Chapter 41
RYAN
On my next trip to Chicago, I showed up to Jane and Alex’s house for dinner with the yet-to-be-named puppy by my side. God only knew how that had happened.
Well, technically, I knew how it had happened. Maggie and I had gotten into it when she’d come to pick him up, but then she’d stormed out and left him behind. I’d considered texting to ask if she was coming back for him, but in the end, I’d decided against it.
If we were going to share custody, we’d have to figure out a set schedule for handovers and perhaps make some ground rules like promising not to talk to each other while we handed over the leash, but for now, the puppy and I were in Illinois and Maggie would have to wait until we got back before she saw him again.
I couldn’t very well leave him alone in my apartment and I’d waited around for a while for her that morning, figuring she might storm back in to grab him, but nope.
So that was how I’d ended up bringing the puppy to dinner, but in the greater scheme of things, I had no idea how I’d gotten myself into this whole situation where I was now, with a puppy that didn’t belong to me, heartbroken over a woman who didn’t belong to me either, and about to sit down to have a meal with a family who was going to have questions I couldn’t answer.
Yeah, I’m doing just great.
Even so, I knocked on my sister’s door, waiting less than half a second before it flew open and Cameron grinned at me from the other side. “Is that a dog?”
“No.”
“It looks like a dog.”
“It’s a very high-quality toy,” I said solemnly. “He’s very realistic. Would you believe he even farts?”
“That’s because he’s a real dog, silly.” Cam dropped into a crouch and chuckled as he took the puppy’s face in his hands.
“Are you sure it’s a real dog?” I asked, laughing as I ruffled his hair and stepped past him into the house. “That wasn’t what was advertised.”
He giggled, drawing the puppy into his arms and scooting into the house. “I’m sure. He’s so cute. When did you get him, Uncle Ryan?”
“A couple days ago,” I said finally, deciding to just keep it simple.
The kid was six. There was no need to burden him with my trauma.
After turning to shut the door behind us, I unclipped the leash and watched the puppy bathe Cameron’s entire body in long licks, his tail wagging so hard, he looked a little off-balance.
“I’m going to take a wild guess here and assume you’re going to watch him for me tonight? ”
“I’m on it!” Cam squealed, lying down flat on his back and giggling as the puppy climbed all over him. “Do you think Mom will let me get one?”
I winced. “You’re going to have to take that up with her, buddy. Speaking of which, where are they?”
“Kitchen,” he managed between gasps of laughter. “What’s his name?”
“He doesn’t have one yet.”
Those little blue eyes found mine from the floor and widened in shock. “Can I name him?”
“Sure. Full disclosure, whatever you name him might not stick. I’m sharing him. With a friend.” That last part physically hurt to verbalize, but I breathed past it. “As long as you don’t call him Kevin or Bruce, I might be able to make a case for whatever name you pick, though.”
“I like Kevin.”
“No.”
“James?”
I shook my head at him. “Try again, kid. He’s not serious enough to be a James.”
“Who’s a James?” Jane asked, appearing in the doorway between the living room and the foyer with a smile on her lips until she saw the dog. She blinked a couple times, then frowned before coming over and drawing me into a hug. “Ryan, why do have a puppy?”
“It’s a long story.” I gave her a quick squeeze, not missing the way her gaze scanned my face as she pulled away.
Whatever she saw there made her sigh and take my arm. “Come on. Holden is already here and dinner is almost ready.”
“I’ll stay with the puppy!” Cameron volunteered between fits of giggles. “Eric is so cute!”
“He’s not an Eric either,” I called over my shoulder until Jane shushed me with a stern warning.
“The little one is still asleep,” she said. “If you wake her up before the actual end of nap time, you can deal with the rattlesnake who’ll be getting out of that bed instead of my sweet little girl.”
I mimed zipping my lips and followed her to the kitchen, where Holden and Alex were sitting around the island, a glass of wine in each of their hands as they laughed about something.
When I walked in, they both stood up to say hi, but Jane marched right over to the bottle, poured me a glass of wine too, and pushed it across the counter.
As she nodded at a vacant stool across from hers, she folded her arms and gave me the look. The dreaded, big-sister, I-can-see-right-through-you stare. “Start talking, Ryan.”
I glanced at Holden, wondering if he’d told them anything, but he just raised his eyebrows and shrugged. “Hey, don’t look at me. You’re the one who walked in here looking like you’re on the verge of a mental break, man.”
“What are you talking about?” I scoffed, sat down, and picked up my glass. “I look fine.”
“You showed up with a dog and very little light in your eyes,” Jane said. “That’s not fine.”
When I glanced at Alex for help next, he just smirked and put up his hands in surrender. “Sorry, bro. You really do look like shit, and apparently, you have a dog now. What do you want from me? I’m not a miracle worker and there’s obviously something going on.”
I took a long sip of my wine and finally just came clean. If there was one good thing that had come out of our father’s arrest and everything we’d been through since, it was that we’d come through it closer than ever.
We didn’t tell each other everything in real time, to be fair, but we didn’t make a habit of lying to each other either, and overall, we always had each other’s back. “I’m in love with Maggie Pembroke.”
Jane groaned and swiped her glass off the counter too, taking a swig of it before sitting down and looking right into my eyes. “I had a feeling it was something like that. Is she still marrying the Hawthorne boy?”
“Yep.”
