Chapter 11
I never understood why people chant “Happy Monday.” Mondays are by far my least favorite day of the week.
Which in return doesn’t make me happy. Maybe it’s because I dwell on its arrival on the weekends that I have off.
Or it could be the fact that I am currently fifteen minutes away from my job right now.
I struggled to get ready this morning, replaying my wild dream repeatedly. It felt so fucking real. Weirdly, I felt disappointed when I realized it was just a silly dream. Right, it was so silly that it left my panties and bedsheet wet.
Danielle kept staring at me this morning while we were eating breakfast. She said there was a strange glow about me, and I was too quiet.
I told her without hesitation that I had been having crazy dreams all night, which woke me up.
But I didn’t remember what they were about, so it wasn’t a full lie.
I mean, I very much remember every little detail.
I am still blown away by it. I didn’t mind it, though.
It’s been months since I’ve pressure washed my clit with the removable shower head.
So it was a much-needed release, for sure.
My phone rings, and it’s Nora. I’m so happy to see her name flash across the screen that I don’t hesitate to answer. “Good morning, Olive Oil,” she says in a tired voice.
I can’t help but smile. “Can we please move past that nickname, sis? I no longer look like an awkward noodle with arms and legs.”
I hear her quietly snort. “Sorry, lil sis, you’re stuck with it for eternity.” Oh well, at least I tried.
“How are you doing, Nora?”
The phone goes silent for a moment. “I’m doing the best I can. Nothing more.”
I nod my head as if she can actually see me.
“I just hope you know that I’m here for you, and you can talk to me about anything,” I say with genuine intent.
“I know, Olive. And I love you for it.” I can almost hear the sadness in her tone.
“I’ve been lucky to have you as my big sister. I want to be there for you like you’ve always been for me.”
She lets out a long sigh. “That’s what big sisters are for, and I wouldn’t change it for anything.”
I can’t help but smile. “I know you wouldn’t. Let’s take one of our random beach trips soon, please. I’m pulling into work now. I love you, big sister.”
She lets out a small laugh. “Hell yes! With Stevie Nicks blasting on the radio the whole way. I love you most. Talk soon.”
My smile fades when our call ends. It was hard to keep quiet about my visit yesterday, but I knew it wasn’t the right time. I just hope whatever she is struggling with is short-lived. I miss seeing her happy and vibrant.
Knowing she’s hurting from fresh and past wounds tears me apart.
Not having the ability to make it go away for her is what pains me most. She’s been so much to me my whole life, and here I am, the useless little sister.
I know grief plays a huge role in her struggles, but there is something else lingering in the shadows.
And I have a feeling it will show its ugly face sooner than later.
Today has been dragging by, with at least 5 to 10 minutes between every call.
On an average day, calls come in every twenty seconds.
It sounds draining, but my day is much quicker when busy.
I think some of my problem is that I’m eager to reach Friday, but also, who enjoys working thirty to forty hours a week? Not me.
I won’t deny that I’m excited to finally bury my feet in the sand or that I’m impatiently waiting to see Theo so that I can figure out what this is between us.
I have felt numb in certain areas for a long time.
And somehow, Theo has sparked my sensory receptors.
His existence alone rejuvenates me, like a nerve terminal restoring life to my cells.
My heart is still hiding in the shadows of my chest cavity.
With the history of distress and trauma, it will take an army of good to persuade it into believing in anything more than failure because defeat and brokenness have secured their thick chains around my once whole heart.
I’m nothing more than remnants of my being.
I take my lunch break at two instead of eleven.
Now, my stomach is protesting against me.
I need calories in my system. My work friend, Vanessa, is on her break as well.
So, we agree to go to the little sub shop in the strip mall across the road from work.
Honestly, I could eat anything edible. My mistake was picking at my breakfast this morning and daydreaming about this hot Theo guy finger-pounding me.
It didn’t help to have Danielle watch my every move like a hawk.
The moral of the story is that Monday is “Mondaying” and I’m fucking over it.
I demolished an eight-inch Italian Sub, and I’m pretty sure I didn’t even breathe while gobbling up its deliciousness.
I can feel the crankiness subside from my mood.
I don’t know what it is, but the older I get, the more my irritability levels rise when I am hungry.
I can’t function correctly on an empty stomach.
