Thirty-Four | Cole
Thirty-Four
Cole
My words echoed through the room as Lyric and I stared at each other in complete silence.
I could tell by the petrified look on her face that she had been thinking the same thing, but I wasn’t sure she had heard me say it. Lyric could get so far inside her own head that she was dead to the world.
“You’re preg—” I started before her eyes flashed with something that looked like a mixture of anger and fear, before she looked away.
“Shhhh,” she hissed, eyes narrowed as she looked at her stomach and removed her hands as if that would somehow make her un-pregnant.
I stepped away from her, giving her some space as I shoved my hands through my hair and let everything sink in.
Lyric was pregnant.
With my child.
Again.
And she was pissed off about it, which I guess I couldn’t blame her because out of all the things we hadn’t talked about, this was at the top of the list. We had just barely scraped the surface the other night when she revealed how she had felt when she left for New York.
It felt cruel to bring anything else up while we still needed to work on fixing the things we could—if they were even fixable.
Our past was as complicated as our current predicament because, whether she wanted to believe it or not, I knew Lyric was pregnant.
Over the years, I got to know Lyric so well that I often knew her body better than she did.
I could tell when a migraine was coming or when she was going to start her period.
I also knew every single time she was pregnant.
It got to the point where we would joke about not needing to buy pregnancy tests because I was a human pregnancy detector.
But that joke died out quickly when every pregnancy terminated before we could get our hopes up that we might get lucky and that one would stick.
“Are you okay?” I asked, my voice soft and gentle as I tried to keep myself calm.
I knew the fear that was consuming her at the thought of trying to carry another child because that same fear was creeping its way up my ribcage and scraping its claws at my heart.
“How can I be okay?” she whispered, shaking her head in disbelief. “We both know what will happen if I take a test and it’s positive.”
I bit my tongue to keep from responding because she didn’t need me to talk her through this right now.
She needed to feel whatever she needed to feel before she would be able to think straight.
There was no point in trying to assure her that this might be the one that sticks, because I knew how great the risk was, given all the losses we had suffered over the years.
Lyric had been through so much, and I couldn’t stand the thought of her going through that turmoil again if this one didn’t have a happy ending.
“I can’t deal with this right now,” she said, gripping the side of the counter as she tipped her head down and stared at the floor.
“We don’t have to do anything right now,” I assured her, fighting the urge to reach out and touch her. “We can give it some time before we—”
“Before we what? Take a test and find out that it’s positive? Then what, count down the days until I start bleeding and cramping as my body rejects another pregnancy? I can’t do this, Cole!” she screamed, her voice so loud that it startled me.
Her body shook as she cried, sinking to the floor before I gave up any restraint I had left and grabbed her. I pulled her into my arms and held her, praying that just this once, life would give us a break and spare us from more heartache than what we’d already suffered.
***************************
Lyric didn’t speak to anyone the rest of the night and said that she wasn’t feeling well before she went to bed early.
The next morning, I called my parents and asked if they could take the kids for a few hours while Lyric rested.
I wasn’t ready to tell anyone what was going on, but I needed some time and space to deal with everything in private.
After the kids left with my parents, I grabbed my keys and headed to the store.
I drove thirty minutes out of town so I could go to a store where they didn’t know me.
The last thing I needed was someone seeing me buy pregnancy tests and spreading rumors that Lyric was pregnant.
Even worse, I didn’t need them to think they were for Kara.
When I got back, Lyric was sitting up in bed, staring at the wall. I knocked on the door, even though it was open, just to make sure she knew I was there. She looked up at me with a blank expression on her face before noticing the bag in my hand.
Before I could say anything, she threw back the covers, climbed out of bed, and waited for me to hand her the bag.
I did so without saying anything, knowing this was what she needed right now.
She went into the bathroom and closed the door, leaving me to wait in silence while she took a pregnancy test.
I sat on the edge of the bed, resting my elbows on my knees while I waited. A few minutes later, the bathroom door opened, and Lyric came out holding a test in her hand. She passed it to me before climbing behind me, getting back under the covers as I stood up to give her room.
I stared down at the test, immediately knowing that the two pink lines meant she was pregnant. I swallowed hard, feeling guilty for the joy that wanted to flood through my veins at the thought of being a father again. I set the test on her nightstand and looked down at her, unsure of what to say.
“I’m fine,” she said curtly, avoiding looking at me as I stood there, helpless on what to do. “You can go. I just want to be alone right now.”
I nodded as I pushed out a heavy breath, fighting the urge to stay and try to get her to talk to me. With every step I took away from her, I felt my heart crumble one broken piece at a time, because how could I be so in love with someone who didn’t love me in return?