Chapter 5
Elizabeth
The day I asked about his wife is the day I took a deep dive down the Theodore Masters rabbit hole. My laptop has never seen so many Google searches on one man. I believed everything he told me. Still, I need to know what the news has been saying.
There is article after article of Olivia’s affairs with other big celebrity names.
Pictures of her coming out of clubs with another man’s hands around her waist, one grainy image of Olivia kissing that same man, and her holding hands with him when leaving a hotel in London.
After three hours of scrolling, I notice the lack of articles showing Theo in the same light.
I close my laptop with a new-found confidence that the man sitting next to me every day is a man I can begin to trust.
His silent presence is comforting to me somehow. The small touches he makes that anyone watching us wouldn’t notice, but it brings my body alive, begging for more.
When he arrives at the coffee shop the next day, I can’t help but notice the sudden awkwardness of him when he sits in front of me.
There’s a look in his eye I’ve never seen.
In all our previous meetings, he has been a force to be reckoned with.
A storm, untouchable. Even on the days his face is covered by a cap, his presence is still heavily felt.
Today is different, though. He doesn’t order a coffee straight away. He just sits quietly in front of me, brushing his large hands through his thick, dark hair.
“What’s your favourite part of your morning?” he asks with a slight hesitation, cautious maybe. There is no sign of his usual, confident tone.
His awkwardness makes me smile, which I hide behind my hand. The question hangs in the air as I decide what answer I want to give. How much of my heart do I want him to see?
I almost tell him that my favourite part of my mornings is when I hear the door chime and he walks in and sits down next to me.
Always with a polite greeting for the girls behind the counter, which warms my heart.
That my favourite part is the quiet conversations we have and the way he makes me feel like it is only ever the two of us in the room.
They are the moments I cherish. I would tell him that every time he leaves, I am terrified it will be the last time I ever see him.
Instead, I answer the way I would have done if we had never met. Before he crashed into my life like a dark storm, shifting everything I know.
“The walks along the beach. When everything is still damp and honest. There’s no one around, especially on rainy days.
Just me and Bear.” Bears ears prick up and his head raises when he hears his name.
I give him a quick scratch, and he lays his head back down next to my feet.
Theo turns around, and just as I think he’s leaving, he stops at the counter and places his order.
“Black coffee for me and an oat milk latte, extra hot with vanilla syrup, please.” He speaks to the girl behind the counter, keeping his eyes fixed on mine. “To go.”
My heart flutters with questions. The realisation that he knows my order.
Why is my coffee being poured into a paper takeaway cup?
And maybe most importantly, what is he doing to me?
Never has anyone made me feel a connection like I have with Theo.
It feels so simple. He sits, observes, and listens.
It was just a bunch of uncomplicated conversations; however; it seems that those conversations are opening me up to a side of myself that maybe I have never really known.
My confidence bubbles from the way he makes me feel.
He finally approaches the table, two takeaway cups in hand.
“Mind if I join you on your walk this morning?” he asks. My mouth drops open as I struggle to contain my shock. It somehow feels intimate. Like the safety of the coffee shop walls are being pulled down to reveal my vulnerability.
I hesitate. Not because I don’t want him to come, but because I’m scared by how much I do. After a moment of contemplation, I stand up, put my denim jacket over my dress, place my notebook in my bag and wrap Bear’s lead around my wrist, heading for the door.
“Let’s go.” I walk past him, unable to resist the urge to stroke my hand across his broad shoulders.
The contact makes him tense; I feel his muscles move beneath the tips of my fingers.
I lower my hand along his spine and saunter over to the door, feeling a little braver with him today.
Trust building inside of me, believing that he won’t hurt me.
I glance back to check he’s following and see the remnants of a grin spread across his face.
I can tell he was watching me walk away, and it sends a jolt of satisfaction through me.
He puts his glasses on, pulls his cap down, and follows my lead.
Despite it being early July, the morning is grey with a slight chill when the wind blows. It feels a little stormy, on the edge of releasing the rain it’s fighting hard to hold back. It feels like me. Ready to burst.
When we get to the beach, I bend down, releasing Bear’s lead from his collar and then tie my hair up in a ponytail to keep it from blowing around in the wind. I feel Theo watching my every move. I smile at him coyly and take my coffee from his hand.
