The Friendship
T he soot around Kaid’s eyes did little to hide the bruising.
He’d barely spoken more than a handful of words since he climbed into my room, and my fingers itched to brush back his hair and wrap him in my arms. Not because I wished to sin.
Not because he was forbidden fruit, lingering just out of reach.
I wanted to hold him because every inch of his body whispered of the pain he’d endured.
I longed to bring him comfort and steal his suffering.
He normally spoke of his adventures when he visited, but he said nothing as he leaned against the wall.
Only that he’d completed a job successfully, but at a cost.
Without a warning, Kaid stood and opened the window.
Dressed in black, hair as colorless as the midnight sky, forehead painted in the ashes, he was a demon in the night, an angel of grace.
He moved with agility and power, his forceful presence almost unnatural.
Everything from his scarred lips to his hardened muscles to his gold-flecked eyes sang of danger, wove tales of darkness.
Yet I could watch him for the rest of my days and never be afraid.
He’d become my favorite part of my existence, breathing life into parts of my soul that had died.
In such a brief acquaintance, this breathtaking man had carved a jagged hole in my heart and buried himself inside it.
It was crude and bloody, still raw where it tore, but I held the pain close.
I never wanted to be free of him. I couldn’t explain his importance to me.
He was a thief. A stranger. A sinner, yet he called to me in ways I didn’t know one soul could beckon another.
Perhaps it was my naivety and loneliness, but something had bent inside me.
Bent and cracked and shattered. I would never be the same.
My heart sank as Kaid climbed out into the night air. His visit had been too short, barely a breath in my stifling week, and I wasn’t ready to release him into the world. I braced for the dreaded goodbye, but then his tired gaze met mine.
“Come on.” He gestured for me to follow him. “You should be able to manage the climb now that the ice has melted.”
“Climb?” I balked. “I can’t leave the temple.”
“We’re not leaving. I want to show you how I get in.” He curled his fingers, enticing me closer. “Let’s climb up to the roof. There’s a flat section where no one will notice us, and you can see most of Szent from there. Come with me, Sellah, please.”
I would have gone anywhere with him if he only asked.
“I’ll show you how to climb,” he said as I moved for the window. “I’ll teach you anything you want.”
I wanted him to teach me everything, but I was afraid to leave my room.
Every second I spent with him was an act of defiance, a rebellion against the calling I was bound to, yet the lonely ache in my heart had burned a hole into my soul, a hole that Kaid’s presence filled so thoroughly the edges ripped.
“I won’t let you fall.” Desperation brimmed in his eyes as he begged me to trust him, and for the first time, I had the distinct impression that Kaid needed me far more than I needed him.
“It’s not that,” I said, stepping closer. “You can’t catch me, but that’s not it.”
He flinched, my words reminding him of how solitary my life was. “I’ll leave then.”
“I’m afraid,” I blurted before his black hair dipped from sight. “This…” I gestured between us, “...is not who I am. I’m meant for Hreinasta, and every time you offer me your friendship, I feel my soul being pulled in two. The goddess has already claimed me. I can’t give anything to you.”
“I don’t want to take anything from you.
” Conviction fortified his voice. “I want to give everything to you. I’m not here to break your vows.
A lonely girl simply helped a lonely boy, and I love the light in your eyes when we’re together.
How can that be a sin? How can wanting to be your friend be wrong? ”
“I must remain pure.” My walls were crumbling.
“And you will.” He smiled. “I won’t take that from you. I won’t take anything from you that you don’t willingly give. If you want me to leave, I will, and despite my disappointment, I won’t come back.”
“Why do you visit me?” I searched for any reason to accept his offer. To send him away and forget his scarred lips and sunshine smile.
“There is cruelty in this world. Cruelty you’ve never seen, but I have. Hatred and death and destruction, but there’s peace too, and I find it with you. You’re the first real friend I’ve had.”
“You are the only friend I’ve ever had.” I crumbled under that confession.
“So, climb with me. Just to the roof.” He beckoned me forward. “I swear on Varas’ holy fire I won’t touch you.”
‘Be brave!’ my spirit screamed. Be brave. Be brave. Be brave. I stepped to the window.
“Place your hands and feet where I put mine,” Kaid instructed. “This climb is easy.”
