Chapter 5 #2
“I understand you very clearly, Lady Ellingham.” His voice was quiet, observing her curiously.
“You’re scared of owning anyone. But you won’t be owing me anything.
I’m merely trying to help a mother and child who lost a husband and father.
Someone I knew well myself. My offer to help doesn’t come with anything in return. ”
Even so Rosalind hesitated. She couldn’t look up at him, still embarrassed by what she said.
“I could write it down and sign it as a contract, if you wish?”
That made Rosalind giggle before she realized what she was doing. She glanced up and saw Ravensmuir watching her with a wry smile, his eyes warm. He wasn’t offended by her being worried over charity. That made her relax a little.
They watched as Theo pointed at an elderly mare in the end stall, and Theo reached out to stroke the horse’s nose.
“That’s Maplewood. She’s about twenty years old, but still got plenty of life left in her. She’s ideal for young, inexperienced riders.”
“She is lovely,” Rosalind said.
“I’m more than happy for Theo to practice on her until he’s big enough to have a larger and younger horse.
And I’m sure we can find something that will be suited to your riding skills.
” Ravensmuir gestured at Ross, who was laughing at something Bea had said.
“Hamish is very good with that. He knows just what a particular person wants in a horse.”
Rosalind smiled.
“That’s very kind of him.” She looked around. “You really have made this place a home. It’s just beautiful.”
“I wouldn’t call it beautiful, but I’ve managed to make this place just how I wanted it.”
“And you’ve never left here?”
Ravensmuir pursed his lips as he thought. Then he shrugged.
“I used to go to many social events until the last few years. I’ve even gone to Edinburgh and Glasgow, occasionally Inverness. And I’ve gone south of the border to Carlisle, the Lake District and Scarborough.”
“Never farther south?”
“Not really. I didn’t feel the need to go any farther, neither did my parents. We were content with what we did.”
That was fair enough. And given the journey from London to Corrieden, Rosalind could sympathize.
“I do miss it a little,” she admitted. “When I first got here, I was struck by how quiet it was. It was like I’ve forgotten how to use my ears.
But it was the noise that I missed: hearing the street vendors outside, the laughter of people going by.
Even the noise from the various social gatherings I reluctantly attended I’m beginning to miss. ”
“Reluctantly?”
“It was just something we had to do as viscount and viscountess. Duty called for us to attend.”
“I see.”
From the way he said it, Rosalind had a feeling he really did see. He saw it as a duty he didn’t care for at all.
They were more alike than she thought. Rosalind found that surprising. She caught sight of Ross leading the mare out of the stall, smiling at Theo as a groom appeared with a saddle.
“Are they going to allow him to ride?”
“Hamish knows what he’s doing. He thinks your son is ready.” Ravensmuir paused. “Unless you’re not comfortable with it?”
Rosalind was nervous about her son getting on a horse, but he had been on them before. And she shouldn’t be so skittish about her child doing something normal. Fixing a smile on her face, she nodded.
“I’m fine. It’s just something I’m naturally worried about. My son…”
“I understand. We’re always going to be concerned about our children. About our family.” He stared at her for what felt like an eternity, his eyes never leaving hers, and then he cleared his throat and looked away.
“There’s a gathering at the McCloud residence. They’re about two miles north of us, and they have regular dinner parties over several months. They enjoy hosting.”
“I see,” Rosalind mused, wondering where this was going.
“I received an invitation from them recently. Did you receive one as well?”
Rosalind shook her head, watching as Theo was lifted into the saddle by Ross.
“If we have, I haven’t been told about it. I came here not to go among people anymore. Just a select few, and even then…” She absently touched her scarred cheek. “I make it as far and few as I can.”
She noticed that Ravensmuir was looking at her face, watching her touch the scar through the veil. She dropped her hand hurriedly, a wash of embarrassment flooding her.
“Scars are proof of survival, not shame,” he said quietly. “I know that’s why you hide your face, but you don’t need to. It just shows how much stronger you are than anyone else.”
Rosalind blinked up at him in surprise. “What… you think this has made me stronger?”
“You survived whatever happened to you, didn’t you? I think it’s safe to say you are very strong. To have come away from it, even if you didn’t mean for it to happen.”
She could feel tears prickling at her eyes, and she swiped them away, almost dislodging her veil.
“I don’t feel like I came through stronger, or that I survived,” she admitted. “A part of me has been left behind, back where I was hurt.”
“I understand. It’s going to be hard for anyone to recover so well. But the time it takes to recover is your own. As long as you make efforts to move forward, it’ll be all right.”
From the slightly shuttered look on his face, a shadow passing over it, Rosalind wondered if he wasn’t listening to his own words, if he had ignored them in the past.
“Mama, look!” Theo cried, making her jump. He was on the back of Maplewood, being led around the stables by the groom. He beamed. “Can I have her? Please?”
Rosalind and Ravensmuir glanced at each other, the earl’s face twitching in a slight smile. He seemed to have guessed that Theo would ask this.
“Come on,” he said, holding out an arm. “You can come and choose your own horse. Make something your own in your new home.”
Rosalind liked the sound of that. And it felt as if there was more weight shifting off her shoulders. She didn’t feel as oppressed anymore.
Small steps. In her own time. That was what Ravensmuir had said. Rosalind was beginning to agree with him.
Julian would be delighted to see how much better she was when he saw her again.