33. Chapter 33
Dom
I'm dreading this flight. I'm in one of the seats designated for plenty of room, but it won't be a pleasant trip for me.
My right leg is extended, the brace is tight enough to be uncomfortable, and the painkillers I'm on don't do more than dull the pain.
Besides, without the blissed out mindlessness of the hospital pain killers, I expect my friends to jump me as soon as we reach cruising altitude.
The window blind is up. I gaze out as we gain altitude.
I'm somewhat hidden in the back of the cabin, and I try to convince myself that if I look distracted enough, in pain enough, I will be left alone.
It's not like I'm lying. My mind goes in circles, aware of how lucky it is that I have a mild injury, and how much worse it could have been.
I'll take the pain if it means I only need crutches and treatment for a few weeks, rather than surgery, or anything else that could put a question mark on my career.
I'll even come to accept I may not excel as much as I hoped this year, and I won't get the satisfaction of showing Mariana's parents that they were wrong to ever doubt me.
As long as retirement remains my choice, I'll convince myself I've proven everything I wanted.
If only I could convince myself that I didn't say too much last night, too.
I remember everything about Mariana's visit to the hospital last night.
Too many confessions spilled out of me when I couldn't catch them.
All my cards have been revealed. Now I have no idea how she's taking all that truth, but I know what my friends will assume.
And I have no idea how to contain the blast.
The seatbelt sign comes off with the traditional two-tone sound, and I take a deep breath. The familiar noises of people unbuckling and moving around fill the space. If I close my eyes and pretend to be sleeping, maybe my friends will leave me alone…
"How's the knee?" Damián asks. "You must still be in pain."
I don't open my eyes and cross my fingers that it's only Damián paying a social visit.
I wince. "Yeah, it's swollen and pulsing, but the new medicine helps."
"You'll need to be careful with everything," Bear says. "Very careful."
"These things have a way of getting out of hand," Saint adds. "You'll need everyone's support to get through this."
Logan's voice is as serious as always. "It was a shock, but you can overcome this challenge, Dom. It happens to the best of us."
"But we have each other," Rafa says. "We're here for you."
I open a single eye. I know what they're doing. This isn't how they would talk about an injury.
I purse my lips and pretend I don't notice. "Thank you. If all the preliminary stuff is right, I'll only miss one playoff game. That's my goal, anyway. All I need is rest, so if you don't mind…"
Bear's heavy hand drops to my shoulder. This won't be the end of it. The squeeze he gives me does not seem very 'see you later, goodbye'.
"Are you still high, Dom?" he asks.
I glare at him. "What do I need to answer to make sure this doesn't turn into an intervention?"
"What makes you think we're here for an intervention?" Logan asks.
I cross my arms and scoff. I give each of them an annoyed arched eyebrow.
"He's not high, boys," Rafa says. "Let's do this."
"What exactly is going on with Mariana?" Damián asks.
"Sshhh," I utter in a low volume. "She's right there."
I can only see the top of her head from here, popping above her seat several rows closer to the front.
"She wouldn't be surprised we're talking about this." Saint grins. "She was there last night."
"We're surrounded by people," I insist.
"You know everyone's wearing their headphones or talking to each other," Bear says. "They won't pay attention to us."
Rafa gives me one of his wise looks. "It's okay. We can keep this intervention short and sweet."
"I wasn't supposed to get an intervention at all," I complain. "We do these when one of us is fucking up with the woman they love."
"Or could fuck up with the woman they love," Damián says.
"What are you talking about?" I frown his way. "You didn't get one."
"I was too smart for you guys."
"Damián was just the first." Rafa leans against the row in front of mine. "And did it where we couldn't see him, within only a few days."
I gaze at the big guy. He's letting his hair grow on top, and now a few curls take shape when he runs his fingers through it. While staring at me with a knowing look.
I narrow my eyes at him.
"Like I said," Damián insists. "I was smart."
"Let's not get distracted." Logan frowns. "This is about the fact our friend, Dom, has been hiding the state of his affairs with Mariana."
"There's no reason why you all needed to know," I argue.
Rafa cleans an invisible piece of lint from his sleeve. "It's clear you didn't want us to know, for reasons you explained well enough last night, despite your addled brain."
I've gone over my memories of the night before several times.
A lot of it was fine. I'm particularly thankful that I talked about letting go and being great about it this time.
That is something we all need to be aware of.
And since Mariana heard it, too, she can count it as evidence that we're on the same page this time.
It's everything else that I struggle with. How I talked about love and not being able to keep it— not wanting to— not trying to keep it with Mariana. What I think my friends will think of me because of it.
"You're wrong, by the way," Logan says. "Regardless of how this thing with Mariana turns out, our conclusion wouldn't be that you can't make love last."
"Give me a break," I complain. "I was drugged."
The chemicals in my system brought up fears I'm not sure I have. Or if they matter. At the end of the day, the real problem is that I'm the only one who's not chosen.
"If things don't go your way," Saint says, "we'd decide you made a mistake somewhere. You either believed something wrong, or you did something wrong."
Yeah, I should have found a way to stop this conversation.
"I guess you don't have a big opinion of me in romance," I say after a while. "I get why, but it doesn't feel good to hear it."
"You're getting it wrong right now," Logan says. "Good news is, we're here to help."
I shake my head, but they continue like I'm the one asking for more.
"It's part of human nature to make mistakes." Rafa crosses his arms, the picture of serenity. "What matters is if you're going to try to do something different this time."
"But I am trying," I argue. "I'm learning from my past mistakes. That's the whole point. Mariana and I are committed to doing things right this time. It has nothing to do with making it last. In fact, that goes fully against what we want."
"Is that true?" Logan asks.
"It is." I grind my teeth. "It's what's right for us."
Bear's hand still rests heavy on my shoulder.
He squeezes my trap. "What is right wholly depends on whether you love her, Dom."
"And we fully believe you can find a way to make it last if you so choose," Rafa says.
I chew the inside of my mouth. I can't accept their words. It would lead me down a path I promised I wouldn't follow.
"She doesn't want it to last," I say.
What I might want would never fit against that. I would rather not ask myself anything whose answer could get in the way of what I've fought for.
"So you will pretend you don't have wants of your own?" Damián raises an eyebrow at me. "That's not like you."
"It's not like the man who told me not to let Evie go," Logan says. "If I remember right, you said there was someone you loved who got away, and you didn't want me to regret it the same way."
"Low blow, QB." I shake my head at him. "I won't regret it this time. I'm making peace with the fact that, in this group, I'll be the single one. The one who dates on and off. I can be happy with that. Will you let me be happy with that?"
"Hey, I'm single, too," Rafa complains.
"I'm sorry, Rafa." I take a deep breath. "You never date and I misread the situation."
"I don't date yet," he grumbles.
"Don't misread our intentions, Dom." Bear taps my shoulder and lets go. "We want you to be happy."
Logan gives me one of his rare micro smiles. "We're here if you change your mind about how to make that happen."
"I'll take it upon consideration," I say after a while.
It's a miracle they listen and go back to their seats.