Chapter 34 #2
“I don’t know if you’ve looked at your numbers lately,” Jess begins, “but your backlogged content is selling twice as much as your new content.”
I frown. “So…what does that mean?”
“Well, by my calculations…it means you can quit, Luke.”
My heart leaps at the same time my stomach drops. Quit? On the one hand, nothing sounds better, but on the other hand is the familiar fear of the unknown. “I’m not following your logic there, boss,” I say slowly.
“Your subscriptions have been steady,” she explains.
“There was a little dip after Riley quit working, but your videos with him are still your bestsellers, and there are a lot of them. There’s a noticeable difference in your content before and after Riley, too—your new work isn’t bad, not by a long shot, but your heart isn’t in it anymore, and it shows.
Whether the fans realize that consciously or not, I couldn’t say, but most of your subs are buying your old content.
” She leans forward, placing her elbows on the table and folding her hands.
This is Boss Jess now. “What I’m saying is, you’re generating enough income on subscriptions and existing content that you could keep your page active and survive on promoting videos you already have without taking a hit to your bank account.
The new videos just aren’t making that big of a dent in your bottom line, so if you don’t want to keep doing them, you don’t have to. ”
I sink back into the booth, processing that information. “But then…what would I do instead?”
“Anything you want.” Jess shrugs. “I can keep the page running, and you’d just have to check in a couple of times a week to chat with your top spenders.
You could keep posting photos and the occasional solo video if you want, just to keep things fresh.
But you wouldn’t even have to do that if you don’t want to.
Eventually, the traffic will probably decrease over time if you’re not putting out new work, but you could supplement with brand deals on your other socials or even modeling work, probably.
Or you could go be a stockroom boy at Target, if your little heart so desires.
I bet red looks great on you. The sky is the limit. ”
She pauses to let that sink in, but the way her lips are pursed tells me there’s something she isn’t saying. “And what’s the ‘but’ here?” I ask.
“No ‘but,’” she insists. “If I’m not mistaken, though…this would also resolve the last issue standing between you and Riley.”
Every thought in my head comes to a grinding halt.
“You quit drinking, you’ve been in therapy, you are much more emotionally mature now,” she states, ticking facts off on her fingers, “and if you can quit collabing with other people, that will be the last thing that he asked of you. You’ve done the work you needed to do, Luke, and you did it for yourself.
Riley was the one who put things in motion, but you’ve spent this past year focused on your physical and mental health and on your work, and it’s paid off in more ways than one.
Maybe it isn’t my place to say, and maybe you’ve moved on…
” She points to my chest. “But I’m going to go out on a limb and say I don’t think you have. ”
She’s both right and wrong. I have moved on in the ways that she said—bettering myself for me because I needed it, not because I was trying to win Riley back, but I’ve also never stopped missing him and wishing things could be different for us.
But I couldn’t possibly call him up out of the blue and ask him to give us another shot…
not after he asked me not to contact him again. Right?
“But…if I wouldn’t even quit for Riley, how can I justify quitting for myself now?”
“How are the two related? You can quit at any time, for any reason you want. Stop carrying around guilt that doesn’t belong to you.
” Jess leans forward and takes both my hands in hers.
“I don’t need an answer right now. Just think about it.
If you want to keep working, you can, but I wanted you to know all of your options. ”
“Thanks, Jess.” I lift one of her hands and kiss her knuckles. “You’re the best boss I could ask for, and I don’t know what I would do without you.”
She rolls her eyes and frees her hand to give me a sharp pat on the cheek. “You know I love you. Now, where on earth is our waiter? I need tacos, stat.”
This time, I order fajitas instead of tacos.
Jess’s words are still echoing in my mind hours later as I’m getting ready for my birthday dinner.
Could I really quit? The idea is less terrifying than it was a year ago, but it’s still a little unnerving to think of such a massive change to my routine. And why did she mention Riley? Has she talked to him? Does she know something I don’t?
It’s been a couple of weeks since I’ve looked at his travel blog or any of his other social media, but I remember the cupcake video he posted last year for my birthday, and suddenly checking it now seems way more important than finishing this shave job.
Cinching my towel tightly around my waist, I don’t bother wiping off the rest of my shaving cream before sinking down onto the bed and retrieving my phone from the nightstand.
Aggie blinks sleepy eyes open at me from her spot where Riley’s pillow used to be.
If she could talk, she would probably tell me this is a bad idea. Thank fuck she can’t.
There’s a new post today from a recent trip to Santa Fe—a carousel of photos of beautiful mountain views, the biggest breakfast burrito I’ve ever seen in my life, pueblo-style buildings…
and Scott. My heart sinks. I keep swiping through photos, looking for anything at all that indicates that Riley remembers what today is, until I reach a short video in the last slide.
They were obviously on a hiking trail, and the video was taken by Scott of Riley from a few paces behind.
Riley is wearing a zip-up hoodie and running shorts so short that I can see the curve of his ass cheeks.
His quads flex, and his pert ass bounces with every step he takes.
There are several comments on the post, but one stands out immediately.
It looks to be from Scott’s personal account and just says, “Cheekies!” with a kissy face emoji.
