Chapter 40
MAGGIE
Early the morning after running into Ryan in the park, I got to his apartment to collect my puppy. Our puppy. Whatever he is now.
The doorman smiled and waved me through, looking genuinely happy to see me again. “Good morning, Miss Pembroke. Does he know you’re coming?”
“Morning, and yes. He does.”
He knows I’m coming at some point this morning, anyway. That’s good enough, right?
“Go right on up, then,” he said, striding across the lobby and pressing the elevator call button for me. “It’s good to see you back, Miss Pembroke.”
“It’s good to be here,” I replied quietly, my heart aching at how true that was.
Ryan’s building was all light and friendliness, a stark contrast to my parents’ grand old house with its thick, ancient drapes in the windows and painfully professional staff. It wasn’t only that, though.
Being here just felt right, but it wasn’t. I’ll have to remember that.
Once I was in the elevator, I inhaled a deep breath and tried to prepare mentally for seeing him again.
I’d been trying to do just that since I’d left the park yesterday, but so far, I’d been wholly unsuccessful.
I doubted another minute was going to change that, but I smoothed out my dress and raised my chin, determined to fake it if that was what it took.
Ryan doesn’t care about you, Maggie. Maybe he did at some point, but he doesn’t anymore. You’re marrying someone else. He got his money. This is simply a matter of collecting a puppy. That’s it.
When I reached Ryan’s door, I glanced up at the black metal numbers mounted above it and flashed back to the first time I’d seen them, when I’d been moving in here with him indefinitely after he’d begged me to come home. Oh, how times have changed.
I knocked, doing my best to look past the fact that in the time since that day, I’d gotten unengaged, re-engaged, rescued by Ryan on multiple occasions, abandoned by Ryan on the one occasion I’d desperately wanted to be rescued by him, and ended up sharing custody of a Mastiff I wanted nothing more than to raise with him.
Swallowing the tears that tried to rise, I took a step back when the door opened and Ryan waved me in.
He looked like he’d been dragged out of bed five minutes ago by a natural disaster and hadn’t slowed down since.
Barefoot and wearing a shirt so wrinkled that he had to have slept in it, his dark hair was a mess, mussed and sticking up in all directions, and those blue eyes held just a touch of wildness.
“Maggie? I wasn’t expecting you so early. ”
I shrugged, knowing I probably didn’t look much better than him, the only difference being that I’d already showered and gotten ready for the day.
This was just how I rolled now, though. I’d exchanged Hamptons Barbie for that old doll in the bottom of the box whose hair was frizzy and broken after too many sessions of braiding gone wrong, with the slightly wonky head that could snap off at any given moment.
A pretty dress could still be put on her, but that didn’t change the fact that she clearly wasn’t sparkly and new anymore. Just like me, but I’m faking it and Lord help me, I will not cry.
“I wanted to pick him up before you left for work,” I explained absently as I stepped past him into the apartment. The puppy was sprawled across the couch, completely unconscious, but still looking like he was living his best life. “Wow. I don’t think he’s ever slept on a couch before.”
Ryan closed the door and slid his hands into the pockets of his tracksuit pants as he trailed into the living area behind me. “Where does he sleep at your house?”
“On a blanket next to my bed. Or on top of me. My mother isn’t a fan of him being on the furniture.”
He nodded slowly. “Yeah, I guess I can see that being true, but it’s okay, right? You and Daniel will be moving into your own place soon and you’ll get to make the rules.”
I swiped my tongue across my lips, pain radiating through me at the mere thought of moving in with a man who wasn’t Ryan.
Obviously, I knew I’d be expected to move in with Daniel after the wedding.
We just hadn’t talked about it yet. I didn’t even know where I’d be moving to, whether he already had a place we’d live in or whether he’d want to start our lives together somewhere new.
“I guess so,” I said finally, glancing at him and raking my fingers slowly through my loose hair. “The puppy might need to stay with you for a bit during the transition. If that’s not okay, I’ll make a plan, but I don’t actually know when I’ll be moving yet or where.”
“Right. Okay, yeah. That’s fine.” He sighed and finally turned to look at me properly, those blue eyes blazing with so many questions I didn’t have answers to. “Why was the carnival canceled, Mags?”
“My father.” I shrugged a shoulder, moving my gaze to the wall of windows and the city buzzing happily beyond. “He didn’t think it was appropriate for a wedding. They agreed to keep the venue, at least. That’s something.”
He barked out a humorless laugh. “Yeah, it’s something, but the carnival was your dream. Did you tell them that?”
