29. Back Together
29
Back Together
WINTER
“What are you doing?” I heave a chuckle when Haze kicks my bedroom door shut and backs me up into a corner.
“We’ve been unpacking for three hours. I want a second alone with my girlfriend. Sue me.” He snatches the cardboard box from my hands and drops it on the desk next to my bed. He’s right. We’ve been emptying the back of his car for so long we’ve barely had time to say a word to each other all day.
When we woke up for what would be the last time in our apartment, we had no idea how busy the day ahead would be. Moving back into my childhood home to help my dad recover from the accident seemed like a good idea last night. I apparently failed to remember how mind-numbingly exhausting moving was the first time around. We dropped Waze at Vic’s for the day because a crazy pup doesn’t exactly make the moving process easier.
It did break my heart to empty our apartment. This was our first home, and we could’ve technically continued to live there since we’re back together, but we’d already severed the lease and the landlord said he has a bunch of people lining up to rent the place. Not to mention that my family has never needed me as much as they do right now, and I could hardly see myself living away from my father after what he went through.
We barely got two hours of sleep last night. Turns out we had a lot to say since getting officially back together—our bodies mostly did the talking. Cue the wannabe seductive wink .
I couldn’t handle how happy I was when I woke up in Haze’s arms at Vic’s two days ago. It’d been so long. It felt like, for the first time in forever, everything was right in the world.
No words can describe how relieved we were when we walked inside the house and saw that most of Lauren’s stuff was gone. Looks like she decided to do the decent thing for once, but I know better than to think this is the last we’ll be hearing of her. She won’t give up Maika’s custody without a fight.
“We should go back downstairs to help.”
“Uh-huh.” He completely ignores me, angling his head forward to kiss me. I welcome his lips with a need only he gives me. Here we are, making out in my childhood bedroom, and I have a feeling it might be hard to get some privacy once Haze moves in here to help me watch over my dad.
I break the kiss before it gets too heated. “We have like ten minutes tops before Allie and Kendrick realize we’re missing.”
His lips upturn into a grin, his fingers traveling down to my stomach. “Give me five.” He rubs me through the fabric of my leggings, and I emit a small involuntary gasp.
“For crying out loud! You see this? That’s why I won’t miss living with them,” a voice flares outside my door.
Kendrick’s.
I hear Allie sniggering in the hall and wonder how long they’ve been standing there. We were so engulfed by our make-out session we didn’t even hear them come up.
“Come on, you pervs. Food’s here,” Kendrick calls. We hear them stride down the stairs. Haze places a quick peck upon my cheek before grabbing my hand and dragging me out onto the hallway.
Harry’s parents should arrive with Maika any minute now. They’ve been taking care of her throughout this whole nightmare. Of course, she got to visit our dad at the hospital, but we tried to keep her as far away from this heart-wrenching situation as we could. Until the trial can occur, my dad will have no choice but to share custody of Maika with Lauren. They will each get one week with her. That is, of course, if Lauren is able to provide Maika with a stable and loving environment now that she doesn’t have my father’s money to pay for everything. I know she recently got a part-time job as a hairdresser. She may want to reconsider the part-time aspect of it. As for Jaden, he’s old enough to choose who he lives with. Plus, Lauren has no legal right over him in case of a custody battle as he is not biologically hers. He’s Harry’s son.
“Where’s the pizza?” I groan as I enter the kitchen.
Kendrick, Jay, Allie, Haze, my dad, and I all gather around the table and dig into the large pizza boxes. We’re halfway through mocking Kendrick for how whipped he is over Allie when the home phone rings. My father’s face loses all tint. It’s his insurance company. It’s got to be.
He’s been waiting for their call since he got released. He needs constant help until he can go back to work. They promised to follow up as to the possibility of providing him with a home nurse. Haze stretches his arm and grabs the home phone to hand it to my father.
“Wish me luck,” my father whispers before he picks up.
