18. Chapter 18
Icould not make sense of the sound that woke me.
At first, I tried to think nothing of it.
It wasn't unusual for a bout of rocks to come loose and tumble their way down a mountainside, but this was a much larger, much angrier sound, the ground beneath me shaking with such an intensity that, for a moment, I thought the very earth was splitting in two.
These were different from the quakes felt in Sorrel the night Malik and I fled, the sound of crashing rock seeming to herald something ancient and angry.
I opened my eyes to find the world around me trembling, the trees quivering and shaking violently, leaves falling from their branches, floating down to the ground with a grace that contended with Yllsora's tremors.
But what was most terrifying was the sound of no birds, no animals, nothing moving in the wake of these reverberations.
A warning that we did not want to be here for whatever was happening and what was about to come.
The crashing sounded once more, and I looked up the mountainside to see a cluster of rocks rolling down from the peak above us, a wave of snow not far behind.
I bolted upright, frantic to find Malik and tell him we needed to leave, only to find him missing from the campsite, the freshly fallen snow that continued to come down covering his tracks.
There was no doubt in my mind that he was scouting the perimeter while I slept to make sure that we were safe.
Which only meant he was closer to whatever was brewing on the mountaintop.
"Malik!" I yelled as Yllsora trembled beneath me.
If it wasn't for the fear coursing through me, I would have been in awe of Yllsora's strength, the way her trembles were able to move everything that walked her surface.
Only this time, it stopped just as fast as it started, and I was met with an uneasy, unending silence, as if the world had suddenly frozen, as if it was taking one final deep breath before screaming.
Something about the stillness unsettled me.
It was almost as if Yllsora was taking stock of the moment, waiting for the perfect moment to flip on its head.
I watched for Malik as I listened for any sort of sound, any indication of what was going on, as I knew these moments of silence were when Yllsora did her best communicating, letting me and the other Mother Blessed know something was wrong. But even I heard nothing.
My eyes continued to scan the mountainside, continuously flicking up to the peak above us, watching another bout of rocks tumble down the mountainside, a wall of snow moving with it.
"Malik!" I called for him again, my panic making my voice tremble. "Malik!"
His black hair appeared against the white of the snow, and an immediate wave of relief washed through me at the sight of him unharmed. His pace quickened at the frantic tone of my voice when the earth cracked once more, the sound of wood and earth splitting filling the air.
It was similar to how the Astaros tree sounded before Malik and I had left, a cracking that you felt in your chest. Only this time, it vibrated the very air, everything around me bowing to its power.
I braced my hands on the ground to steady myself, my panic causing me to feel to the depths of Yllsora against my own volition.
I felt the despair of the earth and the roots deep below, felt the pain and agony that had made a home there, and it was then that I knew that this was Yllsora fighting back, expressing her pain for what had happened, so much so that even the roots were disrupting so much more than their own local network.
They were taking it out on all of Yllsora now, so that everyone, Mother Blessed and common men alike, knew what she had been through.
I watched as roots slithered down the mountainside, a swell of snow following behind it in an avalanche so fast that it overtook the roots, taking everything in its path with it.
Malik was making his way back up to our camp, close, but not close enough, a new wave of desperation washing through me.
If we didn't move soon, we would be caught in its swell.
"Malik! Hurry!" I screamed once more, urging him on.
Malik's gaze followed mine, looking back at the avalanche before he turned back to me, running towards me with his arm outstretched.
"Lyra!"
"Malik!" I screamed, my body trembling as I watched the snow continued to tumble down the mountainside, approaching us at a speed I knew we could not outpace.
Everything seemed to happen in slow motion—the sound of the avalanche becoming louder until it was right on top of us, then a wall of piercing cold slamming into my side, shoving me from the spot where I stood with a force stronger than all Divinity.
I must have traveled hundreds of feet in seconds, tumbling and rolling over myself until I was unsure of which way was up, my body getting lost in the mixture of snow, rocks, dirt and roots that jostled down the mountain alongside me.