A pang of jealousy twists in my gut. I know I have no right to be upset. Riley isn’t mine, but it kills me to think of someone else experiencing everything I wish I could.
I scroll backward through the pictures and pause on the one of Riley about to take a bite of that giant burrito. Maybe I’m imagining things, but his smile doesn’t seem quite as bright as I remember. Is he happy? Would he even want to hear from me if I reached out after all this time?
There’s something about Scott, too…they seem to be very close, but there’s no evidence on Riley’s page that they’re a couple.
Scott’s page is private, so no luck snooping there.
But maybe Riley is just keeping the couple-y stuff off of social media because he knows I check?
Would he really still worry about that after a year, though?
Surely if he was going to move on with his love life, he would just do it without considering me. So who exactly is Scott to him?
I’m still contemplating this when my phone vibrates in my hand, replacing the photo of Riley with an incoming call from Nathan.
As soon as I answer, I’m greeted with a terribly off-key rendition of the birthday song, and I immediately pull my phone away from my ear. “Man, it’s a good thing you’re creative in other ways,” I laugh, “because I’m pretty sure an alley cat in a trash can could sing it better than you.”
“Wow, shots fired,” Nate pouts. “I guess I’ll let that comment slide since you’re the birthday boy. How’s your day been so far?”
“Not bad at all,” I answer. “Actually…it’s been pretty damn good. Are you coming tonight?”
“Ah…that’s actually why I’m calling.” I can hear the guilt in his voice when he says, “I’m in New York.”
“No way, really? For work?”
“Sort of…” He sighs. “I’m really sorry I didn’t call sooner. I meant to get ahold of you this week when shit started happening, but everything happened so fast…and I moved out here a few days ago.”
I flop back onto the bed in shock. “Holy shit, dude.”
Nathan sighs. “I know, I’m sorry I didn’t tell you or get a chance to at least drop by and say goodbye. But after Tabby and Brent’s wedding last month, it’s all just kinda been a blur. I’m happy for them, I am, but it was a lot to take in, you know?”
“Yeah, I can imagine…” I trail off, feeling suddenly guilty myself. “I’m sorry for not being a better friend and checking in on you more this past year.”
“No way, don’t you start with that,” Nate interjects.
“You’ve been on your own healing journey, and I’m so damn proud of you for that.
I swear I’m okay. But I’ve always wanted to live in Manhattan, and with all the other big changes going on, it just felt like the right time.
I didn’t expect it to happen so quickly, but my real estate agent out here found me a killer deal on a place, and I had to move fast on it.
This past week has been insane, I’m telling you. ”
“That sounds amazing though, congrats!” I’m bummed I won’t get to see him tonight, but I understand. “I’m so happy for you, man. When do I get to come visit?”
“The sooner the better, actually.” He pauses, and I can tell he’s gearing up to make a pitch.
“All my clients out in LA are going to need videographers. I’ll travel back and forth as much as I can, but I really want to focus more on establishing a solid client base here first. So…
how would you feel about going into business together? ”
I blink and sit back up so abruptly that Aggie startles and comes over to check on me. “Business like…you mean you want me to pick up your clients out here? Like, film them?”
“You were the first person I thought of,” Nate confirms. “I know you’ve been feeling burnt out being in front of the camera for a while now, and I’ve seen enough of your camera work and your eye for detail in your editing that I think you’d be just as great behind the camera as you are in front of it.
You could come out here whenever you want, and I could teach you some of the finer details, but there’s honestly not much you’d need to learn from me. You have such a great natural eye.”
My mind is racing with possibilities. First, Jess tells me that I can quit collabing, and now Nate is offering me this partnership?
I could keep a steady income and stay in the industry, but only the parts I actually enjoy.
There’s a weight to this moment that feels like it was meant to be. Written in the stars.
“You don’t have to decide anything right this second, of course.” I’ve been quiet too long, because Nate’s voice is a little hesitant now.
“No, I want to,” I interject quickly. “I mean, I should probably take a few days to think it over and talk to my therapist and Jess, but I think this sounds awesome.”
“Yeah?”
“Yeah.” I nod vigorously, even though he can’t see it. “I love the idea. And it would be awesome to be business partners.”
“I think so too,” Nate agrees, a smile in his voice. “We’ll talk more about it soon, promise. For now, go enjoy your dinner, birthday boy! Really wish I could make it.”
“No you don’t,” I laugh. “You’re gonna go hit up the NYC nightlife.”
“Guilty,” he chuckles. “But I do wish I could be there to celebrate you. I’m really proud of you, bud. It’s been a crazy year, but you’ve come out the other side better for it.”
My eyes well up a little at that. I swear to God, I’ve cried more in this past year than my whole previous forty years combined since starting therapy.
Hanging up with Nathan, I check the clock and swear under my breath. I need to get a move on, or I’m going to be late to my own birthday dinner. And the shaving cream is starting to itch as it dries onto my face.
I look back down at my phone to the picture of Riley and the burrito. If I’m going into a new year, with a new job on the horizon and less emotional baggage…why not go after everything I want?
But if he’s happy without me, I don’t want to ruin that.
I chew my lip, considering. An idea strikes, and I know exactly who would be able to give me advice on this.
Scrolling to the very top of my contacts, I find Amanda’s name and send a text.