It doesn’t require more than five seconds. It’s not looking good. The way his eyebrows furrow tells us the answer we dreaded is exactly the one he’s getting. After arguing back and forth for a few minutes, he hangs up.
“It’s a no.”
“I’m so sorry, Dad.” I place my hand atop his on the table.
“It’s okay, kiddo,” he says, discouragement lacing his tone.
God, these next few months are going to be tough. My dad has savings, which will thankfully allow us to support ourselves for a little while, but he doesn’t have enough to pay for a full-time nurse.
“We’ll be there to help you. Jay will take care of you at night when I go to work, and I’ll be here during the day,” I say, and he offers me a warm smile. I restrain a wince. I do have to find a job first. I’ll also have to take care of Maika when she’s here because there’s no way I’m leaving her with Lauren full-time, and my dad won’t be able to watch a five-year-old by himself.
“I’ll be there to help, too. No matter what,” Haze chimes in, and my heart expands five sizes. I’m so grateful for him.
“I shouldn’t be your problem, pumpkin. I shouldn’t be a burden for any of you. I’m so sorry.” Guilt stabs me in the guts. He’s apologizing when Haze is the reason for all of this. God, I can’t stand it.
A knock on the door interrupts our sappy moment.
Maika.
We all drop our pizza slices and gather around the door to welcome her home. Kendrick opens up. My dad’s parents immediately bombard Harry with questions about his well-being. As for Maika, she starts running toward his wheelchair, then she freezes, reminded of his fragile state. She gives him a light, delicate hug, as though she’s convinced that squeezing will lead to his shattering. She won’t let go, tiny arms wrapped around him.
“It’s all right, sweetie. I’m okay.”
“I love you, Daddy,” she murmurs.
Dirty mind, go away.
When she backs away from him, I expect her to run to Jay or me. But she doesn’t.
“Hazie!”
Are you fucking kidding me?
One more girl lost to Haze Adams’s charms.
He seems just as surprised as we are, but he lifts her up into his arms and gives her a quick twirl, which amplifies her laughter. When he puts her down, it sinks into me that Maika’s the exact same age as Haze’s little sister was when she died.
Images of Maika in Desiree’s place horrify me.
“What about me? Playing favorite much?” I pretend to be offended. Let’s be real, I’m offended a little. She runs to me with a giggle. I bend down for my hug. I can tell she missed home just as much as it missed her. Maika runs back to her bedroom to find the toys she missed in the past few weeks. Nothing unusual… except that she brings someone along with her.
And by brings, I mean drags.
And by someone, I mean Haze.
“We’re playing dolls, Hazie.” She doesn’t ask, just states the facts. Haze’s eyes call for help, which only makes us laugh.
I stick my hands up. “Price to pay for being the favorite, babe.”
HAZE
I shoot Winter a “help me” glance over my shoulder, and she bursts out laughing. I can barely tear my eyes away. I missed this. I missed seeing her happy, hearing that laugh.
“Price to pay for being the favorite, babe,” Winter says from behind me. As Maika drags me toward the staircase, I catch a glimpse of the TV in the living room. More precisely of the news. On the screen are headlines that confirm the fears that have been haunting me since I got out of the truck full of cocaine last night.
Drug deal gone wrong. Young man found dead.
“A tragedy occurred yesterday at around midnight on the site of an abandoned factory. What the authorities assume to be a drug deal gone wrong stole a seventeen-year-old young man’s life away. He was found massacred and shot fifteen times next to an empty truck at 8:15 this morning. We don’t have any more information at this time.”
Then she names the address where the gruesome murder took place. Shivers scamper down my spine, my bones, my whole body. But that’s not even the worst part. The worst part is the picture that comes up on next. The truck I was driving. Completely wrecked by gunshots.
That’s where I should’ve been last night.
It could’ve been me.
It would’ve been me.
If Tanner hadn’t called and told me to get the hell out of there. He saved my life.