It was too cold to feel any pain, my entire body numb the moment the sheet of snow hit me.
My eyes scrunched tight as I continued to move with the snow, as if I were nothing but something for the avalanche to claim as its own.
I do not know how much time passed or how far I traveled.
All I know is that I stopped moving just as fast as I started, the stillness and silence deafening around me.
When I did open my eyes, I only saw never-ending white, pressing in from every angle. The chill was cold and piercing, so much so that I felt it through my entire body, down to the very marrow of my bones. It hurt to even flex my fingers, the cold nestling into every crevice of my body.
I worked to draw in a breath, only to find my surroundings damp and compact, room for fresh air minimal, like trying to breathe with a cloth over one's face on a damp winter's day.
I worked hard to not let the panic overtake me, for my oxygen was limited, but the thought of being stranded under a pile of snow, never to be found, was one I could not let go of.
There was no way out, no way of knowing how deep under the snow I lay.
There was no way to look for Malik, to see where he had gone, if we were even next to each other.
He could be down the other side of the mountain, days of walking away.
Even if I did make it to the other side of the mountain range to look for him, there would be no way of knowing exactly where he landed. If he were even alive.
The thought was too much to bear—the heaviness of the snow on my chest only increasing the panic at the thought of Malik being killed, leaving me to deal with this world alone.
I wasn't prepared to live in a world where Malik didn't exist. The last ten years without him were indeed brutal, but at least I knew he was alive.
I always knew that if anything serious were to happen, the news would have made it to Sorrel in due time.
Some days, waiting on word of the happenings abroad brought me endless heartache, but some days, it was all that got me through the day, even when I worked hard not to show it.
I spent so long pretending I didn’t care, pretending that I was fine on my own, when in reality, I needed nothing more than a safe place to land.
This entire time Malik had been back in my life, I had been trying to deny it, trying to convince both of us that I didn’t need anyone—didn’t need him—but that couldn’t be further from the truth.
And as much as I was fighting what I was feeling for him and how his absence had affected me these past ten years, even with how much I knew I was denying my own feelings, nothing prepared for me for the tidal wave of despair I felt at the prospect of walking this life alone without him.
I ached at the fact that my final moments with Malik were spent sleeping, and not desperately clinging to one another, making up for lost time.
I don't know what panicked me more—the snow I found myself trapped under, its weight becoming impossibly heavier by the minute, or the thought that I might never get the opportunity to see Malik again, that I would have to go on knowing that he never knew the true depth of my feelings.
The snow shifted beneath me and started moving again, but now slower, as if it now wanted to take its time making its way down the mountain. And this time, I let it take me, surrendering myself to be moved how nature wanted, letting the snow cradle me, no longer fighting so hard against it.
You will always be protected, a voice said in my ear, as crisp and cool as the surrounding snow.
Not the Mother, not the Divine I had dedicated my life to, as she was nowhere to be found as I stood on the brink of death time and time again, but that other voice who had become my constant companion on this journey.
The both of you, always safe, the voice said.
Because you are a part of a much bigger destiny.
I didn't have to ask the voice who they meant, because it would always be Malik and I. That much was obvious now. He was always there, in the back of my mind, every day for the past ten years. Decades upon decades could pass, and it would always be him.
Yet I still had so many questions as I continued to tumble down the mountain. Why us? What destiny? What purpose did we serve that other Divine had made their presence known to us? Where was the Mother, and why had she abandoned us?
It didn't matter in that moment. All that mattered was surviving this, finding Malik, and praying to whatever Divinity was out there that he was alive, as I now wanted nothing more than to say all the things I had left unsaid ever since he arrived in Sorrel.
Wanted nothing more than to tell him how much I needed him, how much I wanted him in my life, how much I wish we hadn't lost the time together that we did.
But it was too late.
All those words, left unsaid, were the last thing I remembered as I tumbled down the mountain.