Chapter 40
Steph
“This is long overdue.”
I sigh, settling back into my chair at the kitchen table, having just poured three tall glasses of wine. I’m hosting the girls for the first time in a while—a feat made easier by Riley, who’d helped me and the boys tidy the house yesterday and even pre-made appetizers for us to enjoy tonight.
“Ain’t that the truth,” Lucy agrees, taking an immediate sip from her glass when I slide it across the table to her. She throws her head back and moans. “Damn, that’s good stuff.” Reaching for the bottle, she turns it to see the label.
“Etruscan Cellars,” Piper supplies, pleased with her selection. “It’s one of my favorites.”
Lucy nods approvingly and chuckles. “You and your Chianti.”
Piper shrugs. “Well, you just said it’s good.”
“I know, but it’s been so long since I’ve had any alcohol I might’ve said that about BORG. Also, I need to savor it”—she glances at the time on her phone—“I can only have one glass since I’ll need to pump in a few hours.”
“Ah, the joys of breastfeeding. That’s something I don’t miss,” I say with a laugh. Lucy is five months postpartum now, and Cece is so adorable.
She shrugs. “It’s not horrible. It’s our special girl-bonding time, you know?
When I feel closest to my little bean.” She smiles softly.
“I’m actually kinda sad she’ll be needing it less often now that we’ve started introducing some foods, though Noah is totally psyched about it.
He loves watching her discover new things. ”
“That’s so cute.” I smile.
“Yeah,” she agrees, then reaches for a slice of the brie from the charcuterie board I made.
“I’m sorry,” Piper chimes in, “but can we please circle back to BORG? What the hell is that?”
“Oh, even I know this one,” I pipe up. “It’s that gross stuff they mix by the gallon at college parties.”
Lucy nods. “Yep. It stands for ‘black-out rage gallons.’”
“Well, that’s … concerning,” Piper murmurs, but Lucy just shrugs.
“It’s basically vodka mixed with, like, Kool-Aid or some other flavored water. You’ve never had it?”
“Never went to any college parties,” Piper admits, her words sobering us.
Lucy and I both know Piper lost her parents in an accident while in high school, then lost her beloved aunt, who’d taken her in, to cancer while in college.
It wasn’t the fun social experience for Piper that it was for others.
“Well, I only went to one,” I offer, deciding it’s finally time to unburden myself to my girls.
While Lucy and Piper have both opened up to me about their lives since we’ve become closer—Lucy sometimes sharing more than is strictly warranted or desired—I’ve held myself back from revealing too much.
I’ve always been a private person, but I can also admit that a big part of my hesitancy stems from abandonment.
Riley, Sam, Katie, even my parents, to an extent.
The people I let in, the people I share my deepest thoughts and feelings with, eventually end up leaving me.
But Piper and Lucy have proven their staying power. In fact, the entire friend group we’ve cultivated since Piper moved to Llyn Lakes has been unfailing in their support of one another. So, I take a deep breath and share the rest. “It was the night I met and hooked up with Sam.”
“Ooh, is Miss Mysterious finally going to spill the tea?” Lucy teases, but her eyes are filled with understanding. She knows this is hard for me.
“I think it’s time,” I say with a nod. “I can’t say I’ve ever had BORG, but I did get drunk and hook up with a stranger at a college party … ” I trail off, needing a moment to collect my thoughts for this tale.
Piper smiles at me encouragingly, but before I can continue, Lucy raises her hand. “For the record, I, too, got drunk and pregnant at a party. And I can’t use the horny teenager excuse, either. At least not the teenager part.”
We all laugh, and I shoot her a thankful look for adding a bit of levity back into the mix.
Leaning forward in my chair, I proceed with my story. “I think you both know that Riley and I were together in high school.”
They each nod, so I continue. “At first, I was resistant to his advances. I was the quiet, studious girl, and he was the older, popular jock.”
“Like straight out of a teen movie,” Lucy says, and I chuckle.
“Pretty much. He was the basketball team captain and could’ve had any girl he wanted.
For some reason, he wanted me … And he wore me down.
” I shrug, then smile. “We were really happy for two years. Inseparable. I thought we were going to be together forever, but …” I pause, swallowing thickly.
“When he went away to college, things changed. I still had a year of high school to finish, but we had plans for me to join him in the city after I graduated. He reassured me we’d be fine.
