16. Chapter 16 #2
Even as a girl, I often stood in awe of how everything seemed to bend towards Rida, how everything worked in the favor of the mighty tree.
Everything in this world did what it did because of Rida.
Rivers flowed south, the eir migrated from the Caelium to her every year, and even the sun set and rose behind her.
Without her, Yllsora would not be what it is, would not exist or function at all.
I had always hoped to stand under Rida one day, but not for the reasons that sent us there now.
"What if the rot has already reached Rida?" I asked, looking at Malik with worried eyes.
"Wouldn't you know it?"
I looked at the ground I sat upon, wondering if I would want to know if such a thing had happened. Because if it had, I didn't know if I would have the strength to continue on.
"I should. But things haven't been as they should be for a long time now. And that's what scares me the most."
From the Shroud to the rot to the roots no longer listening to the Mother Blessed, to now, two Divine making their presence known on Yllsora, I did not know what to make of the world I had once known so well.
My only comfort was knowing that the Divine were still everywhere if one knew how to look for them.
And that night, after the sun crested beneath the earth, the moon taking its turn in the sky above us, I couldn't shake the feeling that the same presence that had stopped the fire was watching, keeping me from falling asleep.
"Allyra?" Malik asked as I continued to toss and turn, even with him on watch.
“Sorry,” I huffed. “The forest here, it’s—”
"I feel it too," Malik said.
I sat up next to Malik, our shoulders touching as we overlooked the Alesi and Rida, watching as streaks of blue, purple, and green danced above us, letting myself get lost in their movements, in how easily the waves of color wove in and out of each other.
As turbulent as this journey had been, I was grateful for the chance it gave me to just be with Yllsora, to see parts of her I otherwise never would have seen.
I had spent so long doing everything I could to keep Sorrel safe and protected that I had forgotten that moments like this were what it was all for.
I took my eyes off the lights to look over at Malik, to see if he was as in awe of the light as me, only to find him already studying me.
Everything stopped in that moment as we looked at one another—the rustling of the leaves, the howl of the wind, the rush of the river. The quiet of the forest dropped over us, and for a moment, the world shrunk to just the two of us.
I knew immediately what he was thinking about—all those nights we would spend under the sky together, gazing up at the stars, telling each other the stories of the constellations in the Caelium.
A twinge of sadness crossed Malik's face before he turned his attention back up to the sky above us.
"I must admit, this is not what I expected when I came back to Wellea."
"What do you mean?" I asked.
He shook his head. "For some reason, I thought that when I came back, things would be how they were when I left.
That Sorrel would be the same, and I could slip back into the role I had at your side, and together we would stand against the mainland men.
I definitely didn't expect you to be married.
" Malik huffed a light laugh. "So that…complicated things. "
A laugh at the hilarity and disbelief that this is what our life had come to escaped me before I could stop it.
Malik continued, his voice growing serious. "But what I really never expected was to find you bearing the weight of so much when it came to Sorrel. You were always the helping hand growing up, always doing what you had to do, but you were also so carefree, and lighthearted. And now…"
He trailed off, looking at me once more. "Now it seems like the weight of the world is on your shoulders."
It was then that I realized Malik had been observing me just as much as I had been observing him.
That despite everything I hadn't shared with him, he was still able to see everything I kept under the surface.
I tensed, my shoulders curling and my neck locking under such scrutiny, that I could be seen through so clearly.
"In a way, it is," I answered. "I had to learn to bear it, and I lost some of that carelessness in the meantime."
"I wish you hadn't," he said. "That was one of my favorite things about you. I was supposed to be the one who brooded, and you taught me to loosen up. Now look at us."
I smiled at the memories of us when we were younger.
Of when Malik was always in a mood until I showed up.
More often than not, Malik's parents would bring him over, telling me to cheer him up when they could not handle his moods.
Before the night was over, our parents would find us endlessly laughing under a nimid or before a fire, no doubt waking the entire village.
"Hopefully I'm not awful to be around now," I said.
"I don't think that's possible," Malik said. "You're still the same Lyra under there, I know it. I've already seen her since we've been out here. She's coming back."
I smiled, lying back on the ground, and released a deep breath.
It was a relief, knowing that this version of myself wasn't here to stay.
And Malik was right, I had already felt that old version of myself coming back in the last days, my smiles coming more easily, this almost impossible quest to get to Rida feeling possible with him by my side.
"Sleep," Malik said. "I'll take watch."
We slept in shifts as we continued on, for there was no telling who or what lurked in the shadows of the mountains as we traveled.
Malik always took first watch, even when I could see the exhaustion plain on his face.
Even when I wanted to fight against it, I let him watch over me, allowing myself to be protected.
Allowing myself to not bear the weight of everything alone.
And as much as I didn't want to dwell on what might be out there, I slept better knowing he was there.
Knowing that I was safe. It was something that only that old version of myself would have allowed, and as I fell asleep that night replaying our conversation in my mind, I thought about the girl I used to be before the Shroud.
I thought about how even during the bad times in our village, she never let it drag her down.
She always had hope, a reason to believe the next day would be better.
I had let this world harden me, let it shape me into something I no longer recognized, and I wanted nothing more than to get back to the girl I used to be.
Maybe once all of this was over, once Rida and Yllsora were saved, once everything was restored to how it should be, I could find her again.