8. Chapter 8 #2
"Thank you." Mariana leans sideways and presses some more on me. "I got really tired of protocol and politeness. I'm trying to be more spontaneous, but I'm not so uncouth as to drop you all like that when you've all been nothing but kind."
I consider the risks of shifting my weight to give her more room.
I doubt she's doing this on purpose. Every interaction we've had shows she'd rather keep her distance from me, if not for my friends.
I'd change my mind and meet someone who actually wants to be close to me tonight, but I refuse to end up being the one missing out on a night with my friends to avoid an ex.
Ames raises an eyebrow. "I bet the royals weren't welcoming of spontaneity."
"Not the ones I met," Mariana says. "It got really stuffy after a while."
"I would guess that anything to do with the English nobility would take a lot of formalities," Evie adds.
"Yeah, and a lot of lawyer fees." Mariana nods. "I'm glad it's done. My family is all for manners and polish, but I didn't really fit in that world."
Just like I didn't fit with hers. Maybe after her time with lowly monarchy titles and rules, she can understand why my version of the story is the way it is.
Still, I say nothing as the conversation goes on around us.
All I do is pretend I'm unaffected, while irritation builds slowly inside.
A simmering annoyance, because I had planned to enjoy my evening with some of my favorite people, but Mariana's presence forced me to quiet down.
Observe and bite my damn tongue. While she laughed with my people and sipped champagne every time they decided it was time to toast to her divorce again.
I rub my lips together. My arms cross and I tense them on-and-off. I stare at the floor, and I don't think I had ever noticed, but it's painted in a checkered pattern in purple and black.
Oh, the lengths I'll go to fake aloofness, when I'd rather start a fight than leave a space that's supposed to be mine. Thinking about flooring design of all things.
Almost two hours have gone by when Mariana checks her phone.
"All right," she says. "My car will be here soon enough. Thanks so much for inviting me, everyone."
"I hope you enjoyed the night," Ames says. "Best way to celebrate!"
"Yay to your divorce!" Nat exclaims.
Most drinks are finished at this time of the night, but Bear and Logan still have some liquor left and they raise their glass. Everyone else cheers. I only rub my scalp with my hand.
"Don't hate me for asking this," Mariana says to the group, "but is it okay to go out there alone? I haven't been out in Seattle yet or in this part of the city, nor at night, and it really depends, right? What can I expect…?"
This time, I rub my thighs in an impatient gesture.
Once upon a time, I used to accompany Mariana to meet with her psychologist, who helped with her anxiety.
I got used to studying while waiting for her in a coffee shop on the first floor, at the bottom of the building where her therapist had her office.
After a while, Mariana would come in and we'd have a hot drink.
Sometimes, we'd talk about her session. Sometimes, we talked about anything else.
The anxiety was well-managed back then. After a comment like tonight's, I wonder if that's still the case.
I've heard that big life transitions can trigger these things again.
Except no. It's not on me to think about those things anymore. Her question is normal and smart. I'm no one to her these days, except a coworker she used to date… and the friend of the friends she's getting to know.
Fuck.
"Oh, nothing to worry about," Pen says. "There's security outside, and it's safe enough."
"People may be waiting to come in." Logan frowns. "Some loiter by the entrance, just in case they get lucky with pictures."
"If there are too many, they'll be roped away," Damián adds.
Mariana purses her lips. "Okay. I think I can handle that. My car shouldn't take too long."
"You don't have to go alone," Bear says. "One of us can keep you company."
I roll my shoulders.
"No, it's okay." Mariana stands. "I'll handle it."
"We're great bodyguards," Logan says.
"Dom can go with you, right?" Evie asks.
Her smile is familiar. Friendly as always. But she's transparent and her meddling is clear. Except I can't say no, if I don't want to raise suspicion.
"Sure." I shrug and stand. "I'll keep you company."
"I'm okay, thanks," Mariana says. "No need."
"It's fine." I give her a pointed look. "I'll go."
Her eyes narrow infinitesimally. "Fine."
She says goodbye to everyone and I follow her down the stairs.
"You didn't have to do this," she says when we're out of sight.
"I know. Except if I made a fuss, Evie would have read into it."
"Are they really that scary?"
"I'm not afraid of them. They're pushy, is all. I just don't want to deal with their interventions."
"You can dish it but you can't take it?"
We exit the club. The night is cool, with a hint of Fall in the air.
It could have been a perfect September evening, the kind where darkness drops on the city without my knowledge, while I had the time of my life with my friends after another weekend game win.
But no. Instead, I had to dissociate from the conversations around me.
Now I'm playing bodyguard to Mariana while she tries to tease me.
"You know," I say, "you could just have not come out and joined us."