Fourteen
I can’t.” I double over, stumbling into the safety of the tree line. “I can’t. Don’t make me.”
I’m no longer in a forest but back in Hreinasta’s inner sanctum, Kaid’s blood bathing my knees as it pools hot on the stone floor.
Trees don’t stand before me, but soldiers, cruel and emotionless as they carry his severed body away.
The memory I tried so hard to suppress floods to the surface with a vengeance, and I hear Kaid scream in agony.
I see the impossibly tall Valka slice him to pieces with a dripping blade.
I sense Hreinasta at my back, victorious in my husband’s punishment.
The repressed memories are too much. I cannot face Valka again. I cannot relive that day.
I stumble as I pick up my pace, racing blindly through the trees. I’ve been so alone. No family, no parents, no husband, no friends. I’ve endured everything in isolation, and his death rushes back in painful waves, crushing me under its weight. Someone, help me, please. I can’t do this.
“Sellah.” A voice cuts through my fog of panic, but I keep running. “Sellah!” The voice is firmer, closer, deeper, and I slam into a solid wall of muscle. “Breathe, child.”
Strong arms wrap around me, and I collapse against The Stranger’s chest with gut-wrenching sobs.
I cry with all the heartbreak I never allow myself to feel, and he holds me tight, his incredibly powerful body hard against my withered one.
He whispers compassion into my hair, which only makes me cry harder, and I lean deeper into his embrace.
This is the first time The Stranger has touched me other than to save my life.
This is the first affection he’s shown me, and in my haze of grief, I realize that, besides Kaid, he’s the only person to hug me since my mother abandoned me to Hreinasta’s control.
Before that, she only touched me occasionally, but it never held warmth and tenderness like this, and I cling to his black cloak with shaking fingers.
I didn’t realize how badly I needed comfort, and as Kaid’s final moments play on brutal repeat, I listen to the thunder of The Stranger’s heart.
I hold him close, and for a few agonizing moments, I wish he was my father.
He’s a dark and deadly being, one who might not be human, but I don’t care.
I want Kaid back in my arms, and I want this stranger to be my father.
I crave a life filled with love. Not the obsession with beauty or prestige, but genuine affection.
I never considered it, but as The Stranger holds my convulsing body, I suddenly understand.
He cares about me. Truly cares. I wonder if he loves me.
I hope he does because I can’t be alone anymore. The loneliness is too oppressive.
It takes a long time for my tears to stop, and even longer for my breathing to steady, but The Stranger clutches me to his chest until I fall still. The sun begins its descent before I finally find the courage to speak.
“The gods never intervened in my search for Kaid’s body because they knew Valka guarded his head.
They knew no matter my success or failure, this last leg of my journey would be impossible.
War may reside in Szent, but he’s not bound by mortal flesh like Hreinasta.
One hint of my presence, and he’ll be here. ”
“So, you intend to give up?” The Stranger asks into my hair. His voice is soft, neutral, but I sense the accusation. “All these hardships, all these trials, and you emerged the victor, but now that you’re at the end of your journey, you’ll abandon all hope?”
“This is Valka.” I pull back to look into his pure white eyes. “How can I defeat a deity of violence? Even with Lovec’s blessing, I stand no chance. What is the Hunter to War?”
“You don’t have to meet Valka on his terms.”
I squint at The Stranger.
“Your husband trained you for this very moment, my child.” He cups my cheek gently.
“Kaid taught you to steal, to hide, to slip through the darkness unseen. He was a skilled thief, blessed by Varas himself, and he prepared you for this. You need not greet War on the battlefield, only steal from him.”
“Stealing from War is no simple task.”
“Gaining access to Hreinasta’s chosen vessel in her fortified tower should’ve been impossible, yet your husband found a way without fail for a cycle. Surely, he taught you well enough to manage for one night.”
“Hreinasta’s temple was not the fortress Valka’s is,” I argue. “And Kaid was blessed by Varas himself. He earned the Thief’s ashes. I have no such protection.”
