Chapter 31
RILEY
Iwake slowly, my eyes adjusting to the bright sunlight bouncing off the whitewashed walls and illuminating the bedroom.
I let my gaze roam over the tanned expanse of Luke’s back, the smattering of freckles across his shoulders more prominent than usual after being in the sun yesterday.
His body is a work of art, from the mounds of his traps and the swell of his ribcage down to his trim, tapered waist where my hand lightly rests, and the perfectly round curve of his ass.
He’s snoring peacefully, and I want to let him sleep as long as possible before I have to burst this content little bubble we’re in.
Luke is charming in a quiet, unassuming way that caught me off guard the first time we met, and again yesterday in the pool.
I had every intention of icing him out until he caved to the conversation that we needed to have, but it felt too good to see him so happy again after so long.
And I hoped that maybe it would loosen him up a little for us to talk once we got back to the house after dinner.
But then he curled into me in that soft, needy way he does, eyes full of desire and a desperation that I don’t think even he understands, and I was powerless to resist him again.
The way that this strong, beautiful man needs me is something I don’t think I’ve ever been able to comprehend.
Why me? He could have had anyone in the world, and he chose me.
He’s planned a hike for us today, and I know he’s excited to show me around the desert, a place that’s intensely sentimental to him. But as much as I’m looking forward to seeing it through his eyes, we have to have the conversation he’s been avoiding first.
Luke sighs in his sleep and rolls over to face me, his unshaven jaw scratching at my skin as he burrows into my chest. My heart cracks at how naturally he seeks comfort in me, and part of me thinks that maybe I should just let go of the last couple of weeks and start over fresh from here.
I can’t bear the idea of upsetting him by bringing it up again, but the whole point of this trip was to work out our issues and reconnect.
I can’t reconnect to someone who’s so intentionally shut me out without at least understanding why it happened in the first place.
This is the first time I’ve ever had any sort of conflict with a partner where I actually cared about the outcome.
My ex and I didn’t feel strongly enough about each other to argue about anything at all, and when it became clear that I wanted to explore the world and he wanted to stay exactly where he was, the only solution was to end it, and I was perfectly fine with that.
The relationship ran its course in a natural way, and its conclusion made sense.
But nothing with Luke has been linear from the start.
We had sex before we had feelings, and we had barely decided to be a couple when I was moving in, which took us from zero to committed in sixty seconds.
To be fair, I did have every intention of our living situation being temporary, but Luke’s demure charm struck again.
It was so easy to make a home and build a life with him… until it wasn’t.
I can’t make sense of any of the events of the last few weeks. I need him to fill in the blanks for me.
“You’re thinking way too loudly for this early in the morning.” Luke’s tired mahogany eyes blink up at me, his voice gravelly from sleep.
“Sorry.” I force a smile, rubbing one hand soothingly along his arm. “Lots on my mind.”
Luke frowns at that and leans back to study me. I can tell he wants to ask, but he’s too afraid that I’ll say exactly what he doesn’t want to hear.
“I’m going to go see what’s in the kitchen in the way of breakfast,” I say instead, gently pulling away from him and crossing the room to the dresser to slip on a pair of sweatpants. “Why don’t you go take a shower and meet me there when you’re ready to talk.”
An impassive mask slides over his face, and it’s like a knife to the gut. Without another word, he’s out of bed and closing the bathroom door behind him, and I sigh when I hear the click of the lock. Suddenly, it’s as if the last twenty-four hours never happened.
The kitchen is fully stocked, and I find all the ingredients to make bagel egg sandwiches.
The food is nearly ready, and I’m pouring us each coffee when Luke finally emerges, freshly shaven except for his mustache, hair perfectly styled.
Everything about his body language screams fight or flight, and I don’t want either. I just want him to talk to me.
I let him eat in silence, barely touching my own food and dreading what’s about to come. But we’ve avoided it long enough.
“So, I’d really like it if you could give me your perspective on these last couple of weeks,” I start, trying to keep my voice as neutral and nonconfrontational as possible.
