22. Caitlin
CHAPTER TWENTY-TWO
caitlin
PRESENT DAY
Now, you’re going to take your hook and insert it into the two loops. Then yarn over and pull it through,” the woman on the crochet tutorial explained.
I reached forward, pausing the video before she could continue, and I became even more confused and lost than I already was. Rewinding a few seconds, I locked my eyes on her hands, trying to memorize what she was doing instead of just listening to the instructions.
My hands just weren’t cooperating, and the pile of yarn I was trying to work with was turning into a mess of tangles after unraveling and trying again over and over.
“Well, this hobby is going to be a waste,” I muttered, dropping the yarn and hook in my lap.
I wasn’t sure how I expected to make a tiny square, much less a whole blanket, if I couldn’t even get started.
“What are you doing, Mommy?” Whitley tugged on my sleeve.
Mommy’s about to lose her shit on this ball of yarn.
“I’m trying to learn how to crochet.”
“What’s crochet?” She tried to repeat what I said, but it came out sounding more like nonsense.
I showed her the video I was trying to follow. As she watched, I made a few stitches using the knowledge I’d learned from a crocheter online. Once I was done, I examined my work with a smile. I thought I was kind of getting the hang of it.
My child didn’t hesitate to humble me, though. She glanced down at my attempt then wrinkled her nose. “You kind of suck at this, Mommy.” Then she ran back down the hallway to her room, slamming the door.
I’d finished painting her room by myself last week, choosing not to ask Jake to help again.
Not because I didn’t want him to, but because I couldn’t afford for Whitley’s room to stay half painted.
And it turned out really nice, in my humble opinion.
Much nicer than my crochet attempts, that was for sure.
“I didn’t think this looked that bad,” I grumbled before unraveling the whole thing, again.
Before I could rewind the video for the fiftieth time, a text message notification popped up on my screen.
Bec
Up for another cycling class or playdate soon?
Yes to the playdate. Hard pass on the cycling class. I’m getting war flashbacks just thinking about it.
Bec
Noted
What are you up to today?
I was trying to learn how to crochet but it’s not going well
Bec
Oooh for your bucket list?
How’s that going? Have you made a spontaneous move on your cowboy neighbor/landlord yet? Maybe get a little reckless in bed?
I never should have told you about the bucket list
Bec
Okay, okay. Jokes aside, I’m glad you have someone who is willing to put in all that effort for you. It’s tough out here so it’s good to know there are still good men in the world.
I don’t know. I’m still not sure the bucket list means anything.
Bec
Girl. Tough love, okay, I swear but open your eyes. A man wouldn’t just make you a bucket list for the fun of it. He may be a cowboy, but he’s still a man.
Remember what we talked about last time.
I started to type out a response when a glint of sunlight flashed in my eyes from outside, followed by a loud crack. Shielding my face, I got up and walked toward the window to investigate.
Jake was across the lawn, lifting an ax over his head. His muscles rippled underneath his white T-shirt before he brought the ax down on a piece of wood, splitting it in two.
His tan skin was slick, and beads of sweat dripped down his forehead and arms. With each swing, he let out a grunt of exertion.
Heat bloomed through my body just watching him, and I caught my mouth hanging open. Clamping it shut, I wiped my mouth with the back of my hand. Luckily, I wasn’t drooling, because how embarrassing would that be?
As much as I wanted to go back to my conversation with Bec, I couldn’t seem to tear my eyes away. It only got worse when he set down the ax and pulled his T-shirt over his head, revealing his toned stomach.
I moved to lean my elbows on the counter, but in the process knocked over a vase.
The ceramic clattered to the ground, but by some miracle it didn’t break.
However, the noise was loud enough that it got Jake’s attention.
His head snapped toward the window, eyes wide with concern before they softened and a smirk crept onto his face when he realized I’d been staring.
I lifted my hand in a small wave, one hundred percent caught in the act.
His shoulders bounced, mouth opened in a laugh, and he gestured for me to come outside.
“Well, no going back. Consequences of your actions,” I mumbled to myself as I stepped out onto the front porch. Forcing my voice to pitch slightly higher, I called out to him. “Hi!”
“Enjoying the show?” He winked, picking up a few pieces of wood and throwing them in a pile.
May as well tell the truth. “I was, actually. Knocked a vase right off my kitchen counter.”
His brows raised. “Did you get hurt?”
I shook my head. “No. It didn’t even break, but it gave me away. What are you chopping wood for?”
“Mostly just to have some on hand in case the power goes out or something happens, but now that you’re out here, what would you say to having a little fire tonight?” he suggested.
“That sounds nice, actually.”
When my siblings and I were growing up, our family always had fires to make s’mores and roast hot dogs. After I moved to Washington, we never did anything like that. I didn’t know if Whitley had ever had s’mores roasted over a campfire. The only kind she’d ever had was made in the microwave.
“It can be a nice little hoorah before we all head back on the road out to Oregon.”
“Do you need me to do anything? Go get some groceries?” I asked, wanting to help out as much as I could.
Jake shook his head. “I’ll have one of the guys grab some stuff when they drive in. No need for you to make a trip all the way into town.”
