Chapter 18
I don’t think I’ve laughed that hard in a long time.
We barely made it off the beach in clothes before the family of five passed through with their flashlights.
I don’t think they saw anything, but I can’t be so sure about that.
It was challenging to slip my fully soaked dress back on.
Mind you, it was also covered in gritty ass sand.
Theo had his shorts on in no time immediately after exiting the water.
He was frantically trying to hurry, and I couldn’t help but pick at him just a little.
It took us around thirty minutes to walk back to the beach house because we may or may not have stopped at someone’s random condo to use their outdoor shower.
So, by the time we returned to the beach house, it was after three in the morning.
What a night it’s been. I haven’t felt this alive in a very long time. Thanks to Theo.
I don’t know how long Chase and Danielle have been asleep. I had gone upstairs to get Lottie, but she must be rooming with them tonight. Leo was lying in front of the bedroom door, almost as if he was guarding it. I love how quickly he and Lottie took to each other.
I don’t feel a wink of tiredness. So much has happened tonight that I think my body and mind are trying to process it all.
This is all very new to me, a high I didn’t know existed.
Never has a man made me feel what Theo has.
The way he caressed me with every single touch.
Noah never touched me in that way, because I was an object to him, nothing more.
It’s already almost time to head back home, which means reality is waiting at my doorstep.
I dread the shit out of it. I have no words to express the time I’ve had here with the four of us.
It’s everything I’ve needed and more. I have felt at home while here, thanks to Chase and Theo being so welcoming.
Life works in mysterious ways, and even though I feel very grateful for the memories and people brought into my life, it also terrifies me. Most good things get snatched away from me, or just merely do not exist.
And the thought of letting someone break those internal barriers scares the shit out of me.
I won’t deny there is something there with Theo.
My body alerted me when I first saw him at Taylor’s party.
I’ve played multiple scenarios in my head, and my soul tells me he came into my life for a reason.
Like the cure to my brokenness, the way he made me feel tonight continues to replay in my head.
Our dance, the intimacy, the connection. It’s almost too good to be true.
As we sit here facing each other in this hammock, I know I need to tell him about Noah. How he takes in the information will tell me if this is something worth fighting for.
I’ve fought all my life, trying to stay above the water that continuously tries to pull me under. I won’t give up so easily on this, not after the reassurance Theo has continued to give me. But will he accept things from my past?
“I could sleep right here in this hammock tonight,” I say, looking up at the two palm trees holding us up. I look back at Theo. Of course, he’s staring at me like he’s soaking me in. I gently slap at his leg. “What is your fascination with my face, sir?”
He gives me a cute grin. “If I had your face, I’d stare at myself in the mirror all the time.”
I let out a loud snort. “Ha, okay!”
He encircles my leg with small, tantalizing movements, causing the familiar goosebumps to appear once more. “I’m serious, Olive. You are absolutely beautiful.”
I must remember what he told me on the beach about being serious when he says something. I won’t argue with him on this one. I smile at him. “You’re not bad to look at yourself, Theo.”
He lets out a deep breath. “Seriously, quit being so hard on yourself. There is no one quite like you, and it draws me to you.” He always has such a way with words.
“I’m sorry; I know I can be negative sometimes; it’s just something I’ve done for a long time.” I pick at my fingernails nervously.
He gives my leg a squeeze. “Because someone stole your confidence at some point?” he says with understanding.
I nod my head. “Something like that, I guess you could say.”
Theo sits quietly, waiting for a more detailed answer. Do I tell him that Noah wasn’t the start of my insecurities? Do I tell him a kid bullied me into thinking I was nothing more than walking trash? Do I leave out the fact that I’ve never had a father figure?
This is my moment to bring up the uncomfortable subjects I’ve been avoiding.
I take a slow, deep breath. “A boy who received everything in life bullied me throughout grade school. I was trash in his eyes, and he ensured I felt the same about myself. It wasn’t until I was older that maturity grabbed ahold of me and slowly built my confidence in physical areas, but it didn’t change how I felt on the inside. ”
I pause for a moment to see how Theo is taking in the information. He nods at me, almost like telling me to continue, like he knows there’s more to this story.
“I’ve been in a relationship before. His name was Noah.
I was young and na?ve, desperate for someone to love me.
And he was a good actor. He skillfully manipulated my emotions, knowing I was in a fragile state.
There was no hiding that from him. When he had the opportunity, he took the one thing I had control over: my innocence.
Once he claimed what he wanted, I was nothing more than a toy, and I allowed it for a long time.
“Until I caught him screwing one of my friends in his precious Mustang, and that was it for me. I never saw him again after that. But I can’t blame him or the bully from school.