We’d talk constantly, and he’d be home every weekend he didn’t have a game.
Only a couple of months in, though, he started pulling away.
“First, he stopped coming home on weekends, making excuses for why he couldn’t.
He had to study, and it was too distracting at home …
Coach had added an extra practice that week …
” I trail off, the memories overwhelming me.
I take a deep breath, holding it in for a long moment, then slowly letting it out.
“At Christmas, he only came home for a few days to spend with his family and then left to head back without telling me, before I could see him. I don’t even remember what excuse he had for that.
” I shake my head. “I think I blacked a lot of that time out, I was so upset.” Turning to Piper, I say, “You probably know a bit about this because Aidan was equally devastated. Neither of us understood what was going on.”
“A bit,” she agrees softly. “He was angry for a long time. And even after he finally came back, Aidan was too upset to ask why. At least … until recently,” she adds. I know the brothers have cleared the air, but from what I understand, Aidan hasn’t shared our story with Piper.
“I can understand that. I was, too, at first. Or … hurt, I guess.” And afraid.
I drop my eyes to the table. “But the anger was definitely there as well.” Slowly, I trace the grain in the wood with my finger, unable to look at them as I continue.
“After a while, Riley stopped returning my calls altogether and went completely radio silent. He ghosted me, and in turn, I became a ghost myself. I fell behind in school and lost my early acceptance to CU. I didn’t care at that point because I’d only applied there to be with him.
I enrolled in the community college instead.
“By the end of the summer, I’d decided to track him down, if only for some much-needed closure.
I found him, and for a few pathetic hours, I actually believed we were reuniting.
He let me think that. We were together, but the mattress was cold when I woke up later.
He’d been gone a while … and when I tracked him down again, he was with another woman. ”
Lucy and Piper both gasp in unison.
“That was the last time I saw him.” I raise my eyes from the table and meet Piper’s. “Until your wedding.”
She lets out a long, slow breath, as though she’d been holding it for a while, and Lucy reaches across the table to squeeze my hand, which is now clenched on the edge, I realize, with my knuckles turning white.
We sit like that for a long moment as I soak up their silent support.
Eventually, Lucy clears her throat, and when I meet her gaze, she offers me an awkward smile. “So … forgive me if this sounds, you know, judgmental—I don’t mean it to—but … haven’t you two been secretly not-so-secretly doing it for months now?”
Piper cringes at her words, and I suck in a sharp breath. I guess we haven’t been as subtle as we thought.
“Yes,” I admit, huffing out a laugh. “We’ve been seeing each other again.”
“But … how could you take him back after he betrayed you like that?” she continues.
“Well, it’s a long story.” I glance at Piper. “But … he explained things. Where he’s been, why he pulled away. He didn’t do anything with that woman.”
“You believe him?” Lucy sounds skeptical, and I don’t blame her.
“I do. Riley let me believe it because he thought it was the only way I would let him go.” I shrug. “He was right, but … not. I walked away, but I never really let him go.”
“And he needed you to let him go?” Piper asks, and I know she’s asking not only for me, but for Aidan.
“Yes.” I nod. “He wasn’t in a good place, and he believed he was doing the right thing. For all of us,” I add. To Piper, I say, “I know he’s told Aidan the truth, and I also know Aidan hasn’t shared it with you out of respect for us, which I’m sure was very difficult for him.”
Piper offers a wry smile. “He said it wasn’t his secret to share.”
I nod again. But I’m ready to share it now.
“So you’re together?” Lucy asks, “Like, really together?”
“Yeah.” I smile. “We’re still taking things slow … ish. We still have stuff to work out, but … it’s good. It’s really good.”
I think about Riley and how he’s been showing up for the boys and me, in big ways and smaller ones too. Showing me again and again that I can count on him, that he’s in it with me.
And sometimes it’s those smaller things that seem to mean the most.
I think of him learning to game so he can relate better with the boys.
So they have something to do together. I think of him showing up every weekend to mow the lawn, and digging out flower beds along the back fence and by the front porch for me to plant to my heart’s content.
I think about him making dinner for us, now, several times a week, and of course, him leaving work on the nights I close the library to make sure I get home safely.
“I’m happy for you.” Piper grins, and I know it’s in response to my own smile. The one that crept across my face just now while I was lost in thoughts of him.
“Me too,” Lucy says, but she still looks unsure.