The fact that I often feel anxious and worried probably explains why I need to keep food in my system most days. My overworking body is burning up every bit of nutrition I give it.
Vanessa and I discuss some changes at work.
She tells me about her boyfriend and how she’s 95% sure that he’s going to propose to her soon.
They have been dating for around six months, so that seems oddly early to assume such a thing.
But I am happy for her. I admire others’ happiness and sometimes wonder if I, too, will one day feel genuine contentment.
I’m not saying it’s impossible. All things are possible. Well, I don’t know about “all.” I must emphasize that nineteen years of my existence have been rather unstable in some aspects.
I won’t get my hopes up, but I refuse to give up fully.
The child version of myself is clinging to the depths of my frayed soul.
Hoping, praying, and yearning for affection.
Sometimes, I can feel her crying out for someone to save her.
And I can’t help but feel remorse. As a young adult now, I can manage.
But how the fuck did a child survive neglect for so many years?
I wish I could hold her tightly and take the burdens away. I can’t, though, because that little girl is me. So, for now, all I can do is keep myself composed on the outside and suppress the inner demons that attempt to surface.
I completely forget that Vanessa is sitting directly across from me, babbling about who knows what.
God, I love her; she’s sweet as can be. But this girl always has something to gossip about.
Most times, I sit and listen while nodding my head.
Thankfully, she didn’t notice me drifting off in my thoughts.
If she quizzes me right now, I would fail miserably.
I’ve got to work on sitting in my thoughts.
Somebody’s going to call me out one day. Which, I have Danielle for that.
The day continues to drag on, taking its sweet time. I won’t lie and say that I haven’t checked my phone over and over hoping to hear from someone. I have about forty-five minutes left until my shift is finally over. And fuck, am I ready for it.
Just as I’m about to give in and shoot a text over to Theo, I receive a text from him. No one notices the smile that takes over my whole face. Even if someone did, I would scowl at them heavily.
Theo: Happy Monday. How has your workday been?
Me: Hello, Mondays are never happy for me. It’s going. I leave at five. And I can’t freaking wait. WBU Theo? How is your workday going?
Theo: As expected. We had six jobs today, so we took a late lunch break. Still, there are two to go, and then I will be free. It’s fun fact time, ma’am.
Me: You and these fun facts… Hmm, okay. Well, I have a tiny dog. Her name is Lottie, and she has 94% hair.
Theo: So basically, a rodent with hair? Suits you I suppose.
Me: Psh. She is a princess, and if you’re lucky enough, you’ll get to meet her. Where’s my fun fact, sir?
Theo: How did I become so lucky to potentially have the honor of meeting a rat with a name? Since we are discussing pets, I have an actual dog. His name is Leo, and he is a black Lab.
Me: Leo… seriously. Don’t you think the similarities in your names are a bit much?
Theo: Technically, my name is Theodore. He was born in August, and so was I. So I don’t know; it seemed fitting.
Me: Okay, I see the sentiment behind it. Maybe he and Lottie can be friends one day.
Theo: To me, it sounds like you’re thinking of the near future, and I like the sound of it so far.
Me: You’ll turn anything into something, won’t you, lol?
Theo: If it’s fitting, hell yes!
Me: There’s so much I need to figure out about you.
Theo: Need is a strong word, Olive. And your curiosity ignites something inside me. I want you to pry and explore every inch of me if you must.
Me: Wow, that was deep. Have you always mastered swooning women?
Theo: No, but there are other things I’ve mastered with ease.
Me: You have a dirty mind. I caught onto that early on.
Theo: Dirty minds think alike. And whether you want to tell me. Deep in your bones, I know that you enjoy our bantering. And I wouldn’t be surprised if you’ve had dreams about me.
Me: That’s a strong assumption, Theo. But yes, I won’t lie to you. I do like the shit-talking back and forth. Who doesn’t?
Theo: All I care about is that you like it. Fuck everyone else.
Me: I learn more about you every day. I hate to cut this short, but my shift is almost over, and I have to log out of everything. Talk soon?
Theo: My phone is always on me. Just don’t turn into one of those crazy girls who blows my phone up every hour of the day. I may question things then.
Me: I would never. And I think you know that.
Theo: I’m fucking with you. You are the only person I’d allow to stalk me every minute of the day.