Chapter 44
forty-four
indelibly inscribed
R yan didn’t know how long he’d been sitting in the chair, staring at the door. The air still smelled of sex and Elissa’s soft powdery scent, and the covers on the bed were mussed.
He wanted a drink. Maybe ten. Maybe a whole fucking bottle of Jim Beam.
Had he imagined it all? Elissa running to him, the ride here as she clung to him, driving him nearly wild with desire, spending the evening exploring her body, making her come over and over.
No way he imagined her soft moans, his name dripping from her lips with desire. Her want, her need.
Need .
He’d believed she needed him. But she hadn’t, and the only reason he knew was because he’d caught her trying to sneak out. He gripped the arm of the chair until his knuckles were white and the wood creaked ominously.
Anger replaced the shock. He’d done nothing to deserve being treated like some one-night stand, some hookup, some fuck buddy.
Not when he loved her. Not when he’d bet his trust fund, and his life, that she at least cared about him.
Elissa Wright wasn’t the type of woman to hook up with just any man.
He had to see this fucking note. She could have more to say that she couldn’t bring herself to admit out loud.
Ryan tore through the room until he noticed a scrap of paper on the small desk, his name in her perfect penmanship. With trembling fingers, he opened it.
If it were possible for a heart to stop beating yet a human keep living, Ryan’s would have. It sure as fuck felt like it. For an eternal moment, he stared at the note in his hand, his brain refusing to compute the four simple words.
I can’t do this.
Do what? Sleep with him? Run away from her responsibilities? Stick around?
Love him?
Oh god, she must’ve heard him last night. He should’ve kept it to himself, buried it so far deep even he would forget. Waited until she was ready. Now he’d fucked up the one bright spot in his life. He’d pushed, though he hadn’t meant to, and now she was gone.
It didn’t matter if Elissa Wright was the woman he loved, the woman he was meant to be with, if she didn’t believe it yet. She’d run, leaving him nothing but a broken heart.
From the moment she walked into the Sandpiper, she filled his waking moments. His dreams, too. The thought of her made his heart race, even now, as it stumbled along brokenly. The mere sight of her brought him peace. In her presence, all things were possible.
Ryan DeMarco was still in love. It would take more than this to stop him from loving Elissa. It was entirely possible he’d never stop loving her.
Fuck. And he’d let her order a rideshare and drive away. What had he been thinking?
He searched his saddlebags and found his phone, swearing under his breath as the damn face recognition didn’t recognize his face. As soon as he unlocked it, he called. Straight to voicemail.
Fine.
Ryan surged to his feet, found his discarded clothes, and dressed hurriedly. Then he tried again.
He hung up before the voicemail message finished. He had the smallest modicum of pride left. He would not beg. She’d made her choice, and he would let her go. For now. What else could he do? He didn’t even know which hospital.
Run after her. Throw yourself at her feet. His subconscious was not getting the message. It would. Given enough time, he’d move on.
Don’t wanna.
What he wanted to do right now was get the fuck out of here.
Elissa wasn’t coming back, and he couldn’t stand being surrounded by her scent and the memories of the sounds she’d made as she broke apart around him.
If he left now, he could shower at home and still make it to work today.
Play off yesterday as food poisoning. An emergency at his apartment. Temporary insanity.
Did he care enough to?
Yeah, if not for his father’s good opinion, at least to keep someone else from having to do his job as well as their own. Plus, what else was he going to do? Sit in his dark apartment and wonder what he did wrong? Call her over and over, when she’d made her feelings clear?
That wasn’t his style.
It could be. She might be worth it.
Leaving a tip for housekeeping, Ryan texted his cousin that he had to leave early. He placed the saddlebags on his motorcycle and started his baby. Shit, Baby needed gas.
Ryan sped through the desert, down nearly empty highways, a man with a death wish. He stopped for gas and was off again, weaving through the light traffic.
He made it to his apartment before even the palest band of light appeared on the eastern horizon.
He popped into the kitchen and flicked on the coffeepot before heading to the shower.
Ryan spent fifteen minutes trying to scrub away Elissa’s scent.
It didn’t fucking work. Somehow, the smell of her, the texture of her, the taste of her, had become indelibly inscribed onto his brain.
Ryan downed two cups of coffee, soaking up the caffeine with some toast. It was going to be a helluva day. He wove through Tucson rush hour, arriving exactly on time by some miracle.
Elissa’s car was still in the parking lot.
Worry shot through him before he could quash it. Wasn’t his problem. Couldn’t be his problem. She’d left him.
He hurried to the front door, pulling the keys from his pocket.
“Where are you going?”
Ryan’s heart raced and he nearly dropped his keys at the unexpected voice.
Alex leaned against the door, wearing a suit with his arms crossed.
If it were anyone else, he would call the expression on his brother’s face a glower.
But this was Alex’s resting bitch face. As skilled a businessperson as he was, as personable as he could be, it was a mask.
They might not be close, but Ryan knew how much it cost Alex to always wear the happy-go-lucky businessman face.
“Work?”
“And you still think you work here after the shit you pulled yesterday?”
Dude had a point.
“What do you say, boss? Do I still have a job after the shit I pulled?”
Wait, was that a smile on his brother’s face? No, he must be imagining things. There is no way Alex would be smiling right now. Not when he got to deliver the riot act to his little brother.
“Well, since you got a bad case of food poisoning from your lunch and had to go home to get it out of your system, no one is expecting you at the office today. Which you would have found out if you’d bothered to check your voicemail.”
Ryan pulled out his phone. Yep, there was a message from Alex. He read the first few lines of the transcription.
