23. One Last Lie
23
One Last Lie
WINTER
I always loved to believe that there was some sort of limit to the amount of bullshit the universe could drop on a person. I liked to think someone up there was keeping scores and saying, “Woah. Okay, guys. Ease up on the poor fella before he gives up on humanity.”
What happened to me in the past few weeks is proof that I was wrong. There is no such thing as a limit of bad luck per person, and for as long as you’re alive, you shall get served.
Barely keeping myself awake through the most boring class of all time, I debate on getting up and walking out right in the middle of my professor’s lecture. Barely twenty minutes in, I knew I’d made a mistake by going back to school. Journalism isn’t for me. Truth is, I have no clue what is for me, and that’s okay. The answers are out there, I’m sure of it.
But I won’t find them here.
Haze’s sudden transformation into a human trash can incited me to reconsider many of my decisions. It gave me a whole lot of alone time, time that I admittedly needed to come to terms with my existential crisis and understand that when something feels wrong, it usually is.
It’s been around eleven days since Haze cheated on me. I think counting the days is part of my defense mechanisms, my uncanny way of coping. I give myself a pat in the back for every day I get through without crying . God, I hate what heartbreak has turned me into.
Haze will be staying at Vic’s until I move out at the beginning of December. We only talked once, and by talked, I mean we texted, and by we , I mean he texted and I ignored. He said he’ll be paying the rent in full this month. That I’m welcome to stay there until I move back into my childhood home with lovely Lauren.
Bitch, after what you did to me, don’t mind if I do.
Kendrick will also be moving in with Allie soon. We had to pay a huge fine to the landlord for severing the lease. It cost us three months’ rent up front, which, even split in three, dug a gigantic hole into my savings.
Allie and Kendrick were as surprised as me to find out Haze cheated. The whole world was, to be honest. You’d think a guy who chases a girl’s forgiveness for days on end wouldn’t drop her as soon as she gives it to him. It took both Allie and me to stop Kendrick from driving over to Vic’s and beating up Haze to defend my honor. To think these two were finally starting to like each other. I’m guessing we’ll never know what happened. What changed for him to stop loving me overnight.
Mr. Spit telling us to complete a forty-page paper for next week is my cue . Nope. I’m out. I gather my things in the middle of the assignment description, throw my coat on, and walk out of the classroom without a care in the world. My plan for today is simple: get coffee, go visit my dad at the hospital, and finally, try and come up with a good enough reason to give him if he ever wakes up. He’ll want to know why I dropped out of school and… I doubt that life sucks will cut it.
When I step into the apartment that won’t be mine for much longer, I shake off the chills skittering down my coat and remove my boots. I’ve really got to get a full-time job and buy myself a car. Kendrick is practically always at work or at Allie’s nowadays, which makes it hard to hitch a ride to the hospital. I had to get a cab today due to the long distance and crazy snowstorm. No changes in my dad’s state, but we’re still hopeful.
Hanging my coat, I frown at the absence of my overexcited pup. Waze is always—literally always—waiting for me by the door. A frown creases my forehead when unidentified noises erupt in the distance.
“Kendrick, you home?” I turn the corner and quickly understand why my baby wasn’t waiting for me. He’s already all over someone else—the last person I wanted to see.
Haze is standing in the living room, playing with Waze—I think I’ll have no choice but to change his name. Dangling off his arm is a gym bag full of clothes. He probably came to get the last of his stuff. He usually comes when I’m in school. I know because I notice his belongings disappearing from the apartment bit by bit along with the smell of his cologne and every trace of our love.
When he notices me, I pray that he won’t talk to me. Or even look at me. I don’t want to have to be civil. I want him to disappear until I forget the sound of his voice.
Don’t talk to me.
Don’t talk to me.
Don’t talk to—
“Hey.”
Dang it.
“Hey.”
“I just came by to get the rest of my stuff.” He motions to his gym bag.
“I can see that.”
His blue eyes are empty, vacant. It’s clear that he hasn’t been sleeping. Probably too busy juggling conquests. Nevertheless, it feels like he’s gripping and squeezing my heart at full force just standing there looking this good.
“How have you been?” he tries.
Oh, you know, I’ve been partying every night to celebrate getting cheated on. One less goal on my bucket list.
“Fine.”
He nods, silently standing there with his hands in his pockets. Why is he forcing this? I sure hope he’s not waiting for me to return the question.
He lowers his gaze to his feet. “I should go.”
I nod and he heads for the door.
“Haze?” I say.
He swivels around, and for a brief second, I think I see a gleam of hope light up his stare. I must be insane.