They must’ve found some other kid to do the job. Had plenty of poor fellas terrified to lose their loved ones on hand. I’m a hundred percent confident now that they would’ve never let me out of the deal. This was probably a targeted delivery, a way to get a nasty job done and get rid of me all at once. I’m guessing they thought my chances of getting out of there alive were pretty slim. I don’t know who the fuck was waiting for that cocaine, but it sure wasn’t Mary Poppins.
“Come on,” Maika urges, pulling on my hand to get me to walk faster. She noticed me slightly slowing down to listen to the reporter. I try to push the unwelcomed thoughts aside and follow her up to her room. The first thing she does when she walks in is empty a large box of her toys on the carpeted floor and hand me a soldier action figure.
I’m quick to text Tanner’s number.
Haze: Thank you.
“There, you be the prince and I be the queen,” she begins.
“Shouldn’t you be a princess if I’m a prince?”
“No. Daddy always says that I’m a queen.”
My smile grows wider.
“Who’s this guy?” I point to the purple teddy bear scooped up in her arms.
“That’s Wally. He’s my best friend.” She holds him tight against her chest. “He’s always there to cheer me up when I’m sad.”
I can’t help but be amazed by this sweetheart of a little girl and how obliviously happy she is. She has no idea that her mother is human garbage. That her father almost died. She sees the good in people, even those who don’t have one good bone in their bodies. Even those who don’t deserve it.
She’s just like her.
She’s just like Des.
“What’s wrong?” She pulls on my sleeve.
“Nothing. What makes you think something’s wrong?” I shove the painful memories into the deepest corner of my mind. She drops the Barbie and gazes at me with confused and intrigued eyes.
“You look sad.”
“I’m okay. I promise,” I lie.
She frowns.
“It’s just… you remind me of someone,” I reluctantly admit.
THEN
“Daddy, Daddy,” the five-year-old called when she heard the door that was always closed open in the distance. The office door was locked most of the times. The rule had remained the same ever since the young girl had been old enough to understand what a rule was. As long as the door was closed, she couldn’t bother her father. Maybe if he ever opened it, she could ask, but even then, nothing was certain. Mr. Adams spent almost twenty-four hours a day into his office, leaving his daughter Desiree to play alone with the brand-new toys he and his wife kept bombarding the child with.
The blue-eyed girl ran from the living room to her father’s office, her tiny feet knocking against the hardwood floor. Her older brother came running in after her. He’d been babysitting again. His parents hadn’t even left for their stupid event yet, still he’d been put on Desiree duty as soon as he’d come home from school.
“Des.” Haze smiled sadly as he watched his sister slip on the perfectly waxed floor. She was running so fast she struggled to stop when she made it to the office threshold. He knew exactly what answer his sister was going to get. She always got the same one. Her father was sitting at his desk, going through a few of the last files of the day. Running a business wasn’t easy. That was his excuse, always had been.
“Daddy, look!” Desiree held a cookie she’d just made with her brother as high as her arm allowed her to. She pushed to the tips of her toes, aside her father’s desk.
“Later, honey, I’m busy,” he said, his eyes locked onto his computer screen. Seconds later, his daughter noticed the maid sweeping in the corner of room . She was the reason the office door was open. She’d be out of there as soon as she was done cleaning. Her father wasn’t available.
“But Daddy… Haze and I made cookies,” Desiree said.
Her father huffed, “Why don’t you go play with your toys?”
“I don’t want to. I want to play in the backyard. You promised, Daddy. Remember?”
It was true. He had promised. He’d promised when he wasn’t listening and desperately needed her to stop asking. Leaning against the doorway, Haze stood with his arms crossed over his chest. Rage and disapproval twisted his face. He remembered a time when Richard played with them. Back when he only had two clinics to manage. Unfortunately for Desiree, Adams Inc. decided to invest further into real estate three months after she was born, and from that moment on, he’d become the self-centered piece of shit Haze was looking at now. His father made him so angry sometimes he wondered if he could move out on his own at fourteen.
