32. Replaced
32
Replaced
HAZE
“You’re never going to believe what she said next.” The blonde twirls her extension around her finger. Fiddling with my phone, I debate on whether or not I could get away with standing up mid-conversation and storming out of the coffee shop. What the fuck was I thinking? Why did I let Vic talk me into this?
When he set me up with some girl he knew, I didn’t want to go, but he told her I would do it before I could say no and I felt bad. He insisted that it can’t be healthy to go this long without some action, but I don’t care. I don’t even remember her name. Carrie? Callie? Cassie? She’s beautiful, sure, but I need much more than that. It wouldn’t hurt if she made me laugh. Maybe even surprise me with a snarky comeback once in a while. I’d like to feel like this conversation is going somewhere, and right now, the only place it’s leading me is right out the fucking door.
We had coffee, we talked, I paid. Now I just have to find an excuse to leave.
“Shit, would you look at the time? It’s late. I should go.” I rise to my feet.
“But… it’s 2:00 p.m.,” she stutters, confused.
“Yeah, exactly. It’s late.” I force a smile. “It was great meeting you.”
I begin walking away.
Don’t say it.
Don’t say it.
Don’t say it.
“Haze, wait.”
I turn around.
“Will you call me?” she tries.
Fuck.
Remember what you said, Haze. No more lying. You’ve been good for almost a year. Don’t ruin it, now.
“Honestly?”
She nods.
“Probably not.”
And she’s offended. Awesome.
“I’m so sorry. I promise it’s not you. I’m just… getting out of a relationship.”
The face she makes screams, “Warning! Warning! Damaged goods right here!” I can practically feel her losing interest in me. Vic said this line always worked with girls back when Bea left him for someone else. But, in my case, it’s expired. Been invalid for quite a while now.
It’s almost been a year, Haze.
You should be over it.
I bet she is.
“Okay, bye now.” I rush out of the coffee shop, my mind racing, and glance down at my phone to see a text from Vic.
Vic: You drank all the milk. AGAIN. Pick some up on the way home asshole.
I grin. Living with this guy has been… something. We decided to become roommates after I came back from my US trip—I still have to go back home every six months as I’m not a Canadian citizen—and move into a bigger place together. I made sure our new place was as far away as possible from, well, the past. I chose an entirely different neighborhood, simply because it seemed like the right thing to do for everyone.
I look up from my phone the second the pedestrian light comes on. I’m about to cross the street, but I can’t…
Because my heart gets ripped out of my chest and brutally shoved back in.
My feet sink into the sidewalk.
She’s right there.
The girl who’s been haunting my every waking moment for ten months is right fucking there . On the other side of the street.
Winter.
My Winter .
My Winter who’s not mine anymore…
She’s walking out of a store, brown hair stopping at her belly button. She’s wearing a leather jacket—it’s starting to get cold out—and a white scarf. Her hair is longer. Much longer. And it’s brown again. I did like it black, but her brown hair was always more natural to me. She hasn’t seen me. I doubt that she will unless she looks directly into my direction. What is she even doing in this neighborhood?
She looks even more breathtaking than I remember. Shit, how does she look like that? I notice a few guys doing a double take as they pass her on the sidewalk. She doesn’t even come close to noticing, so clueless, so ignorant as to how flawless she is. Same old Winter. With her hands in her pockets, she absentmindedly kicks a rock on the sidewalk. She seems to be waiting for something. What are the chances? What are the odds that I would see her again in a city crawling with people?
Maybe it’s a sign.
I’m not sure why I do what I do next. But I don’t need to know. I don’t care to know. I just start walking, unable to control my feet as I cross the street with my eyes dead set on her. A car honks at me, but I’m so focused on getting to her that I barely hear it. I have no clue what I’m going to say. Hey, how have you been? Remember me? I’m your garbage, compulsive-liar ex-boyfriend?
My heartbeat increases considerably when I reach the sidewalk. But then…
Then it stops.
My legs deny me another step.
Who the fuck is that?
I watch the six-foot-something dark-haired guy who just walked out of the same store Winter did come up to her. I can’t see his face from where I am. But I don’t need to.
I see hers.
I see the way she smiles when he reaches for her hand and traps it into his. I see the way she laughs when he tells her something. I see how quickly he pulls her closer, cups her face, and kisses her. She kisses him back, pushing to her tiptoes for more.
Just like that… the shitty walls I spent a year building around myself come crashing down all at once.
They’re picked apart brick by brick until my selfish, beat-up, bruised heart is left completely uncovered.
Shit, I really lost her.
But for some reason, it’s just hitting me now, which is dumb because the year I spent without her should’ve made that clear already. No, the automated message I got when I called her the day after she walked out of Vic’s apartment should’ve made that clear.
The number you dialed is no longer in service .
She’d changed her number.
I was a mess for a good two months after that. Drinking, going out with Vic, trying to feel something other than pain in any way that I could. But then, I had to go back to Florida for a month and ran into Will randomly. He told me that one day, when the time was right, we’d figure our shit out. That he and his girlfriend were rooting for us.
From that moment forward, I began seeing this breakup as a pause, a detour. I kept clinging to the hope that eventually, after everything, after I’d have found Marcus, we’d be together again. But seeing her right now… smiling at another guy, laughing at his jokes, kissing him…
I swear I’d forgotten it was possible to hurt this much.
God, she’s so far gone.
She’s… someone else’s baby now.
Of course some other guy would show up and want to be with her. I mean, look at her. Plus, not every guy is as fucking stupid as I am. I bet she even has no problem sleeping with someone else, unlike me. I haven’t had sex in ten fucking months while she’s been dating someone this whole time.
I can’t stand the thought of that random dude inside her. Does he know that her neck gets ticklish? Does he know that she might seem like a good little girl at first, but she can get really fucking naughty when she’s comfortable? Does he satisfy her? Does she fake it with him?
Pulling away after a five-year kiss, they begin walking in the opposite direction, their silhouettes shrinking as the distance between us grows. I stand there, in the middle of the moving crowd, watching the memory of when I was happy disappear down the sidewalk.
I can’t stop myself.
This is the answer I was waiting for.
Harry’s lawyer has been calling me nonstop, asking me to testify in Maika’s custody trial. The trial was delayed for months—something tells me lovely Lauren is to blame for that—but it’s finally due in a few days. Harry said they weren’t allowed to use the recording as evidence but that doesn’t mean they can’t use me and my memories of that night.
I pluck my phone out of my pocket and call back the latest number in my missed calls log.
It rings a few times.
He picks up.
“Please tell me you changed your mind.” Harry’s desperate voice erupts down the line.
Yesterday, I said I’d think about it. Yesterday, I wasn’t sure I should go since I knew it would mean seeing Winter again.
But now?
Seeing her again is what I want most in this world.
“I’ll be there.”