Chapter 19
All it takes is him touching my skin, and it feels like a defibrillator sending electric charges to my soul, putting pieces of life back into its darkness.
But once his touch left me, I could sense the darkness overshadowing the light again.
It’s like Theo is my life support, and without him near, I can feel my existence shutting down breath by breath.
I imagine the hospital monitor beeping in my ear, my pulse slowing drastically.
I didn’t want the beach trip to end. After staying up so late, we finally made our way to the guest bedroom Theo was staying in.
It was the best sleep I’ve had in a decade.
He held me flush against him, and I didn’t have one bad dream.
In the strangest way, I can still sense his strong arms wrapped around me, caressing me, holding me close.
There was a second before I drifted away into a deep sleep, where I felt a lump in my throat; tears fought their way to the corners of my eyes. It was an overwhelming emotion that clouded my mind.
Maybe just the thought of knowing that in my nineteen years of living, I had never known what it felt like to be held by a man affectionately, never experiencing a father that adored his little girl.
And just plain and simple, I’ll never know what that feels like.
Theo willingly gave me a piece of that comfort, the feeling of security quickly blanketed those undesired emotions and shoved them out of my mind.
And for that I am so thankful to know him and witness the person he is.
Chase and Danielle are the absolute cutest. I have seen a new side to Danielle, a very giddy Danielle. Normally, she takes the lead, and it’s a short-lived fling that burns out quicker than a lit match. But these two can’t keep their damn hands off each other.
Only two weeks since the trip, and they’ve seen each other at least three times since. He’s come to the apartment to hang out after work, and she stayed with him at his place one night. I’m genuinely happy for them, and I really like him for her. She needed him more than she wants to admit.
As far as Theo and I go, we’re just going with the flow.
New things take time, right? And I’m not exaggerating when I say this is extremely new and unexpected for me.
No one but myself understands the constant battle in my head.
You are not good enough, Olive; no one will ever love you.
It took me maturing before I truly understood the damage that trauma causes in the human brain.
Will I be able to handle another heartbreak? Is Theo capable of tearing me down?
I don’t think so, anyway. He’s continuously shown me that his intentions are pure, but time will tell. And I’m not ashamed to admit that I fucking miss him when he’s not near me.
After almost five days of no response, I finally got Nora on the phone. She had me so worried that I reached out to Jake’s mom. I can tell something is bothering Michelle, or she knows something I don’t. I decided not to interrogate her. It’s best I wait and have a conversation with Nora myself.
It took me nearly begging her into coming over this evening. Danielle will be with Chase, so it felt like the perfect opportunity to spend some quality time with my sister and hopefully figure out what’s going on with her.
After seeing the items in her bag last week, it’s been extremely hard not to assume the worst. I always worried that one of us would fall down the same generational path of drug addiction.
Honestly, I initially thought it would be me, but upon reflection, I realized it was something I couldn’t continue.
The guilt and disappointment outweighed the temporary numbness I felt when trying them.
I’m damned if I do and damned if I don’t. Either way, I am suffering somehow. It’s me, myself, and I against my fucked-up brain every single day. It makes me wonder what Nora is battling silently. I want her to confide in me so badly. I cannot lose her too.
Family-wise, she is all I have left aside from our dysfunctional mother. I just want her to be happy and healthy. And I miss spending time with her, seeing her smile and contagious laugh.
My Thursday workday has finally ended, and I’m excited because Nora is supposed to arrive within the next couple of hours.
To kick off our evening together, I’m treating us to a delicious New York-style pizza.
It was always our go-to choice on nights when Mom didn’t come home; Nora and I would gather enough change and crumpled dollars to order one pizza.
By the time the delivery person handed us the pizza, we couldn’t wait any longer. A slice was already in our hands, tempting us to indulge in its mouthwatering flavor. And we did just that each time, indulged until there was nothing left in the box but the grease stain where the pizza once was.
I made a quick stop by the grocery store for a few things; I plan to mix up some refreshing margaritas, the perfect accompaniment to the pizza we’ll be consuming.
Once I received the green light that Nora would come over, I had Danielle pick up the tequila for me last night, ensuring I’d have everything needed for tonight.
Arriving at our two-story brick apartments, I happily clutch the bags filled with the goodies I purchased from the store.
As I ascend to our second-floor sanctuary, I am grateful to Danielle for securing this tranquil spot, free from late-night noise above.
I sense our downstairs neighbors appreciate our quiet lifestyle, especially since there have been no complaints.
As I reach the door, I pause to listen for Lottie’s little feet tapping against the floor.