“Do you truly believe that?” The Stranger lowers his palm from my cheek and steps back. “Do you truly believe the Thief won’t bless you?”
“Why would he?”
“His greatest acolyte was executed in secret without his consultation at the hands of Valka and the order of Hreinasta. His head now sits preserved by black magic in War’s temple.
Varas claimed Kaid. Do you think his servant’s demise didn’t anger him?
That he isn’t enraged by the Pure One’s disregard?
She murdered your husband in the dead of night, refusing him a public trial and denying him the last chance to face his sworn god.
Would you not feel disrespected if you stood in Varas’ shoes? ”
“I never considered how the Thief might have taken the news of Kaid’s punishment.” They'd kept his bloodshed silent, and I shiver, remembering the reason for the privacy. “Do you truly believe Varas will bless me?”
“I think you’ve learned the gods haven’t forsaken you, my child.
” He tucks my hair behind my ear so gently it surprises me.
“Most blindly follow Hreinasta’s ways. They fear the primordial goddess and bow to her corruption, but you are special, Sellah.
You had the bravery to choose your own path.
To see through her hypocrisy, and while most gods won’t openly claim you, they notice the spark in you.
A spark that will change the realm. You began this journey believing you were abandoned, disregarded and shunned, but it’s time you face the truth.
You are not alone. The gods that matter see you. I see you.”
He says the last part so strangely that my stomach pitches. I suspect he’s trying to tell me something. Something important, but I’m unsure what. My head is spinning, and my gut churns too fiercely to make sense of it all.
“Help me build a fire,” I say as I turn to search for kindling.
It’s easier to focus on a task than the idea that the gods haven’t forsaken me.
That a primordial goddess who refused to cultivate enough self-control to live purely in her own form bullied them into corruption.
Kaid always wore the holy ashes of Varas’ temple, and while these woods are not the Thief’s inner sanctum, the gods are not bound by walls and stone.
Just as we wed under the stars, I’ll pray under the canopy.
I’ll burn a prayer to the Great Thief and paint my face as my husband once did.
Then I shall see if Varas is as angry at Kaid’s punishment as I am.
* * *
The fire fades as the sun dies, stealing all light with it.
As the last embers lose their color, I kneel before them and pray to the god who witnessed my husband being brutalized in the streets and saved him when he was only a boy.
I pray to the Thief who blessed Kaid after he stole my white and golden dress as an offering.
I pray to Varas who lost a devoted acolyte in the dead of night, and then I smear ashes onto my fingers.
I paint my eyes and forehead just as Kaid used to, and while I don’t sense a divine blessing descending upon me, I feel closer to him.
How often had I stared at his gorgeous face, the black soot only enhancing his perfection?
I say his name. It’s my mantra, my prayer, my security.
It’s all I have left, and with ashes like his to guide me, I move through the trees toward Valka’s temple.
I have the advantage of darkness, but the soldiers have the advantage of familiarity.
They know every room, know where each hallway begins and ends.
They’ve been tasked with guarding Kaid’s head, which means it won’t be easy to find, and just because night has fallen doesn’t mean their defenses have loosened.
Kaid, help me. Varas, protect me. Elskere, guide me.
The moon reigns high in the cloudless sky, and I move through the trees, circling the vast temple.
It’s a large fortress, and that it’s so far from any town tells me this was constructed for one purpose.
To defend his skull from me. The faithful do not pray here as part of their daily routine.
They pilgrimage here to stand watch, to serve War with their swords.
I don’t doubt their eagerness to kill, and if they find me, my head will join Kaid’s.
I take my time circling the temple, letting Kaid’s teachings govern my observations.
The entrances will be impossible to breach, as are the lower windows, but an open one hovers high on the second floor.
It sits above a sheer wall, rendering a climb to its ledge hopeless, but if I could drop in from the roof?