Chapter 30 #2
I knew I was being an asshole, and I missed the way things were between us before, but it was like I was outside of my body watching myself become this person I didn’t like, and I was powerless to make myself change course.
And then I would make it worse by going to the very person I had been hurting and begging him to fill the emptiness inside of me.
And he would. Every single night, he would…
until last night. His rejection stung in a way I wasn’t prepared for, and of course I didn’t know how to handle it. I lashed out and made it worse.
I don’t know how to fix this. I know I have to tell him about Cooper, but I’m terrified of what will happen when I do.
I just want to go back to before any of this happened, when we were happy.
My relationship with Riley is like a fist full of sand—no matter how tightly I try and hold on, I’m slowly losing him with each passing minute.
The anxiety I’ve become so familiar with pools in the pit of my stomach, and my gaze drifts automatically to the bottle of scotch, sitting like a beacon on top of the refrigerator. Just a little bit would be enough to soothe that horrible churning in my gut…
No. I can’t let myself go there right now, not when drinking before a collab is what set off this bomb in the first place. I didn’t think about Riley’s rule before I did it, I was just trying to relax before I had to watch some other guy fuck the man I love.
Because that has to be what this is, right?
This feeling that’s so wholly unfamiliar, and so intense that it almost hurts to look at it, but it hurts even more to look away.
Even before I recognized it for what it was, it thrummed in my veins, disguised in the instinct to protect him—whatever it takes, whatever the cost.
But how do I protect him from me?
The drive to Palm Springs is the most excruciating three hours I think I’ve ever experienced in my life.
Riley has barely spoken a word to me since he told me to figure out our weekend plans, only responding when absolutely necessary.
His silence is unnerving, and his bright, happy grin is nowhere to be found.
I hate myself a little bit for being the cause.
With only my driving playlist and the occasional direction from the GPS to fill the awkward silence, I have a lot of time to think, and by the time we reach our house for the weekend, I’m determined to make this the best trip Riley has ever had.
He perks up a little as we wander through the house, checking out the sleek, minimalistic furnishings, the fully stocked fridge, and the pool with a beautiful view of the open desert.
I congratulate myself for finding this place; the vibes are perfect for the romantic getaway we both need to get our relationship back on course.
“You hungry yet, baby?” I ask as I finish unpacking our suitcase. “We could check out one of the local restaurants, or we could just hang by the pool for a bit after that drive. Whatever you want.”
Riley glances out the sliding glass door at the pool and then plucks his Speedo out of the top drawer of the dresser, making his way to the bathroom without another word.
Well, guess that’s decided then.
With a sigh, I shed my own shorts and T-shirt and change into my favorite black Speedo before making my way to the kitchen to grab a couple of flavored waters from the refrigerator.
I snort a little as I select a peach-flavored one for Riley and a pineapple-flavored one for me.
I wonder if the fruit flavoring is natural?
Riley is already relaxed back on one of the pool loungers, his taut, tan body stretched out like a prince waiting to be serviced by his royal servants.
If things weren’t so tense between us right now, I’d slide that little green Speedo down and have him in my mouth in a flash.
I’m salivating a little just thinking about it.
Instead, I clear my throat and hand him a water bottle.
He nods in thanks, but I can’t see his expression behind his dark sunglasses.
This silent treatment is well deserved, but it’s going to kill me before long.
So instead of taking the lounger beside him and sipping water, uncomfortable as fuck, I turn toward the pool, strip out of my Speedo, and dive ungracefully into the crystal-clear water.
The temperature is perfect. The weather has been in the high eighties, so the water is cool and refreshing instead of boiling me alive like it would if the desert were at its summer peak.
I allow myself to hover weightlessly under the water for a moment before breaking the surface and shaking my head back and forth like a dog.
My heart soars when I look over to find Riley’s lips turned up in the slightest grin, shaking his head at me.
“You gonna join me, or just lie there looking like a snack all day?” I call out.
His tongue sneaks out to swipe over his plush bottom lip before he takes a swig of his water, tilting his head to consider me. I give him my cheesiest, toothiest grin in return, kicking my legs up to float on my back and letting the goods all hang out.
Riley’s grin turns into a chuckle that he tries to hide with an exasperated sigh, but I know I’ve got him.
I turn away to avoid the splash from his cannonball into the water, grinning as I watch him swim to the other end of the pool and back before surfacing.
Taking a risk, I reach a foot out under the water to hook my ankle with his and pull him closer to me.
He allows it and straddles my left thigh, placing both his hands lightly on my shoulders for balance.
My cock starts to fill at his close proximity, and I hope he doesn’t notice.
“Hi,” I whisper, touching my forehead to his and reaching up to sweep a strand of wet hair off his face.
“Hi,” he whispers back, throat bobbing on a swallow. The motion of the water is gently rocking him on my thigh, and I wish he were naked, too.
“You’re wearing too many clothes,” I say gruffly, sliding my index finger just beneath the fabric.
