17. Chapter 17
The next day, we kept to outcroppings of rocks along the mountainside as we walked, nestling as far under them as we could to avoid the elements that gave us no mercy, and to provide extra cover from the men who continued to stalk us on our journey.
The nights were long, and the days offered no reprieve; every crunch of underbrush and sharp gust of wind setting both of us on edge, making both rest and speedy travel unattainable.
Even with taking shifts to sleep, the fear of the revelers and the mainland men often kept us both awake, those sleepless nights often leading to endless conversations between Malik and I under the starry sky, night after night, the eir floating above us.
We talked about anything and everything, the topics seemingly endless, those walls I had built around myself loosening bit by bit, though a part of me clung to their structure and the safety they offered.
I had forgotten how intense our connection was, how much we felt like opposites reaching for one another.
I had gotten so used to what Therian and I were that the idea of anything else felt out of reach, like I would never have it again.
Yet here it was, subtle nods that something was still there between me and Malik. And I was terrified.
Each night I sat there, talking to Malik as if the last decade hadn't happened, my hands trembling and my throat threatening to close at the prospect of feeling what I once did for him.
I feared the pain and the heartbreak, yet I wanted nothing more than for things to feel normal between us.
But the truth was, no matter how much we both wanted it, things would never be what they once were.
No matter how much Malik thought things hadn't changed, they had, and we were both running from that truth.
In those moments when we got lost in our conversation, the world quieting just enough to feel like it was just the two of us, I knew that both of us were pretending like we had it all under control, like there wasn't a world of consequences waiting for us at the end of this journey. Me more than anyone.
Then there were moments where we were huddled in a shallow opening of a cliff side, our backs exposed to the elements, attempting to hide from the cold, in which I remembered all that we were facing, including the retribution I would encounter not only from the Mother Blessed of Sorrel, but from my family as well, after all of this was over.
And it was then that I found myself even more frozen and terrified, unable to contend with the future.
But for now, I had to focus on surviving, on getting to Rida.
Malik did his best to keep our campfire alight, but those nights sleeping in the forest were the coldest I had ever experienced.
Growing up in Sorrel, I had become accustomed to the cold, but there was something different in the air on that mountain.
Even sleeping close to the meager fire, wrapped in my cloak and the blanket I brought from Sorrel with me, the cold still bit down to my bones, fusing with my very being, chilling me to the point of shivering so hard I woke from my sleep.
Malik was quick to notice, dropping his cloak over me without hesitation.
"You'll freeze to death," I said, moving in protest and reaching to hand his cloak back to him, but he was quicker, his hands grabbing mine, placing it back over my body.
"I'm right next to the fire. As long as I stay awake, I'll be fine. Now sleep."
I took a deep breath as I shifted further under his coat, his scent filling my nose. The remnants of pine and the smell of sun on skin surrounded me, lulling me into a deep sleep.
I slept easily that night, warm and knowing Malik was watching over me, knowing that if anything bad were to happen, he would protect me.
I woke a few hours later refreshed and took the next watch, letting Malik get a little sleep before we had to start moving again.
We slept in shifts night after night until one evening, we opted to continue our journey, eager to outpace the mainland men. We were making good time and did not want to lose the little advantage we had.
The eir and stars shone above us as we walked, glittering against the black sky, lighting our way.
The wind whipped around us, sending my hair in a fray behind me before I braided it down my back and put my hood up around my face, shivering, desperate for this endless winter to end.
I longed for warmth, hopeful that saving Rida would bring back the seasons I knew as a child.
We hiked for a few more miles before a warm glow began to emanate from the forest below, lighting up the side of the mountain.
It was an unnatural light, not from the moon or the eir or even a campfire.
Whatever it was, there was no doubt it was man-made, a host of people somewhere nearby—whether friend or foe, we did not know.
We crept our way up the side of the mountain, following the light, and found hundreds of fires blazing in an encampment below, banners I did not recognize waving in the firelight.
Despite the late hour, men walked around as if it were midday, conversing animatedly with one another.