“Please text me in advance if you come by again. I dropped out of school, so I’ll be home often until I get a full-time job. I’ll make sure we don’t run into each other.”
His eyes widen. “Wait. You dropped out of school?”
Like you care.
“Yeah. Journalism isn’t for me.”
He begins to reply, but he’s cut off by the front door swinging open. Snickering, Allie and Kendrick stumble into the apartment with Chinese takeout boxes in hand. Their smiles slip away at the sight of Haze.
“That’s my cue.” He flinches under Kendrick’s loathing glare. “Good luck with everything.”
I don’t reply and watch him exit.
“What was that?” Kendrick says the second the door closes.
I shrug. “He just came by to get more of his stuff.”
“Again?” Allie exclaims. “It’s been like five times.”
Kendrick snorts. “Yeah, the guy doesn’t even own that many things. He’s just looking for excuses to come back, I’m telling you.”
I almost scoff. When they see I’m not going to fuel their nonsense, they hop onto another topic and begin the classy inhaling of their food. A few minutes later, Allie sits by my side on the couch and bats her eyelashes at me.
“So… there’s a party this Friday.”
Oh, Lord.
“And?”
“And you’re coming with me. You too, babe.” She smiles at Kendrick, who doesn’t seem sold on the idea. “Come on, it’ll be fun.”
Kendrick quickly surrenders to his girlfriend’s pout and puppy eyes. As for me, I consider fighting her but lack the necessary energy.
“Sure.”
She frowns. “Wait, just like that?”
“Just like that.” I laugh quietly.
Yes, I’d rather crawl under a rock and never come out, but meeting new people could be good for me—might take my mind off my horrendous breakup. Today was step one to getting my shit together. I need to make a change. No, I need to make changes . I can’t be the same Winter anymore. A new life takes work, and I might not exactly know where this new life is going to take me, but I do know one thing: it’ll be far, far away from Haze Adams.
“There you go, gorgeous. All done.”
There are many things a girl tends to do after a breakup: get drunk, cry, sleep with a random guy, eat pints of ice cream, feel guilty about it, cry some more and… change her hair. I might have skipped many of the abovementioned steps, but I didn’t escape the latest option.
When the hairdresser spins my chair around and I catch a glimpse of myself in the mirror, I blink in shock. I’ve always been curious about darker hair. I’ve been a brunette my whole life, clinging to my birth-given color and dreading changes. But now that my once pale brown hair shifts toward black, I don’t regret it. I have no idea what it is about getting new hair that makes some girls feel empowered. Maybe it’s like letting go of the past and looking forward. Getting a fresh cut means getting a fresh start.
“My, my. Them boys are going to need help picking up the pieces of their broken hearts when you’re done with them.” The kind hairdresser hypes me up. Little does she know the only person who needs help with their broken heart isme.
I miss him. Terribly. But he doesn’t miss me, and he cheated. I can’t ever forgive him for that. I sure hope for his sake that she was more than just a fling. Or else he ruined forever for a few hours.
When I head back to the front of the store, I can’t help but wonder what he’s doing. It’s been two long days since he came to pick up the last of his clothes. He hasn’t been back since, and I doubt that he ever will be. I can’t believe that night was potentially the last time I’ll ever see him.
Once I’ve paid, I pull my phone out. Seven missed calls from the hospital. Five messages from Kendrick.
Shit, something’s wrong.
I select Kendrick’s messages with my heart crawling up my throat and read them too fast for their contents to imprint onto my brain. The victory doesn’t seem real at first, overshadowed by an endless parade of tragedies. Until, finally, it sinks in.
Maybe there is a guy keeping scores up there, after all.
Kendrick: He’s awake.
“Where is he?” I burst through the doors of the waiting room with one mission and one mission only: see my dad. Kendrick, Allie, and Jaden jump from their seats.
“We can’t see him yet.” Jay strides to me. I pull him into a hug. We’ve been texting since he went back to live with my mom. Our conversations mainly consist of him begging me to come pick him up, but I can’t add custody battles to my school dropout, heartbroken mess plate right now.
“They’ll tell us as soon as he’s ready,” Kendrick adds.
“How did you even know?” I question.
“Don’t be mad…” Kendrick says uneasily. “They couldn’t reach Lauren. Or you. So, they went for the second number they had for you.”
It hits me.
“Haze,” I deduce.
The first time we showed up, right after the accident, we had to give them as many numbers to reach us as possible. Haze was there and insisted that if, for whatever reason, I couldn’t pick up, he would, no matter what.
“He called you?” I’m surprised.
Kendrick nods. “I’m assuming he thought you wouldn’t pick up if he tried, so he let us know instead. We picked up Jay from school right away.”