“I’ll go with you tomorrow.”
His words banished every single hope and dream in the little girl’s eyes to a foreign land. She glanced down at the now crumbling cookie in her palm. The maid walked out and motioned for the kid to follow, which she did, dragging her feet. The door closed, and just like that, her daddy was gone again.
“Des, come here.” Haze bent to her level. “I’ll play in the backyard with you.”
It usually cheered her up. She usually smiled, accepted that her dad couldn’t make it, and strolled straight to the swings outside. She loved her brother more than anything, looked up to him. She was usually glad he was there to play with her, but not this time. She didn’t even spare a smile. She walked over to the kitchen and sat around the table in silence. Scattered all over the counters were cooking ingredients along with multiple trays of untouched cookies.
Haze had suggested cooking with his sister for her school bake sale after she’d told him she wished her parents didn’t hand off bought cookies at each of her school’s event. Haze knew there was nothing Desiree wanted more than to be a part of something, to show up with home-baked food on Monday, too.
Although the fourteen-year-old boy would’ve preferred death over admitting it, he was a pretty decent cook for a teenager. He’d had a nanny he adored as a kid, who had been fired after Ms. Adams had suspected she was trying to seduce her husband. Eight-year-old Haze was constantly bored back then. So bored he’d end up watching the woman work in the kitchen. She’d eventually invited him to join and taught him everything he knew.
“You know Dad loves you, right? I’m sure he’ll come out to play with you tomorrow.” Haze almost choked on his lies. He wanted to be hateful, wanted to criticize his father. He wanted Des to know how much her dad sucked, but he couldn’t bring himself to tell her. He had to let his sister believe there was a good man behind that closed office door. For as long as humanly possible. If not forever, at least until she was old enough to understand how cruel the real world could be.
“It’s okay. He’s busy,” she said quietly.
Busy being a waste of oxygen , Haze thought. He offered to read her the storybook she loved so much. She accepted, running to the living room to grab said book. It cheered her up. It always did.
“Do the voices! Do the voices!” she giggled, huddling up against her big brother on the couch. He complied, sending her laughter through the roof. By the time the story was over, she’d turned back into her regular self. A bundle of joy and sunshine.
Their parents called them into the kitchen minutes later. They were leaving for some charity event they didn’t care about but needed for positive publicity.
“Thanks, Daddy,” Desiree said to Haze before she ushered her way to the kitchen to say goodbye to her parents. Haze cracked a miserable, faint smile. It wasn’t the first time she’d called him that by mistake. Haze got up and trailed behind his sister. He asked his parents where his older brother Tanner was. His father replied, “Getting in trouble somewhere.”
“You’re going to be okay for the night?” Anita, their mother, asked her youngest son.
“We’ll be fine, Mom. Don’t you know? I’m a pro babysitter now.” Haze rolled his eyes when his mother went in for a hug. Anita wasn’t the coldest woman out there. She did, sometimes, display signs of affection toward her children. The problem was those signs never came when it mattered most. She’d say she loved her kids, then keep her mouth shut while Mr. Adams made awful parenting decisions. It wasn’t what she said. It was what she didn’t.
Desiree reminded her father of his promise to play tomorrow, to which he replied, “Yes, honey, tomorrow.”
That night, Richard Adams walked right through the door of his mansion with no idea…
That his daughter’s tomorrow would never come.
NOW
“Is it someone that makes you sad?” Maika waves a quick hand before my eyes.
I force myself back to reality. I dozed off for a second there. “Who is?”
“The girl I remind you of? Does she make you sad?”
“No, not at all. She made me very happy. I think you two could’ve been great friends.” I smile.
“What’s her name?” she asks with sparkly eyes. “Maybe she could come over and play sometimes.”
My smile wavers.
“I… I’m sure she would’ve loved that.”
I have no idea how the fuck I’m supposed to tackle on this topic. Does she even know about death?