Some were in deep discussion, bent over maps or sharpening swords, all working nonstop.
"Those are my men," Malik said next to me, surprise painting his face as he studied the camp below us.
"We all fled Uscal at the same time, though I wasn't sure how far behind us they were.
Only that they got off the island. But I'm glad they are here.
We have to be prepared for when we go to Rida and could use their help. "
After what happened back in Sorrel when Malik proposed and our fathers turned on one another, I was wary if I was still safe in such proximity to the Dures' soldiers.
Were they not so loyal to Roswell that they would attack once they saw me?
Were they still loyal to Malik, even though he had abandoned them back in Sorrel and run off with me?
"Going around them will take days," I said, looking out over the vastness of the camp. "Days we can't spare."
I looked back at the looming mountains behind us, the dark, swirling clouds of more snow quickly tracking us south. Malik's eyes followed mine, landing on the same cloud in the distance.
Malik let out a deep breath as he nodded his head. "We will have to go through."
I whipped my head around to look at him. "Through?"
Malik shrugged. "It might be good to rest in one spot for a couple of days. Get our strength back before the final stretch to Rida."
"And what about when they find out who I am? That our fathers were fighting in Sorrel?"
"I doubt the news of fighting in Sorrel has reached them. The weather won't have allowed it."
I shook my head, still unsure. "And what if they've decided now that they made it here they no longer need to follow you and your family?"
"I think that's a risk we will have to take," Malik said, looking back to the camp. "But I know these men. I lived with them for years. We can trust them."
The thought of being able to sleep in a tent was tempting, but I couldn't ignore the part of me that hesitated.
Malik sensed my trepidation, setting a hand on my shoulder. "Let's stay here for the night, and then tomorrow we can go through the camp. Arriving at night will do us no good."
We settled in for the night then, lying next to each other, just close enough to keep each other warm.
We hadn't slept this close to one another yet, always keeping a respectable distance, but this night was different.
The chill on the mountainside of The Sisters made it colder than any other night on our journey, the wind howling, causing the snow to stir and gust around us.
We attempted to make a fire, desperate for some sense of warmth, but the relentless ice made it impossible. It wasn't long before we both were shivering, our teeth rattling so hard they threatened to break.
"We need to get closer," Malik said, his voice tense with cold.
I nodded, knowing that it was our only option, but it wasn't until Malik scooted behind me, his front pressing up against my back and his arm wrapping around my middle that I understood what he meant.
I stiffened at his touch, so much so that my shivers ceased for a moment. All at once, I was all too aware of Malik behind me and the heat that radiated off his body and through my coat and to my skin.
It was smart, huddling closer like this in order to keep warm, and I did all I could to steady my hammering heart, to stop the new tremble that had taken over my body, one that had nothing to do with the cold.
I wanted nothing more than to lean into his touch, to take advantage of this comfort that I had missed, but my mind kept pulling back, not letting me settle into his comfort.
There was no doubt that Malik felt the tension in my body, as a deep sigh escaped him.
"Lyra," he said, his voice rumbling in my ear. "Relax."
"I am relaxed."
"No, you're not," he said, whispering the words low enough to make me forget the cold and focus only on him. "You are so stiff I might as well be holding a rock. You need to loosen up or you won't be able to move when we wake up."
I knew he was right. The cold had already ground me down, making my bones stiff and my muscles weary, and I knew that fighting against it would only make the trek harder.
It wasn't easy, trying to find it within myself to ease the tension, both from the cold, from Malik's nearness, and from the tension that had made a permanent home in me.
Still I tried, closing my eyes, and doing my best to draw deep breaths, to push away the memories of the nights when Malik used to hold me like this, to not admit to myself just how much I had missed this.
I made myself focus on the moment at hand, telling myself that this was just for survival, and finally, I relaxed, my shoulders coming down from my ears as I let myself lean into his warmth, letting it cocoon me.
"There you go," he said, his voice gruff in my ear, the sound of it warming me to my core. "Now sleep."