I don’t let the gesture affect me for longer than a split second. He was just doing what any decent human being would. Although I do have to wonder what happened to that sweet, caring Haze who would suggest adding his own number to the records to make sure I’d never miss a call.
“Where’s Lauren?” I ask.
“On her way here,” Jay says. “Pray that she’s stuck in traffic.”
Allie smacks a hand to her mouth. “Oh my God. Your hair!”
Bringing awareness to my makeover, Allie’s statement earns me a handful of compliments from all three of them. I do appreciate knowing it doesn’t look awful.
“Your father is ready,” the doctor in charge of my dad tells us with a smile half an hour later.
Jaden and I trail toward the room my dad’s been moved to, brimming with confounding emotions: relief, fear, joy, sadness. He’s lying in the hospital bed we were so terribly afraid he’d spend his last days in.
Jay throws himself into his arms, and my dad winces in pain at first, causing Jay to apologize profusely. He warns us as to having broken ribs, a fractured leg and a mild concussion.
“I’m here, son. I’m not going anywhere.”
Jay cries harder, nestling his forehead on my dad’s shoulder instead. My father’s eyes drift to me. “Hey, pumpkin.”
The nickname ends me.
Tears of joy come pouring down my face, and I’m next in line for the weird head-to-shoulder hug. There are so many things I want to tell him. Things I have to tell him before Lauren gets here.
“We came to see you almost every day.” Jay sniffles.
“I know.” My dad reaches for both our hands, squeezing our fingers tightly between his. “I heard you. All of you. I heard Haze, I heard—”
“Wait. Haze?” I frown.
“Yes,” he confirms.
“Haze came to see you alone?”
He nods.
“I also heard that someone stole my favorite pen.” He glances at my brother, who cracks a laugh. I had no idea Haze came to see my father. Why would he do that? I know they grew pretty close when we were together, but I didn’t think it was to the point of coming to see him after we broke up.
Jay and I catch him up on everything he’s missed, and my dad, being my dad, listens to every bit of our stories with a smile and genuine interest on his face.
“When are they releasing you?” Jay asks.
“They want to keep me a bit longer, but they’re hopeful. It shouldn’t be too long,” he reassures us.
Minutes later, when I see that Lauren still hasn’t arrived, I know it’s now or never. I ask Jay if we can have a minute alone, and he halfheartedly agrees. He doesn’t need to hear this. I can’t let my father go back home with Lauren unless he knows exactly who he lies in bed with at night.
“What’s wrong, pumpkin?”
“Dad, there’s… something you need to know.”
I get my phone out of my pocket, collecting the necessary nerves to press Play to the recording that’ll surely destroy the man who spent his entire life building me up. The only thing getting me through the guilt of making him suffer is the thought that sometimes, we need to destroy…
In order to rebuild something beautiful.
When Kendrick told me my dad was awake, it was clear in my head that any plans I had for the rest of the day were officially canceled. There is absolutely nothing I could’ve seen myself doing except be by my father’s side, especially after telling him a piece of news like that.
Yet, here I am, in my bedroom, bobbing my head to Beyoncé while Allie curls my now dark hair. I should’ve known better than to think she would let me escape her frat party plan. It turns out the doctor didn’t want anyone in their way tonight. Not to mention my father insisted on being alone to process what he’d heard.
He didn’t make a sound. Just sat through the recording and listened to every word down to the last second. Then, as if he wasn’t already the best goddamn man on earth, he looked at me, shed a tear, and said, “I’m so sorry you had to hear this, sweetheart.”
I’ll never fathom how he found it in himself to make this about me. He’s the one being cheated on, the one with a wife who tried to sleep with her daughter’s boyfriend. He’s the one with a partner in love with his wallet. He didn’t say much else. Anger is not who he is, but his eyes told a million stories.
Broken. That’s what he was.
He thanked me for showing it to him. Promised he’d do what was right for the family and take Maika away from Lauren. The doctor assured both me and him that they wouldn’t let Lauren see him as forced encounters may have nefarious effects on an already fragile patient’s health.
I couldn’t bring myself to tell him that Haze cheated on me when he made me promise to thank him for putting up with Lauren and recording her that night.
“All done,” Allie shrieks at the final result.
She has to practically drag my ass into the cab waiting out front when the time comes. She says this party is everything I need. I say what I need is my bed.
I changed my mind. I don’t want to meet new people. I want to shut off the rest of the world until I get a certain blue-eyed boy out of my system. As we pull up to the packed-with-drunk-people frat house, I can’t shake the feeling that this is either going to be amazing…
Or the worst night of my life.