“Oh.” Realization seems to dawn upon her. “Is she with the angels?”
Good, someone had the talk with her.
“Yes, she is.”
Maika zeroes in on the floor. She doesn’t move a muscle for a good five seconds. Then, without a warning, she gets up, take a few steps forward, and wraps her tiny arms around my neck.
“I’m sorry, Hazie,” she whispers, her small voice heavy with sadness. I smile, hoping that the wound that was just blown wide open will close itself. Praying that my already weak stitches will hold a bit longer, keep me from bleeding out, allow me to swim in this pain before I drown.
“There. You need it more than I do.” She hands me her purple teddy bear.
I take it. “Well, thank you very much.”
“But you have to give it back when you’re not sad anymore, Hazie.”
I breathe a quiet laugh. “I will, I promise.”
If that day ever comes.
As I walk down the stairs leading to the kitchen after putting Maika to sleep for her afternoon nap, I hate that her attempt at cheering me up only made me sadder. She meant to help, but now all I can think about is Des.
And the life she’ll never get to live.
“There you are.” Winter’s voice brings me back, makes me forget about the million emotions at war in my chest. I look up to see her staring at me, leaned back against the kitchen counter with crossed arms.
“How was the doll playing?” she teases.
I move toward her. “Would you believe me if I said amazing?”
“Nope.” She wraps her arms around my neck.
My hands curl around her waist. “Where’s everybody?”
“My dad is resting upstairs. His parents left five minutes ago, and Kendrick, Allie, and Jay went to pick up something at the store. I didn’t really listen. I was way too busy imagining you playing Barbies.” She chuckles.
I know this isn’t the right moment—it literally never is with us—but when I pull her into my arms, I can’t stop the thoughts creeping inside my head.
I want her.
So fucking bad.
Maybe it’s because this girl is somehow the only person on this damn planet that makes me feel better when I start spiraling. Maybe it’s because her ass looks like art in those jeans.
All I know is I need to feel her.
Right now.
When I lower my mouth to her neck, she turns to putty in my hands. A smirk remolds my lips. She’s always been receptive to my touch, even when she doesn’t want to be. My kisses are slow, light, but they’re enough.
“Haze.” She releases a soft moan.
Okay, fuck.
Someone wants to come out to play.
My fingers glide from her arm to her shirt, from her bare stomach to her nipples. She shivers.
“Here? Really?” she jokes, but I catch the desire in her tone, her trembling voice. She’s all hot and bothered.
“Would you rather go upstairs where the baby and your father are sleeping?” I trace my lips down her collarbone, aiming for the sensitive spots I know drive her insane. “Don’t think for a second because we’re moving into your childhood home, I’m going to become family-friendly, Kingston.”
When I bite her earlobe slightly, she lets herself go, but only for a few seconds. She’s fighting it. Something’s on her mind.
“Okay.” Her hands fly to my chest, and she holds me at arm’s length. Like she’s afraid of what she could do if I were to get any closer. “Haze, baby… You have no idea how much I want to do this right now, but we can’t.”
When I see her hard nipples peek through the fabric of her shirt, I can’t tame my smirk. “I think I do have an idea.”
No bra, huh? She’s making this even harder. Me—she’s making me harder. I remember Harry accidentally dropping something on her shirt earlier. She was soaked. Probably threw on the first shirt she could find, then got too lazy to open up her billion suitcases to find a bra. She notices her nipples and crosses her arms over her chest with the most adorable, shy smile I’ve seen in my entire life.
“But that’s what we’ve been doing since we got back together. Things escalate, we have sex, and don’t get me wrong, it’s been…” She flushes. “Amazing, but it’s always before we can talk about our issues. I don’t want to avoid it anymore.”
Why do I feel like I’m in trouble?
“Avoid what?”
She inhales. “You’ve told me everything. Except…”
I just stand there, anxiously waiting for the bomb to go off.
She shakes her head. “Listen, I love you. You know I do. And I’m willing to look past all the things that we’ve been through recently, but I don’t think I can take it going forward.”