Bear trots ahead, tail high and head low. We walk in silence for a long while, the sound of the waves the only noise around us. The town is sleepy, and the shore is empty. Just the way Theo needs it, I think to myself.
His hand rests in his pocket, and his cap is pulled low, hiding his face away.
Something in his demeanour has shifted. I glance sideways at him, studying the way he’s walking…
holding himself. I can’t put my finger on why, but he seems softer, almost. Less manufactured and more tired than I’ve seen him before.
In the safety of the dark coffee shop corner, he’s animated, chatty, and flirty.
Out here in the open, he seems more cautious.
His shoulders are rounded, making his six-foot one frame seem small.
I know he’s hiding. Not from me, but from the rest of the world.
“Do you always walk this way?” he asks.
“Most days, yes. I like knowing what’s around the corner. I know this stretch of beach like the back of my hand. It’s quiet and peaceful.” He doesn’t reply, just nods as if he understands.
My chest aches thinking about it. His torment is apparent. Peace doesn’t seem to live inside of him.
“Are you happy, Theo?” He looks at me thoughtfully, his eyes wide, and I get a strong sense that no one has asked him that before. He looks stumped, unsure how to answer.
“My life is complicated, Elizabeth. There are so many elements of my life that I’m happy with, and then there are other things that make me…
. Well, if I’m honest, they make me miserable.
Hiding away seems to be my coping strategy.
” His head stays dipped, and he goes quiet.
I can see his sadness, and it tears through my heart.
“What do you do on the days you want to disappear?” I tentatively ask, unsure whether he’ll want to answer the question.
Without hesitation, he replies quietly. “This… being next to you. You don’t ask anything of me.
Don’t judge me. You don’t tell me what to do every minute of the day, and I feel like I can be myself, whoever that even is.
I think you’re the only person in the world that truly knows who I am behind the celebrity.
” He stops for a moment and looks at me.
“The sunglasses and cap help too.” He grins and I laugh.
“What about you, Elizabeth? Are you happy?” The question tugs at my heart.
“Walking with you makes me happy, Theo.” I don’t look at him when I say it. The bravery in my words are fake, my hands are shaking, and my voice is quiet. I can tell he heard me by how his walking slows almost to a stop.
I continue along the beach, but he grabs my hand and pulls me around to face him, bumping me into his chest with force.
My hand flies up to catch myself, and it lingers above his heart.
The touch of our bodies is electric, sending goosebumps up my arm.
He dips his head to my ear, his breath caressing my neck.
“I’m no good for you, Elizabeth. I need you to know that.” His voice is a strong whisper. My mouth goes dry, and my hand begins to tremble as I look up at the gorgeous man holding me.
“Why don’t I believe you, Theo?” His chest beneath my touch is hard, but I can feel his heartbeat quicken against my palm.
My hand rises and falls with each breath he takes.
His palm that is placed gently over mine, slowly releases as he lets me go.
He walks ahead of me, leaving me stunned.
I jog to catch up, my breath not fully recovered from whatever that was between us just now.
We continue walking without another word.
As we walk, our hands brush against one another, an accident that doesn’t feel accidental.
I feel Theo stretch his little finger, reaching for more.
We are so close to one another, yet so far away at the same time.
I so badly want to reach out for him. The hairs on my arms are standing on end as if they are trying to connect with his.
I look up the hill and am shocked to see my cottage at the top.
I hadn’t realised how far we had walked.
It seems like we’ve only been walking for a minute.
I stop, disappointment filling my body, not wanting to say goodbye to him.
I’m not ready yet. The time has gone too quickly.
I lower my head, my brain full of words I so desperately want to say.
“This is me,” I announce reluctantly. Theo’s eyes fill with a heaviness he doesn’t try to hide. He doesn’t want the walk to end either, I realise. I whistle Bear over and make my way up to the cottage.
“Thank you for the coffee,” I call back to him as I climb up the hill towards my home. I retrace the day, thinking about the electricity when we touched, the way his body tensed when I placed my hand on his shoulder. My palm rested on his hard chest.
Then, against my better judgment, I wonder what it would feel like for him to touch me.
Really touch me.