It’s our routine on the days I come home from work; she usually runs to the door and barks to let me know to open it.
I wait for a moment, but she doesn’t come to the door.
What’s going on? I enter our door code and swing the door open.
Immediately, I spot Lottie sitting on her small dog bed in the living room, chewing on something.
Quickly I run over to see what she has. It’s a cookie-shaped dog treat, and she’s eaten over half of it.
Where the hell did she get that? I scan around the apartment, and my eyes freeze on two vases sitting on the kitchen island.
Confusion swarms my thoughts. I walk over to peek at the items. Each vase has at least twelve lovely varieties of roses. Wait, roses?
I spot a small card sitting between the vases, written on the front.
To my very spicy Olive. I open the card to find written on the inside.
You once told me that your life didn’t possess roses or happy smiles.
So, I thought I’d bring some into your life.
Hopefully, these put a smile on your beautiful face.
I almost chose all red, but then I thought you deserve every color.
And before you wonder, I individually picked each one for you.
There are perks to running a landscaping company.
And you should know that I got my fingers pricked at least three times.
I will need you to kiss my wounds tomorrow when I see you. Only you can make them feel better.
P.S. I hope your fluffy rodent enjoyed her treat.
-Theo
A warm smile spreads across my face at his simple yet thoughtful gesture. I run my fingertips along the silk petals, admiring the colorful mix of reds, lavenders, whites, and even some salmon-tinted ones I’ve never seen before.
They are breathtaking. If he’s trying to find more ways into my heart, he has succeeded. I leave one vase on the kitchen island and place the other on my bedroom dresser.
Basking in Theo’s sweet gifts, it slipped my mind that he has been here. Chase is the only one that has been here before. How in the hell did he get in? And did he drive an hour just to bring me flowers? I pull my phone from my back pocket and send a text.
Me:First, thank you for the gorgeous variety of roses; I love them. And Lottie left no remains from the treat you gave her. You didn’t have to do all of that.
Theo: There’s my girl. You are so welcome. I wouldn’t have done it if I didn’t want to, you know. I’m glad she enjoyed it. I was concerned that she wouldn’t be able to finish it, considering it was almost the same size as her.
Me: That’s so dramatic. Well, I appreciate it, and I want you to know it did, in fact, put a smile on my face.
Theo: I can’t wait to see that damning smile tomorrow. Also excited about you tending to my wounds.
Me: Don’t worry—I’ll take good care of them for you. :) I must ask, though, how the hell did you get into the apartment?
Theo: I broke in. I’m kidding. Danielle gave me the code. I was passing through on my way to clients out your way, so it worked out perfectly.
Me: Damn, looks like I need to get our code changed now. Joking. Again, thank you. I can’t wait to see you tomorrow. Believe it or not, I will be all dressed up for our little dinner date.
Theo: Mmm. I already know no matter what you’re in, all I’ll be able to think about is your body bare beneath your clothes.
Me: Well, if you’re a good boy, I might just let you help me undress before the night is over.
Theo: I’ll be on my very best behavior. You have my word.
Me: Good :) I will see you soon. Nora should be on the way here soon. I’ll talk to you later. Have a good night, Theo.
Theo: Have a good time with your sister. Talk soon, beautiful.
Damn, this man makes me want to do very dirty things to him. Not only is he nice to look at, but he’s thoughtful. So thoughtful that he kindly finger fucked me on the beach the other day.
Warm chills run up my spine just thinking about everything that transpired that night. It makes me wonder how good he is in bed. And something tells me he is talented in many other areas. It makes me nervous about tomorrow.
After refusing to let me drive and meet him tomorrow at the restaurant he’s taking me to, we finally agreed on him picking me up.
Danielle and Chase will stay at the apartment with Lottie, and I will stay with Theo at his house after dinner.
This is the part that terrifies me. It has been over a year since Noah and I last slept together, and that was my last time.
I’ve been uninterested in seeking men until Theo snuck up on me. I have this strong feeling that I won’t be able to keep my hands to myself. And the last thing I want to do is make a fucking fool out of myself.
Danielle begged me to let her pick my outfit and do my makeup and hair for tomorrow’s festivities.
I didn’t have it in me to tell her no; plus, I already knew she was going to make sure I looked classy but fuckable.
Normally, I would protest against it; I’ve never wanted that kind of attention on me.
But something inside me wants to see Theo’s ocean eyes spark a flame when he sees me tomorrow night.
I want him hungry for me. And I know that when I see the switch in his eyes flip, it’ll take all my willpower to be good. I will do my best to keep my hands to myself and let Theo take the lead on everything.