“Hmm…you think so?” He’s giving me a coy smirk, and my relief at the sight of it is a weight off my chest. This feels like before. Like we’re finally back on the same page. I’ve spent the past few weeks drifting so far away from him, and with one smile, I suddenly feel grounded again.
“Mmhmm.” I slide both hands down the back of his Speedo to cup his pert ass, giving his cheeks a squeeze.
He laughs and shakes his head at me, pulling back to stand and remove the offending fabric, tossing it onto the concrete with a wet slap before wrapping both legs around my waist this time.
His cock fits perfectly next to mine; he’s half-hard.
Placing his hands on either side of my neck, he caresses my jaw with his thumbs as he looks deep into my eyes, like he’s searching for something in my gaze.
His lips part as if he wants to say something, but instead, he closes the distance between us and brushes his lips ever so softly over mine.
I don’t move, don’t even breathe out of fear that somehow, I’ll fuck this up, too.
Pulling back slightly, Riley gives me that searching look once more, and I want so badly to ask what he’s looking for.
Sweeping his thumbs along my stubbled jaw, he leans forward and lightly kisses the tip of my nose, then my cheeks, then my temple.
His hips are grinding against me slowly now, and as always, I follow his lead.
The feel of his smooth, sun-kissed skin pressed up against me, and our cocks sliding together has me at the edge of pleasure in no time, and I gently place my hands on his hips to stop his movement.
“Sorry,” I say softly. “I’ll come like this if you keep doing that, and I don’t think the homeowners would appreciate that too much.”
Riley cocks an eyebrow and tilts his head adorably. “They own a rental home in Palm Springs; I’m sure we wouldn’t be the first ones to come in this pool.”
I toss my head back and laugh at that, because he definitely has a point. “Touché. But still. We can save that for later.” My stomach growls between us.
“Sounds like we need to see about finding you some dinner,” Riley agrees.
“God, who knew the best Brussels sprouts in the world were in Palm Springs?” Riley asks, collapsing back onto our California king bed and rubbing a hand over his toned stomach dramatically.
I flop down face-first next to him, pleased when he lifts an arm to accommodate me snuggling up to his side.
I tuck my chin into the space between his shoulder and neck and breathe in the scent of sunshine and chlorine.
If home were a person, it would be Riley Cunningham.
And it feels so good to finally be home after whatever I did to us these past couple of weeks.
“I didn’t even know I liked Brussels sprouts,” Riley continues, trailing his fingers along my spine and up into my hair before walking them back down again and resting his open palm on my ass, almost possessively. “Who knew the secret was some bacon grease and chili powder.”
“Mmm,” I sigh noncommittally into his neck. He wraps his other arm around me, turning his body into mine, cocooning me. I don’t care about Brussels sprouts right now. I don’t care about anything happening outside of this bed, because everything I need is right here.
Dinner was all easy conversation and even some laughter, and it proved that we just needed some time away together to fix everything that I broke. I haven’t fucked it up irrevocably yet.
“Sleepy boy,” Riley chuckles, resting his cheek on the top of my head.
The surge of affection that ripples through my bloodstream at the tenderness in his voice suddenly makes me want to cry.
The warmth and security I feel in his arms is something I’ve longed for as long as I can remember.
Riley is the sun, and I’ve spent my whole life drifting and alone until he pulled me into his orbit.
I make a soft, needy sound in the back of my throat and try to pull him closer. But no matter how close we get, it’s not enough. I need him inside me, need him filling up that emptiness in me the way that only he can.
“What do you need, babe?” Riley whispers into my hair, one hand coming up to grip the back of my neck gently, but firmly.
Without words, I guide his hand on my ass inward so that his fingers are dipping into my crease over the fabric of my shorts.
“Okay,” he says softly, understanding. He carefully lifts my chin to look me in the eyes before he says, “I’ll take care of you, don’t worry.” And then our lips meet in the most tender kiss.
We take our time undressing one another, and I drink him in, attempting to memorize the little constellation of freckles scattered across his left pec, the dip of his belly button, and the gentle curve of his cock when it’s fully erect.
I study the sage green of his eyes and the way his chestnut waves are beginning to grow out around his ears now, his full pink lips, and the soft roundness of his face, so young and earnest. Everything about him is perfect. He’s perfect for me.
“Lie back for me, babe,” he instructs, pushing my thighs wide and sliding one finger inside of me right away.
I groan at the sensation of being filled, but I need more. Crouched at my haunches, he’s too far away still, and I reach for him. “Come here, baby, I need to kiss you,” I plead. “Please let me kiss you.”
He obliges, leaning forward to press his lips reverently to mine as he slips a second finger inside me. Our tongues entwine as he takes his time opening me up, so gentle and so slow, worshipping my body like he thinks I’m this fragile thing that might break apart.
When he finally slides that beautiful cock into me, I’m no longer alone in my body, and I swear our souls collide.