Chapter 38
CHAPTER THIRTY-EIGHT
SOPHIE
My face was pale in the mirror. My eyes red. I reached for the faucet, but my hand trembled. And when I finally managed to turn it on, I couldn’t put my hands under it. So I shut it off and turned around, leaning on the countertop.
Cold stone against my skin sent a shiver down my body, and I stepped away.
Breathe in. Hold. Breathe out.
Repeat.
Again.
Then again.
Until this strange feeling went away.
But it didn’t.
I looked down at my hands, at the rings. Rubbed them once, then twice, before reaching for the faucet once again. This time I managed to collect water in my palms to finally wash my face.
It wasn’t enough.
I splashed water one more time before looking up. My mouth opened wide as I tried to contain the scream building in my chest, so shallow breaths were the only thing that came out.
My eyes shifted toward the door through the mirror, and I forced myself to stay still.
I knew it wasn’t an accident—the fact that I was kidnapped.
It wasn’t me appearing in the wrong place at the wrong time.
I was heading to my appointment at my usual salon for Edmond’s family event.
And like with Maison de Lys, someone needed access to that area to be there.
To know at exactly what time I would pass through a small passage between the parking area and the main building.
To know that my driver would wait in the car.
To know that the passage was unguarded. To know how they could transfer my unconscious body in a way to not be caught.
So there was never a doubt it was maliciously planned. Yet the fact I never got the answer to the reason why—why me?—had always dug into my chest with its invisible claws.
I told myself I should just accept that I would never get an answer. Accept that the most likely explanation was that Sebastian wasn’t right in the head. And that was enough of a reason.
Yet now… Now I had the reason.
And part of me wished I had never learned it. Never learned that everything that happened, that destroyed my whole life, was because of the man who helped me rebuild myself piece by piece. That he was actually behind the why.
I leaned closer to the sink, choking on air as water went down my nose and cheeks.
The next moment, I stood by the shower, turning it on but making no move to step inside.
I knew for sure that even if Viktor once wished or imagined it, he would never actually harm me. Even that younger version of himself from years ago voicing his fantasies. Let alone the version that married me, the version whose every action was centered on me.
All the while, he was in deep need of comfort and love himself. I could only imagine how awful he must have felt when he lost his family, then learned what happened to me. He probably blamed himself for everything. Pushed himself into even deeper loneliness.
My heart ached and I couldn’t control the sob that left my throat. But instead of taking off my clothes and stepping under the spray, I moved to the other side of the bathroom.
Just now I told him so many awful things that I didn’t mean. But at that moment I couldn’t curb the anger… the disappointment that burned through me.
Part of me wanted to blame him—he was the one who said the words, put everything in motion. Gave Sebastian the idea that led my life to crumble.
But blaming him made me feel so much worse.
Covering my mouth with my palms, I tried to contain the noises I was letting out. I stopped shaking only when my nails dug into my palm too hard. I hated that I was angry at him. Furious at myself for it… for trying to find a way out… and finding none.
I focused my attention on the dark sky through the narrow window of the bathroom while the sound of the shower and the heat from the steam filled the room.
Sebastian was the only one I should be angry at.
He was the reason for everything that happened.
And the one thing that should worry me was whether I’d let his actions continue to ruin my life.
Five years. And so much more. I’d lost it all because of him.
But that was Sophie Moreau he’d managed to ruin.
I was not Sophie Moreau.
I was Sophie Rowks. And I’d be damned if I let a dead man’s ghost take another piece of mine.