Sorry you’re indisposed. Talked to Dad and we agree you should take tomorrow off…
“Why?” Ryan asked.
“Your girlfriend needed you, and you’ve played nice for a couple of months. Figured I’d give you the benefit of the doubt.”
“She’s not my girlfriend.”
“You dropped everything for her. Put your job and your trust fund at risk, just because she showed up at your workplace and asked you to get out of there. I mean, Trinity practically swooned with envy.”
Ryan ran a hand over his jawline. He hadn’t given any of that a single thought. Elissa needed him, and he went. It was simple.
“You have it bad, bro.” Alex pushed away from the glass door and clapped a hand on Ryan’s shoulder. “Go home. Whatever it is, you obviously need some rest. Come back tomorrow, and we can talk some more.”
“What have you done with my brother? You’re being nice .”
“I’m always nice.”
“Not to me.” Ryan shoved his hands into his pockets.
“Fair. Consider this a couple decades’ worth of being nice to you.” Alex squeezed his shoulder gently. “You’ve been putting in the work, and I see how miserable this job makes you. Take the day off. We’ll be fine. Go see your girl.”
“She’s not my girl,” Ryan muttered. “She left in the middle of the night, would’ve left without a word if I hadn’t woken up.”
“That doesn’t sound like Elissa.”
Jealousy tore through him. What did his brother know about Elissa fucking Wright? His hands clenched at his sides. Alex looked him up and down, his eyes softening, and his lips twisted into a wry grin.
“Well, well, who would’ve guessed Ryan DeMarco had a heart to break? You’re in love with her. Holy shit, man, I thought it was a fling. I was a bit jealous at first. From the moment you walked into the conference room the first time, I knew I had exactly a zero percent chance of ever?—”
“Unless you want a fat lip, I suggest you don’t finish that sentence.”
Alex held up his hands and backed away until he was leaning on the door again. “Okay, okay, chill. So what the hell happened?”
“God, I wish I knew the whole story.” Ryan’s grip tightened on his helmet, and he struggled to keep his voice even. “All I know is she came in yesterday, needed to get the fuck out of here, so I took her to Bisbee. She got a call late last night—her mom was in an accident—and left.”
“Of course she left, doofus. Wouldn’t you?”
“Yeah, but she wouldn’t let me help. She came to me yesterday, needed me yesterday, but…I dunno, when things got real, she was out of there faster than Nonna’s spoon smacked our hands when we went for a cookie without permission.”
Alex chuckled. No one got away with stealing Nonna’s cookies.
“What do you mean, when shit got real?”
Ryan stared at his boots as the flush settled in his cheeks. “I…uh…may have told her how I feel.”
“Oh, that you love her? Before or after she found out about her mom?”
“Before, but she wasn’t supposed to hear.”
“Dude. Duuude.”
Ryan snuck a glance. Alex’s eyes twinkled with amusement and he had that look, the one where he was trying really hard not to laugh his fucking ass off.
“Don’t you fucking laugh.”
“I would never.”
“Liar.”
“Okay, she obviously had a rough day. You tell her you love her, but she’s not supposed to know, then she finds out her mom was in an accident. And you expect her to handle things rationally?”
Goddamn his brother for his logical conclusions. Taking all of Ryan’s anger and morphing it into empathy and a little chagrin.
“Fine, you’re right,” Ryan muttered.
“What? Say that again.”
“Fuck off.”
“You should call her.”
“I tried, but she didn’t answer.” Ryan sighed and scuffed his foot across the cement sidewalk. A rock skittered into the gravel lining the walkway, filling the silence between the brothers.
“I am no expert. Hell, my love life has only been marginally better than yours in the longevity department. But keep trying. Leave an actual fucking voicemail. Let her know you’re thinking of her, you’re waiting for her, you’re there. It’s all you can do.”
“So, does this adulting shit magically appear one day, or…”
Surprise of surprises, Alex closed the distance between them with a few long strides and pulled him in for a back-thumping hug. The DeMarco men weren’t exactly known for being all touchy-feely.
“I don’t know, Ryan. I think we’re all making it up as we go along. But I haven’t ever seen you care so deeply for anyone not related to you. If she’s the one, it’ll work out. Give her a chance. I think she’s good for you, and honestly, I think you’re good for her. I like Elissa?—”
Ryan shoved him away with a warning grunt.
“Not like that, dumbass. I like her because she brings out the best in you. And you wear down her sharper edges. Make her human, instead of a human calculator. Have you ever noticed how she smiles whenever you walk into a room?”
Ryan shook his head.
“Look next time,” Alex said. “Trust me, you’ll know exactly how she feels about you.”
“I still don’t understand why you’re being nice to me.”
“Because you’re my brother, and despite our rocky history, I love you.”
“Aw, you big marshmallow.”
Alex slugged him in the shoulder but not hard.
“Shut up, asshat. You’ve done okay with yourself, and you don’t deserve even half the shit Mom and Dad put you through.
I’m sorry I didn’t stand up for you sooner.
I can talk to Dad about getting you out of your stupid-ass deal.
If I remember correctly, I owe you a favor for going on that blind date. ”
Best fucking favor ever! Ryan probably owed his brother, if he were being honest, but he was keeping that to himself for now.
“A deal’s a deal, and it might serve me best in the long term, even if I hate the idea right now. But it can wait.”
“Yeah, it can. Get some rest, see what you can do about your pretty accountant. I’ve got your back.”
Ryan walked away but paused a few steps down the sidewalk. “Thanks, Alex.”
A jaunty whistle was the only answer he received.