“Fuck,” Alex muttered.
I nodded my agreement and proceeded to tell them everything. I didn’t go into much detail, but by the end, I was pretty sure they got the gist of it anyway.
“It’s killing me,” I finally admitted. “She’s doing it, though. She’s definitely marrying him.”
Holden let out a low whistle. “You’re letting her go just like that?”
“What was I supposed to do? Kidnap her?”
He shrugged. “You’ve done it before.”
“No, I haven’t.” I paused for a beat. “It wasn’t like that.”
Jane shot Holden a look and he sighed. “What? I was just saying that he hasn’t exactly respected her wishes before when she’s told him to go away. Why would he start now?”
I glared at him. “You’re incredibly supportive.”
“I’m starting my master’s degree back at Columbia soon. I’m evolving.”
“Into what?” I asked. “A concussed raccoon?”
Alex laughed. “Concussed raccoon or not, he has a point. You chased her to the ends of the earth—”
“Massachusetts,” I corrected incredulously. “That’s not the ends of the earth. It’s just Massachusetts.”
“Fine, you chased her to Massachusetts, moved her in with you, planned her dream wedding, and now you’re just taking a step back. That makes no sense whatsoever.”
“Of course, it makes sense,” Jane said quietly, looking back at me with soft understanding in her eyes. “It makes sense because this is different. I get that, but have you told her how you feel?”
“No.”
“Why not?”
I laughed, but what came out was a grating, horrible sound that made me cut it out immediately. “What’s the point?”
“What’s the point?” Jane’s entire face scrunched up. “The point is that she’ll know that you love her and that you’re an option too.”
“She has to marry Daniel, Jane. I’m not an option.”
“Yes, you are,” she insisted. “She has to get married. The inheritance clause probably doesn’t specify that she has to marry Daniel Hawthorne.”
“No, it just says that she has to marry well and Daniel offers her that.” I glanced between my sister and her husband.
“If anyone should understand, it’s you two.
You guys got married because it was your only real option and it was a good one at that.
A great one, even. Neither of you got to stand around waiting for some magical love story to happen first.”
“That’s true,” Holden said, backing me up. “Your marriage was arranged and look at you now, all deliriously happy and shit. Maggie’s in the same position you were in. So is Daniel, for that matter.”
“You’re overlooking one very important difference,” Alex reasoned calmly, reaching for Jane’s hand and giving it a squeeze.
“Jane and I weren’t in love with someone else or opposed to getting married when the opportunity arose.
Maggie is likely in love with Ryan too and it doesn’t sound like Daniel wants to get married right now at all. ”
“Exactly.” Jane gave him a smile so adoring, it made my teeth hurt, but then she turned back to me. “If she marries you, she would also be marrying well, Ryan. You’re a Thayer.”
Holden snorted. “Like that means anything anymore.”
I lifted my glass toward him. “Amen to that. Actually, that’s what really pisses me off.”
“That we’re worthless now?” he guessed, smirking. “I’ll drink to that.”
“We’re not worthless,” Jane argued, but both Holden and I ignored her.
“That should have been my life, you know?” I gestured vaguely between all of us. “If we were still what we used to be, if Dad had never gone to prison, this would’ve been my wedding to Maggie.”
Holden looked into the deep ruby liquid in his glass. “It really could’ve been, yeah. God knows, everything would’ve been different.”
I knew he’d had it worse after our wealth and reputation had collapsed, and usually, that meant we didn’t really talk about it in front of him, but tonight, I dug in, as pissed off as I’d ever been and feeling righteously indignant.
“I just keep thinking that if Dad hadn’t ruined everything, I would’ve been in that world with her, but we’re outsiders now and there’s no way around it.”
Holden snorted. “You would’ve hated every second of it if this was your wedding.”
“Maybe, but we were supposed to have futures like that. Instead, we’re stuck on the outside with no way back in.”
Jane’s eyes narrowed. “Okay, that’s enough.”
“What?” I asked. “You know it’s true.”
“It’s not.” She motioned between the two of us. “I’ve worked too hard to make sure you guys all have a shot in life to watch you sit back and let go of the one thing you want, Ryan. So do something about it.”
“What do you want me to do? I can’t change this.”
“Yes, you can. Stop her from making the biggest mistake of her life. Get off your ass, go back to New York, and tell her how you feel. You are a fucking Thayer and that still means something. Because of us. Because of all of us. So stop feeling sorry for yourself and act like you deserve this, because you do.”
As I stared back at her and saw the determination blazing in her eyes, I knew she believed every word she was saying. She genuinely thought that being a Thayer was starting to mean something again and maybe it was, but it didn’t mean enough yet.
Or maybe I was just beyond seeing the silver lining. I didn’t really know, but ultimately, the only thing that mattered was that Maggie had made her choice. She’d been perfectly clear about that.
Jane, however, was right about one thing. I did have to stop being a sad sack and start making decisions for my own life, and in that moment, I knew exactly where to start. “I’m moving back to Chicago. Full-time.”
Alex, Jane, and Holden all stared at me like they would fall off their chairs if someone so much as waved a feather near them, but their shock didn’t change anything.
I’d been debating this for a long time and Maggie had made me forget about it for a while, but the fact of the matter was that the Thayer name was being rebuilt here.
This was where I was needed and so Chicago was where I would be. It was where I would move on and eventually maybe even find a life of my own.