Chapter 11
ELEVEN
TUCSON, ARIZONA
Hanging around the hotel bar isn’t usually my cup of tea. I much prefer to spend time with my mate or pack, relaxing in our suite, writing music or watching a movie. The lobbies of most hotels are crowded and loud, and there’s too much of a chance that someone could recognize me.
Despite all of that, I’ve found myself hanging out at this bar for the past few days, my darkest tinted sunglasses on my face and a camouflaging beanie on my head. All for the opportunity to glimpse the demure omega in case she decides to pass by.
It hasn’t happened yet. I think I’m starting to realize she is just as much of a hermit as I am, but I can’t seem to give up on my efforts. I have a weird feeling this is going to happen at every stop and every hotel until the alpha in my chest can’t handle it anymore.
“Want another one?” the bartender asks, pointing at my champagne, and I give him a curt nod.
I keep my face down as he walks away, attempting to hide the shame flushing across my cheeks.
He probably thinks I’m some lonely pervert, but my mate is waiting for me upstairs.
Jamie understands why I’m doing this, why I go through this peculiar night-time ritual on the off chance that I might get any alone time with my scent match.
We’ve all been wishing for that time with her, hoping she’ll come around sooner or later, but it’s been two weeks since we’ve started this tour and she seems more distant than she was before we knew of our connection, which seems hard to accomplish because we were all strangers at that point.
Just when I’m about to give up for the night and return to my room, I smell her. That gorgeous sparkling scent that I can feel all the way down to my toes. It curls around me, making its presence known, and I am suddenly grateful that my little dose of insanity worked in my favor just this once.
The bartender puts my refill in front of me, but I no longer want it. It may satiate me in the meantime, but it’s nothing like the real thing, which keeps getting stronger by the second.
I turn, my eyes locking with green ones across the lobby.
She must recognize it’s me, or smell my own distinct scent in the air, because she smiles with recognition and strides toward me.
My alpha growls in my chest at her lack of disguise, worried that someone might identify her and harass her, but I stomp that down.
I’m not the kind of alpha that micromanages his pack, even if I want to do everything I can to protect the ones I love.
There’s a thin line between possessiveness and caution, and I have never been one to step over it.
“Champagne, I see,” Josie comments, glancing at the flute in front of me.
“I had a craving.”
Her face flushes a pretty pink—one that I could gaze at for the rest of my life—before swallowing thickly.
My eyes trail over her arms, where her tattoos sit in an intricate pattern that makes my mouth water.
A huge bushel of roses takes precedence on her shoulder, flashy in its detailing, but there’s also simple black linework.
A guitar on her left bicep, barbed wire wrapped around her forearm, and a word in black-letter script above the crook of her elbow that says “vicious.”
I point at the stool beside me. “Would you like to sit? I’ll get you something.”
She nods curtly. “Sure, but no champagne.”
“Whatever the omega wants,” I confirm. “What’s your poison?”
“A lychee mojito.”
“Nice choice.”
My hand finds the stool right where her backside touches it, and I pull the seat closer, satisfied when I see the rosy complexion bloom once more over her cheeks. When the bartender sees her and strolls by, I order her drink and ask him to put it on my tab.
When he leaves, I turn to her with a hopeful look. “So, what are you doing out and about this late? I figured you’d already be in bed after such a long night,” I partially fib.
“I was actually going to come see you,” she admits, causing my stomach to somersault.
“Oh yeah?” I ask, intrigued.
“Yeah, I needed to talk to you about something.”
Usually, that kind of statement would excite me, but this time, there’s something ominous in her tone that makes me pause. Her eyes crinkle with anxiousness, like she doesn’t know how to form the words, and I go on alert.
“What happened?” I ask.
She opens her mouth to speak, but the words get smothered in her throat as she clears it. It’s obviously difficult for her, and that hesitation makes the hairs on the back of my neck stand up.
“I—”
“A lychee mojito for the lady,” the bartender announces, placing the drink down. She gives him a small thanks before he takes his leave, and now I’m definitely on the edge of my seat.
She straightens in her seat and looks directly in my eyes. “I think we should take a step back.”
My stomach drops into my ass. “What?”
