8. Chapter 8 #3
People stand behind ropes. Some call my name, but I don't respond. Mariana and I stand at the curb and wait for her car. I stop paying attention to the noise around us, caught as I am by the twitch on her brow, and the sudden tension on her lips.
My comment hurt her, even if she's doing her best to hide it.
Guilt snakes its way up my belly.
"I couldn't say no," Mariana tells me. "I didn't want to say no."
"They must like you, if they invited you."
The admission is my apology. It sucks all around, because I know they would all get along amazingly well, if it weren't for me.
"Eventually you will find your people," I add. "This is just a transition."
"The thing is I like them too." She crosses her arms. "And it's not like I can just wish for it on a shooting star and great friends will appear out of thin air."
That snake in my belly coils on itself, cold as it prepares to strike. What is this, the schoolyard and I'm telling her she doesn't get to talk to my friends because they were my friends first?
"At least focus on neutrality," I demand.
"And if you're feeling bold, go back in there and find someone on the dancefloor.
I heard you want to live your best single life.
Go have an adventure. Maybe you'll meet someone to sweep you off your feet and introduce you to people. Two birds with one stone."
She glares at me. "Have you been keeping that in for the past hour, Dom? Is that why you were so stubbornly quiet? Unapproachable all night? Because I said I wanted to date a lot?"
"I was being aloof."
"Sure. A frown is super indifferent."
I didn't realize I had been frowning, but whatever. The snake of guilt is gone, now that we're bickering again.
I scowl. "Don't let a frown stop you from going back in there and finding Prince Charming."
"Who said I'm looking for a prince? I tried royals and found them lacking."
"Whatever your list is this time, I'm sure you'll have luck if you just try a little harder."
"Jealousy isn't becoming, Dom."
"I'm not jealous. Pero un clavo saca otro clavo, and there are plenty of those back in the club. And if you start dating someone else, my friends will stop looking at us so closely. Then we can both do whatever the fuck we want."
She speaks Spanish and French, and she knows the saying I just used. A well-used hammer and nail can get rid of another nail— a new person can make you forget the one who broke your heart.
She shrugs. "I don't need any help getting over Henry. That's done."
"Those dates when you separated must have been a hell of a lot of fun."
"Maybe they were, maybe they weren't. What's that to you?"
I resist the impulse to step closer. We remain side by side, surrounded by people ready to record everything if we so much as give them a hint at drama between us.
I force my voice to come out monotone. "Nothing, of course."
"Glad to hear it, or I would have thought you stopped dating because we'd meet again."
Cars go by on the street, none of them stopping near us to pick up Mariana. The sound of engines is a mild purr in the still-busy night. Streetlights shine on us, with a hint of violet coming from the club's sign hitting Mariana from the back.
Time slows. Disdain tilts her mouth. She gazes up at me with an angry dare in her eyes.
I scoff. "Why would I stop dating because of you? We're not going to fuck, cupcake."
"Of course not, Dominic. There's no going back. Para atrás ni para tomar vuelo."
She's giving me another saying back. Not going back even to gain momentum.
"Not even if you ask nicely," I say.
"If anyone might get second thoughts it's you."
"I got second thoughts once. The way it went, I'm not going for thirds."
She glances at me from the corner of her eye. "You'd break first."
Ropes keep me in place. My body strains to keep composure. Our words are all we have, and more than we should wield.
"Are you sure about that?" I scowl. "Maybe your memory is failing, after all."
"My memory works perfectly well."
"Then why would you forget how often you initiated?" I gaze down at her. "Hell, how often you took over."
"I deleted it from my brain."
"As if you could, Mari."
I know I couldn't. The frustration has me using the one name I only ever used tenderly. And I pay for it, with a raw, smarting hit to my chest.
She hides the impact the name has on her, but I see it in the way her pupils blow up, and her lips open slightly. Like she needs more air, just to cope with the memories it brings. I know I'm breathing harder in response to how easily the name escaped me.
I don't apologize. She doesn't say anything.
A car stops in front of us. Mariana checks her phone again, likely making sure it's the car she's expecting, before she grabs the door and opens it.
"Bye, Dom."
I don't help her, except to close the door as she settles in.
As soon as the car starts moving, I turn and leave.
I ignore the people trying to catch my attention again.
Mariana will see me go back into the club, and I know I have no reason for this, but I hope she wonders if I will be the one to go home with someone tonight.
I don't.