“Let’s get this party started!” Mikey hooted when he hopped out of his pickup with a massive case of beer. Colter, Ellison, Reid, Hayden, and Sierra followed closely behind him.
“Hi! Aw, you didn’t bring the little guy with you?” I joked, pulling both Colter and Ellison into a hug.
“Nope. Grandma’s on baby duty tonight.” Ellison laughed. “I wanted to stay home, but she convinced me to come. Said I needed to get out of the house.”
I nodded. “Yeah, that’s good.” I thought back on the early days after I gave birth to Whitley.
I was cooped up in the house without a lot of help.
It was one of the darkest times of my life.
Not that I remembered too much, but I was sure Mom remembered and that was why she was so adamant Ellison took breaks and made time for herself.
“Take a seat, guys. We’ve got hot dogs and marshmallows.” Jake gestured to the lawn chairs surrounding the fire pit, and the table I set up with all the food.
Although the sun hadn’t yet gone down, the temperature was already starting to cool, making it a perfect late summer evening.
“Toss me one of those, will you?” Jake held out his hands like he was readying himself to catch a football, and Mikey tossed him a can.
“Need anything, Cait?” Mikey asked, holding up a can of beer.
With a soft laugh, I shook my head. “No, I’m all right. Not a big beer fan. Whit and I have some lemonade.”
“That’s okay. You and the rest of the girls,” he replied.
“Mommy! I want chocolate!” Whit’s squeal pierced through the air as she stepped out of the guest house and ran toward the s’mores table.
“You need to eat dinner first, bug.” I caught her when she ran past, lifting her into my arms.
She kicked a little in protest, but eventually calmed when she realized she wasn’t going anywhere.
“Here, take this.” Jake offered us one of the roasting sticks.
Whitley reached out, making grabby hands at the skewer. I took it instead, though, keeping it out of her grip. The last thing I needed was for one of us to accidentally get stabbed by my kid.
“I want it!” she screamed in my ear, causing a ringing sensation.
“I’m going to help you, okay?” I did my best to keep my voice level, but some days she tested me. “Do you want a hot dog?”
“No! I want chocolate!”
I set her down on the ground, taking her hand with my free one and leading her over to the table. “We can’t put chocolate on the stick. We can have a hot dog, though.”
“I want chocolate,” she whined.
“Give the girl some chocolate, Mom,” Colter teased, and I scowled at him.
Before I could scold him for enabling my daughter, Reid interjected. “Look at this, Whitley.” He held up his skewer, a hot dog placed on the end. “Isn’t this cool?”
“No.” She wrinkled her nose in disgust.
“But look.” He moved closer to the fire, putting his uncooked hot dog in the flames. After a few minutes, he pulled it back out, the meat perfectly browned and cooked. “See. Now you can eat it.”
“Whoa.” Her eyes lit up as he plated the hot dog and gave it to her.
I shot him a grateful look, mouthing the words, Thank you.
“Let’s get some toppings on that dog, Whit.” Hayden took over, and soon the guys were helping Whitley with her dinner and cracking jokes to make her laugh, taking the weight off my shoulders for a moment.
A few hours later, after we’d eaten dinner and stuffed our faces with s’mores, Jake and I were the only two remaining around the fire.
I’d put Whitley to bed with surprising ease, considering she’d inhaled a ton of marshmallows.
Our friends had also gone home to retire for the night, so I felt like I could truly relax.
“This was nice,” I said. “I needed this.”
“I know you obviously had Colter before moving back here and have built a friendship with Ellison, but it does make me really happy how well you fit in with the group as a whole.”
I nodded. “I know I say this about a lot of things, but I was really missing that close friend group in Washington. I’m just glad you all have welcomed me and been so helpful through all this.” The wind blew over my shoulders, and a shiver crept up my spine.
Jake immediately picked up on it. “Are you cold?”
I nodded, hugging my arms close to my body. “A little.”
“Hang on.” He bounded up the steps to his house, disappearing inside before emerging with a blanket.
Jake wrapped it around my shoulders, and I offered him a grateful smile before taking a deep breath, inhaling his scent.
The fire was still going strong, and little embers rose into the night sky as the wood crackled beneath the flames.
“Better?”
“Yeah, thanks.”
He cleared his throat, wringing his hands together before taking a seat. “So, we’re going to be out of town for a week to go to Oregon.”
I hummed. “It’ll be so quiet around here without you all.”
“Well, that’s the thing.” He raked his hand through his hair. “One of your bucket list items is to take a solo trip, right? So, why don’t you go while we’re gone? I know of a cabin you could stay in, and I could reserve it for you.”
“O-oh,” I stammered. “I couldn’t do that. I’d be leaving Whitley all by herself.”
“I’m sure your mom would love to have her for the weekend,” Jake pointed out. “Why don’t you ask her?”
My gaze darted to the ground. “She’s already done so much, I don’t want to keep asking her to take care of my daughter.”
Jake hummed, nodding like he understood. “I get it, but it’s your mom we’re talking about here. I don’t think she holds it against you at all. Just something to think about.”
“Yeah. I’ll have a conversation with her, maybe.”