Chapter 72 Ben
BEN
‘You’re a fucking idiot, do you know that?’ Theo sighed down the phone.
‘Agreed!’ Tom added.
‘Hey! Stop listening in on our conversation,’ I warned.
Tom and I had just arrived at our hotel in Bilbao, and when I connected to Wi-Fi and saw that I’d had several missed calls from Theo whilst we were hiking, I called him, worried that there was something wrong.
My first thought was whether Sarah was okay.
I missed her and had been desperate to message. Especially when I finally gave in to temptation last night, opened that box she’d left me and got the surprise of my life.
I was speechless. Truly. It was one of the kindest things anyone had ever done for me. I wanted to tell her how grateful I was.
The urge to speak to Sarah, hug her, kiss her and just be with her was even stronger than before.
Since I’d left Sunshine Bay, I’d hardly slept. My annoying brain just kept playing happy memories of us together on repeat. It was a cruel reminder of what I’d lost.
When I’d suggested joining Tom on his travels, I’d hoped that it’d be a good distraction. We’d have loads to catch up on, and what could be better than exploring a new part of Spain, right?
Wrong.
I’d thought about her constantly.
When I ate something nice, I’d missed asking her to taste it. I missed our chats. Her laugh. Even my single sleeping bag felt like the size of the ocean without her beside me.
I wondered if this feeling of emptiness would ever end.
What made it worse was reading over her outline. I’d downloaded it before I’d boarded the plane, and just as I’d expected, it was brilliant.
Yes, there was still a lot of work to do and I hadn’t finished reading it all yet, but I could already tell it was special and I loved her ‘voice’. Her writing was witty, engaging and fresh. It was easy to see that she had talent.
But, like she’d mentioned early on, the story was loosely based on our time together. So every page just reminded me of those fantastic moments. And knowing this was the end was more excruciating than anything I’d ever known.
Now, being jilted just felt about as painful as a butterfly landing on my shoulder. Compared to leaving Sarah, it was so inconsequential.
I’d got over Piper. But I didn’t think I’d ever get over Sarah.
‘Have you really left for good?’ Theo shouted.
‘Yes. Why are you acting so surprised? I told you and you said it was okay!’ I protested.
‘No. I said, “if that’s what you really think”.
I didn’t believe you’d be foolish enough to actually go through with it!
I also said that going away with Tom would give you some clarity, meaning that I hoped that it’d make you see sense and realise that leaving would be the biggest mistake of your life.
Stupidly I believed that there was no way you could actually walk away from Sarah! ’
Oh… so that’s why he didn’t react.
‘I—’ I didn’t even get to say two words before Theo jumped in.
‘It was only when Jess told me she’d spoken to Sarah, who’s distraught about you leaving, that I realised that the penny hadn’t dropped. Come on, bro, you’re smarter than that!’
Hearing that Sarah was distraught instantly made my chest tighten.
‘He’s been a miserable fucker all week!’ Tom grabbed my phone and put it on speaker.
‘I bet he has!’ Theo replied.
‘Give that back!’ I snapped.
‘Not until you see sense,’ Tom said.
‘It’s for the best.’ I repeated the same thing I’d said to Sarah.
‘That’s bollocks and you know it!’ Theo said. ‘You love her. When you love someone and they love you back, you don’t run. You stay. You work at it.’
‘She’ll get bored of me. And when her author career takes off, she’ll move on.’
‘Sarah isn’t Piper. And stop thinking that you’re not enough.
You’re more than worthy. And I’m sure she’s told you as much.
Ask yourself, when you’re with her, how does she make you feel?
Do you sense in any way that she has doubts or believes you’re less than?
Or does she make you feel like a fucking king? ’
‘I…’ I thought about the things Sarah said and her actions.
The way she listened to me when I confessed my most painful secrets.
The way that she looked at me like I was the most amazing man to walk the earth.
Would she have gone out of her way to get my favourite childhood toy repaired because she knew how much it meant to me if she just saw me as someone temporary?
I’d wanted to open that box the second I saw it on the bed.
After all, it said to unwrap it when I was feeling sad and I’d just walked away from Sarah, so I was broken.
But I knew that whatever it was would make me want to go over and thank her, so I resisted temptation until yesterday.
And when I saw a rejuvenated Snuggles, I actually shed a tear.
Whoever Sarah had got to repair him had done a brilliant job. I didn’t have many memories from when Mum was alive, but I still had a photo of me holding him whilst I was curled up on her lap and Snuggles looked almost as good as he did back then.
And somehow seeing him ‘brought back to life’ made me feel closer to Mum.
Even if I said a million thank-yous to Sarah, it could never convey the magnitude of my gratitude.
Suddenly I realised that a phone call or text wouldn’t be enough.
‘Shit,’ I said, feeling like an idiot. ‘I fucked up.’
‘Finally, he gets it!’ Tom said unhelpfully.
‘Yes, you did. Big time,’ Theo added. ‘Now the question is, how do you plan to fix it?’