It’s not Noah’s fault I stuck around for as long as I did.
I stayed because I felt like I deserved nothing better.
And if it was so easy for my father to abandon me and Nora when I was only five, then surely I was worthless to most.”
Shit, this is the moment where Theo is about to jump out of this hammock and make a run for it because who the hell wants to hear those things or even deal with someone who has such a depressing background.
I would understand if he’s done with me and this conversation. Who am I to judge?
I nervously look up at him. There is pain in his expression but also rage.
He quickly looks away while running his hand through his hair.
“I’m so fucking sorry you had to go through that, Olive.
The thought of someone taking advantage of you burns me to my core.
Honestly, all of this. I can’t wrap my head around it.
Fuck all of them. If only I could have come into your life first, never would you have had to question your worth, ever. ”
His words are so comforting, and I know them to be true. There is no judging, just understanding. He makes it so easy to confide in him. We sit quietly momentarily, listening to the breeze blow through the palm trees.
A weight has lifted from my shoulders. And truthfully, I don’t want this night to end.
“How do you do it?” Theo asks with genuine curiosity in his tone.
I tilt my head at him. “How do I do what?”
He pauses for a moment, scanning my expression. “How do you keep going with everything you’ve been through?” No one has ever cared to ask me that before.
I look away for a second to pick at imaginary threads on the side of the hammock, soaking in his question; I then let out a soft sigh.
“Giving up has crossed my mind a few times. Right now, saying the words out loud feels so peaceful. I know how easy it would be just to let go, but I can’t bring myself to do it.
The little version of me deserves better.
She deserves the world, and I keep telling myself that even if I am eighty years old, withering away in my bed.
“One day, she will hold the world in her hands for the first time, and she will know what love and acceptance are. But if that day never comes and I am on my deathbed, I will hold that little broken girl so tight, and I will tell her she is worthy, she is loved, and I will hold her until my last breath.”
Wow, I can’t believe I just said all that. I’m sure it sounded very morbid and depressing. Strangely, it felt good to vocalize it with someone listening. And I meant every word. Hopefully, he doesn’t think I’m crazy, but I couldn’t blame him otherwise.
Worried about how he may look at me now, I finally bring my eyes back up to his. Theo’s eyebrows are deeply furrowed, and I’m almost certain that his eyes are glazed over. Ugh, I should have kept my damn mouth shut. The last thing I want is for someone to feel pity for me.
Before I’m able to form words to apologize, Theo sits up in the hammock, placing his long legs on either side for support. He leans in and grabs my face, combing his fingers through my partially ocean-drenched hair. Our eyes meet again. There is a fire burning behind his stare.
His breathing becomes heavy before he grits out, “That little girl was you, Olive, and it’s you that deserves nothing fucking less than the universe.”
Whoa, that was deep. His words pulsate through my guarded heart, causing an ache that almost hurts my chest.
“What do you even see in me, Theo?” My words come out shaky.
He brings his eyes to my mouth, then quickly locks them back with mine.
“I see a girl that was robbed of so many things and forced to grow up too soon.
I see a woman who has gone through the deepest trenches and made it out stronger.
I see a beautifully broken human who sees the world through kind eyes. I see love when I look at you.
“So much that it seeps from your pores and into this sick world. Because I see you, Olive. The good, the broken, the little girl that craves affection. I want to fill that void you’ve lived in for so long.
Let me in. Let me find the scattered pieces of your soul and hold them close.
I can’t promise you the Universe, but I can promise you a piece, a piece that is filled with all of me. ”
His words wrap around me, cradling me tight. Theo gently wipes warm tears I didn’t realize were trickling down my face. I can’t control their release, and just as another makes its way down my cheek, he leans in and kisses my jaw, taking the salty tear with him.
I watch as his lips slightly curl up. “You’re even beautiful when you cry, and that is intriguing in itself.” He runs his thumb over my quivering, tear-soaked lips.
Without warning, he caresses them with his, stealing my tears with every kiss. Within seconds, he parts my lips with his tongue, and our mouths become one. Our tongues clash together, creating a perfect rhythm. Butterflies dance around in my stomach.
Everything with Theo feels genuinely real, and I’ve tried my hardest to fight the spark that ignited in my soul the night I first laid eyes on this beautiful man in front of me.
Just having him near me makes me feel safe.
I don’t even care right now; letting him in feels right.
It took me a while to realize that my walls had already crumbled with each interaction we shared.
This is me choosing to let him into my heart.
And if this ends up being a failed attempt at happiness, I can at least say I fucking tried.