She exhales a long breath. “I think we should take some time to process this. I’d like you to tell the others that I need to be left alone. For now.”
Everything seems to snag for me, my body freezing at the request. “Okay,” I start, wanting to give her everything she needs while not fully understanding. “How long? For the tour?”
She shakes her head, body almost trembling. “I don’t know.”
My hand itches to touch her, to ease her worry. “Hey,” I say, meeting her eyes. “Everything is okay. I’m sorry that you feel overwhelmed.”
Josie nods, taking in and releasing a few breaths before continuing. “I am just so confused. And then there’s Cleo—”
I repress the growl that wants to escape at her name.
“She opened up to me the other day about how much this tour is getting to her, and it’s been so long since she’s talked to me like that and really shown me her old self, so I just can’t—” She blinks back tears.
“I can’t betray her, Cyrus. Being with you guys, that would break her, and I’m already trying so hard to keep her together. ”
My mouth goes dry, conflicted by the situation set out in front of me. “You don’t want to pursue things with us because of Cleo?”
She nods. “Things have been rocky for a long time. She’s always angry, always moody. I haven’t seen my best friend in so long, but I got a glimpse of her yesterday. She confided in me. I can’t do anything to risk the foundation between us right now.”
I can’t wrap my brain around the fact that this is the reason why she can’t close the gap between us. Not because it’s “too complicated,” or because we have our careers to think about, or even how we will explain this to our listeners.
It’s all because of freaking Cleo, who is getting her way as per usual.
“And would she do the same for you?” I ask, not hiding the bite in my tone.
Her eyes widen. “What?”
“If Cleo met her scent matches, and you hated them with the heat of a thousand suns, would she give up her connection with them to please you?”
Her lips curve down, and something flashes behind her eyes like that question hit closer to home than I expected it to.
“I thought you’d be happy about this,” she says, her head lowering as the words puncture me right in the chest.
“Why would you think that?” I ask.
“Well… you haven’t seemed too thrilled that I’m your scent match.” She shrugs. “It doesn’t feel like you’re interested in getting to know me.”
I think back to our interactions, my determination not to make her feel uncomfortable. Maybe I pulled back too much, put too many reins on my alpha that she got the wrong impression.
Because there is nothing I want more than my omega, in every possible way. If I think about it too hard, my cock aches, and my body fidgets like an addict waiting for a hit.
I lean closer, my lips a mere touch away from her ear.
“I am interested,” I sigh, and her breath hitches.
“Since the moment I scented you in that dull fucking hallway, I haven’t been able to think about anything else.
You lit it up, made every dusty corner look like heaven in front of me, because you were there. ”
Her champagne scent brightens, making me drunk with lust. “I wanted to sweep you away. Say ‘fuck it’ to the meeting and find some dark boardroom so I could have my way with you. Keep you knotted on my dick until someone came looking for us.”
The quietest whimper escapes her parted lips, and champagne explodes around us in droves, sweet and heady and mine. “What—” A brief swallow. “What held you back?”
“I pride myself on my control, Josie. But in that moment, you caused it to slip away from me. By the skin of my teeth, I reined it back in and remembered we had a job to do.”
Her breathing grows heavy, her eyelids drooping slightly at the arousal in my scent. My hand almost moves to grip her knee, but flexes instead to stay in place.
“I wish I could show you how I really feel,” I say in a hushed tone. “I want to make it up to you.”
She shakes her head, the lust in her scent turning to fear. “You can’t.”
“Why? Because you won’t be able to resist?”
She quickly picks up her drink, throat bobbing with each swallow before she puts it back down. “I have to think of my best friend.” It’s an uncommitted reply, like she is reminding herself rather than telling me.
It never occurred to me before that Josie might not know about Cleo’s drug habit. By the look in her eyes, she seems so hopeful, like she can change Cleo with her unconditional love, and that makes something in my chest crack.
I open my mouth to ask, but she continues before I can get the words out. “This happened so much differently than I thought it would.”
My brows lift. “What did?”
“I’ve always wanted the fairytale moment,” she confesses. “Where my scent match and I meet, and there’s nothing we can do but collide with one another. It’s what I always dreamed of. I mean, I guess I did have that with Remi but—”
She bites her lip, her eyes shining with tears once more.