“Of course. My parents just didn’t think it would go down well with their friends. There are expectations for the wedding, you know? Their friends have been waiting a long time and—”
“Their friends?” He scoffed, his voice harsh as he shook his head.
“Who the fuck cares about their friends? You deserve the wedding of your dreams, Maggie. At the absolute bare minimum. Considering you’re never getting the marriage of your dreams, giving you the wedding you want is the least they can do. I thought we’d covered that.”
Oh, God. Did he really have to go open that can of worms? Why? I’m only here for my dog.
“None of that is your concern anymore,” I said firmly, but I could feel my voice trying to crack.
I simply refused to let it happen. “I’ve made my decision, Ryan.
This is what I’m choosing. I’m marrying Daniel and it might be a loveless marriage, but that’s all I’ve got. I had to accept that eventually.”
“You think that’s all you’ve got?” He stared at me, eyebrows drawing together as he scoffed. “That’s not true.”
“It is.” I let out a brittle laugh as I shook my head at him.
“You knew that. You’ve known it all along.
The entire purpose of my life is to marry and to marry well.
It’s literally been decided since my birth.
It’s also literally written into my family history.
None of us get our inheritances if we don’t do it, so don’t talk to me about having anything else because I don’t.
You’re the one who made that crystal freaking clear to me. ”
“That doesn’t mean you have to trap yourself in a loveless marriage and it definitely doesn’t mean you can’t have your dream—”
“It does, Ryan. That’s exactly what it means, and again, you knew that right from the start.
” His features tightened, but I wasn’t done yet.
“You were helping me because there was something in it for you. That little financial incentive my family dangled like a carrot in front of your nose to get me to accept exactly what I have now accepted, so well done, I guess, but we can drop it now.”
When he didn’t deny it, I searched his eyes, wanting so badly for him to stop me and tell me I was making a terrible mistake.
I didn’t say it out loud, but if he just told me that he wanted me, that he loved me, and that he couldn’t stand the thought of watching me walk down the aisle to another man, I would forgive him for taking the money.
If he had said any of those things, I would have chosen him in a heartbeat. Ryan had to know that too, but maybe he didn’t, and honestly, that was the cruelest part, the fact that he just stood there and didn’t do or say a single thing.
Instead of arguing, or reaching for me, or asking me to stay, or even offering a fucking explanation for sleeping with me while he was being paid to bring me home, he just gave a small, tired smile and this stupid little nod.
“I hope you’re happy, Maggie,” he murmured finally. “I hope you and Daniel are happy together too. I think you made the right choice.”
That was the final nail in the coffin of my hope, so I turned toward the door to leave, knowing that Ryan had done everything he’d promised.
This was where he got off this crazy ride he and I had been on together.
He’d come through in every way he’d said he would, planning the wedding I’d wanted and finding my castle—and my dream dress.
The impossibly beautiful, vintage yellow dress I would never even get to wear. He had even given me the puppy I’d wanted, fulfilling every ridiculous promise I’d made him swear to.
All of them except the one I hadn’t been brave enough to ask for.
“Maggie,” he said, stopping me halfway to the door. When I turned to face him again, one more silly flare of hope sparked to life inside me, but it fizzed out when I realized his expression had changed in the last couple seconds. He looked angry now. Properly pissed off. “Why would you invite me?”
He sounded so bitter that I cracked. “Because I miss you, Ryan. Is that what you wanted to hear? I wanted you there because I miss you and I couldn’t imagine going through that day without you.”
Ryan’s eyes snapped back to mine and his expression shattered, the anger giving way to pain. My heart started hammering when I realized he might finally say it. That this might be the moment when he crossed the room, kissed me, and told me to stay, but he didn’t.
So I left.
I walked out of his apartment without the puppy, leaving the man I loved who didn’t want me staring at my back until I slammed the door behind me. Once I hit the elevator, I waited for those doors to slide shut before I lowered my head into my hands and just focused on my breathing.
Before I went back into the real world, I had to gather myself and I knew that.
I couldn’t be seen stumbling down the street in a fit of tears.
As it was, my reputation was hanging by a thread.
Most of the people in my parents’ high society circles already thought I was a spoiled little lunatic for taking so long to put the wedding back on the books.
While I didn’t really care about that, my family did. More importantly, Daniel did and so did his family. I had chosen to go through with this wedding, and that also meant that I had to step fully into the role of his future wife.
Ryan and I were over. He would be a wonderful husband someday, devoted, thoughtful, and annoyingly good at remembering all the little things. He was going to make his future wife very happy, and while I was devastated that it wouldn’t be me, it was time to face the facts.
I was becoming Mrs. Daniel Hawthorne, and I couldn’t do that while I was stuck on Ryan Thayer.