Chapter 25 - Roman
Victoria’s silence carries more weight than she realizes…it’s full of deep, raw, and impossible-to-ignore emotions.
She’s been pulling away out of fear after she was caught in the shoot-out and given a front-row seat to exactly how my life is. She hasn’t looked at me the same since learning about Maxim being her brother.
Of course, I can’t blame her.
I know what my business is like and how it can be all-consuming. Still, I want her, and I want what we have to get better.
For the first time, I want more than just power and influence. I want the peace that comes with a stable home life. I want the house, the wife, the children…I want to provide the safety I didn’t have growing up.
It’s ironic wanting to raise a family in the world I’m wrapped up in, but it’s how I can provide for them. It’s how I can protect them.
More than anything, I want to make Victoria happy, even if that goes against every one of my previous priorities.
I just need her to see that I’m more than a Pakhan. I’m her husband, and I intend to be a deserving one. First, I need her to be on the same page as me, and to do that, I need to find a way to ease her worries.
Looking at it from a different perspective, I plan differently. For her, I have to soften the angles and muster all of my gumption outside of being a brutal leader.
After putting out the word for my plans, Elena picks the sunlit patio restaurant on the edge of the city. It’s partially hidden with hedges and climbing ivy, offering us some privacy and a more intimate space. On the other side, there are walking paths with views of the surrounding area.
The walk into the restaurant is vaguely tense at first, with Victoria seemingly unsure if she should lean into my touch. It’s enough to let me know she’s still doubting things, but I don’t let it get to me.
Eventually, we’re all gathered around the table with drinks and entrees spread across the tabletop, taking in the warm weather. Victoria sits by my side, and I can’t help but feel that on-and-off cold from her.
She’s in a sundress that makes her look even more radiant than usual, and her makeup is light but accentuates her features in a way I’m fond of. Overall, she looks beautiful, even if she seems unsure of everything.
My hand aches to reach for hers, but I keep it at my side, not wanting to overwhelm her.
“I still can’t believe it,” Mikhail says while holding his drink. “Big brother Roman is starting a family of his own.”
The reminder sends a ripple of excitement and anticipation through me once again, and I can’t help the faint pull of my lips. “Surely it isn’t that hard to believe.”
“It makes sense,” Sergey adds, grabbing another breadstick before aimlessly waving it around himself for emphasis. “But I figured you spent enough time looking after us that you’d be tired of the chaos.”
I huff my amusement at the mention of it. “Maybe I’m sure the whole thing will be less of a pain in my ass when it’s my child…not my siblings.”
They chuckle at that, and Elena hums.
“Given how you changed more diapers than either of our parents, I’d say you’re more than capable of handling a baby of your own.”
“Maybe you still remember some of those bedtime stories you used to read to the younger ones,” Mikhail brings up, lifting a mischievous brow at me. “How are your voices? Hopefully, you aren’t too rusty.”
Rolling my eyes at that, I can’t ignore the lingering fondness in my chest. “I’m sure I still have some voices in the chamber, but I guess that depends on how well I can swallow my pride again.”
As the others laugh, Victoria is faintly amused, but it’s soft and somewhat uncertain. Her hand drifts to her stomach, and something about it causes that protective, proud feeling to rise in me.
“I’ve always wanted a family of my own,” I admit without thinking, not intending to be quite so raw over dinner.
“What, are we not enough?” Sergey asks, his tone edged with good humor.
“That’s not the same, and you know it,” I return, waving him off while he continues to grin. “Raising you and raising our child is different.”
“Just make sure the little one knows who their favorite uncle is from the start,” Mikhail hums, well aware of the shit-storm he’s stirring up.
Immediately, the others come to life with their objections, already talking over each other.
Elena sighs and flicks at Mikhail’s cheek, who chuckles to himself knowingly, accepting the light scolding. “Look what you’ve started, idiot…”
“I’m only laying down the law while everyone’s here...gotta make sure we’re on the same page.”
Despite how their noise would usually be somewhat grating to me, I find myself chuckling, glad to see they’re taking the news well.
Through the chaos, Elena laughs and waves her arm in the direction of the others to shut them up. “Listen, all that matters is that the baby is happy and healthy…and knows who their auntie is.”
At this, another roar of laughter and enthusiastic chatter rises while the guys argue among themselves, proposing all the reasons they’ll be the favorite despite the competition being nonexistent in the first place.
As the food comes and goes, leading to dessert, I try to keep tabs on Victoria throughout, noticing the way she begins to open up more before carefully retreating again when the topic becomes somewhat touchy.
I can tell she wants to feel the excitement and to involve herself much like the others, but there’s still something she’s hung up on.
She obviously can’t get past the dangers involved…the risks that may follow us forever. But I just want her to see I’ll do everything in my power to protect her and the baby. To protect what we have.
With some sort of melty brownie dish between them, Elena ropes Victoria into a quieter conversation, letting our brothers do their thing on the other end of the table.
My attention slides to her often, watching how she smiles easily with my sister, not afraid to laugh or chime in.
She looks especially beautiful when she’s not scared, and something in me hates that I’m the cause of it.
The subtle prick of envy I feel at knowing she feels safer with Elena than with me isn’t one I’m used to, but I do my best to push it down. I’m grateful she does, at least.
“God help that child if it’s a boy,” Ivan says while I pass out the celebratory cigars. Despite his tone, there’s a slight pull to his lips. “He’ll have a lot to learn.”
“Might be fun, at least…having a mini-Roman around,” Mikhail suggests, lighting his.
“None of you are corrupting my child, regardless of what it is,” I warn them, pointing in their direction.
They chuckle, and despite the apparent threat in my words, they maintain their good humor.
“Don’t worry, we’ll be good. Mostly…” Sergey adds, knowing that he intends to be the opposite.
“That means nothing coming from you.”
While their ribbing normally grows old after a while, the fact that it has to do with the baby makes it feel different.
Being able to talk about it brings me even more excitement than I knew I was capable of. Regardless of how my brothers, especially, can get on my nerves, it means a lot to feel and see how they’re looking forward to it, too.
With a slightly serious note, Nikolai puffs on his cigar before letting go of a breath. “At the very least, you’ll have more than enough backup on this one.”
The sentiment brings me a sense of peace, and I nod, well aware that it’s true.
My siblings have always been the foundation of everything I’ve ever done, and to have them on board with the next stage of my life means the world to me.
Glancing over at Victoria, watching how she still seems somewhat reserved while talking to Elena, I hope she feels the support, too.
It will be an entirely new kind of responsibility for both of us to shoulder, but with my family in our corner, I know we can handle it.
Our child will want for nothing so long as I have any say in it, and they’ll know nothing but pure love and safety, as we both want for them.
But even if it’s new and daunting, I’ve never been one to shy away from that kind of responsibility, and I’ve certainly had more than enough practice with my younger siblings.
Still…I just hope that fact can bring her some comfort and reassurance.
Even if she might think it right now, she isn’t alone, and I don’t intend to make her feel that way.