“And you deserved to have that,” I say in a whisper, my throat dry. I look over at her, meeting her disheartened eyes, and my heart breaks. “I’m so fucking sorry. I didn’t mean for my baggage to ruin that moment for you.”
Josie takes that in, her head moving in a firm nod as she processes my words. My heart pumps with anticipation, hoping for… something. I’m not sure what, but then she turns to me, determination mixing with her natural softness as her scent singes slightly in the air.
“I accept your apology,” she says. “But I need some time, and I can’t do that if you guys are always there. Give me the time I need to come to terms with this, to figure out how to help Cleo so this news won’t tear our friendship apart.”
The hope in my chest deflates immediately as I’m forced to accept this turn of events. “Okay.” The words escape quietly, compliant, despite the roaring protest my alpha tries to send up my throat. “I’ll tell the guys to back off.”
Her features remain reserved, and her eyes flicker with an unspoken grief that’s already settling from her words. “I’m sorry,” she whispers in a breathy rattle, her scent hardening around us.
My eyes snag on her shriveling chin. I want to smooth out those wrinkles, pull her to me and comfort her the way an alpha is supposed to comfort their omega.
Seeing her heart break right in front of me is tragic, but not being able to ease her suffering?
Not having permission to be her safe place when she so desperately needs it?
That is the most distressing thing I’ve ever had to endure.
“Please don’t—” I clear my throat, trying to soften my stern words. “Please don’t cry. Not when I can’t do anything to help you.”
She nods, blinking back tears. “You don’t have to help me.”
“I do,” I grit out, feeling my alpha stir uncomfortably. “I will agree to your terms. I will tell the guys to stay away. I will do anything you ask, but please don’t ask me to sit here while my mate is upset and not do anything about it.”
She blanches at me, and it takes me a few seconds to realize what I said.
I just called her my mate.
“Fuck, I’m sorry—” I start to say, but then Josie leans forward and slides her arms around my center.
The instant smoothness of her body against mine lulls me, and I can’t help but accept the hug as I wrap my arms around her and pull her closer.
Her champagne scent brightens the longer we mold together, the bitter edge easing into something luminous.
I swallow a groan, loving the way she relaxes in my arms, loving the way she folds into me like she doesn’t want to be anywhere else.
I refuse to let go until she does. This tiny reprieve she has gifted me is everything, and my chest erupts into an unexpected but steady purr.
She burrows further into me, like she’s trying to pull the sound into herself, and lets out a breathy sigh.
When she pulls back, I can’t even protest because my alpha is sitting quiet in my chest once more.
“Thank you for understanding,” she whispers, her lips so close to mine I can almost taste them. My eyes move there, watching in fascination for a second before I look back up into her eyes, noticing how green and intentional they shine in the dimmed hotel lights.
“I will always try to understand you,” I confirm, brushing a strand of hair behind her ear.
She lets out a sharp inhale at the contact, but I don’t push.
I simply pull my hand back and lean back into my seat.
“Please take care of yourself. And if you ever need us, we’re here for you. No matter what.”
She nods, realizing this is really a farewell. She swallows roughly, getting up from her seat on shaking knees. My hand goes to her elbow on instinct, and she smiles at me.
I beam, preening. I could live an entire lifetime with that smile pointed at me and never tire from it.
“Goodnight, Cyrus Darlington,” she says, her eyes shining.
It takes a few tries as emotion catches in my throat. “Goodnight, Josie.”
My eyes trail after her as she walks away, my alpha whining in my chest. I place my hand over it, trying to soothe the ache building there.
Not just for me, but for my pack, for knowing I have to go upstairs soon and tell them of Josie’s wishes.
I have no doubt that they will honor them, but I know it will be heartbreaking.
I don’t want to be the executioner that has to deal that blow, but being a prime is more than just having control.
It’s more than just keeping things together.
It’s about showing by example, by being strong for the members who can’t shoulder it by themselves, and I’ll never let my pack suffer alone.
I have to go tell them. I just need to figure out how to keep the tears at bay first.