He pulled heavenward, his powerful body scaling the temple walls as if he was made of smoke, not flesh.
I ignored the plea in my gut, begging me to return to safety, and followed him.
He was all grace while I was a disaster, but his words were true.
The ascent was an easy challenge, and within minutes, we stood below the star-studded sky.
Cool air brushed against our limbs. The ice had finally relented, and Sato, Goddess of the Harvest, surrounded us with the slowly thawing breeze.
The ground was still bleak, the trees empty, but they hummed with anticipation as she prepared for the oncoming harvest. Earth had died, readying for her rebirth, and that was how I felt standing on that roof next to the towering Kaid.
Meeting him had birthed something unfamiliar inside me.
I only hoped the harvest would be a blessing and not a curse.
“Did you always want to pledge to Hreinasta?” He asked, breaking the silence.
“My parents promised me to her at my birth and then surrendered me to her protection when I was ten.”
He looked at me in shock. “This wasn’t your decision?”
“Of course it was.” I stepped back, the space a defensive barrier as I detached from my emotions. “It’s a privilege to serve the Pure One. How could I want anything else?”
“I didn’t mean it like that,” he soothed.
“Pledging to the gods is a lifelong commitment. It’s an honor and a sacrifice, and Hreinasta’s priestesses are called to a holier living than most. It’s a lot for a child to be forced into.
Most temples refuse children, urging them to wait until adolescence before voicing their intent to pledge when they come of age. ”
“I wasn’t forced,” I argued
“So, you’re happy with your calling?” I could tell he didn’t believe me, but he dropped the subject for my sake. “That’s good.”
“Yes,” I said aloud. “No. I want to touch your scarred lip and feel the disfigured flesh beneath my finger,” I screamed silently.
“Is it… Never mind.” He sat down.
“Is it what?” I followed his lead, keeping my distance.
“Is it true that when Hreinasta inhabits a body, the vessel’s soul ceases to exist until she vacates it?”
“They do not cease to exist.”
He heaved a relieved sigh. “Thank Varas.”
“The soul doesn’t disappear but slumbers. Hreinasta doesn’t like other beings sharing her body and mind, so the human spirit retreats within itself until the goddess deems their servitude fulfilled.” I explained, and he looked at me in horror.
“You call it slumber, but in the end, it’s all the same. The women vanish for decades. One day they are, and then next they aren’t.”
“All gods demand sacrifice,” I said. “To serve the primordial requires all of oneself. If Hreinasta demands that of me, then it will be an honor to gift her my body.”
“But she may not choose you.” Hope flushed Kaid’s face. “There are other vessels prepared here.”
I didn’t want to tell him the truth. Anxiety wafted off him, and for the first time in my twenty cycles, I truly considered what submitting to Hreinasta meant.
In less than a cycle, I would come of age, and the goddess was merely biding her time as she waited.
In a few seasons, I would vanish. I would sleep for decades, experiencing nothing, feeling nothing, and then one day I would resurface in a body too old for my young soul.
Hreinasta would abandon me for someone younger and more beautiful, and I would wake up aching and grey.
I wouldn’t recognize myself. My raven black hair would be gone.
My smooth skin wrinkled, and my joints stiff.
I’d never allowed myself to picture the future awaiting me.
I was born for this purpose, saved for this goddess.
It was all I knew, all I would ever know, but Kaid’s dread leaked into me, poisoning my spirit.
For the first time, apprehension seeped into my cracks.
“You’ll always be her priestess, but she may not choose you?” Kaid repeated, and I longed to lie to him. To bring my friend peace and ensure him he wouldn’t lose me.
“She already claimed me,” I said. I had to tell him the truth. It was for the best. Perhaps it would keep him from returning, from tempting me with a life filled with more than emptiness. “When I come of age, Hreinasta will inhabit my body.”
“How old are you?” His voice was so low it was barely audible.
“Twenty.”
He sucked in a sharp breath. “You have one cycle left.”
I nodded, but he said nothing. He sat in the cool breeze under the moon, the dim light clothing him in beauty, and I stared at the demon in the night who’d stolen my soul and captured my longing.
I stared at the sinner who made me acknowledge the truth about my future, at the caring friend I’d lose in a cycle.
“I’ll help you live an entire lifetime in the coming seasons,” he whispered. “I’ll make them the best days of your life.”
* * *