She pulls on my hand and sits me down at the table. So, I need to sit down for this one? Not a good sign .
“I can’t live wondering if I’m going to lose you or anyone else ever again. I need to know. Are you going to keep looking for him?”
Her question hits me like a brick wall. I don’t know what the fuck to say.
Do I?
“I don’t know,” I admit.
Her brown eyes darken. This can’t be happening. Not when I just got her back.
“Winter, there’s nothing in this world I want more than to move on, believe me. I want to tell you what you want to hear, but that night… it’s fucking haunting me. I see it every time I close my eyes. I need justice for her.”
She sighs. “And I get that, I really do. You lost your little sister. I would lose my mind if someone ever touched Maika, but…” Tears come up to her eyes.
Her tears confirm my suspicions. I am in trouble, and we’re not just “discussing our issues” anymore. She’s giving me an ultimatum. Our relationship solely depends on what I say next.
“I almost lost my dad, Haze.” Her voice cracks.
Guilt surges up inside me.
“I know, and I’m so sorry, but the organization won’t ever be a problem anymore.”
“That doesn’t mean you won’t find some new problems along the way.” She wipes a tear that escaped her eye. “I guess what I’m trying to say is… If you want to keep looking, I can’t be around to watch you do it.”
What happened to her dad messed her up. I think she’d never been more shaken up in her life, and I understand her reaction, but what the hell am I supposed to do?
As if I thought out loud, she says, “All you have to do is tell me that this is enough for you. That we’re enough. That you can bear to let this go. That’s all I need. I want this to work. I think I’ve made that quite clear with all the running around I’ve done for you.”
I wish I could ease her pain, feed her the words she craves, but deep down, I know they would be lies. I won’t stop looking. I can’t. I open my mouth to tell her… but then I’m brought back to the night where she told me it was over. To the way I felt when she walked out of the apartment.
Losing this girl almost fucking killed me.
I can’t stop looking. But I also can’t lose her. I just can’t.
“I won’t,” I lie. “I’ll stop.”
She grants the tears in her eyes permission to stream down her face.
“Really?” I’ve never seen her happier, and I hate myself.
Fucking hell, Haze, the best part about you… is her.
Why are you doing this? Why are you so fucked up?
“Really.” I can barely get the words out. Before I know it, she’s straddling me, her arms around my neck and her tongue dancing with mine. I kiss her back.
“I love you,” she says in between intense kisses.
“I love you.” Everything else may be bullshit, but this… this is true. It’s the truest statement of them all.
We stay in this position for a few minutes until her phone goes off on the table.
“Can you get it?” she asks, and I extend my arm forward to scoop it up.
“It’s a text from Kendrick. He went to the movies with Jay and Allie,” I read and put her phone back down.
Her lips lift into a smirk. “Want to go have that breathtaking sex now?”
Is that even a question? My dick is already straining against my jeans from all that kissing.
“Now how on earth could I say no to that?”
She wiggles off me, pulls me to my feet, and leads the way to the first-floor guest bedroom. She tells me that no one ever uses it as she’s pushing me down onto the bed. Before she closes the door, she realizes she forgot her phone in the kitchen. Mine vibrates in my pocket the instant she leaves the room. I have two new messages. From Tanner.
I eye Winter. She’s standing by the table, talking on the phone. It probably rang when she went in.
Tanner: Don’t thank me. I told you I’d always be looking out for you.
Tanner: Listen, this guy owed me one and after our phone call, I dug a little deeper. I don’t know if you’re still interested, but I found this.
Attached: Holland Motel Surveillance Video Tape 6245.
I know what I do next is going to define… everything. I can choose to never open that video, abandon my obsession with revenge, be happy with the girl I love more than life itself. I want to make the right choice. I want to be noble. To be good. Fuck do I want to. But because I want to, doesn’t mean that I can.
I glance at Winter from afar.
And click.