34. Chapter 34
Dom
At home several hours later, I open the door to welcome Mariana in. It's the first time she has come to my place. I'm nervous, but I blame my friends for it. I don't want to make mistakes, and I hate having the worry in my head now.
She comes in and, moving in slow motion, hugs me gingerly.
I leave one of my crutches against the wall and hug her with my free arm. "You can hug me tighter, Princesa."
"I don't want to hurt you. First your shoulders, now your knee? And they said you had other injuries too…"
"I'm not going to break."
It's late at night. The quiet of a sleeping city fills my home.
Mariana left her small suitcase to the side, to be ignored until we're done hugging.
Resting my head on hers, I let myself smile.
It didn't take long to convince her to come stay with me for a few days.
She said she wanted to help, and I said I would appreciate the company, and now she's in my arms as we hold each other close.
"Come," I say after a while. "I won't give you a tour tonight, as I can't move too easily, but you're welcome to investigate on your own."
Hobbling and with one crutch under each arm, I guide her through the hall and go straight into the bedroom area. It's a modern bungalow type home, and I've never been more thankful for the lack of stairs.
My room occupies the whole end of the structure. I show her the closet and tell her she can make room for her things there, just like in the bathroom.
"Do you need help changing clothes?" she asks.
I shake my head. "I'm okay. Go get comfortable."
It's a more involved, slower process, but I undress to my underwear while she putters around getting ready.
After a short while, Mariana comes out of my ensuite bathroom in a navy satin set, simple in its shiny and matte stripes and black lace edging.
It shouldn't be sexy, covering most of her body despite the strappy, V-neck top, but I never needed much encouragement to decide she looks wonderful.
She hovers near my bed, wringing her hands together. I sigh and sit on my bed. Never did I ever think we'd be here like this.
"It's a nice bedroom," she says.
If anyone had been here before, they might have called it masculine.
Full of modern lines, creams and whites contrast with a dark charcoal wall and bedding.
Darkened, distressed wood brings warmth to the space with deep caramel and tobacco shades, and I even keep a few pillows in a dark mustard color on the bed. It makes me feel put together.
I smile. "Come. Get cozy. I just need to do a couple of things."
We keep our voices low. The brace sits to my side, waiting. My injured leg is stretched, and I reach for the tube of ointment I left earlier on my side table.
"Can I help?" she asks.
"You don't need to help me."
"I want to. It would make me feel better."
I shake my head, open the tube, and squirt some onto my palm. "I told you I wanted your company, nothing else."
"Let me help, will you?"
I fake a sigh and let her help me get on the bed without straining my knee. She scoops the ointment from me and works it on the joint. I lean back against the pillows, and try not to think of how homey this all feels.
"So what's next with your treatment?" she asks.
"I'll know more tomorrow, but for the next few weeks I'll be off games and focused on therapy and recovery. Best case, I get to play most of the playoffs. Worst case, I end up needing arthroscopic surgery plus six weeks of therapy after, with recovery aiming for my return for the next season."
"How are you feeling about everything?"
"I hate this. Whether we win the championship again or not, if I'm not there, I'll feel awful."
"But you'll recover. You'll get another chance next year regardless, right?"
"Yeah. I'm just greedy."
She glances at me with a small smile tilting her lips. "I get the feeling that to be an athlete at your level you have to be greedy. Though I'd call it competitive."
"Potato, tomato."
She laughs. "I'm pretty sure that's not how that goes."
I shrug, enjoying her hands on me, even if it's a medical type of touch. The ointment has a chemical scent to it. I focus on the warmth radiating from the spot, and cross my hands over my stomach. Once she's done, she goes to wash her hands and I put the brace back on.
It takes some time but, after a while, we're finally cozy in bed together.
I'm breathless in a way I didn't expect.
"So your friends know there's something between us," she says. "And Cora suspects, after having heard through the grapevine that I visited you in the hospital."
"Thank you for the visit, by the way. I didn't expect it."
"I couldn't help it. I care about you."
With a full brace while waiting for more tests, I can only sleep on my back. She cuddles up to me, finding a way for us to gaze at each other. I caress her face with the back of my hand.
"I care about you, too." My mouth pulls up from one side. "Obviously. Not like I had any filters at all last night."
She bites her lip. "It was cute."
"It wasn't. No need to lie to me."
"So, so adorable. After you recover and the injury is a thing of the past, and you look at this time with more equanimity, you'll see how sweet you were."
"I wasn't sweet. I was senseless. Addled, like Rafa said to me during my intervention a few hours ago."
She laughs. "What did they say?"
I adjust my pillow. It's not as comfortable as usual, for some reason. Once that's done, I fix the blankets so they cover us up to our shoulders, too.
"They don't want me messing up," I finally say.
"How could you mess this up?"
"A few ways. Forgetting that this will end, for example."
It's the worst interpretation I can think of for some of the things I said. I've been hoping it didn't cross Mariana's mind.
Two lines appear on her brow. I reassure her before she can get there on her own.
"Don't worry," I say. "I won't forget. Remember— I was drugged, and still made it clear I want us to get it right."
She studies me for a long moment, searching for something in my eyes. I don't interrupt.
"I can't go through another heartbreak like when I first left for England," she whispers after a while. "Or losing you altogether while having you so close. Or losing your friends, to be honest."
"I know. I understand."
"The life I'm making… finding a way to have you in it again…
It feels like I'm playing with fire, but in a life-giving way.
Like in ancient times, when there would be someone taking care of the flames, and learning from them, and even traveling with a burning ember, just to make sure it never died. "
I hold her hand on my chest, caressing the back of it with a thumb.
What we're doing is a gift we're giving each other.
"We're going to be okay," I say. "I promise I'll do my best. And my friends, well… they'll bug me. Tease us about it. But they won't say anything else."
"Cora will give me time to figure things out, and I'm starting therapy again in a bit. That should help, right?"
"That should help." I give her a kiss. "No need to run to HR yet, or tell anyone else."
"Good. I'd rather not have to think about anyone else's expectations. Especially not HR, your family, or mine."