When there was a system and order, it didn’t take long at all to do any housework. Within another hour, everything was done. Rachel stood in the middle of the sitting room and took a deep breath, feeling weight lifting off her shoulders.
Now she had to figure out what to do for the rest of the day.
The pantry was full, so she could start dinner in a few hours.
After her encounter with that strange man near Isabelle’s house, Rachel was a little nervous about venturing out on her own, especially when other women had been approached as well.
Nate had told her about Mae Whitlock and the Silver Lantern, and Rachel couldn’t stop the fear trickling through her, imagining what might’ve happened.
Maybe she should take time for herself. Not do anything except sit and read. It had been a long time since Rachel had done any reading. Perhaps that was something she could do to settle herself. It would prevent her thinking about Nate’s words and how lonely she was.
She found a book and a blanket, curling up on the settee in front of the fire. She laid the blanket over her and began to read. Soon, she was swept away, imagining herself as the fair maiden who was being rescued by a medieval knight.
Things felt so simple back then, even if they weren’t.
Rachel jumped when she heard the door open, almost dropping her book. Nate appeared in the doorway, carrying a box in his arms. He gave her a bemused smile.
“Did I startle you?”
“I’m… I mean…” Her face burning, Rachel scrambled to her feet, the blanket getting caught around her feet and almost tripping her over. “I had done everything, and I thought I’d take a moment… I mean…”
“I’m not upset that you’re taking a break.” Nate looked around. “It’s clear that you’ve done what you said you would. And you deserve to rest.”
He was sounding different. Almost contrite. There was a shamed look on his face, and he awkwardly held the box as if it was going to explode. Rachel frowned. What was in there?
“What have you got?”
“Oh, just… a delivery, that’s all.” Nate’s cheeks flushed as he put the box on the coffee table. “Would you like a coffee or something hot? It’s colder than I thought it would be.”
“I can…”
“No, I’ll get it. You stay there and rest.” He gave her a look that said he wasn’t going to argue about it. “You need to look after yourself.”
Rachel was getting concerned. What was going on here? Nate was beginning to worry her. She was still bewildered when Nate returned, carrying two steaming mugs.
“I noticed that you ate a few of the cakes,” he said, handing her one of the mugs.
Rachel smiled.
“Yes. I didn’t think your sister snuck in to make some when it wasn’t her kitchen.”
His cheeks reddened a little more.
“I mean… I just wanted to do something… just to show that I was sorry. I even sorted out your recipe book…” He gave her a sheepish smile as he sat on the edge of his chair. “I hope I haven’t overstepped the mark. I just wanted to fix things…”
“You didn’t overstep. It’s your home to begin with.” Rachel gave him a slight smile, feeling the awkwardness in the air. “I’m the one that’s overstepping, if you think about it.”
“Not anymore,” he said quickly. “You’re my wife now. This is your home as much as mine. I shouldn’t be making you feel like you’re not wanted.”
She frowned at that.
“You think I feel un…”
“I wouldn’t be surprised if that’s how you’re feeling, and I know that’s my fault.
” Nate grimaced, rubbing his free hand over his leg as if to rid himself of an itch.
“I know I’ve not made it easy, and I’m aware that you’ve suffered a great deal more than I have. I shouldn’t have tried to compare us.”
“Nate…”
“I want to learn,” he continued as if she hadn’t spoken. “I want to know about you. We may have started off on the wrong foot, but there’s no reason we can’t end up as friends. And I want us to be friends,” he added hurriedly. “It will make things a lot easier for both of us. What do you think?”
Rachel let all of this sink in. It was not what she’d been expecting at all.
She had been prepared to get angry and start an argument, telling him off and standing up for herself.
But she didn’t. It was like all of the fight had gone out of her.
She stared at Nate, who was watching her with an expectant look.
Was he really trying to make an effort? Or was something else going on? She couldn’t tell if this was part of an ulterior motive or completely innocent.
Her ability to trust was really bad if she couldn’t tell that her husband was trying to do something good.
“Anyway,” Nate continued, clearing his throat and glancing at the box. “I was passing by the dress shop, and I was called in to take a delivery for you. Something about a new item of clothing for you?”
“Oh!” Rachel sat up, putting her coffee mug aside. “That will be the dress Isabelle and I were getting for me. Isabelle said I deserved a new dress.”
“Really?”
He arched his eyebrows at her. Rachel rolled her eyes.
“Isabelle paid for it, don’t worry. Although she said she would get you to pay her back.”
“Charming,” Nate muttered. “Well, let’s have a look at it. I want to see if my sister’s taste is still good.”
His smile didn’t help her nerves, and Rachel could feel her heart pounding in her chest as she lifted the lid of the box and pulled aside the delicate paper covering the garment.
Her breath caught when she saw the beautiful fabric, the delicate stitching and the softness of the dress.
She ran a hand over it, marveling at how it felt beneath her fingers.
Then she got it out, shaking it out and surveying it at arm’s length. Nate whistled.
“Well, Isabelle’s still got good taste. I’m surprised that she doesn’t work at the dress shop herself.”
“Maybe she will when the children are old enough?” Rachel held it against herself and turned to him. “Is it all right? What do you think?”
Nate didn’t answer for a moment. He was staring at her, his eyes slowly dragging over her as she held the dress against her. Rachel felt her cheeks getting hot, and she lowered the dress, not sure how she felt about the way he was looking at her.
“It’s beautiful,” he murmured. “Just perfect.”
“I… thank you.” Rachel swallowed hard. “That’s very… helpful.”
What was wrong with her? Why was she struggling to get the words out? Then Nate sat up, squaring his shoulders.
“Would you like to go to the Winter Dance with me?” Nate asked.
“What?” It took a moment for her to realize what he’d just said. Rachel’s mouth dropped open. “What did you say?”
“I know you’re not deaf, Rachel. I’m sure you don’t need to repeat myself.”
“Maybe you do. I… I didn’t think you’d ask.” Rachel swallowed, her head spinning. “Are you sure you want to go? You didn't seem too happy about the idea before.”
“Maybe I need to change my mind on a few things. Even if it makes me uncomfortable.” He shifted on his chair. “So, what do you think? Shall we go to the Winter Dance together? I can’t have my wife going on her own. Will you accompany me?”
Rachel heard the question get asked in a few different ways, but it didn’t really sink in with her surprise. Then she realized that there was always going to be one answer, and Nate didn’t need to guess about it.