Luke sits back in his chair, biceps flexing as his arms cross, expression guarded. “I’ve just been stressed,” he says flatly. “I thought maybe I could take the edge off by having one drink before the shoot. That’s all.”
“Okay,” I say slowly, considering my next words. There’s so much to unpack there, I’m not even sure where to start. “Why have you been stressed?”
He swallows, his gaze briefly flicking away from me and around the room, as if he can find the answers somewhere in the kitchen cabinets. “Work stuff, I guess.”
“Work stuff…with me?” I ask, trying to keep my frustration at bay.
His eyes immediately flash back to mine, and his hard exterior crumples a bit. “No,” he assures me quickly. “Fuck, Riley…never with you. I love working with you.”
The tightness in my chest eases some. “Okay, so what if we just went back to only collabing with each other? Wouldn’t that help your stress?”
He’s shaking his head vigorously before I even finish the question. “We can’t. The fans will get bored and leave if it’s just us all the time. I have to listen to what they want.”
“What about what you want?” I argue, a little more sharply than I intended. “What about what’s best for you? For us? You’ve been shutting me out…you really think that’s what’s best? I’m trying here, Luke, but I can’t help you if you won’t let me in.”
“Who said I wanted your help?” he growls suddenly. “I’ve managed just fine on my own for the last twenty years. I don’t understand why we have to keep talking about it. Things were fine yesterday; let’s just move on.”
“You think things are fine?” I ask, blinking in disbelief.
“Luke, I’ve been fucking miserable the last few weeks.
You say you can handle your own shit, but your idea of handling it has been drinking more and talking less, and it’s starting to scare me.
We’re a team…or at least I thought we were.
Even if you don’t want my help, I can at least be there to support you! ”
He flinches and doesn’t meet my eye, deflating a little.
“I’ve been wracking my brain for the last few days trying to figure out what changed, and I keep coming back to the day Mandy got into town…
which was the same day as your collab with Cooper.
I asked you that night if something had happened, and you told me no.
” I take a deep breath and level a look at him.
“So I’m going to ask one more time…what happened with Cooper? ”
His shoulders slump as he curls in on himself, and I can sense him shifting from fight to flight. “I didn’t…it was a mistake,” he whispers.
My heart is pounding, but I stay silent, willing him to continue.
He rolls his teeth over his bottom lip and squeezes his eyes shut, voice small and scared when he says, “We…we did the collab at our house.”
“In our bed?” I ask, my stomach dropping.
“On the couch,” he admits, sounding miserable.
I let out a breath of relief. That’s…not ideal, but not as bad.
Yes, that’s still our space, and while I don’t love the idea of anyone else being like that with Luke inside our home, I trust that he would have done his best to come up with any other alternative.
What I can’t make sense of is why he kept this from me for so long. “Why didn’t you just tell me?”
“Look, we had to get it done, and his place wasn’t available like I thought it would be.
That’s the job sometimes, okay?” He’s getting defensive now and lashing out, but his words still slice me to the core.
“It wasn’t a big deal; it’s not like I was trying to break your rules.
And last time I checked, it was my name on the title anyway. ”
I sag back against the chair as if I’ve been slapped.
“They weren’t just my rules; we came up with them together.
” I can’t hide the hurt in my voice. The idea that he’s been considering boundaries that I thought were for both of us as strict rules he has to abide by unwillingly stings.
“You told me yesterday that you would answer all of my questions, so I want answers. That’s the whole reason I agreed to come here in the first place.
If it wasn’t a big deal, why did you lie to me about it when I asked? ”
“Because I didn’t want to do this with you!” he snaps, standing up so quickly that the dishes on the table rattle, startling us both. “I just want to forget about it and go back to normal. Why is that too much to ask?”
I gape at him in disbelief. “Because that’s not how relationships work, Luke!
” I shout, standing to square off with him.
“Were you ever going to tell me about this? You don’t get to just make all of the decisions and leave me out in the cold to try and figure out what’s going on!
I’m not a mind reader. These are things we have to talk about and solve together. ”
“Well, what’s done is done, and there’s nothing to solve.” His arms are folded across his chest again, his expression one of total apathy that’s so unfamiliar to me, I can’t even begin to make sense of it.